I get nervous when I talk to you, which feels ironic because at the same time, I feel so safe telling you everything. I can ramble on about nothing with you for hours, yet still worry that I might be too much. I think sometimes I carry this fear that my intensity is something ugly, something I should tone down. I’ve spent so long being conditioned to be smaller, quieter, easier to handle, for the sake of other people; that fully being myself now feels a little terrifying. It scares me that if I show up as I truly am, unapologetic and unfiltered.. I might scare you away. Maybe it’s the distance between us, or maybe it’s just me overthinking, but there’s this quiet fear that when you see me again, you’ll find me too intense, too emotional, just… too much.
But the truth is, I am a lot. I feel deeply. I love deeply. I care, and fight, and show up for the people I love with everything in me. My passion runs strong. It always has. And I don’t want to shrink that part of myself, even if I’ve been taught that smaller is easier to keep. Still, liking you the way I do makes me a little afraid. Afraid of losing something that already feels meaningful, even when there’s still so much left to discover. But what I feel right now, what you’ve shown me, what we’ve built so far… is already enough for me to know this is something I don’t want to lose. I’m a daydreamer. I always have been. I dream big, and somehow, you’ve become a dream I don’t want to wake up from. I want to see this through, to give it the chance it deserves. Because how often does life give us something like this.. a second chance, a new beginning wrapped in something familiar?
I’d be a fool not to pursue it.
And if I’m going to be a fool… I only want to be yours.
yousharknotpass
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