it's 2am and benjamin leaves his dorm in the dead of night to wander.
its 2am and he can't shake the thought of one day, everything that he sees, will be his. he will rule as a fair and just king. he will answer to his people, resolve their problems, build a legacy. he'll be the person that they'll hold up, that they swear to, that they bow to during those large scaled congregations. he'll be who they thank, who they'll hate, who they'll blame. he will one day be the reason for all their problems and the saviour to all their resolutions. he'll never be just ben, he'll one day be king benjamin charming.
its 2am and he can't remember what it was like to fall in love and not worry. he was only eighteen but heartache was no stranger to him. each time he fell in love, he fell out just as easy because someone, everyone, found a reason why he couldnt be happy. she wasn't from royalty, she was the wrong royalty, she has no personality, she has too much personality. she was this and never that and others times she was too much of this and not enough of that. it had been a while but he had given up the chance.
its 2am and he can't see anything else beyond next week. he had to make it through the valentine's day carnival, at the least, but after that what was next. before this semester he had just been a prince but now he was the crown prince. he was the future king. the day he graduates is the day his father steps down in his favour and his mother will look upon him with all the shine in her eyes. she'll take him in her arms and sob about how she never wants to let him go. but she will, one day, one day soon, and it makes him wonder if loneliness can grow.
its 2am and his legs are swinging over the edge of the dock as a bottle of vodka he had swiped from alistair hangs between his fingers. the same bottle he had found on his cousin the night that he almost threw himself off the roof. that idea stays with the prince. his circle of support had always been so small, for his benefit and safety, he knows, but so much of it was based in family. the idea of one of them leaving frightened him. any of them, every one of them.
it would cause a frenzy for the media, and the public relations team, if a student were to wander pass and find him. the crown prince, drunk off his face, sitting in the moonlight, contemplating the idea of life. a part of him wants someone to find him -- a part of him always has. any reason to give up the idea of ruling a kingdom was a good reason. right?
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