A Belle for Her

Les-bee-an

[belleforher]

Molly was born September 4th, 2006 and today, July 15th, 2026, I had to say goodbye to her for now.

I cannot and will not ever stop missing her and loving her, appreciating every year, every moment I got to spend with her. She protected me against everything, despite her tiny size. It really was love at first sight when she came to our house in Tracy at just 2 months old when I was 8. She was absolutely adorable with a head bigger than her body and a habit of licking that never stopped. She was my soulmate, my partner in life and my baby. I am grateful I got 2 doggy lifetimes worth of years with her, but it doesn’t make her absence any easier.

This was one of the most heartbreaking days of my life, but also one of the greatest as I got to take her to the park where she ran for the first time in years, got to let her try a chocolate drizzled pup cup, and got to hold her for her final breaths, telling her how much I love her and how she will be my baby forever.

[belleforher]

Idk what’s scarier: a class whose entire grade is based off 100 total points for 4 months, or one based off of a total 4,000 points over 7 weeks.

[belleforher]

My gay ass is tearing up as the draft picks roll in for the San Jose women’s hockey team like I’m so proud of these women 🥹

[belleforher]

Happy Pride! My gf and I kicked it off having sex at midnight and planning our anniversary trip this month. 💕

Ngl though, I have a strangeeee feeling she’s planning something 👀 She made part of the plans with her best friend who lives in the city we’re going to so we can all meet up and hangout a bit. They made reservations at a winery I had ZERO involvement in, and while friend is coming along with her camera to take photos of us, the husband is coming later for dinner.

But I also feel she may just be putting in extra effort bc I planned our last anniversary so now it’s her turn 🥰 UGH I love her so much it’s pretty crazy how different life is with her.

[belleforher]

Hot take: The Wasian meetups are a weird fucking way of further celebrating proximity to whiteness and it’s why brown/darker colored Wasian people end up excluded. Bc wtf do mean India isn’t part of Asia you middle school dropout

[belleforher]

It is day 2 of preparing for finals week and I’m both overloaded with severely misplaced confidence and dreading this week will determine the course of my life for the next year.

Stats final: it’s a retake, I have an A in the class right now, but still want to review the practice exam (haven’t started). Exam in 3 days.

Econ final: B- in the class. Most exam questions are conceptual, but few mathematical. I have the most confidence in this one. Exam in 2 days.

Biology: A in the class. Lab practical exam in 2 days, short answer only. Need to review prior lab experiment protocols. Cumulative Final exam in 4 days. Definitely need to review day prior.

Chemistry: C in the class. I hate this professor so damn much. Majority of the final will be on Electrochemistry and Nuclear Chem, 1/3rd being review material. Trying to focus on mastering the electro/nuclear then need to HEAVILY review acid-base equilibrium and reaction orders. I need a C at the very bare minimum - I cannot afford a D in this class, it will set me back a whole year.

[belleforher]

I just got hit with such a visceral disgUST at remembering how absolutely insufferable my ex was after taking a semester of philosophy. Even halfway through, not even before finishing the class, she gained such an ego around it and it just gave me such an ick even back then. She absolutely acted like she thought she was the smartest person in the room and therefore better than everyone else. Like I get being proud of academic achievement and I'm big on not shitting on people for how their brilliance manifests, but the "smarter than you and better than you" act just made her seem dumber than I thought.

[belleforher]

New memory: I picked her up from class once and she was lecturing me about her philosophy stuff so I zoned out looking out the window and she got mad at me thinking I was staring at a pretty girl who walked past. Bruh. The next class I pick her up from she tells me about two girls flirting with her and hitting on her who she failed to mention she was in a relationship to 💀 why tf did I ever put up with that???

[belleforher]

Life has been busy but I’ve been managing it

I get up early to take care of my fur children and go for a run with Gravy

I get back and study before work if I have the time

I get to work, handle any situation that comes up, and do more school work on my breaks/lunch

After work, my 30 ‘min commute becomes 1-2 hours thanks to traffic

I get home, take Gravy out to play, come back, do more studying, cook dinner, try to get some laundry/cleaning done.

If it’s a school day, I’m at school from 8am until 9 or 10pm. Weekends are for study review and getting assignments done.

[belleforher]

Now throwing in Krav Maga and MMA after work until around 7-8pm + meal prepping for both my gf and I.

[belleforher]

I refuse to go anywhere near a timing belt

[belleforher]

I got accepted to my dream Pharmacy School’s tech to RPh program and I cried like a little bitty baby :’)

[belleforher]

Had an interesting convo with my gf about past relationships.

My first ex had a history of cheating and I still dated her. My second ex had a history of emotional cheating and I still dated her. My current gf has a history of physical and emotional cheating and I still dated her.

My two exes did end up cheating on me. Why did I still give my gf a chance? She wanted to know.

I have experienced much worse things in life from people closer to me and watched them grow into completely different people down the road. A persons experiences can shape how they grow, but it does not define them. Patterns do.

My first ex cheated on me once, got herpes from it, and lost the one person who supported her in everything she pursued in life. Hopefully she’s learned not to cheat on her partners. I was not going to make her cheating on me become a repeated pattern.

My second ex cheated on me once, and lost the woman she wanted to be married to and have children with. Hopefully she’s learned not to cheat on her partners. I refused to let her make cheating on me become a pattern.

My current gf has never cheated on me and I don’t expect her to, the same way I didn’t expect my exes to cheat on me. If she decides to cheat on me, she will lose the woman she and everyone in her life knows to be her soulmate. She will regret it for the rest of her life, the same if not more than she regretted cheating on her past partners, the way my exes regretted cheating on me and their other past partners.

I’m not scared about a partner cheating on me. If someone wants to cheat, they’re going to cheat whether I want them to or not. The only thing in my power is to leave the second that they do and take away all the love and respect I’d ever offered. It all goes off the table.

I know I have been the best partner I could possibly be, because even a year after no contact, each of my exes still came back, begging for that second chance that doesn’t exist. It’s not my ego, it’s not conceitedness, and it’s not arrogance. I treated all my partners with respect and care they didn’t receive from anyone else. Maybe they’ll find someone later who does, and hopefully they’ve learned their lesson about treating them well.

If a partner cheats on me, it’s not the end of my world, but it’s always the end of theirs.

In the same vein, being scared and obsessing over stopping someone from cheating is just gonna push them more towards doing so. If they want to, they will, and no amount of surveillance and testing them will change that. If the person they currently are is someone who cheats, they will cheat and they will be left in the dust.

[belleforher]

Brb crying bc my gf’s little niece is turning 4 and cried on the phone about how much she misses both of us and wishes we could be there for her birthday 🥲

[belleforher]

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

Did I tell you about the Halloween party me and my gf went to and while me and our mutual friend are inside talking, my gf is talking outside with two dude about her tattoos and piercings. She mentioned wanting her septum for a long time but waiting till she was single to get it. They asks the obvious question, why?

She held off bc she was worried about eating someone out while it was healing.

These guys laughed and said “It wouldn’t get infected, it’s not like you’re sticking your nose in it”

My gf was BAFFLED. Befuddled. Flabbers had been ghasted.

WTF DO YE MEAN YUR NOT GETTIN UR NOSE WET WEN YA EATIN COOCH?!?

I feel sorry for any woman who ends up in bed with either of them.

[belleforher]

People keep asking when I plan on having kids, and honestly, I don’t. I’ve been super clear with my gf I do not want children and she feels the same way. I used to be on the fence about it with my last ex, but I’m so sure of my decision now - not because of anything against my gf, but because I love my pets to death, love my gf to death, and absolutely love my current life - I don’t want it being upended by a child.

[belleforher]

Guess who’s back to training in MMA??? 😀

It’s been literally 10 years and I haven’t felt my calves this sore in a LONG time, but oh my god I loved being able to jump right back into it like I never stopped. Like riding a bike, I went into my stances and did my footwork and combos without even thinking about it.

My gf has been in Krav before but not anything else, so we’re working on it together and it’s been so much fun! I remember my first ex coming to see me train and she thought it was dumb afterwards. My second ex tried to learn from me but she just got frustrated that she wasn’t getting it. My gf has been patient, vocal on what she knows she needs help with, and has been such a good sport!

Everyone at the class was generally really nice, except one who was just rude af to me bc my combos I’ve learned follow different numbers and she got irritated. Other than that, it’s been nice getting back into my element and ngl very reassuring hearing it immediately from the instructors in the first minute they recognized I had prior experience.

I hope I can keep carving out time for this and stay on top of school work + actual work 💀

[belleforher]

I have my little personal finsta account where it’s just me and only me - no followers, just a little photo diary I keep bc phone storage is expensive.

But bc I don’t follow or have any followers, IG is constantly trying to recommend people to me, often my exes / ex situationships etc.

The smug little bit of joy I had to see my first ex gained a bunch of weight (not saying that to shit on bigger people, but bc she gave me shit about my own weight to where I had an ED and now the tables have turned), and my other ex is in a relationship but still doing the same shady shit of making her account public, deleting/reposting their pictures together or removing her own profile photo just to be replaced with the old photo of the two of them.

That kind of petty back and forth used to piss me off sooooo much. It’s crazy to think I’ve had my relationship for so much linger and have never felt the need to do something like that. Side note, I’m 90% sure my relationship has been alive longer bc she had messaged me right when my gf and I had gotten together officially. 10% chance she was contacting me AND messing with someone else, and with her personality, I wouldn’t put it past her.

[belleforher]

Also, Cristina told me the other day that one of her friends heard we were engaged and now there’s a rumor going around that we are 💀 I would love nothing more than to be engaged to her, but definitely not just yet. I still need to buy her ring!