Bella and her stories

19 Indonesian. In love with books, kids, cat, music, nature and stars. 

[bellasaurusxoxo-blog]

-\ hello, 2020.

Hai. Apakah dirimu yang membaca ini ada di tahun 2040? Apakah Tumblr suatu saat akan mati laiknya multiply dahulu? Apakah tulisan-tulisan ini akan hangus? Apakah karena itulah seharusnya dari sekarang aku membeli domain .com ?

Postingan ini egosentris, ini tentangku.

Hai, life. 2019... sudah berlalu, dan aku mencatat banyak pelajaran, sama seperti awal tahun 2020 ini, yang dimulai dengan banyak berita duka. 2019, yang kuingat adalah tangis, kesalahan-kesalahanku, kenangan manis, sementara 2020 mulai terasa sangat pahit. pembelajaran yang berharga.

2020. dua target akademisku di luar sekolah yang kuharapkan terwujud sampai di bulan september. prosesnya nikmat sekali dan adalah penawar resahku.

2020. tahun di mana aku merasa mulai mati rasa dan berenang di lautan yang tak kukenali. namun berhasil menyedot perhatianku, dan lagi-lagi mengalihkan pikiranku dari luka, sungguh merupakan penyelamatku (meski di sisi lain membuatku kelimpungan).

2020, tanggung jawab yang berusaha kupelajari dan kujalani lebih baik lagi.

Aku pasti akan jatuh, seperti orang-orang lain yang menempuh jalan ini. Itu syarat yang wajib dilalui. Tapi aku ingin jatuh seaman mungkin.

Gusti, tolong bantu hamba-Mu ini ya...

tolong jadikan ia orang yang mampu menghargai ilmu, murid yang baik, dan mampu membantu orangtua. Amin! Amin paling serius!

[bellasaurusxoxo-blog]

How an infj-entp love feels like :

Entp female : "How could he show such affection in front of other people "

*conversation for hours*

*infj teases entp*

*infj grows flowers inside entp lungs*

*entp shocked by infj's extreme deep stare*

*entp gives freedom*

*infj suddenly disappears for days letting entp confused*

*entp learn it's how he cope and feel at ease*

*entp and infj both being busy*

*entp and infj cannot find time to meet*

*help each other to grow*

*water each other*

*entp hurts infj feeling and not realising*

*entp making poker face everytime*

*entp making poker face when she's touched or melted or happy*

*infj over helping people*

*infj will say yes to anything*

*entp reads A TON OF to improve her emotional intelligence, infj needs no effort*

*infj manipulating emotions*

*entp manipulating mind*

*infj wearing entp's deepest-hidden side as his skin*

*deep talk*

[bellasaurusxoxo-blog]

Enough for me -

You are enough in my eyes

For I have imagined

all of the sins you might have done,

And

You,

Never did such great dissappointment to me

Its just you being too hard to yourself

Like me being hard to myself

( well I havent done good and I knew it ) ( same cases with you, right? )

my besties dontcha know,

such a good heart like you wont fall through,

I'm building the better,

For us, for us

Every day, every day,

And so are you,

We are building this together,

And I'm sorry if sometimes I'm too focused on it,

But I really want you to know,

you can poke me anytime you want,

There's no such thing as disturbance

No no no,

You matter, to me

Tell your pain to me,

Darling dont you hold it by yourself

But , do you know, how cold a person I am,

How insensitive I could be,

And how cruel I am,

Especially with my words,

And how hard it is for me to understand other people's feelings ?

( do you know the efforts I've put to become this soft-spoken? ) 😅

So please give me the capture of these words,

When I was blinded by my nature and ego,

So I might remember my words to you.

But anytime you need time,

To be alone,

I won't bother.

Even if it is better for you to leave me,

My luv, it's okay

There's nothing I would force,

Not a thing

[bellasaurusxoxo-blog]

How to know yourself

Aku hanya sebuah fase

Akan segera berlalu

Karena itu

Aku mau selesaikan masalah masalahku

Yang dititipkan padaku semenjak aku dilahirkan

Sebagai paket yang sebenarnya mungkin bisa kupecahkan

Meski memang butuh berpuluh tahun

Pembelajaran

Gagal, coba lagi

Gagal, coba lagi

Agar dalam singkat hidupku

Tak kutunda dan kusesali nanti

Akan kuhadapi

Aku mau akui kekuranganku

Kekurangan latar belakang dan orang orang di hidupku

Aku mau mencari jalan

Bagaimana agar aku bisa tenang

Bagaimana agar aku bisa mengerti diriku

Bagaimana agar aku bisa menerima

Diriku dan orang orang di hidupku

Caranya butuh ilmu

Semua demi ketenangan

Karna aku ingin tersenyum sungguhan

Aku tak mau lagi mengatakan hal hal kosong yang tak kurasakan

Aku tak mau membohongi diriku lagi

Dan mungkin aku mampu

Asalkan kuhadapi

Meski pelan pelan

Meski kata orang orang, perjalanannya sakit

Tapi mereka berhasil

Aku pun mungkin akan berhasil

Nanti

Kurasakan nanti

Mungkin enam tahun lagi

Tergantung seberapa banyak aku mencari sumber

Aku mau berendah diri meminta arahan

Aku mau mendengarkan

Orang orang yang lebih bijak dariku

Dan mengerti lebih banyak dariku

Orang orang yang lebih tulus dariku

Aku mau berjalan di bawah terik demi mendapat nasihat

Aku mau diam dan mendengarkan

Menuruti dan melakukan

Diriku,

Engkau dibekali oleh Pencipta

Hal hal magis yang tak mudah dimengerti

Perjalanan mengenal diriku

Akan memakan waktu bertahun tahun

Akan membutuhkan banyak penjelasan

Buku buku akan bertumpukan

Aku harus menceburkan diri ke tempat tempat asing yang tak nyaman

Aku harus melakukan hal yang menakutkan sebanyak tiga puluh kali

Aku harus melakukan hal yang tidak kubisa tiga puluh kali

Aku harus mengeja alfabet Mandarin seperti anak bayi ketika orang orang di sekelilingku maju

Tidak apa apa

Aku adalah fase

Akan segera layu dan tiada

Hanya sekerjap mata bagi semesta

Apa di kala tua aku akan menyesal

Tak kunjung memahami diri

Kecuali apa yang terlihat oleh mata

Aku benar benar akan segera hilang dan digantikan

Waktuku tidak banyak

Aku tak mau menyesal

[bellasaurusxoxo-blog]

dark thought phase

And if I could choose, I'll choose not to be born.

Far from human, I'm more like an evil thingy. I want people to dissappear. I know some people will do more good if they did so. I don't need them, although all I do is... Practicing what the world has teach me lately, how to treat others more humanly.

But I'm not happy. Surrounded by morons get the hell out of me. So I guess. .. I need to build my own space. Where there is no noise, there is no interruptions, where there are empty spaces and healthy fruits. The walls will be painted in white or light blue, ah, maybe light blue, I love how by looking at that color calms me down. I need to work on it... A lot.

So many scene where I wish I could pull a trigger to my brain and my heart at the same time.

[bellasaurusxoxo-blog]

What's going to happen if we are not going to ended up together (1)

You and I will be broken. I know you pretty well and you wouldnt want that to happen. You have that kind of damn hard loyalty, same as me, but, I'm just more emotionally uneasily hurt that kind of people, who rarely feel anything.

And you loved me deep, and I love that I'm not the only one doing that.

I love how kind and complex you are and how extremely warm yet how cold are you inside.

But you know whaaat?

I support you to find new girl, and new, and new, and new! Better girl. Prettier. Smarter. Kinder. Wiser.

I will never force anybody to accept me. It's me who do the choice : rather if I choose you and I'll see if you are willing to accept me or not.

I have so many clear details of someone I'd choose as a partner in life, and sometimes the list are changing, I used to think I need someone like me (adventurous guys are DAMN COOL right) but I think about you and of course you'd be better for me.

First you inspire me, and enchant me, unintentionally, and now since we've grown out together for not a short time, I have changed a lot since the first time you met me, and... I kinda think that I've change for the better... You affect me to become way more human you know, and have that kind of depth, and teaches me to become way more kinder with my feelings AND OTHER FEELINGS (things I used to be soooooooooooo stupid on) !!!...

[bellasaurusxoxo-blog]

People said, tumblr are for deep people. I am not deep. I am shallow in big, hundred lakes. You might be a deep ocean. That's wonderful.

How I present my COME BACK TO TUMBLR post. I forgot my blogspot password. Holy

[bellasaurusxoxo-blog]

why i look good on pic when im at the kucelest

[bellasaurusxoxo-blog]