I screwed up!

"This house, is our second chance, Viv" Ben Harmon. Father. Psychiatrist. Lonely soul eternally trapped in Murder House.

[fionagoddess]

[-tateslangdon]

[horrorstorygifs]

[ahsananik]

[americanhorrorstorycaps]

[dangerous-classy]

[butterflycaps]

[f-yeah-americanhorrorstory]

We’re not so different, Tate. I’m a bad person, too.

Ben Harmon (via f-yeah-americanhorrorstory)

[desiree-duprees-festive-titty-d]

American Horror Story: Murder House | Pilot

[benharmonx]

For Everything A Reason -- Ben | Vivien | Violet

[vivienharmonx-blog]

Vivien wasn’t entirely certain what was going to unfold at this family meeting that she had arranged for herself, her husband and their daughter. She was hoping that a fair amount of their issues could be aired out and talked about in a civil manner. Something the Harmon family was no where near being good at doing. Vivien held grudges, a lot of them - Violet was no different. Through this all, Vivien knew that ultimately this was going to be more less, Violet screaming at Ben and Vivien about their poor choices in parenting, not to mention their inability to make a choice about being together. Violet’s lack of wanting her parents back together was something that had always been unclear to the strawberry blonde. Were Ben and Vivien that miserable to be around? Did they truly fight that much and show that much hatred towards one another that it was unclear if there was any love there at all? Vivien loved Ben, she loved him with all that she had. She had loved him for 17 years before her death and even now, 7 years after their death - her heart still belonged to the man who knew exactly how to tear her apart in ways that no one else could.

Hearing Ben call out her name, Vivien knew that she could no longer hide and prolong the meeting, the sooner she showed up, the sooner Violet would appear and the sooner they could all start the healing process of their family. “I’m here.” Vivien replied standing in the doorway of what used to be Ben’s office, when they owned the house - a lot had changed in the seven years following their deaths. The room was now used as what Vivien could only assume was a conference room. Looking around the room, her eyes fell on her husband. “I’ll call for Violet. I have a better chance of getting her to appear than you do.” She commented, frowning faintly. The relationship or lack thereof between Violet and Ben was something that Vivien had never expected to happen. Sure, they had always had their issues while they were living, but the blonde never imagined that it would be anything like it was today. “Violet. Sweetheart, it’s time to have that chat - we talked about.” Vivien called out - hoping her daughter was in a good mood, and praying that she could learn to forgive Ben, just as she was trying. 

[petals-and-pills]

How the fuck was it that no matter how loud she blasted the iPod she had somehow managed to keep of hers even as all of her others things were tossed out in large plastic bags as if she had never existed at all, she could still hear her mother’s voice over it all. It was ironic, about her things being hauled off like that, she always thought her life was a dump and now what had remained of it was dropped off at an actual dump. There was nothing left of the Harmon family in this house, no more stupid pasta arm in the kitchen, no more psychology books in the study, no more band posters in the upstairs bedroom that had once been a gnarly green but was now a sterile white. All of the character had practically been stripped from this once hauntingly beautiful home. Hospitals were freaky enough let alone a house like this being turned into one.

Rolling her eyes as she skulked into the room, feet feeling heavier with each step until she mockingly raised her hands and bent her fingers like some sort of cheesy zombie in a bad horror flick. “Boo…” The word deadpanned from her before she dropped her hands back to her sides. “We didn’t talk about shit, you did. You babbled on about second chances like you always do and I’m supposed to, what? Just go along with it like some sort of dim-witted puppet? No, thanks. Can I go now? The sight of you both is kinda making me sick to my stomach. So, you know, good on you for somehow being able to make a ghost sick.” Mockingly giving a bright smile and a thumbs up before her face retreated back to it’s usual flat expression of a proverbial deer caught in a bear trap, wide-eyed and haunted by the undeniable end.

[benharmonx]

Ben watched Vivien intently while she called for Violet. He knew it was a long shot, but it was worth it. He couldn't recall when their relationship started to disappear. Sure, the miscarriage and Hayden didn't help, but he was just as unsure about their family, as she was. Deep down he knew the back and forth between he and Viv wasn't the best thing for any of them. But, he was still madly in love with Vivien, even more so than the day he married her. Their relationship was never easy, but they somehow found solace in their incapability of being apart.  He still remembered Vi, as the little girl who dressed up as a vampire for Halloween - adamant to not be the princess or any other girly costume. He lost rack of her, when they first moved into the house, he didn't want to see what was happening to his family, what he had done to his family. Even as Violet appeared with her sarcastic, "Boo" welcoming, he still had hope that being together in the same room, where Vivien forgave him 7 years ago, they could develop a new foundation as a family.

Ben crossed his arms across his chest, looking at Violet. "Was that really necessary?" he said, leaning back against the wall. "The only thing your mother and I talked about, was talking with you. You are a member of this family, whether you like it or not." He looked at Vivien, with a sad look in his eye. Ben had grown accustomed to Violet's sometimes brutal delivery of her feelings and words. "We are trying to make the best of our eternity in this place, we would like you to do the same." For a skilled and licensed psychiatrist, he was always unable to read his own flesh and blood, and wasn't sure whether that was a strength or weakness. 

[benharmonx]

For Everything A Reason -- Ben | Vivien | Violet

From the moment Vivien told him that the three of them were going to sit down and try and work through everything, he was ecstatic. He felt for the first time in 7 years, that he would be able to really talk to them. Not use his psychological bullshit, as Violet always called it, to manipulate them - mostly Vivien, into doing what he wanted her to do. The truth was, he was very handsome, and he loved Vivien dearly, but he knew he hurt them both. As he stood in the hallway, looking out into the backyard, he spotted the gazebo. The same gazebo he built to please Vivien, and to hide his past indiscretion. That's where everything went wrong, he looked longingly, diving into the past. He knew he couldn't take anything back, he could only remember and move on. Move on with his family, the only thing that ever mattered to him.

Ben pushed his body off the wall under the big window, and walked towards what used to be his office. He walked to the desk that now occupied the spot where his used to. He slid his left index finger along the slick wood, waiting for them. The chime of the old grandfather clock began to chime and startled him out of his daze. He turned to looked toward the door. "Vivien!?", "Violet!?"

[benharmonx]

“——Those are pretty morbid words for a shrink. Aren’t you guys supposed to play it off as okay? For the client’s sake, or whatever. I know I’m not one of yours, but still. If I was, I’d consider discontinuing our sessions.”

"I do play it off for the client's sake. But, sometimes they get angry when you tell them what they want to hear, and what they don't want to hear. Its not easy being a shrink. I am one and I have one...well, had one."

[benharmonx]

"I’m not opposed to trying to make this work."

Ben smiled faintly and looked at the strawberry blonde beauty in front of him. "I would really really like to try and make it work."

[benharmonx]

"Then I’ll stop freaking out over everything and throwing stuff in your face, and we can talk about this like the adults that we are. I want to make this work as much as you do."

"You really want to make this work?"

[benharmonx]

"Ben, don’t do that. Don’t walk away without having a conversation about this. Don’t do what you’ve always done."

Ben stopped midway into the hallway and walked back into the room. "I am trying to have a conversation with you, and I only keep hearing the same words slip out of your lips." Ben leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms across her stomach. "Don't remind me that we need to put Violet first. I know that. I don't blame her for feeling the way she does about me. But, I'm not standing in front of Violet right now, I'm standing in front of the woman I fell in love with so hard and so fast."

[benharmonx]

"Sometimes things just don’t work and you can’t change that. There is nothing wrong with admitting that we can’t make this work. It won’t change the way that I feel about you, but sometimes we have to do what’s best for our child. She should come first in this entire situation, Ben. I love you, I will always love you, but I can’t keep doing this whole back and fourth and constant fighting with you. That isn’t what a marriage is supposed to be."

Ben sighed and turned towards the door and turned back to look at her. "I will always love you, Vivien. But, I think you just made the choice for us. You and Violet deserve better than me. I guess, I really can't make up everything to you. All I can do, is work on my relationship with our daughter, now. I'm sorry, I brought you into all of this. I'm sorry I hurt you, and Violet. I'm sorry you're stuck in this misery. But now, you can be stuck here, without me. So you can be happy." He held his head down and walked to the doorway. "I'll talk to Violet. You're free from me and all my disappointments now. I'll always love you, more than you'll ever know." He said, stepping through the doorway.

[benharmonx]

"What exactly are we fighting for Ben? Eternal life after death?"

"We're fighting for the same thing we have been fighting for since the day we got married -- each other."