sweetLove

[bemyforevergirl27]

I pull up to your house.

Send a text, “I’m Here.”

You greet me at your door.

I follow you to your room.

Sit in my favorite chair.

You laugh, because that’s always the first thing I do.

Soon enough I kick off my shoes.

Run, and jump on your bed.

Quickly throw your covers over me.

Then just lay there quietly; watching you, be you.

And it didn’t matter if we were doing “nothing”

Those moments meant everything to me.

I.Miss.You

[bemyforevergirl27]

Self-Love

My eyes are not blue

My hair is not straight

My skin is not light

My shape is not perfect

But, the way you look into my eyes and get lost; as if they were the windows to my soul.

The way you play with my curls; mesmerized as they bounce right back into place.

The way your fingers trace up and down my body; paving road maps that I’d want only you to travel.

The way my shape fits so perfectly into yours, as you wrap me into your arms..

The way you love LOVING ME,

Makes me want to love myself

[bemyforevergirl27]

Honey

I’ve never felt so safe

Yet at the same time in danger

The warmth in your eyes

Brought me discomfort and security

I was so used to the dark piercing eyes

Of those who only wanted to hurt me

That when I came across your honey browns

I didn’t know if I should run to you or run away

How do you know someone’s true intentions for you?

They say Lucifer was “the seal of perfection”

And I feel like if they were to describe his eyes

Yours would be a perfect image

They were perfect

And still…

Regardless on how scared I was to take this leap of faith

Into your arms

Your eyes told me you’d catch me

So here I am

Continuously falling into your pools of honey

[bemyforevergirl27]

Honey

I’ve never felt so safe

Yet at the same time in danger

The warmth in your eyes

Brought me discomfort and security

I was so used to the dark piercing eyes

Of those who only wanted to hurt me

That when I came across your honey browns

I didn’t know if I should run to you or run away

How do you know someone’s true intentions for you?

They say Lucifer was “the seal of perfection”

And I feel like if they were to describe his eyes

Yours would be a perfect image

They were perfect

And still...

Regardless on how scared I was to take this leap of faith

Into your arms

Your eyes told me you’d catch me

So here I am

Continuously falling into your pools of honey

[bemyforevergirl27]

She says, “Teach me to be like you. Teach me to not care, to not hurt. To be able to walk around like WE never existed”

Silently, he turns and just walks away.

Her goal in life... was to be just like him one day.

[bemyforevergirl27]

Let Me Out!

My nights became more restless.

Who knew that fighting off demons could be so exhausting.

Sleep paralysis? That’s what they called it.

To me, it was so much more then that;

I use to pray that whatever it was that was after me, would just go away.

Days became my resting time,

Nights I’m wide awake.

Every now and then they’d catch me at a weak spot.

When I was no longer able to keep my eyes open.

They always felt strongest, when I felt in life I was at my lowest.

One in particular looked familiar.

Like someone I know, someone I used to know.

She didn’t look evil, only lost.

Who was I to judge another lost soul?

I had become so angry with life;

I can partially blame it on my sleepless nights, but I became lost long before these demons.

I believe my anger only opened the door for them to enter my life.

Now it’s hard to get them to leave.

She’s the only one I can get to back down.

It’s like she’s just as equally tired of fighting me, as I am of fighting her.

The others are cruel.

They want me to be stuck, just like them.

I look them in their eyes and I feel how much they hate me.

How much they want to see me fail, but they keep me alive because I’m the only one that makes them real.

But her... a fight with her doesn’t feel like she wants to hurt me.

More like save me.

Every night I close my eyes..

She leans over my body;

Covers my mouth, my nose; I can’t breathe.

Yet, she’s crying?

In a faint, almost muzzle scream I can hear her, “LET ME OUT!”

Over, and over, and over again!

That’s when it hit me...

That girl is not another monster I have hiding inside of myself.

She is me...

I am the monster, and she’s trying to break free!

[bemyforevergirl27]

Everywhere

I remember running to the nurses office, eyes filled with tears, hyperventilating... and although I knew exactly where I was going; I felt completely lost. I finally get to my destination, and immediately the tears start flowing uncontrollably.

* automatically I cause her to panic as she notices how distraught I am.

Nurse: “Are you okay?”

Me: “no!” Still uncontrollably crying

Nurse: “where does it hurt?”

Her second question causes me to pause. It’s a question I’ve been asking myself since the very first day it started.

“Where does it hurt?” I repeat the question to myself over & over.

My thighs? Bruises that match the shape of his fingers from where he forcefully held my legs apart. My arms? One in which he had bent behind my back, my body weight plus his own crushing it. The other? Sore from the struggle of attempting to fight him off of me. Then there’s that... that part of my body I was always taught as a kid was the “no no” area. Here I was sixteen years old, and in my mind it was still my “no no” area. But he did not listen, he did not stop when I said no. I couldn’t use the excuse that he did not know any better, or he was not raised any better. We grew up in the same household & were taught the same things. He was my cousin, raised as my brother, he knew what he did was a big “NO NO”!

WHERE THE HELL DOES IT HURT?

The question continues to get louder inside my head. Yet my mind and my heart are both screaming at me. Fighting over which one hurts the most, because not only was I so confused on how someone I loved could do this to me. My heart was breaking because the very person who did was supposed to protect me from things like this.

The simplest way to answer her question, my question....

Me: “EVERYWHERE!!”

[bemyforevergirl27]

HIM & HER

(What you did to me, what he did for me)

It’s so hard to fall in love again. Even more so since it’s not with you. But how can I break down these walls, when all I think about are the future tears that’ll fall?

I watched you walk out the door today, and t didn’t bother me.

I receive a text message, and I am smiling. “Who is he?” People ask. To them he is just a boy who takes my mind off a broken marriage. To you he’s a pest, one that ruins your plans to send me back into the same spiral as before. Back to that broken girl, because you were my world; I was scared to lose you, I would put up with anything. YOU were my darkness.

But to me... to me he is my Big Dipper.

He’s the brightest star that lightens up all of my darkness. A darkness that you, her, her, her, her, her, and HER; have all created.

I am smiling, but why? Just a few days ago I found out you added a new her to the equation. I AM SMILING. I am smiling because even though there is so much darkness around me, this boy brings so much life to me, and he doesn’t even know it. He doesn’t know I’ve just watched my “husband” walk out that door to be with HER. He’s doesn’t know that I’ve allowed it...

There was a hole left by every single one of her... and he is the light that fills that void. I.AM.SMILING.

Because even though every bit of me is breaking, for what seems like the 1000th time. For the first time ever... it feels bearable.