「 and my heart is gold 」

BENJAMIN PATRICK HOLMES thirty ♣ red club ♣ thief always show kindness and love to others. your words might be filling the EMPTY SPACES in someone’s heart. 1x1 account

[benholmes-blog]

( REBECCA. )

                       busying herself with her permits, her left brow rises slightly as she tries in vain to not look at him. but every opportunity, she takes   -   and it would not be the first time in the last few months that she’s watched him from the corner of her eye. despite herself, despite trying her damnedest to not react, she feels the corner of her lips pull in to a smile. rebecca cannot help it, even though she tries to suppress it, ben is adorable and a dork but she likes that about him, and her traitorous heart aches. “ work, “ she repeats as she dares to turn her head and properly glance at him, disbelief evident in the glint in her eye as she watches him flounder and fidget. 

                                         god, she missed him too. 

                                                          what had started as a need for space, time to grieve, had turned in to self-punishment and she is happy when she is with him but rebecca wasn’t entirely sure, then, if she was allowed to be happy so soon after her husbands death. despite having long ago fallen out of love with marcus, she still loved him deeply. he was, first and foremost, the father of her children and her first love. but ben… he made her feel something she hadn’t felt for her husband since they were kids. with a sigh, obviously tired beyond belief, rebecca dropped the papers on her desk and moved to it’s side, but no closer. 

                          this conversation, it seems, will consist of him talking, and her repeating everything he says.  “  where we… stand… “  truthfully, she’s surprised he has waited as long as he has. she has given no indication about them to him since marcus’ death and, if it were her, she’d have moved on long ago. but rebecca has issues that ben doesn’t and it softens her when she realises, to him, she’s worth the wait. “ i love you. “ her own eyes widen and her lips part but beyond those three words, she says nothing. that was unintentional. the phrase slipped through her lips and now that she’s said it, she can’t take it back. 

                                                     she doesn’t want too. 

                                                         with a breathless laugh, her own shoulders shrug before her hands start to wring nervously and this is not her, this is not who she is, but ben has always managed to bring something out of her, something soft, and she hates him for that. evidently, not as much as she loves him. so, she commits. “ i love you… that’s where we stand.  “

His mouth pulls into a wider smile when he sees her finally give in and let loose a smile of her own. He's missed that, getting her to smile, hasn’t seen her do so once since they agreed to spend time apart and it gives him a certain sense of familiarity that he can still draw such a thing from her. “Yeah, work. It was a real good proposal too, fake as it was.” He shrugs again, head shaking from side to side and a grin pulling at his mouth. He loves the amused glint in her eyes and God, he’s really missed just talking to her. He’s always been the playful type, but he’s always particularly enjoyed their banter.

When he’d come here, he’d expected some sort of reaction from her, whether it be to try and push him away or tell him she was ready to continue with their relationship. What he hadn’t expected though was to hear three words he had wanted to hear from her for over a year now.

I love you.

His world stops for a moment, turns upside down, and then right’s itself again as he stands in a state of surprise. He knew that she did, of course she knew. If not from that text she’d sent when she was still high as a kite from surgery then from the way she acted when she was with him. But knowing it was one thing, and hearing her finally confirm it was another. His heart soars and a smile plasters itself on his face again, wide and joyous. He’s never had any doubts in his love for her from the moment he realized that he did so, and he feels so relieved that coming here was a good idea, that his months of questioning hadn’t been in vain.

Pushing off the door, he started walking over towards her. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.” Coming to a stop in front of her, his hands reach out to land on her waist, sliding around to her back and he’s missed the warmth of her body, how right she has always felt in his arms. “I love you too, Becca.” He murmurs softly to her, pressing a kiss against her forehead. He feels a kind of peace settle in him, one that he hasn’t felt in months. And perhaps he shouldn’t when they have literally been at war with the police, but being with her has always felt right even when he knew it was wrong. “I really missed getting to see you at the end of the day. And the start of it. And the middle of it. Basically, all the time.”

[benholmes-blog]

( REBECCA. )

                     she misses him. it was a passing thought, in the beginning. still fresh from her husband’s death, still grieving her niece, her relationship with ben at the time had been simply too much on top of it all. but that was months ago, and while her newly reformed jacks were busying themselves with the police force - a wicked smile curves her lips at the thought, crime in wonderland had never been so high, and there was nothing that bitch morris’ precious sheep could do about it -  she was settled enough now to realise - she missed ben. 

              it was not something she thought about often. she was otherwise focused on rebuilding her empire, returning it to it’s former glory when ruled by her father and though vivianne was still a thorn in her side, they were closer now than they had ever been, even as children. 

                                 rebecca stands in her office, jaw locked aside and brow creased in thought as she narrows her eyes at the forms in her hand. building permits, not that rebecca heart necessarily needed permission for anything. at the knock on her door, rebecca glances up and, softly, beckons it open. she stares at ben as he stands in her doorway, expressionless despite her suddenly racing heart. biting the inside of her cheek, rebecca nods at his request.  “  close the door.  “   she orders, because even if their relationship was not public knowledge, and even if they didn’t need to sneak about anymore, she imagines this is a conversation she’d want to have in private. 

It's been difficult being without her for so long. It's not as though they haven’t spent time apart before, but he has never felt quite as unsure about their relationship as he does now. It had always been certain before that they’d have to keep things a secret, that she was still married and she didn’t have any plans to leave her husband. Now, he was dead and there were big changes going on, and he has no idea what’s going to happen with them now. He’s done his best to remain occupied by work, but she’s still always at the forefront of his mind.

Slipping inside, he did as she requested and shut the door before leaning back against it, hands pushing into his pockets. His eyes scanned up and down her body and a small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.

“So, I had this excuse all planned out in my head to come see you. It was really good too, it was about work and everything.” He teased, smile in place as he looked away before returning his gaze back to her. “But as it is, I’ve just missed you. And wanted to see you.” He shrugged his shoulders. Pretending had never been something he’s good at, nor was lying, so honesty was his best policy here. “That and I wanted to know where you and I stand.” It’s been five months, and while he doesn’t want to rush her grieving process, he just needs some answers.

[benholmes-blog]

It’s been months. Five exactly since  the death of her husband, since the change among their hierarchy due to the death of The Red King. He feels the change in atmosphere among all the Reds, but especially with Rebecca. While initially he had been hesitant about the two of them spending time apart, he can understand why she needed it. There was no way they could have continued their relationship as it was when she was experiencing such a great loss and he knows her instinct was to cut everyone out when she was in a state such as that. So Ben respectfully kept his distance from her, threw himself into his work as a distraction as opposed to worrying about what was going to happen to their faction or rather what was going on with Rebecca. Because while he understands, he also misses her more than anything. 

It’s taken a long time, but the tone of the Reds is starting to change again. They’re starting to regain the strength they had loss and the shuffles of power. His Capo was demoted after it became public knowledge that she had slept with Marcus, a fact Ben doesn’t even know how to react to, but that shift in hierarchy has become something he’s slowly gotten used to. The only thing he hasn’t gotten used to is not being with Rebecca. Even Alice being mad at him after he told her of the affair he had been having was easier to swallow.  But he’s started to figure it’s been a few months and he’s already put off discussing what happens next with their relationship for long enough. So with a deep breath, he knocks on the door to her office before turning the handle and popping just his head through the crack. “Hey.” The half smile that crosses his face at the sight of her comes without his permission. "Can I come in?"

[greekgodliam-deactivated2015090]

[elsa-the-viking-queen-deactivat]

[slyoung10]

This must be what it’s like to be my friend

[ben-holmes]

86champagnepuppies:

m'boyfriend after sex: what are you thinking about?

me: do you think aliens are anthropomorphic? like, do you think they have human-like features? what if they’re made of a matter completely different from our own, like you know how shrimp can sense UV light that’s invisible to the naked eye? what if the aliens’ bodies are made out of something like that that we can’t even perceive? they could be in the room with us right now and we wouldn’t even know. anyway, ready for round two?