Bella

[bellaahgony]

Checking Up on Mahmen

Co-written with @HisLeelanNalla.

Nalla: *I wake up after I don’t know how long, feeling rested enough to get on with things. But before I go back to Uncle Wrath’s office to try to dive into paperwork again, I need to check up on my family. I slide out of bed, being careful not to wake up my sleeping hellren as I disentangle myself from him. I shower quickly and dress, then go down the hall to my parents’ suite and knock on the door softly.* Mahmen? Are you awake? @BellaAhgony

Bella: *It was getting a little harder for me to wake up in the mornings these last few days. I’m dreaming about my childhood growing up with Rehv and remember all the good times we had. He had always been there for me, from the time I could walk, when I scraped my knee, falling off my bike, to my first crush, then my first breakup. I shook my head laughing at that last one. Oh man, were the parents of that male furious when he came home with a broken arm. 

A knock at the door, breaking my daydreaming as I got up from the bed wearing a t-shirt and some yoga pants. #Zsadist had already been up and showered as it seems if the indication of the warm mist in the room was evident. Opening the door, I find my daughter.* Hey, Nalla.

Nalla: *I hadn’t seen my mahmen since Dad had taken her out of the Clinic just after he’d told us about Uncle Rehv. She looked a little pale and worn out, though I knew Dad had to have been trying to make sure she ate and took care of herself, like LW had been doing with me. I open my mouth to say something, but as grief rears up to choke me, I find myself stepping forward and just wrapping Mahmen in a tight hug instead first. After a minute, I step back with a sniffle and give a watery smile.* Hi Mahmen. How are you holding up?

Bella: *I felt a little more energy seeing Nalla. I wanted to be more put together around her but as she came to me in a tight hug … I found myself tearing up slightly after having thought I had no more. 

After a few moments, she thoughtfully asked how I was feeling. How was I feeling? After spending decades with my brother and now having him gone … it was heartbreaking. I thought of Ehlena and how she must be feeling as well and knew that we weren’t alone in our grief.*

I’m feeling ok. It’s been hard … but it's that way for all of us. Come, let's go down to first meal with the family. It’s been a while.

Nalla: *I’m a little surprised by her suggestion at first, but then I realize how much sense it makes. I’d been thinking we might hang out in her and Dad’s suite for a while, talking or watching a movie or something, spending some time together just the two of us. But we’d just had our world seriously shaken up, and maybe doing something normal would help us regain our balance a bit. And surrounding ourselves with family, people who love us and have always been there for us will help too. I smile softly and kiss her cheek as I wrap an arm around her shoulder.* Great idea Mahmen! I wonder what the doggen have cooked today ...

Bella: I’m sure #Fred has something delicious prepared as always. I have to admit, having someone else cook for you is always better. I have to admit, I burned a few pans back in my day when I lived in my cottage across from your Aunt Mary. *I chuckled thinking about the phone calls from my big brother when the smoke alarm sounded and the idle threats to either come home back to his home or for him to send me a permanent doggen. I rolled my eyes at the age old arguments. Then, swallowed my tears knowing that I wouldn’t hear him yell at me anymore.*

Then, we can go see Aunt Ehlena and the cousins to see what needs to be done. Hmmm?

Nalla: *Smiles* And that’s why you never helped out when Auntie Beth managed to get around #Fritz to give us kids cooking lessons! *I wrap an arm around your waist when I see the sadness fall across your face again, knowing what you were thinking. No more nagging, overprotective big brother … no more Uncle Rehv.* Yeah, we should definitely go see Auntie Ehlena and her young. She and Maddy, especially, both have a lot resting on their shoulders right now… *I drop my arm as we walk through the door of the dining room and look around to see who else is there.*

Bella: *We were the first ones to arrive as the doggen set our the food on the tables and counters. They had prepared lamb with vegetables, @PurebredMthrFkr’s favorite. I hoped he would come down and dine with us. He’s been really preoccupied lately with all that’s been going on. I don’t blame him … and I hoped he didn’t blame himself either. The only one to blame was the #Omega. 

I grabbed a plate and started to place various dishes on my plate. I knew if I didn’t than #Zsadist would promptly do so, being the protective male that he is. I wonder what he was doing at the moment. As soon as I sat down at the table, I pulled out my phone and sent him a quick text about First Meal and that I missed him.*

Nalla: *I fill a plate and sit next to mahmen, noting that Dad and LW are both absent. I don’t know where Dad is, I didn’t hear him in the room when mahmen had opened the door-hopefully he’s following his son-in-law’s example and getting some rest. Goodness knows everyone could use a break around here! I decide that if LW doesn’t make it down here during the meal, I’ll make up a plate to take up to him. Try to make sure he eats something this evening - and maybe feeds too. Stubborn ass ... But in the meantime, I smile and chat with mahmen and everyone else that was there. 

Bella: *My plate is filled with all kinds of delicious food I’m sure the doggen have prepared … but I could not taste anything. I took a few bites and tries to avoid any conversations and just listened. I wasn’t sure where Zsadist was … but then again I’ve been in my own world the last few days. 

It was so difficult for me not to wallow in my heartbreak, I missed my brother. I tried to take a deep breath and concentrate on the conversations around me so I could avoid retreating into my thoughts again.

Nalla: *As I refill my plate, I notice that Mahmen isn’t really saying much. I look over and see that she has a thoughtful, kind of faraway look in her eyes. I know she’s got to be thinking of Uncle Rehv, as I am. How could she not be? Then she seems to snap out of it, looking around and seeming like she’s trying to focus on what’s going on around us. I reach out and squeeze her hand.* How are you doing, Mahmen?

Bella: *I squeeze Nalla’s hand in comfort.* I’m fine. *I lied and smiled and turned to pay more attention to Mary and Rhage’s conversation about what happened with Mary’s session with Lyric. I needed to try and focus on the present and with the people that I could help. I turned to Nalla with a sudden idea.* 

Nalla, you should visit with Lyric. You guys played together so much, almost 24/7, when you guys were little.  I know she will probably not remember you since she was a baby. *It was beyond a long shot since Lyric was so young but perhaps someone closer to her age would bring some kind of memory back.*

Nalla: *I can tell that mahmen is just BSing me when she says that she’s ok, but I let it go for now. Sometimes the comfort of a lie is all that gets you through, even if you know it’s a lie. “Fake it till you make it” and all that. I say nothing as she turns back towards Uncle Rhage and Auntie Mary, but then she turns back to me and blurts out an idea about me visiting with Lyric. 

“Hmmm … that’s an idea. I mean, I don’t know how much good it might do since like you said she probably doesn’t even remember me at all, but I’m happy to do whatever I can to help her. I’ll talk to Auntie Mary about it. 

Bella: Good. *I replied knowing it may be a lost cause but who knows … Scribe knows we could use more miracles after all the heartbreak. I thought back over the years with all the family has been through. All the losses and it made it hard to breathe. I picked up my plate and delivered it to the sink to the doggen’s dismay and excused myself and left the dining room to make my way through the foyer and out the vestibule doors. 

I needed to get fresh air and take steady breaths to prevent myself from breaking down. It’s been a long few nights and I knew it may just be the beginning with all the new changes coming. We all needed to be strong and pitch in.

Nalla: I watch as my mahmen leaves the table. I debate whether or not to follow her, but ultimately decide against it. We all have a lot of grief to process, and everyone deals with such things in their own way. I got her out of her room for a while, and I’ll consider that victory enough for now. Since LW still hasn’t made an appearance, I make up a plate to take up to our room for him, say goodbye to everyone that’s still there, and head out of the dining room and up the Grand Staircase. I’ve checked up on my mahmen, now it’s time to do the same for my hellren. Then, it’ll be time to head to Uncle Wrath’s office to (yet again) try to get some work done….

[bellaahgony]

Another Long Night

Wrath: This was one of the worst parts of my job. The part where I had to break the most difficult news. I was going to have to tell Ehlena that after all the work that she had done to save the injured that had come back from the mission, we had not been able to bring Rehv home to her alive. It wasn’t just Ehlena, either. At the moment, there were about six of these meetings I was going to have to have, more if we lost anyone else during the next few days.

These meetings were soul crushing, even for the most hardened of warriors. That was one of the reasons we did it together. We stood as a unit. We were the Brotherhood, the warriors and protectors of our race. The symbology of the group was that one failure belonged to us, as a whole. However, we all knew the failure was mine. I was the one that sent those males and females out to their deathbed. I was the one that received the tip and decided we didn’t have enough time to double and triple-check our sources. We had to move fast, or the one possibility of rescuing Lyric was going to slip through our fingers and we had never been so close before.

The Brothers had arrived at my office, some in pairs, others by themselves. It would be a long night for us. I had asked Selena to collect Ehlena for me, once she was finished in the PT suite, and Selena was to coordinate with Mary to gather Bella and Z. The phone had rung not three minutes ago to let me know that Ehlena was just finishing up. It wouldn’t be long now. @Banded_Warrior

Zsadist: It had been hours since I got back from the mission and every fiber of my body was bone ass tired, but Bella had been unable to sleep, and therefore I had forced myself to stay awake. She had tried throughout the day, I think more for my sake than her own, but she had not been able to claim a state of slumber. Every time I thought she might have dozed off, sobs would come and rack her body, and I would just pull her in tight, once more.

The clock had no sooner stuck 4pm when there had been a knock on the door. Rolling away from Bella, I got up to answer it. As I swung open the door, I saw Mary standing just outside, worry plastered across her face. “How’s she doing?” She whispered.

I shook my head in response, “Not good.” I knew she was being polite but, stupid, fucking question!

“Wrath would like to see you and Bella in his office.”

I closed my eyes and begged for this not to be happening now. I wasn’t in the mood for this pomp and circumstance shit. But, this was a part of the gig. I simply nodded at Mary, “Give me a sec.” She nodded back and I shut the door before returning to my mated bed.

Taking a seat on the bed next to Bella, I softly laid a hand on her hip. “Nalla, my love. The King requests our presence in his office.” @BellaAhgony

Bella: *My eyes were swollen from all the crying as I turned my head to try to focus on my hellren’s face. As I opened them I looked into his beautiful citron eyes that I haven’t seen in a long while. He really must be worried about me to switch black from his normal obsidian as of late. In the last few years, I noticed that I rarely saw his twin’s eye color unless they were directly focused on me or Nalla. So I knew he was concerned about my well being. How could he not? We only just lost Phury. Though it has been almost a century ... it still felt like it was recent, so he knew exactly how I felt. These were the moments where living for centuries is a drawback.

As I realized his words, Wrath summoned us?*

Has something happened? *I asked quietly … afraid to know the answer. We’ve been hidden in our mated chambers since Z delivered the news. I haven’t been able to sleep, in my mind I saw all the memories I had with mine brother. Eating Frosted Flakes, watching cartoons … he always watched over me. Well into transition, when he bought me my cottage that was next to Mary’s. The memories like a movie playing in my mind of my life wherever and whenever Rehv was present.

I rose from the bed and moved to the walk in closet to change my clothes to make myself more presentable and Z and I made our way down the hall of statues towards Wrath’s office.* @EternalEhlena

Ehlena: [It had been one of the longest nights in a very long time, not just for the PT Suite but surgery as well. So many were hurt, but I had yet to head about any that had not made it back alive. Earlier in the eve after the group had taken off to go bring Lyric back home worry had bloomed inside me as it always had. I was confident though that they would succeed and everyone would be whole again. I hadn’t originally wanted to let Rehv go, but I knew he was going to once he decided. I knew he could help them and he had promised to come back to me, and our young. We all needed him, and I was not able to stay at home waiting. Thankfully I was asked to come help prepare things for their return and all who would be returning injured.

My thoughts were all over the place, those moments in time seemed like they were days ago instead of a few short hours. My heart had been aching and I knew it was because I was worrying so much. The race had already lost so many good males in our battles but now we were facing the possibility of losing more. To save a female who had been gone for far too long. I was confident that she was going to be brought home to us. Everything had become a madhouse once the injured started to arrive. Assessing who was more urgent than the rest. When I was pulled to go help in surgery I didn’t object, I was needed and I knew that I could help them. It would also help to keep me from feeling the odd pain that was in my chest that I could not shake.

There was a moment that I managed to get when everything seemed to calm down, I was standing outside the suite looking at the others who were still here. I could see that they had been receiving care but they would be here for at least another night. My head turned as I heard footsteps and saw that Selena was coming towards me. No I thought to myself she had to be coming to see the injured herself. It did not stop the pounding of my heart though which only became worse the closer she got to where I stood. She’s come to get me, Rehv must not have the energy to do such. I smiled softly to myself my male always having my best at heart. But it dropped when she had spoken. “Wrath needs to see you, in his office.” I shook my head only once as I replied, fear blooming as my mind wandered to what it could mean.] No. [It was the only thing I could say, I was still needed here and at the moment I couldn't leave them short staffed.] @PurebredMthrFkr

Wrath: Time ticked by so slow, I felt like I was waiting for a response from the government on something, when in fact, it had only been mere minutes before Z and Bella arrived at the door. The quiet chatter that had taken up the room only moments before, had suddenly come to an abrupt stop. Even Whiskey seemed to notice a shift in the room as I felt his head nudge at my hand in my lap. I reached over and scratched behind his ear before getting to my feet. Waving my hand at what was supposed to be two empty chairs in front of my desk, “Bella, please come in and have a seat. We are waiting on one more person.”

Knowing that Bella already knew about her brother’s passing and was probably in no mood for this right now, only made me hope to get it all underway as quickly as possible, but we needed to wait for Ehlena. This was only the first of many of these meetings for me, but I felt enormous amounts of sympathy for those that would sit across from me tonight. @Banded_Warrior

Zsadist: At Bella’s question, I simply shook my head. “No, Nalla. This is all just part of the official bullshit.” I put my hand on the small of her back and led her down the hallway to Wrath’s office. As we got to the doorway, I stopped for a moment looking in, silently begging to anyone listening that I didn’t have to go in. I hated these things when I was just one of the many faces in the room. I did not want to watch my Shellan have to be the one sitting in that fucking hot seat. Over the years, during this war, I had seen too many break down in that seat and I had watched Bella go through enough already tonight. Her eyes were already beet red from sobbing all night, there were bags under them, and I knew she didn’t want to have to go through it all again, especially not in front of the whole family. However, this was the way of our world. Everything was ritual.

Wrath broke the silence and called us in… well, Bella to be precise. I took a deep breath, and after a gentle nudge to her low back, followed her into the room. @BellaAhgony

Bella: My eyes felt heavy and dry, my arms were around my body holding on to myself to keep from falling apart. The warmth of my hellren’s hand kept me from falling to the ground into a fetal position. I knew this must be the official gathering of the Brotherhood for Ehlena. I’m only guessing that they are congregated here rather than going to her was so that the many conversations that Wrath had to deliver would be kept privately for those loved ones. Made sense. I’m sure he would have wanted it for me but there was no way Zsadist would be able to keep it from me through all the chaos of the medical bay the previous night.

I barely noticed that we had arrived at Wrath’s office and being nudged into the room, but as Z gave me a tight hug and set me down gently in a chair and kissed my forehead it awoke me from my haze as I held onto his hand as stood sentry behind me. Lending me his undying support and love through the small connection. I will be forever grateful that Zsadist was my rock.* @EternalEhlena

Ehelna: [I sighed as Selena did not leave, insisting even more that Wrath had requested my presence and he would not want to wait. Any other day I would agree our King when summoning someone that was answered as soon as they heard it. I looked over my shoulder, back to the suite. Where we were short staffed and every hand was needed here to help each patient. Something told me that it would not be the end should I go back inside to help and not go with the Chosen. Sighing softly I nodded once.] Give me a moment to let them know that I need to leave

[I cleaned up the best I could before moving back to where I had left her waiting, moving past her I continued to walk. My mind now beginning to go into overdrive. Our King had not gone out, should not have any injuries. My heart was in my throat as I climbed the stairs afraid now as I stood before the hallway that lead to the office. I dared not move I couldn't bring myself to do it. Selena had gone since she had technically done what was asked of her. I was here, but suddenly not so brave anymore. Those long buried feelings of being lost surfacing from back when my father had passed. Then I had Rehv there with me to help through it all. I wanted him here and that's all I knew at this moment. I glanced about the hall hoping that maybe he was just inside the office and that was why I was called here. To take him home after the battle they had just had.

I could hear soft crying on the other side of the door and my heart leapt into my throat. Oh no don't tell me Bella…..Z…… I forgot to knock and just burst right into the room my eyes and then my form going straight to her not clicking for a moment that she was not alone as I wrapped my arms around her.] Bella, no… @PurebredMthrFkr

Wrath: I could feel the walls closing in on me as the whole room was laced in tension. Not one person was speaking, and the only sound being the quiet stifle of tears coming from Bella. It was so quiet, I could hear the slow approach of Ehlena’s footsteps as she climbed the stairs to the office. Fuck! Swallow. The dryness of my throat caused everything to stick, as the lump just sat there, unmoving. My eyes drifted shut behind my wraparounds, waiting for Ehlena’s unsure pace to reach the door. Dearest Scribe, these nights were always easier when I had Beth to lie my head next to at the end of them.

Suddenly, Ehlena’s gait sped up and the door burst open. I could hear a small commotion as Ehlena rushed to Bella’s side. At her words, I cursed anyone she may have come in contact with that might have broken the news to her earlier. She didn’t need that kind of strain on her while she was trying to take care of patients. That was precisely why I had called for her to come here as soon as things were dwindling down for the night in the PT suite. It was also ritual. It was up to me and the Brothers to break the news. Show her that we all stood beside her, she wasn’t alone and all that shit. She was family, and that made this meeting so much more difficult.

I gently cleared my throat to get her attention. “Ehlena, please have a seat.” Waving at the other empty chair in front of my desk. @Banded_Warrior

Zsadist: Gripping Bella’s hand as if my life depended on it, I stood stoically behind her. Tonight, my place was not with my Brothers. It was by my shellan’s side. It was holding her up, when her heart felt like it was going to crumble up and die. Nothing could tear me away from her, not tonight. I don’t think she’s ever needed me more that she did this very night. Her sobs broke me, and as we sat waiting for Ehlena, every second just got worse. It was as if she were standing in line for the slaughter, and she knew it. She knew exactly what was coming and it killed me to know she would rather be anywhere but here. The finality of having the King declare Rehv dead was going to destroy her. All I could do was wait to be there to catch her.

The door flying open stole me from my transe, as Ehlena ran to Bella’s side. I let Bella’s hand slip from my own in greeting of Ehelna, and gently relocated it on her shoulder, instead. @BellaAhgony

Bella: *As I finally glanced up at Wrath, he had a frown and although I could not see his eye behind his wraparounds … he radiated sympathy and compassion. It was then that I felt the presence of all the males and females behind me. It was the Brotherhood. It was tradition that they come forward when someone went into the Fade. They had done once before for me. Almost a century ago … when Rehv had faked his death. Scribe, it was déjà vu. Almost. This time Zsadist had not waited to tell me with the others and I wasn’t alone in our mated chambers when I heard the knock.

He knew what this would do to me. The love of my life knew that I hearing this family tragedy, a second time … would break me. So, the male he is, came to me first so he could be there when I fell … to catch me. The tears started to fall again as I looked at all the faces around me. Viscous, Rhage, Payne … so many others have joined the noble ranks of the Brotherhood as many of the originals had joined the Fade. Phury, Qhuinn, Butch … Dearest Scribe … I hadn’t even contemplated if there were others that may have died tonight, in all of my selfishness.

But before I could ask Wrath … Elena burst into the room to give me a hug. A hug so tight I could hold her to me as well … knowing she was the reason I got to have my brother for the last century. He lived for her and her alone. She gave him back to so that my children could know their uncle. I could never repay her for that. I needed to be strong for her. We needed to be strong for Rehv. I could even hear his voice gently scolding me for crying and not being his “big girl”.* @EternalEhlena

Ehlena: [I held onto Bella ignoring all in the room, her grief and sadness surrounded me making me hold onto her tighter than before. I found myself whispering I'm sorry over and over again. It made sense to me now as to why they wanted me here. She didn't need to go through this by herself and I would not let her.

Hearing Wrath’s words I raised my head to turn and look at him. I had forgotten that there was to be the 'official’ thing to do. I pulled back from Bella a hand taking the one closest to the chair in mine as I rose to move to it. It was then that I caught sight of the Brotherhood behind her their faces said it all. They didn't want to be here any more than the ones who were getting the news, but it had to be done. My heart hurt for the female who had so quickly become my family all because of her brother. His interesting ways of courtship had won me over easily enough. Those days may have been long past but still he had continued to find ways to have me fall in love with him more and more.

Sitting barely on the chair my focus not even being on anything else I wondered why he was not here, or as I finally realized there was a male very close to Bella… It did not take a genius to know that it was Z standing there giving all the support he had left to his mate as she still continued to have tears falling.] Dear Scribe no. [I wasn't sure if I had spoken aloud or just to myself as each little piece fit together. The odd feeling I had in my chest before all the wounded started pilling in, my being called here, and Bella with Z having already seated in this study. My mind refused to believe and mine own body went stiff. Bringing my attention back to Wrath I shook my head once.] Don't. Don't you dare

[I would not be able to bear the thought of him speaking my Hellren’s name telling me he went down in this battle. Automatically I put myself back to when his club was destroyed, him faking his own death and going to the colony. The speed in which my own heartbeat picked up and pounding in my ears. This couldn't be happening not again not this time. No Scribe my male had to be here and alive waiting for me.] @PurebredMthrFkr

Wrath: I felt the reprimand in Ehlena’s voice, and the guilt of sending Rehv to his death slammed into my chest. I had done this. If it weren’t for my decisions, no one would have gone out tonight, no one would have died tonight, and I wouldn’t be standing here, in my office, getting ready to tell over a half a dozen families that their loved ones weren’t coming home tonight. That was my own demon to face though, and now was not the time. This night was about these families.

Clearing my throat one more time, I raised my head. Please Beth, stand beside me tonight. I need your strength. “Bella, Ehlena, it is with great sadness that I have to tell you that your brother, and hellren, Rehvenge, King of the Sympaths, has passed unto the Fade. It has been a privilege to have him fight alongside us, to have him as a friend, and as a part of our family. He will be forever honored as a part of the Brotherhood’s history, and as each one of us stand here today,” I waved my hand around the room to point out the Brotherhood, “know that you do not stand alone in his loss and your grief.” I stopped for a moment hating that this whole thing seemed so official. I was never one that enjoyed the ceremonial part of my job. I raised my wraparounds and rubbed my eyes for a second, before returning them to their place. “On a side note, Rehv was loved by us all. We will all be eternally grateful for his sacrifice, and I’m so sorry.” I heard a small gasp come from a few of the newer Brothers. The King was never supposed to say he was sorry. But, this was family, and I was sorry. My voice quieted, “I’m going to miss him.” At that I stopped. I wasn’t sure what else to say. Yeah, Rehv and I had had our differences, but at the end of the day, the male was family, and I was never good at doing this when it came to family. @Banded_Warrior

Zsadist: The look on Ehlena’s face as she noticed me standing behind Bella, said everything. She thought she was here for moral support for Bella. She thought I had not made it back from tonight’s mission and that she had been called in to stand beside Bella as she was given the news. It only took her a split second of confusion when she looked at me, before I saw the understanding of reality wash across her face. A lot of people would say I had no heart to speak of, but I did, and it was days like this that I wished they were right. As Ehlena’s gaze moved to Wrath’s, my jaw clenched and I stoically moved my own gaze to stare at some distant spot on the wall, over Wrath’s shoulder.

My hands still rested on Bella’s shoulders, I listened impassively as Wrath went through his spiel. I could feel Bella’s shoulders tense at times, and as they did, I squeezed slightly to let her know I was right behind her. My attention may not have been on every word coming out of Wrath’s mouth, but I felt every shift in Bella’s body. @BellaAhgony

Bella: *It took a few minutes before I realized that Ehlena misunderstood the situation. When she looked around the room and her eyes landed on Zsadist and all her coloring drained from her face … I knew. She had thought that it was Zsadist who had gone to the Fade. Not my dear brother.

As her arms loosened from the reality of the situation, I instead put my arms around her and leaned into her chair as she began to break down. Her body was trembling that I don’t even know if she even noticed. She sat silently as Wrath gave his speech. He words were heavy with heartfelt compassion, regret and even a tinge of guilt. It was no more his fault than my own. We all knew the dangers that had befallen Caldwell with this new enemy.

I rubbed my hand down Ehlena’s back to try to comfort her the best I could … I knew though that it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. I had been here before with Rehv and knowing as his shellan her heart was breaking even more than mine. Yes, I may have known Rehv longer, but she had his heart and soul.* @EternalEhlena

Ehlena: [The moment he used Rehv’s full name I lost it even more, shoulders shaking as my own cries blocked out everything else. How was I supposed to focus when the hole in my heart grew by leaps and bounds. My male, my love we had talked and made plans on where we would be going from here after he had come home. In his mind he knew that this would have been successful there was no other option for him.

The word sorry broke through as I had fought for a breath, my world was spinning and I knew that Wrath meant it. You could hear everything in that one word. I tried to not be, but I was angry at him. At Rehv, and every fighter who was supposed to be there. Even the female they went after. Because of them all I was going to have to raise my young alone. At this moment it mattered little to me that they all were aware of the risks. This was my Hellren we were having this show over.

The silence was deafening and slowly I managed to raise my head. Looking to our King through blurry reddened eyes I had a question, one I knew he would understand more than Bella.] How, how do you manage to keep going on? [I knew I needed to, for my young but right now I just could not figure out how.] @PurebredMthrFkr

Wrath: Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I didn’t have much of an answer for Ehlena. “Honestly, I don’t have a very good answer for that. I haven’t done much of a bang up job in that department.” I thought back to the conversation I had with Bitty a few hours earlier. “Moment by moment?” It was definitely a question, not a statement. Day by day never seemed to work for me, at least not in the beginning. It always seemed way too fucking long of a wait to get to the end of them.

The other thing that wasn’t lost on me was the ever-so-slight sharpness to her tone. Her anger was seeping through with the nearly inaudible inflection to her voice. Not that I blamed her for it. Shit! She had every right. That was what, step one of grief, or maybe it was two? Mary told them all to me once, but I can never remember their order. Not to mention the fact that, hello? Big fucking bonehead over here was the one that sent her hellren straight to his death. No wonder at all that she’s feeling a little twitchy toward me.

Fuck! I hated these things. I did send him to his death. I closed my eyes behind my dark wraparounds and took a deep breath. How was I going to move forward? Continue sending all these warriors off to die? How many had we lost already? How many more did we need to lose before something gave? How many more times was I going to send someone to their death before this whole war was going to turn around for us? Would it turn around for us? What other option did I have? It wasn’t like we could run. Where would we go? And what exactly would that accomplish, anyway? At least now we had Lyric. The Omega couldn’t continue to build up his army without her. So, there was that.

But, I was getting off on a tangent inside my own mind. This meeting wasn’t about me and my own shortcomings. I would have to deal with those later. This was about Ehlena and Bella. “All I can tell you is we,” once again motioning to the Brotherhood, “will be here for whatever you need, and I don’t care if it’s 2 in the afternoon and you need someone to beat the shit out of, we will be there.” Clearing my throat, I jumped back into the technicalities of the meeting, “As for any legal issues that you should need handled, Nalla, Saxton, and I will take care of them for you. We will also cover any and all costs of the Fade ceremony. Moving forward, Ehlena, Bella, you are family. Anything you need, please, come to me.” @BellaAhgony

Bella: *I nodded and hugged Ehlena tighter.* All of us have lost someone this past century. We all feel the loss as if they were our own, Ehlena. We can only pray that they are happier and connected with other lost members in The Fade. Rehv would have wanted us to be strong and not drown in sadness and guilt. He loved you so much and wouldn’t want you to dwell in the “what if”.

*Though I heard myself speak the words, I wondered if I believed them. All I could feel was my grief and heartache. But I needed to be strong for Ehlena, as a hellren is the heart of all shellans.* Do you need Z and I to help you break the news to the kids? We can be there with you every step of the way. Whatever you need. Nalla already knows as she was with me earlier.

*I took the tissues that Zsadist handed me and gave them to Ehlena and waiting patiently as she composed herself. She looked so lost … very much how I felt but I knew we would get through this. I put my hand over Z’s on my shoulder and squeezed his hand and he reassuringly squeezed back.* @EternalEhlena

Ehlena: [There were no more tears left to fall, it didn’t matter if I was wanting to cry again. I knew that Wrath was trying and I could feel the fact that he was struggling with this as well. I did not want to be in his shoes as he had to go through telling anyone else left the same news I had just received. Bringing a hand up to wipe what water that was left on my face, knowing it did nothing to help me as it was. Moment by moment. That might be something easily enough to do. For now I had to focus on my young, they were expecting to see their father here soon before the night ended.

I took the offered tissues, using them to help clean what a mess I must have looked like. Taking a breath I shook my head, wanting to clear all the negative thoughts that were floating around inside of it. Rehv was gone, he knew the risks. While the end result was the worst for his family, he went out in a way that was kind of fitting for him. Fighting, for what he felt was right and helping a Chosen that was needing to be brought back. I felt bad for not yet asking about her, I hoped she was at least now back where she was supposed to be.]

Wrath, you have done all that was asked of you, my Hellen knew what he was getting into when he agreed to go on this mission. He did keep his word of returning, even if I have to prepare a Fade Ceremony for him. I do appreciate the offer of help and will be needing it I think. [Pausing I took another breath and looked to Bella.] I think it is best that I be the one to tell them, but please stay around in case I may need you. [This was not going to be easy, and it was now just the beginning of where my family would be going from here.]

[bellaahgony]

More Casualties ... More Heartbreak

Bella: *Sitting in the library reading a book trying to focus on anything other than my worry. The rescue mission that the Brotherhood was executing was basically a suicide mission at best. Sketchy intel, not a lot of resources and new recruits was an unpredictable combination. But we needed to put a stop to this new race. Rescuing Lyric was crucial and mission critical … without the blood source, the Omega couldn’t keep creating this abomination walking the earth.

Zsadist had been on edge all day waiting for the sun to go down. I don’t think either of us slept. He was in the gym with the others prepping while I was trying to keep myself from agonizing over the multiple different outcomes. Right before he left, I handed him my Tiffany’s Diamonds by the Yard, the one that has always been lucky for us. He looked down at the necklace and when he looked up, his citron eyes focused on me for just a brief moment … something I haven’t seen in quite a while and promised to make it back to me.

My phone dings and I shake my head from the memory and and I see it's a message from Ehlena to report to the PT Suite asap, the rescue team was returning. My heart was beating out of my chest and I left the library and made my way down the hall, beneath the staircase and through the underground passage.*

Nalla: *Running through the training center towards the clinic, my bare feet slapping loudly on the floor as I go, I try not to outright panic. Aunt Jane hadn’t mentioned any casualties when she called me, and there is no reason to automatically assume the worst - except that this had been no ordinary mission, no regular night out on rotation, had it?

I think back to all those countless nights I’ve watched LW get dressed for fighting, sitting on our bed watching him pull on all that leather, strap on all those various weapons. He’d always come over and kiss me before he left, a little moment of peace before heading out into the brutality and violence of this war. I’d always been strangely comforted by those deadly tools, knowing that they, along with his own formidable skills and those of the Brotherhood as a whole, gave him the best chance possible of coming home to me and Uncle Wrath each time. But deep down I’d always been afraid of him being hurt, of the night I knew would eventually come, sooner or later. The night when I would learn that we would have no more of those moments, that I would never see my hellren again this side of the Fade. Was this that night? Oh, please, no … I can’t bear the thought of losing him, or my father. Any of my family.

The first person I see when I burst through the doors leading into the clinic is @BellaAhgony, coming in through the tunnel from the manse. I skid to a stop in front of her and throw my arms around her.* Mahmen! Do you know what’s going on? Who’s hurt?

Zsadist: The drive back to the compound seemed to take fucking forever. The whole mission played over and over in my mind. Shit! Blay, Novo, Baldassare… the list went on, and that didn’t even account for all the injured. No one knew if John Matthew was going to make it home, let alone through his injuries. Parry was another one that was pretty much touch and go. I wasn’t sure the PT suite was going to be able to handle this many wounded. We were going to end up having to go old school and spread out onto the gym floor. It would be all hands on deck: those that could help would, and get attended to themselves, after.

As we pulled into the garage, the ambulance had already arrived and brought JM down to Manny and Jane. LW and Rhage were working on getting more of the injured out of the trucks and down there, as well. V was barking orders at anyone that would listen, and some of the females of the house were assembling near the entry to the tunnels, looking for some way to help, and probably looking for their mates.

I jumped in and began to help with the wounded. A lot were really bad off. I hadn’t realized how many on V’s team had also gotten badly injured. The whole mission had been an all-around clusterfuck! The truck with the dead had been parked off to the side, out of the way. I walked over and took a peek inside. Usually not much phases me but, looking in and seeing all those bodies piled on top of each other in order to fit into the back of the truck, something exploded inside. This was all so fucking wrong! That’s when I noticed it. The top of one of the dead’s head. A mohawk peeking out. Goddamnit, Rehv! How was I going to tell my nallas that he didn’t make it home? I slammed my fist into the side of the truck. I didn’t want to do this! I didn’t want to be the one that told Bella and Nalla that their brother/uncle had passed unto the Fade. I don’t know if Bella was going to be able to handle all the loss. I sure as hell knew I wasn’t handling any of it very well.

Looking over my shoulder at V, “You all good here? I need to find my nallas and let them know Rehv is gone before they overhear it from someone else.”

He nodded. “Sure, man.”

Turning around, I stalked down the hall to find Bella and Nalla. @BellaAhgony

Bella: *I held on to Nalla tightly as I sent prayers to the heavens that everyone was alright.* I’m not sure of anything except the text I received a few moments ago. Let’s go find out.

*We quickly got into the line with the others as we given various orders from Manny, Jane, V and Ehlena. Over the years, they had to hire additional a doggen to help triage and help with injuries so that Manny, Jane and V could focus on the surgeries. V was basically a doctor, over the years being with Jane he studied more and was thrown into real world scenarios daily. The PT suite was chaos as the shellans and Chosen were running back and forth with medical supplies and providing blood to the injured males to help accelerate the healing process.

From the corner of my eye, LW and Rhage was bringing in some of the injured soldiers who could not walk on their own into the gym where the patients were overflowing into. I could see that Nalla found LW and I felt such profound relief ... I never wanted Nalla to ever to feel the pain of loss. But as time passed, my heart started to palpitate and my anxiety spiked as I could not find Zsadist among the injured. Where was he? Dearest Scribe … please no. We’ve lost so many over the years … another stab in the heart with each death. I knew that inevitably it would stop completely if he was gone from this world.*

Nalla: *I nod at mahmen’s words, and follow her as she enters the madness in the clinic to see what we can do to help. Soon enough, I’m carrying blankets and towels, bandages and bottles of water around, from the supply closets into the various patient rooms and the gym, since that’s where the overflow of patients were being taken. As I walk out of the gym for the fourth or fifth time, I see LW and Uncle Rhage helping carry an injured male inside. Who it is I don’t know, since he’s covered in blood and unconscious, his head hanging down.

My knees almost buckle with relief when I see my hellren - if he’s helping to get the wounded inside, surely he can’t be too badly hurt himself, right?? I hurry over to him as they lay the wounded male on a stretcher, and take his hands as he turns to me, wanting to hug him but also not wanting to risk hurting him since I didn’t know where or how badly he might be hurt. He was having none of that, though, and pulled me tightly into his arms. I buried my face in his neck and stifled a sob, and I heard him murmuring reassurances in my ear. Then he pulls away and says that there are others he needs to help get inside and he’d see me later, after that was done and he got himself looked over by the docs just to be sure that he was all good. I nod and kiss him, then turn to see my father coming into the clinic. Another wave of relief hits me - until I see his expression. Something was very wrong, but what? Dread settling like lead in my stomach, I begin to make my way over to him, but change course slightly when he spots mahmen and starts to walk over towards her. This was not going to be good, I just know it …

Zsadist: The time it took to walk from the garage to the PT suite passed in an instant, and by the time I arrived and saw my love and my young, I barely had a chance to process a portion of what I needed to tell them. So much horrible crap had happened this evening but, nothing compared to having to tell these two people, that are my entire world, that someone they love so dearly did not make it back with me. I couldn’t even tell them what happened to him. He had been in the other group, with V. All I knew was what I saw, and that was Rehv’s body, in the middle of the pile of dead bodies, in the back of one of the SUVs … and he was definitely dead.

The first thing I did was wrap my arms around both Bella and Nalla, encompassing them with all the love I had. It may have been selfish but, it could have been me that didn’t make it back and to be able to hold those two again was the best feeling in the world. I swear, if I hadn’t felt Nalla pull back a little, I might have held on forever. But, she had always been perceptive, and she knew there was something wrong. So, slowly I backed off, lowering my hands to grab ahold of one of each of theirs.

With an enormous lump in my throat, I revealed the bad news, “Rehv didn’t make it.” I wasn’t good with words and didn’t know how to sugar coat it. There were probably a million and one better ways to have said it but, that was what had come out. @BellaAhgony

Bella: *I got to work quickly and started hanging out supplies to the various soldiers and Brothers that were near me and assisting where I could. I learned over the years, simpler tasks such as stitching, suturing and the like … just in case. Z, had me practice on his stitches if only to end my nagging him to go to Manny or Jane to seek medical help. He couldn’t be bothered sometimes. Shaking my head of my wayward thoughts before they went further down that path. I was helping bandage a wound when I finally caught sight of Z walking into the PT Suite.

I feel all my insides sigh in relief that he has made it home in one piece. No one is saying very much but with all the bodies and the large area of the PT Suite and Medical Bay … it’s difficult to know who is where. But as soon as his obsidian eyes catch mine … I notice that they don’t turn canary yellow in recognition as they would normally. Shit. Somethings wrong … really wrong.

All the muscles in my body are tightly strung out again and I’m rooted in the spot where I stand. Absently mindlessly noticed that Nalla has join us as Z finally is close enough to touch me and we all both engulfed in a bear hug. I hug my hellren tight … drawing from his strength to hear the news. All sorts of faces race through my mind. We all knew that this was a dangerous mission with casualties. Over the years, the losses have stacked more and more. Pieces of my heart broken each time the news came. Beth, Butch, Layla, Qhuinn … then Phury … it’s been so hard on everyone. With the loss of his twin, Zsadist’s reaction and his emotions and feelings were at the forefront of my concerns … I lost weight worrying about him. Sometimes I still anticipating Armageddon delayed reaction.

But as his words finally break through the fog of my mind and it’s woolgathering … my heart just stops completely. I cannot speak, I cannot breathe, I cannot hear … the thundering in my ears as my brain tries to comprehend his simple statement is taking over my body and mind.

Rooster … my blooded brother is gone. My protector, my provider, my advisor… he was my everything when I had been a child and then when I was growing up. Until Z took his place. But he was always there for me still, my mating ceremony, the birth of Nalla, when mahmen went into the Fade. Now he has left this world to join her as well.

The pain is excruciating as it robs me of all my senses and I find myself ground in Z’s lap. I can barely hear him calling my name as the agony sweeps through me. Dearest Scribe, Ehlena … the kids. They’re all going to be devastated. In the moment, I’m glad that we are in the PT suite away from the Medical Bay where I saw her just moments ago assisting Manny in surgery. The kids are back inside the Manse. Fuck. We have to tell them. We have to tell her. Scribe.

Nalla: *When Dad pulls mahmen and I into his arms, I hold on for a moment, so glad that he made it home. But then I start to pull back, wanting to ask him what the trouble was- and that’s when he dropped the news bomb on us. “Rehv didn’t make it.” Amazing how five little syllables can have such a profound impact, be so life-changing… I feel like someone sucker punched me in the gut. I pull my hand out of Dad’s and wrap my arms around my middle, bending over and suddenly feeling like I can’t breathe. My uncle had always seemed so big and strong, so untouchable. Larger than life, even. With his huge build and amethyst eyes and “you really don’t wanna fuck with me” attitude, some might’ve found him unsettling, maybe even terrifying. But to me, he’d always equaled love and strength and safety. Home. He was very much like my dad in that way. How can it be possible that he’s just gone now, just like that? I find myself sliding down a bare stretch of wall to sit on the floor as countless memories flood through my brain. Riding around the manse on Uncle Rehv’s shoulders, laughing and tugging on his Mohawk as we went along, and hearing him laugh when I called him Uncle Rooster. Him looking on as I ran around the gardens or the billiards room playing with my cousins. Being picked up in his arms and comforted when I fell down and scraped my knee or my elbow, before being sat back down on my feet and encouraged to keep going. Watching on, both amused and a little scared, when he gave his symphath uncle version of the “Dad Talk” to LW when we first started dating- warning him exactly what would happen to him should he ever break my heart.

Then a terrible thought hits me. Auntie Ehlena and my cousins! Did they know yet? I doubted it. Aunt Ehlena was likely tied up in one of the surgical suites, and no one would want to take her attention away from helping a critically injured patient to tell her something like this in the middle of an emergency surgery. And I didn’t remember seeing her kids around anywhere here in the chaos in the clinic. Which meant that they were probably still up in the manse, and it was unlikely that anyone had spared the time away from tending the wounded to go track them down to break the news. Standing up on shaky legs, I look down at my parents- who had been sitting next to me with mahmen curled up crying in dad’s lap- and said that I’d go find my cousins and tell them about this, before they heard it through the general rumor mill. Sweet Scribe, was that really my voice, sounding so shaky and broken? Keeping myself steady with one hand on the wall, I turn to start making my way down the tunnel to the manse. I would get through this nightmare encounter with my beloved blooded cousins, and then I would go find my hellren so that I could curl up in his arms and cry for a week.

Zsadist: I watched Bella and Nalla closely as I broke the news of Rehv to them. Tact and I had obviously never met, as evidenced in the way by which I told them of Rehv’s departure into the fade. It was as if I was using a sledgehammer to hit a nail home. Sometimes, I really didn’t know how they put up with me. I could tell it took a minute for the words to sink in with Bella, but when they did, you would have thought I took that sledgehammer to her heart. Her knees buckled and I barely made it down to catch her and pull her into my lap. Her body seemed so tiny and fragile as I engulfed her in my embrace. I ran my fingers through her hair as she rested her head on my chest and cried, the tears soaking my already bloodstained shirt.

Next, it was Nalla, sliding down the wall next to us in bewilderment. These were the moments I wanted to shield them from. These were the times I wished I had never allowed myself to love. If I hadn’t let Bella in, she never would have had to deal with all this shit, and Nalla wouldn’t have ever grown up in a life where every time you turned around, someone else you loved moved onto the fade. Then again, if it hadn’t been me, it would have been my twin. A low growl emanated from my gut at the thought of Bella and Phury, together. And, if it had been him, she would have lost him long ago and still been in this situation. Or worse, she might not have ever been rescued from her kidnapping.

These and others were the strange thoughts whirled around in my brain. Either way, life had taken us all in this direction and now, once more, we had lost someone dear.

Nalla began to stand up and I looked up from the trance I had been in to see if she was okay, and where she was going. Reaching up, I grabbed her hand to squeeze it, and as she mentioned breaking the news to her cousins, I held on, suddenly my warrior side kicking into action. “Nalla, wait. Wrath will want to do that, once Ehlena has a chance to stabilize the critical patients. Those patients need Ehlena right now and if she hears about your uncle before she’s finished, she won’t be able to do her work. Also, Ehlena will want to be with your cousins when they hear. Okay?”

Nalla: *I stop walking and look down, almost in a daze, as my sire holds onto my hand. I hear the words he says, and as they sink in I realize their sense. Of course, Aunt Ehlena would want to be with her young when they hear that their father has gone until the Fade. And it would probably be best if Uncle Wrath, or someone else with more details than I did about exactly what had happened, broke the news. I leaned against the wall, unsure what to do now. I can’t just sit here and wait for LW to find me again, I have to do something. But what? I could go up to Uncle Wrath’s study and do some paperwork to keep me busy- heaven knows that there’s usually more than enough for him and Saxton and I to deal with! But no, if I run into my cousins in the manse they’ll know something is wrong, and I know them. They wouldn’t stop nagging me until I tell them what it is. I also can’t bear the idea of sitting still right now, just typing things up and staring into a computer screen. I have to move. I would also prefer to stay nearby, in the clinic, so that rules out another workout in the training center’s gym. So, back to helping with supplies it is. I nod at my dad and lay a hand on mahmen’s shoulder.* Look after mahmen, ok? I’ll see you later, after things settle down a little bit. I’m going to go keep helping here… *I turn in the opposite direction, back into the clinic, and go to pick up the next load of supplies needed to be taken to the gym.*

Zsadist: Watching as Nalla contemplates my request, I pull Bella close. Her weeping shatters my heart and I wish I could go back to earlier in the evening and do everything so differently. Maybe, if I had stood up to Wrath and V, letting them know that I was more than just a follow behind, that I was a leader and should be treated as such, maybe then I could have changed things? I could have made sure there was better coverage.

I knew I was grasping at straws. I had become in charge when John Matthew fell and it didn’t make a damn bit of difference. Blay had died, and Parry had come so close. I was a total fuckup! Wrath was right not to put me in charge of anything. I probably would have gotten us all killed. Not that that was any comfort now. Our family was gone and I wouldn’t blame Bella or Nalla if they threw all their condemnation at me.

Bella’s heart was racing, as I heard her lungs hitch from the sobs. Rubbing her back as I clutched her to my body was all I could do. I was so fucking useless! I barely heard Nalla’s words through the fog in my head but, as they registered, I nodded in response. “I will. I’m going to take her upstairs, let her lie down for a while. Keep us posted on the others, okay?” Nalla nodded back and walked quietly down the corridor.

Gently, I stood up from the floor with Bella in my arms. She was in no condition to be down here, among the commotion of people rushing everywhere, trying to take care of the injured, and honestly, neither was I. So, with Bella scooped up in my embrace, I turned and headed for the manse.

[bellaahgony]

Hopes

*Over the years it has been getting harder and harder to survive the tragedies that have befallen the Brotherhood Compound. With the loss of Tohr, Butch, Qhuinn, Layla and even Phury … it was getting harder and harder to keep moving on as I watched Zsadist spirling into an emotional abyss. Eyes as black as coal seem to make more of appearance then his beautiful canary yellow.

The death of Beth was hard for everyone. Especially Zsadist, I knew he blamed himself. We all knew it was the fault of the Omega but he wouldn’t hear reason. He had become so distant as of late, working out at the gym, patrolling or teaching classes. I barely ever saw him except sometimes during meals and during the day … though I knew he barely slept.

He hadn’t talked to Mary in so long … he has been keeping it all bottled up inside I could see the storm brewing. Without his brother … I wasn’t sure what outlet, if any, he was using. I knew that it was only a matter of time before something unholy was unleashed and I could only pray that it would during a battle and wouldn’t destroy the male I loved.

Over the many years, the shellans in the household were training with #Xhex and #Payne in order to protect ourselves and the children if the need should ever arise. After the first death so many years ago … we knew that no where was safe. We all had to protect ourselves while the Brothers and the soldiers protected the race and the King. We all had a part in this war. Some more so than others. So much pain, so much loss … we were all trying to survive and move forward.

Every few nights, when off from #SafePlace and when my hellren was on patrol. Myself and a few others practiced at the shooting range and went through drill after drill with various weapons to hone our skills sometimes sparring with the trainees demonstrating our own skills of combat. All in hopes of ending this war and being free.