you're a crisis of my faith.

and the god's honest truth is that the pain was heaven. now that i'm grown i'm scared of ghosts, memories feel like a weapon, and now that i know, i wish you left me wondering.

[belamcandas]

iris monroe  ━━  ❛❛ always an angel never a god, ❞

↳ ( introduction. ) , ( headcanons. ) , ( wcs. ) , ( musings. )

dante guerrero dominguez-herrera  ━━  ❛❛ something is happening to me a change that i can't see, ❞

↳ ( introduction. ) , ( headcanons. ) , ( wcs. ) , ( musings. )

harij vasav  ━━  ❛❛ if it's meant to be then it will be i forgive it all as it comes back to me ❞

↳ ( introduction. ) , ( headcanons. ) , ( wcs. ) , ( musings.  )

[cybermuses]

status: open! @valpostart location: casablanca blooms & coffee

it had been a while since salem left the house, she'd been recluse lately for a couple reasons. she was finally to the point where being home was starting to get old and she needed to get out of her head and be around other people. after spending some time out and about (which included spending money on things she didn't need at secondhand style) she found herself at casablanca blooms and coffee. what was supposed to be a quick coffee run turned into an hour of her being scribbling in her journal at one of the empty tables. "if you wanna join me you can, i really could use the company." she said with a smile to the familiar face a few feet away.

[belamcandas]

iris had spent most of her time with... animals. which made great company, at least so she thought, but it wasn't the same as connecting with people. she had been having a hard couple of months, which fuelled her into taking more hours at work with her practice and ignoring everyone else in favour of animals. she had just gotten done with a doctors appointment, her hand slightly mauled by a cat and it was just a precaution to see the doctor but everything was fine and she couldn't even blame the cat for acting out -- it was all just part of the job. now that she was at the cafe she desperately needed some kind of caffeine after her shift. it used to be like this when she was in school, getting a coffee before, and getting a coffee after just to keep her head up. when she gets her cup of iced coffee she has her ipad in hand to do some charting but realizes there's not many spaces left until she eyes salem, and she looks behind her to see if she's talking to anyone else before cautiously making her way over towards the other woman and gently sitting down in the chair. "are you sure?" she asks, "i just wasn't sure if you were talking to me or not. but i'd love to sit with you, of course."

[belamcandas]

@vroyales

"my dad used to make this really god matzah ball soup for my sibling and i when we were feeling sick. when he found out that i was a vegetarian he corrected the recipe and it was... so good, i know mine isn't the same but i'm trying to perfect it now so let me know how it tastes and don't hold back, alright?" iris hadn't been the one to cook when it came to her and wren -- it had always been wren who was around to cook the meals and as of late iris had a hard time trying to make herself two meals a day but she was trying.

[oozins]

NOT EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE SOMETHING ELSE

[eternvls-deactivated20240429]

@belamcandas

"Iris?!" Calling out into the darkened home of her sister, Ivy stepped over the threshold of the door and walked in. Hanging the light jacket she had on over her shoulders before practically skipping through the home, Ivy called out again, a furrow forming in her brow. "Iris? Where are you?" The flowers she held in her hand needed to be sat down so she put them on the kitchen counter. They were spring flowers, a beautiful and full bouquet that she'd gotten shortly after work today for her sister. Hopefully, it would cheer her up...

[belamcandas]

it was hard for iris to wrap her head around the fact that her sibling had picked up her life and moved to valpo. iris didn't understand why but she wasn't going to question it too much because if she did then iris would start to spiral. she had just gotten home not that long ago, she had begun her laundry, throwing her scrubs in the wash while changing into something more cosy when she heard the sound of her door opened. there were very few people that she had given the key to and her sibling was one of them. she looked at herself in the mirror and sighed at the appearance. it had been hard for her to sleep, the past couple of weeks, she often felt spacey but there was nothing to be done about that. iris walked down the stairs and looked over at her sibling before smiling. "i'm here, i'm here," she wraps her arms around them, squeezing once and twice. "oh what did you bring?" she looks over their shoulder to see the bouquet of flowers and grabs the vase -- the one that she had placed charlie's flowers in that were dead now and threw them out in the trash before also pouring the dirty water in the sink and replacing it with new water and perching them in the window underneath the sun. when iris thought about it, it's how she always saw ivy anyway -- the sun, even if ivy didn't think that of herself it's how she saw her anyway. "have you eaten?"

[belamcandas]

@alkaliineee where: dante's studio

dante's friendship with zara was not only collaborative, but also comforting. of course, dante wasn't at the same scale of fame that zara was in, but in the end, the two understood what it was like to have paparazzi stick their nose in your business, when dante thinks about how much of his personal life was leaked back then it just brings them pain. and they were tired of pain. "alright," dante hops over the couch with an expensive bottle of champagne. "i know it's a couple of days late from your release but i figured since we're here and i keep this for special occasions we might as well have a glass before we mess around the studio. or we don't have to do anything at all." dante says with a smile and shrug. music was meant to be fun, considering zara's work regime, they would understand if she just wanted rest.

[belamcandas]

@love0verflow where: the hospital

sometimes working with asad reminded them of what it would have been like if his father had still been alive -- it had always been the dream to work alongside his dad, named the best surgeon in boston in neuro, but they supposed that title is laying in wait for their sister. it's all still painful. they've been waiting for asad to finish up on their mutual patient that came through the emergency room. hari knew that they were good at their job, they were attentive, and had a clear mind when it came to handling people in the er, but the hour was late and they were tired but they still had until early morning until they could go home. when asad came out of the surgical ward hari greeted him with a small smile. "i have something for you," hari says, grabbing the tupperware. "i made this dal tadka myself and i figured since you got called here you might not have eaten and i made enough, if you want."

[belamcandas]

@bvlladonnas

despite living here long enough to get established at work, hari sometimes felt like they had no idea what was good. it was like this back in boston, and they had lived there their whole life. whenever he eventually went out with friends everyone always asked hari where he wanted to go and he had no answer. hari rubbed the back of their neck looking at the list of places on his phone before sighing, looking up at the person. "do have any food recommendations that could satisfy like eight of your closest coworkers?" it was a lot to ask -- but they were desperate.

[userboygenius]

Danny Ramirez in NO EXIT (2022), directed by Damien Power.

[belamcandas]

@scmantic where: the hospital

hari has got their feet kicked up on one of the desks that's been sitting there for god knows how long. it's not much of a break room but it's certainly something. he leans his chair back and takes another bite of the jello, he's got another one in his hands but it's not for him. tilting the chair back further he looks up at the ceiling and they think about the fact that he could quite literally fall off this chair and snap their neck, it's a risk, one that they warn many people about but... still. when they hear the door open to the break room, they straighten their chair and look back to see who's coming in, a smile breaks out on hari's face as they see rania. "boy do i have a present for you." hari says, holding out the red jello. "might have nicked it but a treat is a treat."

[angelochiarelli]

status: open @valpostart

where: isidora winery

"buenos dias!" is the friendly call that comes from angel as he hears the door of the winery open. even when there isn't an event like a wine tasting or something going on, he's gotten well-accustomed to customers coming in, whether it's out of curiosity or for something specific. he was in the middle of taking stock though, as they had just got an imported shipment.

"i will be with you momentarily, one second please." he tries his best to finish counting the case of wine bottles, though he know he'll have to do it again later because his counting was rushed. putting down the notepad he had in his hand, he approaches the person who came in, a smile on his face to greet them. "how can i help you today?"

[belamcandas]

hari doesn't know how to react when people welcome them kindly. it throws them back a bit. hari, quite literally, steps back a moment before a curious eye looks towards what they're doing before stepping back completely. they put their hands behind their back and look around at all the wines. they didn't drink much, didn't have time to really. seemed like their life was constantly on hold to act like their age but by the time they were meant to it was too late. he had already grown up. it was odd now. "uh, one of my coworkers is retiring and i don't know what kind of wine they like but i think something red?"

[hunterdavis]

status: open @valpostart

where: plantas atlas

feeling like his apartment needed some livening up, hunter found himself in a plant store. surprisingly, the houseplants they currently had were still alive, despite being watered irregularly. he wasn't good with that, remembering to water them, but he did his best.

today, they were browsing through the succulents, taking an interest in the variety. from what he knew most of them could go longer without water, so they might be a good choice for him. "so...they aren't all cacti? like i know there's different types of succulents but i thought they grew in the desert. am i wrong?"

[belamcandas]

hari has never been good at keeping something that wasn't human or his bearded dragon... alive. which, doesn't make a whole lot of sense if you really think about it but it was just how hari rolled. they did good in a crisis, remembered to feed finn his bearded dragon, and then they went to work. but when it came to plants.... well, let's just say that hari was hopeless. coworkers over the years had jokingly gifted hari a plant as a means to say, you're never at home so here's something you can't kill, while fast forward a couple of weeks and that plant has withered away to nothing. it's a devastating reality. but hari was really going to try this time! they had been looking up how to make a terrarium and they were really excited. hari had looked over at the other for a moment, eyebrow raised and then shrugged. "i have no idea. i can't keep shit alive."

[sweetfridays]

♡ LAURA HARRIER via instagram ( lauraharrier )

[bvlladonnas]

closed / @belamcandas, for iris :p location / inherited escapes

" he's been yowling all morning. i think he missed you, or knew you were coming, or something. " oliver says it with an amused smile as he watches iris walk into the shop, nodding his head towards vicente. the orange cat jumps from his perch to nuzzle iris's leg, letting out a much calmer meow than he had five minutes ago. oliver rolls his eyes, head shaking while he busies himself with the till behind the counter, " sometimes i think he's smarter than we give him credit for, you know. he could probably run this whole store if i asked him to. "

[belamcandas]

iris was having a rough couple of weeks, it seems that her usual method of suffering in silence was a lot harder when you had a full time job. she was overstimulated as of late and felt like she was halfway here and halfway somewhere else. iris always liked being present, which made it difficult. so, she devoted her time into into her hobbies, which included taking care of animals, and doing her best to care for them, so she decided to make some homemade treats. whens he told oliver about it was partly because she wanted to come to the shop. when she stepped in and saw the cat walking up to her she bent down and rubbed his little cheeks before grabbing her treats and placing them where vicente could smell it. "cats are very smart," she agrees with a little laugh. "i'm sure she could. have you thought about using him to promote your shop on tiktok? i bet people would flock just to see him and it gives you free advertisement. i can't begin to tell you how many shops i want to go to because i know i'll get greeted by a cat."

[divinctionsarchived-deactivated]

               charlie   let   himself   be   led   through   the   familiarity   of   her   place.   he   would   be   lying   if   he   said   it   was   the   first   time   he   got   comfortable   in   the   home   of   someone   he'd   never   commit   to.   truthfully,   it   was   part   of   the   rouse   he   picked   up   over   the   years.   if   he   kept   showing   up   to   her   place   they'd   never   ask   about   coming   around   to   his   place.   once   you   were   invited   in   once   it   was   easy   to   spew   nonsense   about   being   in   the   area   if   they   ever   ask   to   see   you,   or   picking   out   places   to   meet   up   that   were   closer   to   their   place   than   it   was   his   own.   charlie   never   wanted   to   be   close   emotionally   with   the   people   he   was   close   to   intimately.   he   loved   the   romance,   the   honeymoon   phases,   the   swooning,   and   laughing   but   he   didn't   want   the   deep   conversations,   the   curiosity   about   his   past,   the   potential   of   wanting   more.                it   was   a   tricky   call   coming   to   iris'   place   on   valentine's   day.   but   even   if   he   cared   for   her   more   as   a   friend   than   a   partner,   the   need   to   be   their   for   a   friend   outweighed   the   risk   of   sending   any   mixed   signals.   he   thought   by   picking   out   flowers   that   weren't   the   valentine's   day   norm   he's   escape   any   misguided   implications.   she   was   quick   to   prove   him   wrong   on   that.   "   oh,   really   ?   "   he   asked   with   a   polite   chuckle,   hopping   up   on   the   counter   as   he   watched   her   place   the   flowers   in   a   vase   he   awkwardly   scratched   the   back   of   his   neck.   "   i   didn't   know   that   at   all,   that's   a   lovely   little   fun   fact   i'll   have   to   pocket.   "   and   he   meant   it   too.   "   you   got   me   something   ?   "   charlie   was   sincerely   surprised   by   this.   he   thought   his   disappearing   acts   would   surely   get   him   on   some   sort   of   list.   "   you   really   didn't   have   to.   i   just   wanted   to   come   by,   and   make   sure   you   were   alright   tonight.   i   saw   your   instagram   post,   must   be   hard   without   him.   didn't   think   you   should   be   alone   today.   "   he   gave   her   a   soft   smile   at   his   words.   "   i'm   not   busy   today,   we   can   make   something.   or   i   can   take   you   out   too.   even   in   the   pajamas   if   you'd   fancy,   ladies   choice   and   that.   "

[belamcandas]

it sometimes felt like that iris space was communal, the way that she always had someone coming in our out -- or some animal coming in or out. it was like that back in new york city too. when she was just starting out as her career, it was like her and wren had some kind of communal hospital. wren as a nurse, and iris as the doctor. it was a safe space. and iris learned that safe space because of her own adopted father. she knew the value in having a place where people can call it a temporary home. iris has been trying to find that feeling again in valpo but it doesn't feel like it did. there's just always something a little bit off because iris was as naturally as warm as her fiance had been, she didn't possess the same kind of charisma that she did. it made it hard when iris was eventually trying to date, or just see if someone wanted to talk about mutual interests with the thought that maybe, it could be more. either way -- it hurt, standing in front of her kitchen and baring her soul to someone not knowing if they felt the same way. she bites down on her bottom lip as she works on the flowers, putting water at the bottom of the vase and fingers running against the stem and petal. there's a part of her that knows that he's just here because he feels bad. people always feel bad when they figure out what happened. like iris was just some kind of broken animal that needed to be let in. she rubs the back of her own neck, a similar nervous tic before drumming her fingers against the table. "i--" she starts to say, it's hard trying to look him in the eyes. "i did. i don't know what--" what we're doing. what we're not doing. what neither of us are saying. iris hated this. "let me just go get it." she clears her throat and goes back to her room to grab the present and holds it behind her back. she wrapped it in newspaper and tied a nice little bit of string around it. "i hope it isn't too presumptuous, but there's this account i follow on instagram and they're always promoting some of their first editions at a decent cost and i saw this and thought you might enjoy it." inside was a book of w.h. auden's works. "i know he's a british poet, and i thought it might make you feel a little more at home." her favourite poem had been the funeral blues, but she was going to keep that to herself. she rocked on her heels and then laughed a little looking down. "her," she corrected softly. "my uh, my fiance was her. her name was wren." was. "but i really appreciate that, charlie. you're a good man." she smiles again, even if the warning bells are going off inside. "we can make something. i have enough food. i wanted to do a cook out one of these days but i've been working so much i haven't been able to send out an invite." she rubs her arms. "do you like beer or wine? i can get some from my fridge." iris didn't drink much, but she was on edge and she didn't like it. "and um, if at any point you want to leave you can. i don't want you to feel obligated to be here because of some post i did, okay? i appreciate it, but i'm also doing okay. i just don't want you to feel like you need to be here. i'm glad that you are -- i think we can make a great meal with our collective efforts."

[belamcandas]

is that AVAN JOGIA? oh, no, that’s HARIJ ‘HARI’ VASAV, a THIRTY-TWO year old ER NURSE PRACTITIONER AT VALPARAISO CENTRO MEDICO who uses HE/THEYpronouns. they currently live in VALPARAISO, and the character they identify with most is CRISTINA YANG FROM GREYS ANATOMY . hopefully they find their own little paradise here in el país de los poetas! 

NAME — harij vasav  NICKNAME(S) — hari NAME MEANING — harij: the horizon. hari: lion, one who forgives all sins. vasav: lord indra AGE — thirty-two DATE OF BIRTH — october 25th STAR SIGNS — scorpio sun, virgo moon, scorpio rising PLACE OF BIRTH — boston, massachusetts SEXUAL ORIENTATION — queer RELIGION — agnostic, it's complicated SPOKEN LANGUAGE(S) — english, gujarati, spanish OCCUPATION — er nurse practitioner at valparaiso centro medico RESIDENCE — valparaiso FAMILY — munjal vasav ( father ), roslyn vasav ( mother ), hayva vasav ( sister )

tw: mentions of alzheimers, passing of a parent ( non descriptive for both subjects )

when your dad is a world renowned neurosurgeon it’s a hard pedestal to fall from, especially if you feel like you haven’t even begun to measure up. it’s even harder when that same father slowly starts to lose his memory. 

hari grew up as a shadow, at least, that’s what his dad called him when he would go to work with his father because him and his mother were fighting again and they couldn’t find child care. it seemed insane that a couple years later they would inevitably get back together again and have another child. then, his father would have two shadows. 

hayva would be the golden child, the one that would step up to the plate and do everything that his father had always wanted for hari, and hari wanted to make the same kind of difference – it’s just not in the way that their dad wanted. 

whenever they visited their mother on weekends she would look at her son, rest a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it as if she was saying that she understand what it meant to come second or third in his father’s life. 

but hari would always be his shadow, he was interested in the brain, but wanted to be at the heart of the action. 

when his dad is diagnosed with early on set alzheimer's their world shifts, hayva goes into overdrive into finding a cure, hari thinks that havya is a little naive to believe that they’ll be able to find one in such a short amount of time. it’s a slow process, and hari doesn’t want to just stand by and watch. 

they were a gifted student, but their extracurriculars lied behind a camera, growing up with other hospital kids gave them an abundance of free time and they would make movies, their playground was white walls and sterile environments but they made it into a kingdom. 

between weekends at moms, week days with his dad, he had his camera, but he stuck to his studies. he never knew what he wanted to do, and never felt like they quite fit in with their peers because they never had much time to get to know them. 

their dad used to say he was in his glory days before the disease finally took him out, their dad wrote books, did research, gave talks and began to prep hayva to take his place when she was old enough. 

hari loved their sister, but they loved their peace of mind more. 

it didn’t quite hit until their first year of college, that first taste of freedom when they were still deciding on what to major in. there was a college party, no one could really remember what really happened, too much drinking, too many kids who made stupid decisions, but hari had stepped in, with his calm demeanor and steady presence, he took control of the situation, saved a life. 

emergency medicine was what he was passionate about. they decided to become a nurse, and then eventually, an emergency nurse practitioner. 

his dad said that he was proud of him, but sometimes he wished that he would take his place, hari had said, why have me when you have hayva?

it would be years little communication, his dad’s disease worsening, and then, eventually a funeral. 

then there was a will, entitled to harij vasav, his dad had a little place in valparaiso and it was up to hari what they wanted to do with it. 

they’ve been trying to clean up the place, while living in it, with intentions to settle up. but they keep finding things in the house that belonged to their father throughout the years that makes it hard for them to let go. 

news articles of their fathers works, while harij’s school campus articles of the student film project they did when they were a sophomore, on top of him making the dean’s list, and when he got accepted at his first job, and how yes he might have been the munjal vasav’s child, harij was a good er nurse practitioner carving their own way in life without their father’s fame. 

maybe they’ll sell the house, but right now they’re finding that hard to do. 

headcanons & fun facts: 

kind of shy at first but once you get to know him a total goofball 

copes by playing video games 

has a letterbox account that they run like the navy 

actually a good little ‘filmmaker’ it was his passion all throughout his life but never got around to living it #sad but oh well !! 

a fan of so many muses in valpo like how come theres so many celebs and musicians living here this is crazy 

renting out a room so if anyone would like that connection im so down 

very good at their job !!!! like online they sound like an idiot but trust they know what theyre talking about when it comes to work matters !!!!! 

lowkey a pothead when they were not working but like thats fine theyre allowed 

also an avid vaper with esme and dante i fear :///// 

not close with their sister unfortch but she is a badass and is still currently in school etc to take up their fathers position 

mama’s boy !!! they talk all the time they’ve gotten very close over the years which is good but also sad bc theyve both felt that neglect ( even if it wasn’t purposeful on their dad’s end ) 

idk they’re an idiot to all relationships i fear

they wanna be loved so bad, and just like Seen

has a bearded dragon its their bestie frfr

[weirdobarbie]

AVAN JOGIA for grumpy magazine