A Day In The Life Of A Multiple

Living with Disassociative Identity Disorder

[behindmyreflection]

Finding the Path Never Traveled - Mine

Finding the Path Never Taken - Mine #DID #MentalHealth #FightorFlight #MPD #PTSD

Well, last week I decided that I would start setting some goals, kind of get some structure, something to strive for –  physically especially. With all the stressors I am and have been dealing with, my physical self is not what it used to be lol so I wanted to start with something I consider big and work up to it. Sooooo…. hmmmm what tho???

Ah! I know! It would be to walk to the grocery store…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

A Broken Vacuum and a Sweaty Bitch

A Broken Vacuum and a Sweaty Bitch

I’ve been sitting here staring at the screen for quite a while now. Can’t let the bubbles win again. (screen saver) Tho, they might. Writing shouldn’t feel like pulling teeth, it used to come so effortlessly. I think my brain is constipated. Yes, my brain is constipated and my vacuum broke, well, I think it did anyway. It smells like it did. Now I am afraid of it. I’m sitting here one sweaty…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

Anxiety is the Feeling of the Night

Anxiety is the Feeling of the Night #MentalHealth #Hope #Anxiety #BPD #DID #Relationships

Here I am again. Sitting on the love seat alternating my gaze between the screen and Pixie rolling around on the couch next to me. Well, now just the screen. Pixie decided to run over to her cat tree just so she could skid, bump her head on the floor and roll around on it. Not her head, the cat tree and the floor lol.

Anyway, I can’t afford to just sit here when I should have no more than 20…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

Hope Floats ~ Day 3 Debrief

Hope Floats ~ Day 3 Debrief #MentalHealth #BPD #DID #Hope #Anxiety #Firsts

Well, it was an interesting day to say the least. Overwhelming. Exciting. Scary at times. Even exhilarating at one point. In my last post I had mentioned how I was “on my own”, kicked out of the nest to fly… “fly little birdie, fly!!”. Well, I did, but not by myself… meaning I was with a real live other person.

Took my shower and got dressed, found some interesting clothing. I tried on one top…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

Hope Floats

Hope Floats #Hope #MentalHealth #DID #BPD #Chaos #Depression #Anxiety

What can I say… something very interesting, a little confusing, very intriguing, captivating, mesmerizing, something very very special and unique happened late last night or early this morning whichever you prefer.

As far as I know this has never happened like this before. I’m not really sure how it has come about in the past with all the others but I do know that it has never been like this. Out…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

Surviving the Whirlpool

Surviving the Whirlpool #Depression #MentalHealth #DID #BPD #Anxiety #Drowning #Stress

I feel totally lost, like I am forever stuck in a whirlpool that is fighting to drag me down and drown me.

  No matter what I do I am unable to escape. The grip is too strong for me to break free. All there is is darkness. The light that was inside as well as those who lived in it are gone. Gone. If they were asleep, we would feel them; there is nothing but a big black void where they were now.…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

The Beginning of the Dark Age

The Beginning of the Dark Age #MentalHealth #DID #BPD #Realizations #Chaos

I feel broken. Beyond repair. Defective. Unwanted. Alone and lonely. I could go on but I’m sure you get my drift. I suppose it is possible to know what you are but not who you are.

Anyway… I have to figure out how to live. First I need to accept the truth. It’s hard. I cannot understand why I would be created with a longing for someone to love me if it is something that cannot happen for someone…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

Spaghettification

Spaghettification #MentalHealth #DID #BPD #Fear #Love #Abuse

Spaghettification or The Noodle Effect. The process by which (in some theories) an object would be stretched and ripped apart by gravitational forces on falling into a black hole.

Stretched and pulled apart. The Collective is in utter chaos. Pieces have separated again. There is not much integration. A huge step backwards. Shattered. Again.

Into the darkness we were thrust. Chunks fell apart…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 22 #Angel #Tarot #Discontent #Daydreaming #Trapped #Help #MentalHealth #DID #BPD #reevaluate Four of Water It's time to reevaluate your situation, because you're currently missing an opportunity. The solution you're seeking is right in front of your face.

[behindmyreflection]

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 21 #AllWorkandNoPlay #Tarot #Angels #Work #SlowDown #Obsession #MentalHealth #DID #BPD Ten of Fire You're working too hard and have put in too many hours. There's a need to balance the professional and personal sides of your life.

[behindmyreflection]

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 17

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 17 #Angel #Tarot #ArchangelGabriel #Creativity #Abundance #Support #MentalHealth #DID #BPD

The Empress

Your creativity and hard work are bringing you great rewards, according to this card. You have the Midas touch right now, so anything you nurture and give your loving attention to will flourish. Marriage, children, and issues involving motherhood and creativity are positively affected now. Whether you’re trying to give birth to a child, nurture life into plants or pets, or help a new…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 14

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 14 #Angel #Tarot #OpenYourMind #Trustworthy #MentalHealth #DID #BPD

King of Water Situations:

You’re a natural counselor who listens to people and offers them comforting and kind words, born of your experiences. Open your mind to the ideas of others, and be accepting of those who are different from you. It may be time to volunteer for charity work to help those less fortunate than yourself. Excellent advice may be offered to you by someone you can completely…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 10

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 10 #Tarot #Angel #TheWorld #Evolution #Gratitude #Perfection #ArchangelMichael #MentalHealth #BPD

The World

The angels sent you this card because you’ve happily completed something of great importance. They’re congratulating you on a job well done. You’re now ready to move on to something new. Enjoy your feelings of wholeness and completion, and give yourself a pat on the back for your amazing accomplishments!

You’ve grown spiritually and have evolved to a whole new level in your…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 9

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 9 #Angel #Tarot #Intuition #Dreams #TheMoon #SelfAwareness #MentalHealth #DID #BPD #Haniel

The Moon

Everyone experiences times in their lives when they’re afraid or insecure. Sometimes these fears are based on external factors you can see, and sometimes worries stem from irrational or unreal concerns, in both cases it’s important to go within and listen to your intuition as to what to do next. Ask your inner self about the source of your anxiety, and trust your guidance.

The angels…

View On WordPress

[behindmyreflection]

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 7 #Angel #Tarot #MentalHealth #Struggle #Overanalyzing #SelfDoubt #Mediation Two of Air You’re struggling with a decision. You have conflicting emotions or thoughts about which way to move, so you’re avoiding making a choice.

[behindmyreflection]

Angel Tarot ~ Aug 2 #Angel #Tarot #Struggle #Compromise #SelfDoubt #MentalHealth #BPD #DID Two of Air You’re struggling with a decision. You have conflicting emotions or thoughts about which way to move, so you’re avoiding making a choice.

[behindmyreflection]

Angel Tarot ~ July 31 #Angel #Tarot #Success #MentalHealth #DID #BPD #GoodNews #GoodFortune Six of Fire Bravo! This is a time of great achievement and success. People think highly of you, and your reputation is excellent.