au where will gets traded after like five years or something and mack goes back to his old coping mechanisms of just moving the hell on and not looking back except he can't because will is all over everything -- every inch of his life. all over the ugly painting that still hangs in the living room that they picked out together as a joke in a vintage furniture store in philly on a roadie, over mack's first nhl hat trick pucks that will had all the assist on displayed above the fireplace, over the almond coffee milk that will introduced him to and mack now can't live without, over the way mack still automatically takes the right sink in the bathroom because will had claimed the left one when they'd first moved in, over the pencil mark on the wall with 'looks like 6 feet to me!' written beside it in will's neat handwriting from when will had measured mack's height when he'd turned 21 just to see if something'd changed, over the way the evenings feel so long because mack keeps subconsciously waiting for will to storm into his bedroom with a 'we're going out for dinner, mackie. come on, get dressed. let's go'.
mack reflecting on this whole domestic life he shared with will for years, and realizing only when he's looking back like, shit, we were dating. like we weren't, but we were -- and this is breakup. having breakfast with the ghost of will like, 'why didn't you tell me? why didn't you tell me we were together'. and the ghost of will is like, 'dude, i thought you knew'. meanwhile during the rare phone calls with actual real life will -- phone calls that feel distant and strange now because mack doesn't know how to be friends with will if he doesn't get to push his always cold feet under will's thighs on the couch every night -- will's moving on and it's not a breakup at all because they weren't dating but it is. mack thinking about how will used to make mack get them a bottle of veuve for every nothing anniversary like, 'three months of keeping this plant alive, who is motherfucking doing it like us', and how will used to randomly invite charlie for a weekend at their place just to hang out, and mourning this relationship that never was. mack won't ever move on because there's nothing to move on from, not really. how do you get over something that didn't even really exist? mack going crazy trying to get over unfinished business that never even started.
shaped his whole entire life around will, to the point where he can't even remember what it's like to live his own, but how do you explain you miss sitting on the bathroom counter, feet swinging, while your best friend takes a shower but it wasn't even really like that. how do you explain that you didn't even know you wanted it to be like that. except now you do, and he isn't fucking here anymore to. the pillows on the bed still smell like the only person you could ever imagine discussing this with and you miss him, god you will never stop missing him!
stormborns
2087
germansingergirl
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
janainaart
