Thoughts And Research

Research on pregnancy and parenthood. Some of my reflections, some quotes from books and links.

[before-and-during-parenthood]

Always remember: parenting isn’t a job, its a gift.

There is no goal to turn the kid into a better/happier/successful/wise adult.

Parents are gardeners, simply providing the right stuff - let the kid grow and bloom on their own.

They are an individual, not smaller or younger. Even a 2 year old wants to be independently do things, mimicking you. Let them. Let them be their own person.

[before-and-during-parenthood]

Jill Savage, in the book 'Professionalizing Motherhood'

[before-and-during-parenthood]

Our society equates advancement in the workplace with work done successfully. A financial bonus, an incentive, or, at the very least, a regular paycheck gives an individual the feedback that his or her efforts have been successful and appreciated. These rewards are present in most jobs outside the home. In the profession of motherhood, however, they are absent.

Jill Savage, in the book 'Professionalizing Motherhood'

[before-and-during-parenthood]

We need to move our children from being parent-motivated to being value-motivated. Such values are not instilled overnight. To accomplish this takes an incredible investment of time and energy with long-range goals in mind.

Jill Savage, in the book 'Professinalizing Motherhood'

[before-and-during-parenthood]

Have you ever stopped to think about how much time you spend in the kitchen doing the same things over and over again? We start with breakfast, then it's a mid-morning snack, and lunch follows. Mid- afternoon brings about another snack, then it's dinner time, and many families add an evening or bedtime snack. No wonderI have dreams of being able to put a sign on the kitchen door that says, "Kitchen Closed." We do the laundry and the clothes get dirty again. We clean the bathroom only to find toothpaste in the sink five minutes later. We change a diaper only to have it soiled within minutes. We wipe the sand off a toddler's clothes so he can come in the house to go potty, only to have him return outside to the sandbox. We wash the dishes and they are used again. We prepare food that is eaten in minutes and repeat the process a few hours later. The duties that make up our job simply do not stay finished. But despite the fact that our efforts never seem to produce anything that stays done, what we do is a necessary and essential part of life! Raising children needs a different "measuring stick" to determine our level of accomplishment. We can't listen to the cries of our culture that say accomplishment comes from a paycheck, an award, or a position or title. We can't buy into the belief that accomplishment is measured by something that stays finished. Success in the profession of motherhood comes from redefining our goals. It comes from changing our vision from short-term to long-term, and it comes from adjusting our concept of just what our "to do" lists should look like. It takes a change in perspective.

Jill Savage, from the book 'Professionalizing Motherhood'.

[before-and-during-parenthood]

We keep hearing the questions asked, "What is happening to the children of today? Why do we have such violence? Why are children killing? Why is there such a lack of respect among the youth of this generation?" Although there are several contributing factors to this situation, I believe our society's lack of value for children is chiefly to blame. We have given careers, money, and gadgets a higher value than our children. We have allowed our minds to be influenced by the media's message that "being home" is something of the past. We have bought into the lie that staying home to raise our children is a waste of our minds. Therefore, we have valued our jobs and our education more than our children.

Jill Savage, in the book 'Professionalizing Motherhood'.

[before-and-during-parenthood]

[before-and-during-parenthood]

"Fully embodied human beings cannot be nurtured through technology, no matter how clever or engaging the technology may be.

We need embodied experiences and the nurturance of the human heart by human beings who feel and who care."

Jon Kabat-Zinn, from the book 'Everyday Blessings: the inner work of mindful parenting'

[before-and-during-parenthood]

Preschool Age (0–5 years): During their pre-school days, little ones start realizing their bodies and identifying if they are male or female. At this point, we need to talk to them about understanding their bodily functions, recognizing boundaries, and knowing the correct names for each part of their anatomy. Discussing consent means teaching them that they have choices when showing affection. They may choose who gets to hold them, give them kisses, or even play with them. Children should also feel secure and trust that since their bodies belong to them, nobody has the right to touch their bodies without asking first. When speaking to them about delicate subjects, always use straightforward terms they will easily follow. Being plain-spoken also helps ease fear and apprehensions.

Ethan Reynolds, in the book Start Early: Sex Positive Conversation for Parents: How to talk to your child about sex, sexuality, gender, consent, relationships, safe and unsafe touch to keep them educated and protected

[before-and-during-parenthood]

• Scandinavian Parenting Tip #1

Prioritize daily outdoor time from when your child is a baby to make it a natural part of your routine from the get-go.

Remember that not every Nature experience must entail a grand adventure to a scenic national park--watching a caterpillar make its way across a sidewalk or simply lying in the grass and watching clouds go by in the backyard can be a great adventure to a small child. Celebrate these everyday nature experiences together, and come back to the same places often to make sure your child forms a bond with your community and its natural areas.

• Scandinavian Parenting Tip #2

If it is safe and practical where you live, let your baby nap outside when the weather permits, and seek out opportunities to spend as much time outside as possible.

As your child gets older, choose outdoor activities that the whole family enjoys and be sure to adjust your expectations to your child’s pace and day-to-day form.

Plan well for longer outings, and remember that you can never bring too many emergency snacks!

• Scandinavian Parenting Tip #3

Simplify childhood and resist the urge to try to keep up with the Joneses’ kids.

Remember that a preschooler needs very few things besides ample time to play freely, and that filling his or her schedule with a litany of “enriching” activities can do more harm than good.

And if you think that your child’s preschool is too focused on academics, try to find other options that offer more child-led play and nature experiences.

• Scandinavian Parenting Tip #4

Try to embrace the weather for what it is, and let your child run wild and get dirty while playing outdoors.

If possible, reserve a spot in the backyard where your child is allowed to dig in the dirt or create a simple “mud kitchen” with some old pots, pans, cups, and other kitchen utensils. If the dirt on your child’s hands and clothes bothers you, remember that in general the problem isn’t that kids today are too dirty but that they are too clean.

• Scandinavian Parenting Tip #5

Refuse to give in to the culture of fear that has quashed outdoor play as we used to know it.

Dare to trust your child and, as he matures, gradually give him more unsupervised time around the house, in the backyard, and in the neighborhood. Network with neighbors and other families to increase social trust in your community.

• Scandinavian Parenting Tip #6

There’s no magic number of hours of screen time per day that works for everybody, so be sure to find the ideal level for your family.

If you notice that electronic gadgets are stealing too much time from outdoor activities, active play with other children, or time spent doing things as a family, it’s probably time to cut back.

Creating screen-free zones in your home or establishing screen-free times of the day, as well as being mindful of your own electronic media use, can help.

(excerpts from the book "There's no such thing as bad weather by Linda Akeson McGurk)

[before-and-during-parenthood]

From the book, There's no such thing as bad weather by Linda Akeson McGurk

[before-and-during-parenthood]

Positive Parenting Tips

Learn more about child development, positive parenting, safety, and health for each life stage.

[before-and-during-parenthood]

Still Face Experiment

Even when parents are on the phone:

[before-and-during-parenthood]

9 Tips for Speaking/Interacting With Your Child to Achieve Maximum Language Input

Keep it natural. Everyday conversation is the best way for a child to learn.

Keep on talking. For example, on a rainy Sunday you might be thinking it’s a pizza-and-DVD kind of afternoon. Think aloud in your language! You might say to your child in your language. “Does pizza in front of Batman II sound like a good idea to you? Where should we order the pizza from? What kind do you want?”

You can talk, even if it is one way. Even if your child is too young or not fluent enough in your language to reply to you, talk anyway! Studies show that children who hear a lot of elab- orate vocabulary will also learn those words. For example, if you are preparing lunch, explain that you are mixing “mayon- naise” and “tuna fish.”

Children learn by doing and any activity that uses one or more of their five senses enhances learning. So invite your child to get out the mayonnaise from the fridge and put some in the bowl and to smell the tuna fish. Showing her a picture of a tuna is great, too!

Use gestures to support what you are talking about and your explanations. Studies indicate that pointing and showing help children better understand and learn the meanings of new words. Researchers believe that pointing to an object helps a young child channel his attention and focus more intensely on what you are talking about. Gestures and pointing are espe- cially important for younger toddlers, who do not have the expanded vocabulary needed to automatically understand what you might be talking about (the bee on the flower, or the airplane in the sky).

Give context for the words that you use. (“Tuna is a fish, like what you ate yesterday. Remember the salmon? That is another fish.”)

Try not to overwhelm your child—a couple of new words at a time is fine.

It’s fine to repeat, if you don’t think your child understood what you said. And, in fact, even if your child does understand, repetition is necessary to reinforce the learning of new words. But as I’ve said before, do it naturally and as part of the con- versational flow. (Remember, this is not a test!) You can also repeat and reinforce by saying the same thing a little differ- ently: “You know the pink food we had yesterday with the potatoes? That is called salmon. Salmon and tuna are both fish. Fish swim in the water.”

Even though your child is not always replying that does not mean that she does not understand you. Remember that your child can understand more than she can speak.

(From the book '7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child' by Naomi Steiner)

[before-and-during-parenthood]

"There are two major ways that a child can become bilingual.

The first is when a child is exposed simultaneously during his first three years or so to two languages. This is called simultaneous bilingualism.

The second is when a child learns one language first, and then later, learns a second language. This is called sequential bilingualism."

~ Naomi Steiner, in the book 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child

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Why Forcing Gratitude in Kids Backfires—And What to Do Instead

By understanding how gratitude naturally develops in children, we can encourage rather than enforce thankfulness.

[before-and-during-parenthood]

What can educators do to foster real intelligence? We can attempt to teach the things that one might imagine the earth would teach us: silence, humility, holiness, connectedness, courtesy, beauty, celebration, giving, restoration, obligation, and wildness.

- David W. Orr