That's Mr. Lazaro to you

Lazaro. Head Demon of Prague 8. If you value your life, you'll only bother me if you really need me.

[everyoneinmybed]

[christ0pherserkan]

       It wasn’t Chirs’ intention to irritate this estranged individual. In fact, if he were to stop and think on his actions he wouldn’t have a particularly good reason behind his obsessive gawking. Every table had been swiped - not terribly well but enough to pass with the excuse of there being too many at once and many people wandering in off the streets. Every table except the one across the way, unused and placed right next to this man who occasionally caught a glance of him staring. 

         Of course, this older gentleman - the term being used very loosely here - began to snap at him now that Christopher was within ear shot with no risk of it being drowned out by the clamor of drunkards and bickering bar goers. “I don’t want anything from you. Especially not that attitude you’re giving me. Why don’t you just calm down and sedate yourself with some drinks. Looks like you could use it.”

[beislazaro]

    Whatever was going on in this vampire's head, Lazaro didn't care. What he cared about was that for someone who kept a rather low profile in the regular world, not calling attention to himself outside of the supernatural corners of the city, this kid was bringing attention to him. He noticed some of the other patrons staring because of it, which was only setting his anger to boil. It had been simmering when he walked in, but now he was fully justified to be pissed off.

     This kid had attitude. Were he in a better mood, he might've been impressed. His signature wasn't hidden, it was obvious who he was, and yet this little shit...well. Lazaro laughed, taking a drag off his cigarette, blowing the smoke in his face before he got into it. "Oh, you're going to fucking tell me what I fucking need? You're the one fucking staring at me every second you get." Staring was so rude, too. He stood, looming over the vampire, "If you're smart, you'll apologise right fucking now and go back to cleaning other people's shit off the tables and stop telling me what the fuck you think I need."

[christ0pherserkan]

       Ten forty-five. Christopher’s usual night shift was nearly an hour in when he noticed somebody intriguing step in through the front doors of Sinsational’s Pub. Part of him wished for the individual to take a seat in his section so that he could observe them silently without having to rubberneck over other customers and thankfully he got his wish.

         As he would bus the tables of departing guests his blue eyes would find their way over to the person of interest. There was once a time when he knew how to spy while being undetected but with all these years passed some things had become murky in his mind. Falling from second nature to a distant memory of how he once was. Part of him may have been hoping for this other to take notice so that they might strike up a conversation.

[beislazaro]

       Lazaro was set, almost permanently, on grumpy old man. Today was no different. One of the imps he'd been particularly proud of a few months ago had let their quota plummet this month, they weren't even a quarter of the way through. After three days of torture, he'd sent the little shit on his way and given him a week to make it up to him. The demon didn't hold hope out, and was more than prepared to kill him.

       Sinsational's was the only place other than his home he could go where people wouldn't bother him, he didn't even have that luxury in his office. Always there'd be someone barging in, asking this or pleading that, nothing that he usually gave even half a shit about. But then, of course, the pub had to be ruined, too. This cheeky little vampling kept staring. He'd bus tables and his eyes would always be on him. Finally, as he watched the puke clean the table next to him--or barely clean it, as he kept staring--the demon had had enough. "What the fuck do you want?"

[naivetyintrust-deactivated20200]

   ”Oh you must be in a spot of trouble       “

   It was terribly rare that the wonderful denizens of delightful Prague came crawling into his district. Much less into his office unless the situation was absolutely dire. Or unless the intruder was ballsy enough. The grin is cheshire-like from the shadows where he’s leaned back in his seat, boots on the desk.

   The demon was amused.

   “Come then, take a seat.”

[beislazaro]

    The demon narrowed his eyes, flames all but physically present. "Fuck off, I'm in no trouble."

    A chair sat across from Alaric, on the other side of the desk, old wood from the old world. Lazaro decided to flop down in it unceremoniously, a bit of a creaking noise emanating from the wood as dirty boots found the top of the other demon's desk. It wasn't intentional, this mimicking of Alaric's position, so he added his hands behind his head.

    "Can't I fucking visit? Seriously, Al, I'm beginning to think you don't like me."

    The fact that their relationship was barely better than hatred, even after all these years, made this sit-down interesting. In the back of his mind, perhaps Lazaro wanted to see just how he'd react.

[theangelheron-deactivated201908]

A little late for that, Heron thought to himself, but he held up his hands in silent surrender to show he meant no offense — and at the same time look skyward in clear condescension. 

"Oh, well we can’t have that,” snorted Heron and he bent down and considered the human. Technically, he was probably obligated to save the poor thing, although that would probably mean he’d get a really annoying talking to by Lazaro. “I don’t suppose you could do me the favor of saving both of us the trouble and just let the guy go?” 

[beislazaro]

    Angels could be such pompous little pricks. He hated it, especially ones like Heron who thought they were still some sort of bosses. Lazaro was the boss in this situation, and Heron's misplaced sense of justice would be cute if it wasn't so damn annoying.

    Just let the guy go. "Oh, sure, let me get right fucking on that," he said, his voice dripping with saccharine sweet sarcasm. His hand went out, looking as though it were about to start untying the restraints when a knife appeared in it, stabbing through the mortal's hand. "You've got to be fucking high, Feather-head."

[miscreantmernick]

Arthur lifted his hands in a surrender sort of motion, although coming from him, it was almost as mocking as the smirk on his face. “Hey, La-La-Lazy, not an insult,” he stated, eyes darting between the demon and the human. If nightmares had a taste, he could almost feel it creeping up at the corners of his lips, the ones the boy would have about this very moment, the ones that preceded it, and the ones that would follow. That is, if he survived. “I’m just saying— he’s human. Whether you’d like it or not, he’s not gonna last long, or as long as, say, an annoying little succubus or vampire. Imps are a pain, too, but I’ve learned how to deal.”

What did he want? 

Chaos, mass suffering of babbling idiots, and a bottle of scotch. 

"A good show," he said instead, shrugging. It was against their unspoken, pathetic rules to interfere anyways, so Arthur figured— might as well. A bottle of scotch? Make it two. "Tell you what, horny. I’ll buy you a drink after you’re done with Mr. Cry and Shit My Pants. Or, Hell, bring him along! I don’t know what Sinsational’s’ policies are for bringing in torture pets into the bar. I guess we can find out."

[beislazaro]

    He knew exactly how much of an insult his smirk and surrender were, but he decided to play it casual and not let himself get too pissed off. Mernick or not, Lazaro could get violent in the blink of an eye, and he knew he could easily kill him if he lost control. He wasn't that stupid. "Okay, sure, fine. But he was closest and I was in a bad mood," he said, for all the world sounding like a petulant bully. Which, if he was being honest, is basically what his job description was. Head Bully for Hell, District 8. Lazaro liked the look that now crawled into Arthur's features, taking it over the way a shadow does as the sun sets. "Next time I get pissed off, I'll grab the closest vampire. Satisfied?"

    Horny.

    What an ass.

    He looked at the whimpering carcass that now only vaguely resembled human. "Three days," he said mostly to himself, "Guess I could use a little break." With a couple waves of his hand, a contraption encircled the human, a deadly looking blade just inches from the boy's face. Lazaro leaned in real close and grinned. "You see this? I bet you fucking do. If you do any movement but breathing while I'm gone? This blade goes straight through your fucking head. But it's not going to be quick, oh no. For every time you even think about moving, it'll push through your skin, your muscles, and your bones a quarter of an inch," he slapped the kid on the back, making the blade inch ever closer, "Let's try to stay alive til I come back, okay? I'm not done with you."

"I think I like this arrangement better. He's too good for Sinsational." He said, looking over his shoulder at Arthur. "You still coming? Or was that just a joke?"

[melvillesdoom]

Lallie could see his point. Hell, she could sympathize. Except even for her, she doubted that even as human, her heart had even done any amount of loving — she guessed that’s what he referenced to —; even as human, her heart had never been quite as warm as other’s. Lazaro’s, however, had probably been as warm as the sun, or arguably even more so. Every demon was once an angel, she reminded herself of that. It was a strange thought, especially when regarding the man beside her. “I’ll drink to that,” she said, taking a sip of her own drink as if to vouch for her words. Perhaps talking about love with a demon was just the right shortcut to take for this little chitchat to go downhill. Not, of course, that it was her favorite subject either.

"Don’t worry, I’d never." The idea of holding a relatively long conversation with an imp seemed hilarious to her; the most she had seen of one was over a thousand years ago, when she’d signed away her soul. They’d earned their spot at the bottom of her list since then, and she was careful enough to steer clear of them whenever possible. "But that’s funny, coming from a demon. You know, with the saying and all." How do you know when a demon is lying?

She raised an eyebrow at his words, “Oh, wow. If I could, I’d ask to check the quotas with you in your office, then,” she joked. “What about when all of your immortals are in line and there’s no one to torture at the end of the month? Or, do you not care? Blindfold a succubus, spin her around, and whoever she points at, you torture? Sounds like a fun game. Can I play?”

[beislazaro]

    Heart. It honestly wasn't something he often thought about, having had one, or having felt God's love. It had been so long that anything like it he even halfway remembered in the waking moments after a dream was surely bastardized beyond recognition. The demon liked what resided in his heart now--distrust, hatred, everything felt more comfortable with those taking point, ensuring nothing was ever close enough to him to do any damage. His long fingers curled around the class, which was already sweating from the ice, and toasted the vampire, "I'll drink no matter what." He decidedly stayed away from the concept of love, thinking it silly and outdated, glad to be rid of the topic as they moved onto other things.

    Lazaro's lips curled up into something approximating a smile, "I'm not worried."  Imps were probably one of the biggest banes of his existence, and he was glad that he so infrequently had to deal with them. Being head demon had its perks, he could push dealing with imps off on anyone he was in charge of, and that's what he frequently did. He chuckled, "Know who made that saying up? An imp who was pissed and didn't get its way, tried to fucking call us all liars, like we'd backed out of some fucking deal with him or something. That's not how it happened, and now, even though that caught on, it's still not true." It was relatively true, but Lazaro only spun tales when he needed to. He seldom said things he didn't mean, and this was utter truth. The story about the imp wasn't, but, well, he didn't care.

    "If only you lived in my district, sweetheart," he said, wondering what it would be like to check quotas with a beautiful vampire by his side. Ah well, he wasn't about to invite her, couldn't have her go off to her own head-demon and tell them how good or bad his district was doing. The game she thought up had him laughing. "I've never thought of doing that before. Sounds like fucking fun, though, might do it next time. I usually just grab a damned human and accuse them of something, whether they did it or not. It's easy to find the ones who try to secretly break the rules. Make 'em feel bad for something, then just get them to admit to it."

[davey-brunn]

They often do. It’s in their nature. 

[beislazaro]

    Well yeah, smart-ass. But it's funny. It's funny because they think I give a flying shit. Like they're going to say the right thing and I'll just let them go.

[rhinatempest-blog]

Rhina rolled her eyes at the excessive amount of swear words coming out of his mouth. Even she doesn’t curse as much when she stubs her toe on the edge of her bar at her club. “I wouldn’t be watching if you weren’t exhibiting and commenting on whatever sort of torture you’re inflicting. Are you really that desperate for attention?” She asked the demon crossing her arms. “No, it’s not, and neither is this Hell, I can go and do whatever the fuck I want.”

[beislazaro]

    This amount of cursing was actually cut down for Lazaro, he was being downright censored. Something about this witch bitch was rubbing him the wrong way, though, as his tongue darted out to clean his front teeth, lips curling up in a snarl. He decided to uncensor himself, perhaps even to the point of sounding a little ludicrous, as long as it pissed her off. "Apparently you've never fucking heard of the concept of talking to yourself, have you? That's what I was fucking doing. Why the fuck are you even here, anyway? What the fuck did you need that was so fucking important you had to fucking interrupt me?" A laugh belted out of him as he stabbed a knife into the fleshy part of the human's upper thigh, leaving it there, "If I were fucking desperate for attention, all I'd fucking have to do is go get a whore to screw, not that fucking difficult. This is pure fucking entertainment." His temper was heating up as he loomed over her, "Well I say if you don't fucking want to watch, get the fuck out, or tell me why the fuck I'm not busy making him beg more, because I'm two seconds away from fucking ignoring you."

[theangelheron-deactivated201908]

Goody two shoes. “Never heard that one before,” Heron deadpanned, although he managed not to roll his eyes. 

He craned his neck and raised his brow as he inspected the weapon of choice. “I was actually talking about the thing you’ve jabbed the poker into — I can recognize a heated fireplace stick, thank you. What’d he do?” 

[beislazaro]

    "Don't get fucking cocky with me, angel boy." He said, lip curling ever-so-slightly in a snarl. Lazaro wasn't sure why the other needed help identifying the human, though he was scarred, bloody and beaten, he was still obviously human. "Tripped on me. Told me it was my fucking fault and called me a cunt-face. Might want to leave if you want to keep your lily white sensibilities unstained, I'm about to fucking start having some real fun." Physical torture became boring. Mental torture was the hilarious part. Making the human think it was being harmed or seeing terrible things when he was actually just sitting in the chair, mind playing cruel tricks on him at the demon's behest.

[miscreantmernick]

Arthur looked at the human. Looked. There was no better way to describe it, as he stood expressionless, eyes on the mortal in front of the demon and, as he took a step forward, himself also. 

"That’s uncharacteristic of you," he announced his presence with the casual remark, crossing his arms over his chest. "Aren’t you more fond of playing with toys that actually last?”

[beislazaro]

    He hadn't expected to see Arthur, but he surprisingly didn't mind the intrusion as much as he normally did. He did, however, mind the veritable insult the other had just slung at him. "Excuse you?" Pat-slapping the human's face as it whimpered, he took a step towards him, "And what the fuck makes you think this one's not lasting? I've had it for three days and it's still alive."

The demon looked back at the human, "Have I gone easy on you?" a grin cracked his face as the whimpering lump of pathetic flesh shook it's head before Lazaro turned back to Arthur. "What do you want?"

[headdemonshadow]

Not enough, if you ask me, Lazaro.

[beislazaro]

    He grinned for a moment, "You're right," the scream that came from the poor creature after he drove another spike into the fleshy part of its stomach was incredibly gratifying. "Are you here for a reason, or did you just come to watch?"

[theangelheron-deactivated201908]

"Personally, I don’t really see the charm in torture … what is that, exactly, even?"

[beislazaro]

    "You wouldn't, you goody-fucking-twoshoes." Lazaro looked at where the other pointed, "Ah, well, that would be a hot poker that I've jabbed into its chest."

[rhinatempest-blog]

Rhina stared at the demon, for once not a single emotion playing on her face. “What can I say, torture does not appeal nor amuse me.” 

[beislazaro]

    "Well that's just fucking fine, because you're not obligated to watch, and it amuses the fuck out of me," he said, the smile gone from his face as he stared at the witch. "This isn't your club, what the fuck do you want?"

[beislazaro]

         Well isn't that fucking precious. Look at it, it's begging.

[alexanderlamkin-deactivated2026]

Was I missed in my absence, by any chance?

[alexanderlamkin-deactivated2026]

How cruel of you, Lazaro.

I can’t possibly be that horrible, can I?

[beislazaro]

    Don't fucking smile at me, I've had enough rainbow and unicorn bullshit this week.

         Anyone not working for me or working on their quotas is a lazy fuck. Where the hell were you, anyway?

[dietingsleuth-blog]

"You’re testing my patience. Get to the point already." 

[beislazaro]

    "My point is do you want a fucking drink or not? I figure we can use some over all this fucking paperwork," he said, "otherwise I'll put the damn bottle back."