benevolent ?

i still have faith in you [ . . . ]  

[beneviolencia]

F I L E :   # BENEVIOLENCIA

                                         PERPETUALLY    EXHAUSTED

this    blog    is    a    sci-fi    and    horror    centered       multimuse       for       canon       and       original       characters  ::  exploring  fear,    loneliness  and  alienation  within  society  as  well  as  matters  of  self-worth  ::    burdened by schiff,  they / them

MINORS  DO  NOT  INTERACT,  BLOG  CONTAINS  TRIGGERING  CONTENT   

                             CARRD              |             MEMES             |              OCs

[beneviolencia]

am i back or do i just miss my friends? a never-ending story

[beneviolencia]

new dynamics tags ( see if you can find yourself lmao )

j. picard →   ❛  dyn = capt. crusher  ❜ ˼

s. kirk →   ❛  dyn = you make loving fun  ❜ ˼

e. roosevelt →   ❛  dyn = home again  ❜ ˼

o. puri →   ❛  dyn = romeo and juliet are dead  ❜ ˼

k. ob'de aue →   ❛  dyn = uptown girl / downtown man  ❜ ˼

[nursc-a2]

a little belated something for @beneviolencia

schiff, you are one of my favorite people on this site and i just think you are absolutely wonderful. you make me fall in love with characters, with aus, and in three seconds flat you got me obsessed with whatever you are talking about. our dynamics are so precious and dear to me, and even though we are a mess (rip jack and julian could have been boyfriends for ages if we weren’t so silly) i think we make a very nice mess ♥

[nursc-a2]

❛    Probably cause no one else is foolish enough to put so much stock in duct tape.     ❜       Words can be as sharp as they want, the honeyed delivery always softens them, humor blunting the edges so only the tease remains.       ❛   Side effects of healing saliva include:    genius, time-travelling abilities and an unstoppable urge to lie.     ❜        

If there was, by any chance,  a future stock-full of people who are always one bad decision away from altering the timeline because of their salivas, she would be last in line to complain   —        the genetic possibilities of it!     As it is nothing more than a lie from an officer who has a history of refusing to cooperate, all she does is laugh.

❛    Besides, we already got you.    Two time travellers?     ❜        

[beneviolencia]

            ——        the chest puffs up .     ❛    i'll   have  you  know,    the  bajoran  resistance   ran  solely on  stubbornness  and  duct  tape !   you  would  put faith  in  it  too,   had  you   been   -    would   you   be ?     ❜    eyebrows furrow at the sudden grammatical issue .    federation standard is annoying enough but the time travel putting him before the occupation happens ( and rendering him unable to stop it ),   makes everything much more complicated .    thoren waves his hand,   letting the words fade out until only the symbolism remains .

                         so with a shake of the head,   the train of thought leaves the station and a smile finally replaces the confusion on his features .     ❛    sorry   to   disappoint   you,     but   at   least   my   future   is   free   of   healing   saliva .     we   only got   wet   and   acidic .     ❜     ( and whatever sour egg-planting stuff the gorns have going on . )

[beneviolencia]

currently thinking of mirror eiche again but not in the context of a polar opposite but as in everything eiche tries not to be and fears and how mirror eiche's cruelty comes from how casually he handles his own strength and his absolute disregard for how squishy and vulnerable everyone is compared to him.

[beneviolencia]

"Ford," he said, "you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."

- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

[moltolavoro]

it's such a simple thing. comics. jim hasn't been able to read in -- since before he went. and it's such an easy place to start. distantly, he's aware that he's crying again, but only because it's so...sam. it's so sam, to find that solution without even looking, and jim doesn't even know what to say, doesn't know where to begin with it. thank you is probably the best place to start, but he can't quite get the words out yet.

he nods, though, fingers tightening just a little bit. it's a few moments before he can speak, and he says ❛ superhero ones? ❜ it's quiet, and he doesn't mean for it to be. he looks at sam and thinks about how sam's always been like those comic book heroes. strong and brave and selfless. jim's always chased after everything that sam proved he could be good at, wanted to be just the same.

and he doesn't want this chasm between them to ruin that. he doesn't want sam to see him differently. the turns of the car start to feel familiar, and jim knows they're almost home. the thought should be a comfort -- he doesn't know why he's flooded with fear instead. his hand tightens in sam's shirt and he squeezes his eyes shut, says ❛ superman? ❜

[beneviolencia]

           ——        ❛     how   did  you   know ?     ❜   the surprise on his face is feigned . it's but a nice mask,   wide and innocent but perfect for playing things up and getting jim to lighten up a bit . in truth,   there is maybe one superman issue in the bundle their mom found but for now,   it'll have to be enough. but the feeling of fabric being pulled doesn't let up and instead,   the wet spot from before seems to get flooded again .     ❛     and,   and   x-men,   spiderman   -   spiderham !    it's   really  cool !     ❜

                         a quick glance up reveals motherly worry as she holds a handkerchief out for sam to take . and although she doesn't say much,   her eyes reveal that she would hunt down every last superman comic for the slight chance that her baby might smile again . and thus sam takes the handkerchief and gently,   ever so carefully,   starts to dab the soft fabric along jim's cheeks .     ❛     there  we   go .     ❜   with the job sufficiently done,   he waits for jim to take the tissue.

                         but brotherly instincts still remain on high alert,   willing to play the hero he so desperately wants to be for jim .   --   but oh how he failed to protect him in the past,   how he was bound to stay back home to watch the news and feel helpless   --   oh so powerless and not at all like a hero. he shakes his head . it's too late .     ❛    we'll   be  home   soon,    bet  you   can't   wait   to  sleep   in   your  own   bed   again,    huh ?     ❜

[beneviolencia]

#BENEVIOLENCIA

independent & selective multi muse / centring around strange new worlds, fear and alienation within society / various sci-fi fandoms / burdened by schiff

[beneviolencia]

icb i have to say that but if you need my child muses to have aged up verses then we're not ever gonna be interacting. the same way around, if you age every child muse up for interactions even though they're children in canon then that to is a no from me.

[discoelysiumtxt]

[Image ID, copied from Alt Text: A screenshot of some dialogue from Disco Elysium reading:

INLAND EMPIRE - A tremendous loneliness comes over you. Everybody in the world is doing something without you.

/End ID]

[beneviolencia]

pike lives his life knowing when he'll have a horrific accident (which he'll ultimately survive and then ascent with his bae and big-brained aliens), but i live mine knowing my sam is gonna retire from starfleet for his mental health and then die a painful death before even reaching forty, leaving his three kids all alone

[moltolavoro]

he doesn't say it, but his instinct, at his brother's barely-there protest, is a quiet, half-torn thought of you would have died. and it's not because sam isn't smart, or strong, but kodos was so, so careful about who he chose and he acted like it was all based on...on some idea of the perfect beings but jim watched him decide that kids sam's age and size and intelligence didn't deserve to live. the thought makes him shudder, curl right back into sam again.

forget it. he can't forget it. for the rest of his life, jim thinks he won't forget it. but he nods, numb, because sam wants him to forget it and jim thinks it would make him feel better. because he knows sam's upset, and it's because of him, because of what happened. jim doesn't want him to be upset.

he wants everything to be normal again. he wants to be sat on his own side of the car bugging sam until they're in a screaming match that their parents have to break up and he wants to fight over snacks and talk over movies and go back to the cadets and be jim. that world seems so...so far away. but sam's trying to rebuild a semblance of it, so jim nods and says ❛ sure, ❜ and thinks about how hollow he feels. takes a breath and asks ❛ what'd you do while i was gone? ❜ just to fill the silence.

[beneviolencia]

           ——        with the stars as his only witnesses,   high above and now hidden away under the sun's light,   sam feels confident in his lies . nights spent laying awake,   he sees jim's corpse burned into his eyelids but suddenly,   in another reality ( one in which he isn't a liar ),  those nights turn into cosy dreamless times . sam thinks back to the way he wasn't functioning;  just breathing the worry in and out and waiting helplessly for the hours to pass until yet another day ended with this devil's circle . there was nothing he could do but sit and wait and let the monsters in his head spin the most gruesome tales of agony and starvation .

                         sam's body reacts instinctively to jim's,   two parts of a whole and for the rest of their days,   sam thinks,   he would like to give everything up to make jim heal . instead,   he is this superglued kid,   holding onto his brother for fear of falling apart again . ( it's heartbreaking but sam can't start crying again,   nah,   he has to be strong and hold them both together . )     ❛    well -     ❜

                         no truth he can tell will cheer jim up so he has to fork his tongue and makeup stories sweeter than reality could ever be and joyous enough to delight a traumatized boy . but nothing comes to mind . all of a sudden everything that used to make him happy seems hollow,   not even the smallest spark of glee lingers in the mundane . but maybe it's not about what sam likes but about what jim can use to return to life as a normal boy ?     ❛     mom   found   some  old  comics   at   a  yard  sale .   like   really  old,     you   wouldn't  believe  it .     ❜   unspoken,   the offer to let jim read them hangs in sam's tone .

[nursc-a2]

_________  ⋆˚ ★ INCOMING HOLO / ENDLESS EDITS OF NURSC (  for @beneviolencia )

the christine and sam smalltown au

[moltolavoro]

he's already home. he's already home because he's in the car with sam and his parents are in the front and that's it, that's it that's all he needs. he closes his eyes and there are dead bodies and jim doesn't understand how being here hasn't fixed that. jim looks at sam's hand, pressed over his, and thinks about how he doesn't recognise his own fingers anymore.

❛ i'm okay, ❜ the words come quietly, and it's not necessarily a lie. in this exact moment jim is okay. there's all those other things happening, but jim is curled up against sam so he's okay. they gave him new clothes, on the ship, but they only -- they only had the sizes that he was in before, so the sleeves are too long, the trousers tied too tightly to keep them up and jim feels out of sorts in a hundred thousand different ways.

❛ i'm glad you're here. ❜ his eyes are still fixed on sam's hand when he says ❛ i'm glad you weren't there, ❜ and he sounds older than his fourteen years. it's the most scared jim's ever been, and kodos' words still ring through his mind ; he remembers being pulled out of a line of people, because kodos had declared him a prime choice for survival. he shudders, and realises the tears haven't quite stopped yet. ❛ it would've been worse, if you'd been there. ❜

[beneviolencia]

           ——        unknowingly,   jim voices the very issue that has been fermenting in sam's brain .   the never-ending what-ifs that infest his every waking moment and rot his soul from the inside out,   leaving the carcass of a boy in the shell of a man .   ( bad brother .   you should've been there for him . )     --   ❛     i   would've   protected   you .     ❜   but his voice is so weak,   so soft the even hum of the car's motor drowns it out . for once,   not being heard is fortunate as the words come right out of hours upon sleepless hours,   spent tearing himself down for something out of his control.

                         no no no,   sam shakes his head,   trying to rid himself of these thoughts,   knowing it's important to cradle jim until he's anchored within the present,   where he doesn't suffer anymore .     ❛     forget   it,   buddy,   okay ?     ❜   it's easier said than done,   the plea for jim's spirit to stay on earth,   for whatever lingers on tarsus to let go and take sam as sacrificial lamb instead .   he hates how dumb he sounds .

                         unable to look at the misery in his lap any longer,   sam's eyes wander up and out of the car .   there the landscape rushes by,   warmed by the sun and wholly unbothered by the things the universe has put their family through .   as he speaks, his gaze wanders back to jim, noticing for the first time how the sunlight turns blonde hair golden .   ( what a gift it is to have his brother back, tears threaten to spill once more . )     ❛    we're   going   to   grab   some   blankets   and   snacks   and   watch   a   movie   at   home;     something   funny,   maybe   one   of   the   classics   you   like ?     ❜

[kriptide]

@beneviolencia gets another one , because i love them .

i  spy  with  my  little  eye…    sophie  looks  around,  gasps  and  vaguely  nods  towards  a  few  things  for  dramatic  effect.    eventually  her  eyes  settle  on  orisil.    something  of  a  smile  tugs  at  her  lips,  eyes  softening  and  a  cup  of  steaming  tea  ready  in  her  hands.    it  was  shortly  after  noon  when  she’d  noticed  she  hadn’t  seen  them  most  of  the  day.    she  finds  him  buried  underneath  books,  notes  and  other  “professor-y  things”,  as  thoren  called  it  when  she’d  asked  where  she  could  find  them.    …a  quiet  boy  who’d  like  some  tea?

[beneviolencia]

           ——        one would think they can keep to themselves,   can get so absorbed into the texts they're reading that attention falls flat and yet when sophie thinks at him,   orisil perks up .   oh but it's part of the game not to look just yet,   instead,   they let the fondness for professor-y things wash over them as they listen to her mind .   at last,   his gaze wanders,   a smile forming at the mention of tea and subconsciously,   he makes some room for her to sit .   out loud he replies,     ❛    gladly,    thank  you .     ❜

                         orisil's awareness spreads out,  finds thoren still working on the fried engines and no one else close enough to them to pose a threat .     ❛    you  need  some company .     ❜

[xenolinguistics-department]

i feel like we don't talk about m'benga in this episode enough. he is wearing the dadiest outfit and the most horrendous hat i've ever witnessed. he is fishing. every other member of the crew has their little problems and he is just like. hehe my fishes :)