we're on a baby hunt

and don't think we don't know how to weed them out

[ups-official]

You would not believe your thighs

If one million cherry pies.

[alongfalltothetop-deactivated20]

Oh I’m an asshole.

So today pulling into Stop and Shop, this lady cut me off and nearly drove into me, and then, when I tried to pass her, she swung to the right and nearly hit me again, and then flipped me off.

So somebody is having a bad day and taking it out on me. That’s fine. It’s harmless, and I don’t know what’s going on in this woman’s life. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt she’s not just a piece of shit and is just having a bad day.

But then I park and she follows me, and gets out of the car and starts swearing at me and getting in my face.

Now I go from “indifferent” to “I’m gonna fuck with this woman’s head.” Now I would say I’m a gentleman of size, and in all black and bemohawked I probably look spookier than I actually am, so props to this lady for getting in my face. Now of course I’m not going to hit her, or even threaten violence. That’s shitty. Nobody should get threatened with violence.

Instead, I take a step back, narrowing my eyes like I’m studying her face really closely, and then I touch one of the several piece of “occulty” jewelry I’m wearing (none of which, by the way, are magicked in any way at all). Then I mumble some nonsense under my breath, and then make the fig gesture and the horns at her.

She stops, wide-eyed.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO ME?”

I chuckled, and shake my head. “Nothing at all.” I say in a not-terrible convincing voice. “But every time something bad happens to you today, you’re gonna be thinking of me.”

Then I winked at her, and walked away.

[curiowitch]

[bloomflowersbloom]

a baby can be born right now at 12:00, on a wednesday, august 24 in new jersey while another baby is also born in the exact same moment but they are born 9:00, on a tuesday, august 23 in california, these babies that are born at the same moment are technically because of time zones, a concept that we created ourselves, born “hours” apart even though really they are born at the same moment just not the same “time”, one will be considered older even though in actuality they are the same

[2thicc2function]

Wtf

[queenconsuelabananahammock]

[chicksallovermedeleted-deactiva]

riding my bike to school

i see a worm on the sidewalk in front of me and violently swerve into a tree and die on impact

[notanothersonicblog]

[thekumazone-deactivated20230319]

when you and ya boy are ready to shitpost

[babyanimalgifs]

[canadianbeerandpostmodernism]

[tastefullyoffensive]

View this post on Instagram

We get it, you vape.

[babyanimalgifs]

[ghostdunk]

[ayungbiochemist]

[destinyrush]

[bad1dimagines]

everybody’s favourite 2011 bop, What Makes You Concussed

[bobabeach]

*goes to the gym with a naruto headband on*

[kyuzonoodle]

*does the naruto run on a treadmill*

[goth-aunt]

I’m

[unclefather]

Just had a child say “circumcise me, captain!” And his mom smacked him in the back of the head and said “I’m so sorry I don’t know where he heard that I don’t even know if he knows what that means” and I’m thinking about how kids are just walking shitpost generators

[hyrulehobbit]

[najaaozixxjsiaaiaiia]