Stuck.

Don't want to be here. Can't leave. Might as well entertain myself. I steal shit, post it occasionally. Into art and witchy things.

[behindthenoiseilisten]

@numberonequeennut @my-blog-resembles-my-mind @lifting-is-my-drug-blog @br0kebackbitch-blog @makeupalleyliftrp-blog @swiperelzorro-blog @artesiansgfx @vintagered22-blog @13ittersweet @simple-as-sin @drunkfacexx @blxck-feathers-blog @champagn3coast @putalifts @liftymcguire-blog @olicity-coldwave-r-otp @potatolifter-blog @sticky----fingerss-blog @fakeartho-blog @esistdunkel @stphoebe @small-fairy-child @positivelypagan @gh0stfattie @edixorrreb-blog @miaushka @shootashota @australianlifter-blog @cosmosam8-blog @wildspeakertx 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[behindthenoiseilisten]

@phantalsm @ithoughtiwascake @ammisior @poisonlifter @slut4vyvanse @id-be-an-alpha-dyke @nifty-lifty @100discount-blog @shopliftandbehappy-blog @liftinggena @liftingria @gabriellexrosee @angelthatlifts @auslifta @dinkmunson @certainhoagiepersonanerd-blog @icetray-nae @xastifftells @hypnoticspongecake-blog @ohklepto-blog @bleepblops @chaosquotient @l1ftm3up-blog @nightmarevoid-blog @slavic-lyfter-blog @novicelifter-blog @getitfreeprincess-blog @rileyoz-blog @sunshiners @shamblesofambles 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[behindthenoiseilisten]

TW: SH

I constantly live with the urge to s3lf h4rm, and thoughts of su!c!d3. It's been this way for years. Literally the one thing that stops me is the fear of someone finding out about the SH, and the fear of what su!c!de would do to my siblings. But something came up recently and I'm just getting overwhelmed to the point that the constant intrusive thoughts of me SH-ing in so many different ways is affecting me and I'm really struggling to not do it.

I thought abstaining was supposed to get easier over time but it feels like it just gets worse.

[behindthenoiseilisten]

... i couldn't stop it any longer. I made sure to put strict limits in place, and did a lot of damage reduction. Just wish I could have stayed SH free...

[behindthenoiseilisten]

TW: SH

I constantly live with the urge to s3lf h4rm, and thoughts of su!c!d3. It's been this way for years. Literally the one thing that stops me is the fear of someone finding out about the SH, and the fear of what su!c!de would do to my siblings. But something came up recently and I'm just getting overwhelmed to the point that the constant intrusive thoughts of me SH-ing in so many different ways is affecting me and I'm really struggling to not do it.

I thought abstaining was supposed to get easier over time but it feels like it just gets worse.

[behindthenoiseilisten]

This evening is the first time I have been truly alone in months. I went to bed early and just cried and cried. For once I didn't have to pretend I'm fine. I could let it out.

[behindthenoiseilisten]

Well, I'm back up to 80kg. How the fuck did I get back here? I stayed at 67kg for quite a while, then maintained at 70kg for ages. From the end of last year I got up to 75kg, and now I'm here. I can't believe I have let it all come back.

[vvhack]

[lovingechoes]

Gotta do it

[kaible-deactivated20181205]

I don’t care what news I get I just want this stupid potato dog on my dash

[travellertalks]

^

[behindthenoiseilisten]

No news is good news, I'm here for pup.

[behindthenoiseilisten]

When your mates think you've been noticeably chill on your holiday

But you're actually horrifically depressed 😂

[behindthenoiseilisten]

God now they're talking about how "we're all healthy and over the down period". Fucking shoot me...

[behindthenoiseilisten]

When your mates think you've been noticeably chill on your holiday

But you're actually horrifically depressed 😂

[behindthenoiseilisten]

My animal friend died yesterday.

I'm really not ok. All this other mental stuff has been going on and I have such an important bond with him. I feel so alone and disconnected. And angry. There was so many times this year that I begged my parents to take him to the vet and they were so oblivious. Even during the vet appointment before the decision was made they were so clueless.

I'm just so sad.

[behindthenoiseilisten]

I'm a bridesmaid on Saturday, and all I want to do is die.

My best friends marry in less than 2 days and I just can't climb out of this suicidal hole I'm in. I am so exhausted, I'm so sore and weak, and I have so much I have to do. I feel so bad, because this is so selfish. I should be able to put my bullshit aside for them.

[anxietyproblem]

[wolfinthethorns]

Honestly, in my work as a therapist, I’m seeing this A Lot, and tbh I still don’t have a satisfactory approach to it. A heavy dose of Existentialist “create your own Purpose” tempered with “when the plane’s going down, put your own oxygen mask on first”, but… yeah, there is no ethical way to work on individual emotional distress without acknowledging the systemic socioeconomic, geopolitical fuckery going on at the moment, and the sheer grief that comes with it.

[findingfeather]

This is one of those areas where like on the one hand as a chronic moderate-severe depressive this shit hits me hard and on the other I’m watching people technically more mentally healthy than me struggle with the vast pointless mess of existence for the first time and it’s a trip.

Some tips from the inside, in case they help:

- life has always been pointless. Or rather, we have always been unable to control the relative point-fulness of life. The factors involved in opening the possibilities of who can have a large scale impact where are so insanely complex that they can at best only be pieced together imperfectly in retrospect

- the only thing that has changed is your awareness of this fact. No, seriously. The sun will eventually swallow the planet; at any moment without our knowledge or control the sun could flare in weird ways that will kill us all; etc. There was geopolitical and socioeconomic fuckery as bad or worse going on before: you just didn’t see it. Promise.

- you do what you can with what you have. You do what’s in front of you. Humanity has survived all of this before; it may survive it again. It may not. You can only do what you can: take what lessons exist from the past and apply them.

- sometimes it is just that bad and they are totally out to get you. The question is, what do you do about it?

- almost without exception in human history the answer has been “build community; support the one you have; reach out to connect MORE and to make the world more kind and less hateful than before.”

- recognize you’re trying to tackle god-level problems with a brain originally meant for keeping small proto-fish from being eaten. Treat that part of your brain like a very anxious toddler or rescue pitbull. Give it small measurable victories and successes even if you have to make them up. Make sure it’s fed and watered and has enough rest. Medicate it if you have to - there’s nothing wrong with that. The opposite, in fact.

We are hairless plains apes living in a thin skin of atmosphere between spinning liquid superheated death and the void of absolute cold, sustained by the radiation of a supermassive explosion that will kill us at the slightest excuse. We have always been unlikely and implausible and probably doomed which means every moment we are able to live, thrive and help others do so is an incredible victory. Don’t quit now. ❤️

[placeofunderstanding]

Holy fuck I needed this

[justaphobethings]

Bi ppl: *exist*

My ace ass: 

[ibuprfn]

Ace ppl: *exist*

My bi ass:

[catnipkittie5-deactivated202101]

bi and ace people: *exist*

my pan ass:

[my-life-is-sometimes-interesting]

Bi, ace, and pan people: *exist*

My lesbian ass:

[gendertranny-starscream]

Bi, ace, pan, and lesbian people: Exist

My gay ass:

[that-sweet-sweet-validation-blog]

Bi, ace, pan, lesbian, and gay people: Exist

My trans ass:

[baku-go-home-youre-drunk]

This is what pride month is all about

[behindthenoiseilisten]

I am so goddamn poor...

I'm not able to afford meds for the last couple of months, I'm constantly over drawing my account a bit between each pay, but my rent is cheaper... WHEN DID MY STINGY BUTT SUDDENLY DEVELOP A MONEY PROBLEM?!?!

[behindthenoiseilisten]

I was being to type how overwhelmingly sad I am feeling

And then an animal friend turned up and made me feel a little bit better... :)

[sixpenceee]

Some memes I thought were important to spread.

[jaeyleo]

the tea is rather hot today isn’t it

[behindthenoiseilisten]

You know you should probably start dating when

You can't even diy sexy times because a) it's just boring and more effort than it's worth, and b) you basically want to date anyway but people are just so difficult to be with...