before the day ends

this is what im here for. to let you know how i truly feel and what i truly think. because its always easier sharing your opinions with strangers.

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

A girl, a cat and some knitting. Nice to do something calming again. (:

[extramadness]

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

It really sucks when you can't seem to stop crying over someone who isn't even yours.. I feel so sad and idk why. I barely know him and yet here I am feeling so sad and disappointed bc I didn't see him today.

He was moving so I should be more understanding but that's how I always am. Understanding. I wish for once I didn't have to be.

Like I said it sucks crying over someone who you barely know. It sucks wanting to see someone everyday and not being able to. It sucks being understanding bc life happens and things come up.

It sucks even more though having your heart constantly ripped out which leaves you feeling like you're not worth it. Like you won't ever be anything more than the girl who waits on the sidelines for someone to be committed.

I really want to just say fuck it and stop being this way.. But like most things that's easier said than done..

[extramadness]

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

There is a lot of truth in this for me. So much can change in a year, 6 months, a month, a week, or even a day. We are always changing and evolving. If not we will only just move through life but if we are changing and growing that's when we can truly blossom into the people we are meant to be.

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

I just want someone to cuddle with..

[quotemadness]

Don’t think about what can happen in a month. Don’t think about what can happen in a year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be.

Eric Thomas (via quotemadness)

[tylerknott]

Stay here in this bed. Promise me you’ll never leave me alone again.

Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

Chasers of the Light & All The Words Are Yours are Out Now!

(via tylerknott)

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

There are a few things that I really enjoy..

About being in a relationship with someone. First of all I immensely enjoy spending time with said person. (: it's fun when you are getting to know that person so you want to spend every waking moment talking to/seeing that person that you go crazy when you aren't with them. Secondly I really enjoy getting those good morning/good night texts. (: It's great to know that you are the person they were thinking about when they get up and when they go to sleep. Makes you feel special and excited bc you are thinking of them just as much. Finally I find it comforting to know that there is a person out there who wants to hear about my day and what happened. How I am doing, what's going on with my family. It's I think one of if not the best part of any relationship. I am overwhelmed by the idea that HE could, not only like me but want to BE with me. I am ecstatic to see where this leads. (:

[jimkirks]

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

I just got to this part in the movie!

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

So...

He took me to a book store on our date.... Safe to say he is getting extra points for that. (:

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

Not sure where to begin...

Life has been pretty hectic. Working all day coming home for a few hours then going off to bed. I am enjoying life but I have always felt like I was missing some part of me. I had my sister come visit me this weekend which has been fun but in a lot of ways I am glad to see her go. I am now at a different point in my life. I am on my own I have bills and I go grocery shopping. I don't really want to go out and be crazy. I want to stay in and watch tv then go to bed at a reasonable hour. I love my sister but this weekend has been rough... The only good thing that I am really excited about is this guy I have been talking to... yes I know a guy won't complete me, blah blah blah.. I am not saying that I have found my other half, but I have found someone truly amazing. He is kind and considerate, he wants very similar things to me.. I am excited to get a good morning beautiful text and a good night text. I am really crushing on this guy.. which is great for me bc it has been tooo long since I've been seriously interested in a guy like this.. While I am excited, I am also terrified that this won't work out that I will scare him off that something will happen and he will be gone. There are so many things that I am terrified will happen.. but the more I talk to him and get to know him the more I like him and want to talk with him. I would stay up all night if I could just finding out about him and his family, his past, what he wants in the future. Just everything. I am going to try my hardest to keep this liking under control, and not to over think things.. but I think that is going to be next to impossible if things continue in the way they have been going... In other news I am going to have a few days of peace then my mom is coming to visit for the weekend. Here is to a great week and a growing friendship.

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

It's been a while...

A lot has happened since I last posted on here. Since my last post I have become a full-time nanny. I am working for a wonderful family with two amazing kids. Even though my job is stressful and crazy everyday, I love it. Can't imagine doing anything else. Also I have moved with aaid family to Chicago. Which has been fun and exciting but terrifying at the same time. I have a nice apartment and am making a placefor myself. I have not been out much bc it is not fun going places alone. But last night I ended up sitting out with the couple I am renting from. I love this couple they are the nicest people... but there were things said last night that have been bothering me. The wife just lost her mother this spring. And she is still going through the grieving process and that is fine with me. But she knows that my brother died two years ago. So when she says that hermom passed away too soon it bugs the crap out of me. Her mother lived her life she was married had kids did so many things that my brother will never do. I hate that this upsets me so much.. cause it shouldn't, I know that people grieve in different ways and that they need time, but be freaking considerate. He was 22. My brother wasthe same age that I am right now. He will never be older. I am going to be older than my brother and that makes me so sad. I have been doing okay with moving and all that, but I am really missing my brother. All I want to do is talk to him, tell him all the things that have changed, all the things that I can't say to anyone else bc they won't understand. I want to hear that he is proud of me. That he will come and see my new place and the new life that I am making for myself... Anyone think it'd good to write to him? I know he won't ever be able to read it but it'd be nice to be able to share what's going on with me.. I just miss him...

[iamboundtowin-deactivated201501]

I am a very private person, yet I am an open book. If you don’t ask…I won’t tell.

(via insanity-and-vanity)

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

I am losing it..

I have had a great week, I nannied three days, and babysat tonight. I have loved every minute of it, but now I am thinking about paying taxes and what I want from my future. I am going crazy. and I really wish I could talk to someone about all of this mess. I am too busy to really make friends and I am a bit too awkward and bitchy to keep friends for long. 

I have decided that I need to make a few goals for myself. I don't really know what I want them to be, but I know that I need to make them. 

For whatever reason, I am really missing my brother right now. he would have known what I need to hear and would have helped me figure out what to do. and most of all he would have made me laugh. I really do miss laughing at my brothers lame jokes. but it always made me feel better. I keep thinking that one day I will wake up and he will be there on the other end of the phone waiting to hear about whats new with me. But that day will never come... 

my life is a mess right now. i am lost floating in between being an adult and being a kid. i may be technically an adult but i feel more and more lost and like a kid every day. hopefully things will start to fall into place soon. cause i don't know how much more i can take of this limbo. 

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

Only a few hours

And then I will be on my way to new adventures and what I am hoping will be an amazing week.

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

Book nerds will understand this...

I am too much of a book nerd that I am hoping to meet some stranger in New York City that I am getting nervous and anxious about going. I will be there in 2 days and I am hoping to have a grand time with my family, but I also want to have sine whirlwind romance for a day or so that will forever change my life. I always put off the idea of finding that special someone holing they will find me but I have begun to realize that until I put myself out there no one can come she find me. It is maddening to think that I have no possible suitors, but alas I am not in a Jane Austen novel. If I were to meet someone I hope they will be like all of the characters that I have read about, you know the ones. Who are smart and kind and who know what they want out of life. Then we will spend 1 or maybe 2 amazing days together and then part ways forever cherrishing the time we had. If only books could come true. But in all honesty I am very ready to see New York, and experience something new and exciting. Only two more days till I find out what New York has to offer.

[beforethedayaftertomorrow]

For once

I would like people to stop meddling in my life and I would like to stop letting them. Now I know that I am the only one who can do anything to change my life and how I go about living it, but it is a whole lot harder to do that when you are constantly hearing people telling you their opinions about your life. I know that they only do it because they love me and care about me, but it Does not help me. 

there a two things it helps me to do. 

1. get my hopes up. by telling me and encouraging me to do something or go after someone/something, all it makes me do is think about all of the stories i have read about girls who get this whirlwind romance that will never happen to me in a million years, but I think that it will and so I say and do crazy things that only push people away.

2. it also makes me doubt myself. I have been making decisions all throughout my 21 years and it hasn't been easy, but when I have about 10 people telling me what to do it only makes it more difficult, and when I do make a decision all the voices cause me to feel confused and unsure of what I have decided. 

why can't people worry about their own lives? why must they force their opinions upon you and make you nuts with overthinking things. 

this all is what happens to me and I for one dislike it very much. I want to be pursued by someone and if they don't do that then I am not going to throw myself at them. I can be a strong independent person who doesn't need a man to complete myself. this all sounds horrifically feminist, but its how i feel. I want to be with someone who likes me for me, who can catch all of my humor and not look at me with disdain, who wants to talk to me, and spend time with me. 

i guess because of all the voices in my mind and people who are meddling i am going to have to make a decision, and make it fast. I think I know what I want but I have no idea if it is me who wants it or the whole idea of it really what i am after... 

for once I wish I wasn't the one who had to decide to pursue someone.