i like getting lost; it's easier than finding my way

ben | 32 | husband, father, f*ck*p

[bennettjrbrody]

HISTORY | HEADCANONS | CONNECTIONS | SOUNDTRACK

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．.・゜゜・　　・゜

﹆ basics;

Full Name:  Bennett James Ryan Brody

Nickname/Preferred Name: Ben, BJ, Badger, Bro

Age: thirty two

Birthday:  September 30, 1990

Zodiac: Libra sun, Aquarius moon, Taurus rising

Sexual Orientation:  Most likely heterosexual

Relationship Status:  Married to Lale Kaplan-Brody (2009)

Children: Berkan James Jordan Brody (b. 2008); new baby due 11/2023

Religion: Does hedonism count?

Neighborhood: Ocean Colony

Occupation: Civil Engineer, The Morris Group

﹆ background;

Place of Birth: Half Moon Bay, CA

Hometown:  Half Moon Bay, CA

Education: B.S. in Civil Engineering from Stanford (2014) 

﹆ physical;

Faceclaim: Sam Claflin

Eye Color:  Brown

Hair Color: Green

Height:  1.8 m (5'11")

Weight:  81kg (180 lbs)

Tattoos, Birthmarks, Scars, etc: tbd; various R knee scars from 3 surgeries (2011-12.)

﹆ relatives;

Father:  Dr. Ryan Daniel Brody (b. 1965, m. 1989)

Father’s Status: Alive

Father’s Occupation: vascular surgeon

Mother:  Johanna Bennett Brody (b. 1965, m. 1989)

Mother’s Status: Alive

Mother’s Occupation: clinical psychologist

Siblings:  Tana Alice Elizabeth Brody (b. 1994)

﹆ connections;

full listing

Tana Brody, sister; @tanabrody

Lale Kaplan-Brody, wife (m. 2009) ; @lalekaplanbrody

Lena Kaplan, friend & sister-in-law; @lenakaplan

Evie Morris, friend, emotional/physical affair; @evangelinemorris

Drew Hayes, neighbor; @drewhayes

Devon Aiello, friend, affair #1; @devonaiello

﹆ personality;

Positive Traits: intelligent, charming, discreet, accepting

Negative Traits: deceitful, guarded, reckless, moody

﹆ personality assessments;

Zodiac: Libra☀ | Aquarius ☾ | Taurus ↑

MBTI: INTP-T

Enneagram: Core Type 4 (The Individualist)

Love Language: physical touch

Harry Potter house: gryffindor

﹆ Timelines;

History/Biographical

Dash Chronology

﹆ Headcanons;

Full page here

One of the foundations of his relationship with Lale was redirecting money from the trust supporting her and her sister into her sister's hands so her sister could leave.

His original major in college was statistics after a 'mathematics of sports' class sold him on it. His loose plan was to apply for an MBA program after his professional football career had ended. The end came sooner than he thought and he never applied anyway.

Has minimal sensation in the lower part of his right leg following his college knee injury and, sometimes, if he's tired or he's had too much to drink, he stumbles as he walks.

Due to his physical limitations, most of his exercise is 'gentle', including swimming, yoga, pilates, and light weights. Gone are his days of surfing, hiking, running, and dead-lifting (and sometimes he misses them.)

He drinks whiskey if he's sad and tequila if he's feeling amorous.

Calls his wife La or Lala, and his son Bear.

In spite of his father's football-playing history, Bear is very into baseball, thus breaking Ben's heart a little.

Since moving back to Half Moon Bay, Ben and Lale have been homeschooling their son both because they can and it works better for their family, and also because he plays baseball competitively.

Lale taught him how to cook and, while he generally keeps it simple, he doesn't hate it and isn't terrible at it.

He is a voracious and speedy reader of basically any genre. He averages about 100 books per year.

Is more likely to come up with some random science experiment or project for himself and Bear than to suggest they, say, watch a movie

﹆ Biography |  tw: teen pregnancy, infidelity, injury mention

Ben was born in Half Moon Bay, CA to Ryan and Johanna Brody, an old-money couple who were still both in medical and graduate school when he was born, respectively. The good news was they could afford a nanny so at least someone paid attention to him; the bad news was they relied on the nanny exclusively to do so and he never really bonded with them very well.

His sister was born four years later and met the same basic fate, with the exception that they stopped bothering with nannies when his sister was twelve. Ben had already historically been her entire support system, but when the last nanny left to have her own children, he got his drivers license exclusively so he could support Tana with her own lessons and interests.

Throughout all this, Ben pushed at limits and pushed them hard, getting away with all sorts of bad behavior because he was charming and his family was rich. When he hit high school, he was a competent football quarterback who kept their high school team afloat; it just enabled his ability to do whatever he wanted -- have sex, drink, dabble in drugs -- and get away with it. He was also a strong student in math and hard sciences in particular, so his grades never suffered consequences when he acted out. This fueled his father's lifelong expectation that Ben would follow in his footsteps as a surgeon, the school performance being the only part of Ben his father ever paid any mind.

By the time he was 17, Ben was dating a sweet girl named Lale. By the time they'd been together six months, in spite of being smart and using protection, she was pregnant. It was a devastating and confusing time as she decided to keep their baby and what few goals he had rearranged themselves.

During football camp, knowing what was coming down the pipe soon enough and how much he wanted to get the fuck out of dodge, Ben switched football positions from quarterback to safety, in order to make himself more marketable for colleges, working hard and distancing himself a little from his teammates with his introversion and singular focus.

Their son, Berkan, was born in December of his senior year. Ben spent most of his time in the winter and spring interviewing with colleges and arranging distance-based campus tours while caring for their infant as his girlfriend struggled to catch up and finish school. He was determined to be more open and hands-on than his own father from the start, but he couldn't say he immediately fell in love or anything. It was all really hard and he was pretty isolated, and he wouldn't do it over again for anything, honestly.

Accepted a football scholarship to Stanford with early-signing during the winter of senior year.

He and Lale married in a simple ceremony just before it was time for him to start football camp in Palo Alto, and moved to the city as a family of three. This decision was largely made based on financial support from his father and the strings that were very much attached to the money.

He suffered a devastating knee injury during the fall of his junior year, requiring multiple surgeries and much rehab before he could walk. Not only was it career ending, it took him about a year to recover to the point he could function. It was absolutely a physical, mental, and emotional rock bottom for him.

In the midst of all of it, he had a sexual encounter with the football coach's daughter, @devonaiello, that did help restore some of his physical confidence, but did not keep his marriage on stable ground at all. In addition, when he didn't redirect to a medical career, his father threatened to cut off the support they'd been receiving from the Brodys until they were ready to stand on their own; Ryan also suggested he would hold Ben accountable to repay the years worth of expenses that had already been covered unless Ben did something to keep his shit together.

He then proceeded to have sex with @evangelinemorris after her grandmother's funeral when they were both emotional. In the intervening years, he hasn't talked to anyone except Evie about this because he's pretty sure he's allergic to the amount of change and upheaval the information would cause.

Spent several years working in San Francisco, supporting his wife as much as he could while she finished a post-grad degree, and ignoring his relationship with his parents as much as humanly possible.

Is back in Half Moon Bay due to issues surrounding Lale's childhood home and the Brodys taking over the property.

Has accepted/is just starting a job at The Morris Group, working with Evie. Is genuinely excited to be around her more and also really nervous about how he's going to fuck things up.

[lalekaplanbrody]

Ben & Lale - their home. @bennettjrbrody

They'd left the anatomy scan a few hours ago. On impulse, Lale had kept the gender a secret wanting to find out just the two of them when they were home. Some impulsive need to create memories inside these walls that belonged only to them. She was desperate for it more than she could admit aloud. Tapping the envelope on the table, Lale smiled warmly up at her husband. Sometimes she could burry her doubts, her worries, and insecurities under the fluttering warmth and love she felt for the man she'd built a family with- those moments were her favorite, "I know it's a bit antiquated to be excited to learn the sex of a baby but I am." She admitted, her fingers brushing the envelope. "Boy or girl, I don't mind either way, but I like learning about out baby." She said, sliding it over towards him, "You open it. You should be the first to know."

[bennettjrbrody]

He wasn't sure whether to consider it a shortcoming he hadn't been able to cheat and look at the ultrasound screen, then been able to tell if the baby was a boy or a girl. And he knew there were a lot of things to consider about the gender of their baby, conversations they would probably have at some point in the vein of being more neutral parents than theirs had been, but... he had an emotional attachment to the idea. He'd been almost relieved Berkan was a boy and fit into the typical social expectations of being a boy; he wasn't sure he would've known what to do with a more feminine counterpart when he'd barely been able to remember to put one foot in front of the other.

Now, though, he didn't really need active reminders about how different things were. The differences were all around him, every day.

Maybe it wasn't a shortcoming he could give his wife this -- what she'd wanted. The private memory of the two of them sharing this, no doctor or ultrasound tech. They'd made this baby with just the two of them, so maybe they could keep other aspects of it just as personal.

"I think antiquated is if you wait until they're born. Which... there's nothing wrong with that. I see the argument it's one of life's last great surprises." He shrugged. "Either way, this is the shape of our family. It's okay to be excited."

He took the envelope, but fixed his gaze on her, a teasing grin on her face. "I mean.... we could argue I already cast my vote. It just wasn't voluntary." He knew approximately three things about baby-making and that was one of them -- the dad's sperm determined whether it was an X (female) or a Y (male.)

He wasn't in the mood to be contrary, though. Not after they'd gone, they knew Lale was healthy and the baby was healthy. He was already more emo than he wanted to admit, just going to the appointment with her, hearing a heartbeat, and seeing the bouncing little shape he could make out on the screen. It was all real. And he didn't know why he was almost as terrified by it all as before just.... without the darker side of that terror. It was hard to reconcile, so he was all over the place. If he'd been in the mood to press back, he would've argued she should know first and slid the envelope right back.

Instead, he took his time sliding his finger under the flap and slipping the ultrasound image out. Something on the greyscale was circled, and below the circle were the words 'Congratulations, I'm a girl!'

He'd wanted to crack a joke about it saying inconclusive, but he couldn't. He had a lot of immediate feelings, seeing it in print, and he stared, struck dumb with a dumb disbelief. After all, there were only a couple of options.

"We're having a girl," he said, honestly a little choked up, but still smiling as he passed the envelope and ultrasound over to her. It might have been the easiest thing he'd ever had to say to her.

[gallowsheart]

bennettjrbrody​:

Ben’s comfort level ramped up when he heard Tana’s footsteps approaching. Even now, when they were both adults and it had been almost half his life they hadn’t lived under the same roof for any real length of time, he could tell it was her. He was still as surprised as anyone it had worked out for Tana to come help their mom; still as unsurprised as ever their dad wasn’t available for the task.

Actually, that wasn’t entirely true. Ben knew he wasn’t a perfect husband by any means, but seeing his dad’s actions through filter of a husband or father, rather than a son, cast a sheen of sharp disappointment over all of it. He’d always known he wasn’t one of his father’s priorities, but he never would’ve guessed until now that extended to their mother, too. Then again, he’d never really gotten to know their mother, either, so maybe it was weird for him to have any kind of feelings or think he had any kind of perspective. He only knew if it was Tana or Lale, he would be there instead of asking Berkan to step up.

Either way, in the presence of his younger sister, everything within Ben relaxed. It was an automatic process for him, and he also turned his head to kiss to top of hers in greeting.

“Hi. I mean it was fine but now it’s so good,” he said and, yeah, he sort of hated how schmaltzy it sounded. But he stayed in motion anyway, unloading vegetables. “Well, we’re really just washing and chopping up some stuff to roast it. Ever heard of a sheet pan dinner? It’s basically my skill level. Nothing complicated because, let’s face it, Lale is the pie-baker in the family, not me.” He dipped his head toward the pie on the counter, then glanced over at her. “And after you answer my question, I have news. But first, how’s your day? Here alone or… is mom somewhere lurking around a corner?”

.

Ben was hard on himself for a lot of things, some deserved and some not. Tana wouldn't hesitate to call him on his worst shit, but there was never a question about whether she supported him too. Perhaps it wasn't a fair comparison because she'd always loved him the most, but Ben was a much better dad than their father. She'd had front row seats to it for most of Berkan's life, and he always tried to be present in a way she'd never seen with their dad for either of them. It made a difference. It made all the difference. (He was also an excellent brother, but she didn't have any others to compare that to.)

"You sap." She said it fondly though, and it pulled a smile out of her, which he must have known it would. Her day had definitely just improved too. "I can't decide if that's lazy or genius." She grabbed a handful of small potatoes to wash and start chopping. Tana was adequate in the kitchen, and occasionally she got inspired to try something ambitious, but she wouldn't call it one of her favorite activities. Nobody wanted to decorate desserts with her because she'd take hours getting the details just so.

"Ooh, pie." She'd have to send Lale a thank you text later. "It wasn't bad. Mostly unpacking. It's weird to be here," she admitted, but not like she was terribly bothered by it. She might be at some point, but right now it was too new. The corner of her mouth pulled up in a small, not particularly happy smile at the question. She probably would have had the presence of mind to warn him first if their mom was going to be here. Not because it would for certain keep him away, but just so he'd know and could decide accordingly from there. "She's out. No secret ambush. What's your news?"

[bennettjrbrody]

.

"Oh, whatever. That's not sappy," Ben scoffed. He was pretty sure he could try harder and do worse.

Actually, no he wasn't. And he wasn't going to argue that he could and start a whole thing, either.

Besides, she redirected his attention. "It's both, but that just probably makes it more genius. It's also really impossible to fuck up, and it isn't something I feed my kid and then feel bad about myself for." He sighed and glanced over at his sister. "And I didn't really know it before we moved here, but apparently Lale has a farming streak buried in her, so we're probably going to be able to make this stuff with produce from our own yard at some point."

He just needed to figure out how to plant and grow it all, especially where the heavier things like wheelbarrowing top soil would be concerned, at least for now. He didn't love it like his wife did, but... well, he was trying. He supposed that meant he could probably, like, make a dessert with his sister at some point, too. His voice definitely contained some of the hesitation he felt as he lowered it to lay the groundwork for offering to hang with her some more. "What kind of projects do you have in the works to horrify mom with while you're here?"

Maybe they could arrange a homeschool lesson about cake decorating for Berkan, too. The potential groan (not about time with his aunt but about the task) made Ben smile.

"Yeah, I bet." It was purely sympathetic, though. Lale's family had been long moved out by the time they'd moved in, but it had still been strange. He could only imagine it was moreso with parents still in residence in some way. "Thank God I'm safe for now, though." He grinned over at her. "Thank God we both are." He didn't even believe in God, necessarily, and he could still find a way to be thankful.

He shook off the asparagus, gentle taps on the side of the sink to avoid flinging water everywhere, but he set it on the cutting board and twisted to the side so he could give Tana's reaction his full attention.

"Lale's pregnant," he said, no preamble. "The baby is the size of a peach, hence the peach pie."

[devonaiello]

"Yeah I guess some would call me a helicopter parent, but I don't know if I want that association truly," she chuckled. The brewery had been a tough road when it came to acquisition, buyers, and investment. However, they had nothing like it around here and the key point of brewing their own bees and distributing it throughout the town and local counties gave them a level up. With all the sports one could watch here, it was becoming a more chic version of a sports bar and Devon couldn't be prouder. Her ideas, her creation, with no outside opinion lead to this amazing outcome.

"Oh yeah? Are you alluding to the fact that you're trying here?" Devon wasn't going to pry. It wasn't her business, but a part of her wanted to ask why the two waited so long. His son was a bonafide teenager and they were going to start that process all over again? Granted they had a leg up on everyone else seeing as they had their son rather young. However, Devon couldn't see this man walking around with a baby sack on his chest. Then again, even the most unqualified of individuals became parents.

"He's going to die on that campus and we're gonna have to bury him under that field." Despite her contentious relationship that has always existed with her parents, that kid-like love for them would always remain. Time and time again she had tried to prove her worth and it was always met half-heartedly from them. "I think not mentioning you at all would be better." Besides, it's been years since she seen him and his mother was always te one to bring him up every now and then. "It's okay. I've acknowledged that I won't ever please them and so I'm not exuding any more of my energy on time to win their approval." Devon couldn't live for anyone else but herself now. It was a long journey to that revelation but she's fully embraced it everyday.

[bennettjrbrody]

Ben chuckled when she did. "Okay, but maintaining control over a business is probably different than trying to maintain control over a person. That's where the metaphor gets a little lost," he admitted. And he wasn't about to opine on his own status as a helicopter parent or no.

He scratched at the side of his head a little. "Maybe." Yeah. "We've talked about it." She's probably pregnant already. He wasn't sure when he'd become so closed off overall, only sharing details that were many steps behind where he actually was. It had to be half of what kept getting him into trouble in a general sense. He rolled his eyes, but it was all at himself and his own thought process.

That was stupid.

He knew exactly when he'd become so closed off; it was when he'd felt all the heat of judgment in a new way the first time Lale was pregnant. He was quite likely going to have to get the fuck over it at some point soon, wasn't he? "It's weird, planning it out. I know a lot of people do that, but that's not what our experience was ever like before. Maybe it took us some time to get over that and, you know, other things happened, too. So. Here we are. Maybe that part isn't so unlike planning to start a business."

It was easy enough to play it off with a small, fake cringe as she mentioned burying her dad under the Cardinal field. "I don't want to know what else he'd probably be buried with," he said, his voice lowered for some levity. "Sounds like the stuff urban legends are made of." He nudged his now-empty coffee mug back toward her, sure whatever Casey had ordered, in spite of what he'd been told to order, was probably ready. "You're probably right. Especially if you don't talk to them very often."

He glanced at his watch, a diver's watch his parents had given him as a gift when he graduated from college, though he'd only been Scuba diving a couple of times before that as part of a class. It was a daily reminder he was on his own, at least in terms of family support. The only family he had was the one he'd made, and he owed it to them to probably not linger here with someone he actually still found alluring in her own way.

"Can I be the annoying dude who asks you to check on my order? I think they're going to start harassing me if I don't head back soon."

[gallowsheart]

bennettjrbrody​:

who: closed | @tanabrody when: tuesday evening where: the brody home in Ocean Colony

Ben didn’t know what Tana needed to get their parents house set up for her to comfortably live in it again, if she’d ever been comfortable, but he figured a meal wouldn’t hurt. Plus, it wasn’t like he’d ever pass on an opportunity to share space with her, even if he was pretty sure he was about to be bumped down a little further on her list of favorite people.

It took a little planning for one-on-one time, making sure Berkan was occupied with his skills coach and Lale fully trusted where he was going to be. Since he’d seen Devon in town, and knowing a little about how hard that had been for his wife, he’d been trying to be clear with his whereabouts and what he disclosed about how he was spending his time. It was generally easy when they were almost done at a site and so all his time, free or not, was spent there. But off-site, it was different, even if he would just be right down the street.

He gathered a few things to make a really simple dinner, well within his limited cooking skill set, and the leftover pie from Lale’s baby reveal earlier in the week. Then he dusted off his key to the back door of the Brody home, and entered without much preamble, other than he’d sent Tana a text and made sure she was free beforehand. He didn’t even call for her, a little too weirded out by being in the house even though he was living right up the street. He just started pulling things from totes so he could start cooking.

.

Tana didn't know what she needed to be comfortable with this situation either, so that fair. It was utterly surreal to be back in her parents' house again, not just as a guest, and it stirred an odd combination of fond childhood memories and old resentments. Her childhood had been mostly happy, but it had very little to do with her parents. It was Ben who'd largely filled that role for her, and while she missed his presence filling up the big empty house, she wouldn't wish that on one of her second favorite person. Ben moving back home would be the spiritual death of her brother.

The upside was having all her favorite people right down the street now, and if she was excited about anything, it was getting more time with Ben, Berkan, and Lale. She considered them more her family than her actual parents, and they were certainly a lot more pleasant to be around. She was looking forward to dinner with Ben and a chance to catch up, both their busy schedules sometimes a challenge match up. She'd spent most of the day moving boxes and starting the unpacking process, much of her stuff going into storage until she figured out how long-term this was going to be.

She headed downstairs when she heard the door, her comfort increasing at least 25% at the sound of him in the kitchen (because god knew that wasn't their mother cooking). "Hi! How was your day? How can I help?" She gave him a bright smile and a half-hug in greeting, switching the radio on low to fill the quiet before she started helping him unload bags.

[bennettjrbrody]

Ben's comfort level ramped up when he heard Tana's footsteps approaching. Even now, when they were both adults and it had been almost half his life they hadn't lived under the same roof for any real length of time, he could tell it was her. He was still as surprised as anyone it had worked out for Tana to come help their mom; still as unsurprised as ever their dad wasn't available for the task.

Actually, that wasn't entirely true. Ben knew he wasn't a perfect husband by any means, but seeing his dad's actions through filter of a husband or father, rather than a son, cast a sheen of sharp disappointment over all of it. He'd always known he wasn't one of his father's priorities, but he never would've guessed until now that extended to their mother, too. Then again, he'd never really gotten to know their mother, either, so maybe it was weird for him to have any kind of feelings or think he had any kind of perspective. He only knew if it was Tana or Lale, he would be there instead of asking Berkan to step up.

Either way, in the presence of his younger sister, everything within Ben relaxed. It was an automatic process for him, and he also turned his head to kiss to top of hers in greeting.

"Hi. I mean it was fine but now it's so good," he said and, yeah, he sort of hated how schmaltzy it sounded. But he stayed in motion anyway, unloading vegetables. "Well, we're really just washing and chopping up some stuff to roast it. Ever heard of a sheet pan dinner? It's basically my skill level. Nothing complicated because, let's face it, Lale is the pie-baker in the family, not me." He dipped his head toward the pie on the counter, then glanced over at her. "And after you answer my question, I have news. But first, how's your day? Here alone or... is mom somewhere lurking around a corner?"

[bennettjrbrody]

I tried to fix my pride, but that shit’s broken

[devonaiello]

"I mean it's nothing, but thanks," she shrugged it off. Devon hadn't really thought much about her trajectory. Although she knew she had garnered a lot of fans over the years, she felt like she wasn't being her most genuine self. She loved sports and had grown up saturated in it, but would the passion be the same if it weren't for her parents continued insistence on this being her world? It was becoming more enjoyable now though that she was removed to pop in to the studio every now and then to offer some insight and perspective. "Yeah...this is like my version of a baby I guess." A lot of tears, sweat, frustration had come with the development of this project but it had all been worth it in the end.

"Gosh..I know a lot of people are new parents right now within my friend group but you'll be an empty-nester in four years time," she chuckled. It was a wild thought, but he seemed to have figured everything out and in that regard she was happy for him. Devon had such a hard time wrapping her mind around the fact that he was married and father when he shared the news with her. How could anyone do what he did? Yet, she could empathize and understand impart. At least he seemed to be on the right track and that was all that mattered in the end.

"I'm sorry," she said hearing about his mom having to handle this procedure without her life partner by her side. At least she could say in comparison that her parents were ride or dies for one another, even though she felt their parenting was toxic at best. "My dad will be retiring as AD after thirty-five years," she said shaking her head at the absurdity of it all. Even before she was born he was invested in the school an spent a majority of his hours and years of her childhood there than with her. Devon honestly didn't know what he was going to do next. "Pretty sure he's staying on as a board member though and my mom has opened up a clinic and has gone down to part-time. She still loves you," she chuckled. Her mom would ask all the time if she heard from Ben as if Claudia was aware of what had transpired between the two. "You'd think they come down and visit, but nope." They sent flowers at her grand opening, but only her grandparents had shown face through the years to see the brewery.

[bennettjrbrody]

Ben narrowed his eyes at her for a moment, trying to decide how far to push it. He had never known her well, and hadn't known her at all for the last decade, but he had to actively try not to intervene in this. It didn't even particularly seem like a crisis of faith in herself or anything, but for some reason, it felt important to him that she acknowledge it. He brushed that feeling aside and chuckled when she said the restaurant was her version of a baby. There were probably a lot of parallels. "Touché," he replied. "It also comes with the benefit over actual control over its success or failure, too. So it might be the better kind of baby in some ways." It probably made him a shitty parent to express that out loud, but what could he do about that once the words were out?

For all the conversation about Berkan and college he'd had with his wife, he hadn't ever thought of them as future empty-nesters. He wasn't sure how he felt about that term, other than unnecessarily old, and he didn't put much weight into it anyway considering what he knew about the plans they shared. "Unless we have more kids," he pointed out. Though he had his suspicions Lale was already pregnant, he didn't admit to anything beyond the contrary statement, a tester to see how she would react. Not that they were close, but he wanted something potentially better than Evie's reaction had been to the idea. He could recognize how selfish it was for him to seek validation from her, as an unknowing third party who had only been involved in his marriage briefly. Recognition wasn't enough to stop him.

"I can't imagine him not as part of Stanford football. That's crazy. But thirty-five years is a really long time." The guy had been there a long time when Ben started. He nodded as she discussed her dad's after-retirement plans, which included not a lot of cutting back it sounded like. And he actually smiled when she mentioned her mom still liking him. He'd liked her mom, too, but obviously not quite as much as he'd liked Devon. Maybe it was the age difference between mother and daughter that explained it. "That's a little weird." He bit his lip. "Maybe we should tell her it's time to move on. Or you could fan it a little and tell her I said hello." He'd always liked playing with fire, right? It ended in a sigh on her behalf. "That really sucks. I'm sorry, too. Is it better to be ignored or to not have to deal with them on the daily?"

[bennettjrbrody]

who: closed | @tanabrody when: tuesday evening where: the brody home in Ocean Colony

Ben didn't know what Tana needed to get their parents house set up for her to comfortably live in it again, if she'd ever been comfortable, but he figured a meal wouldn't hurt. Plus, it wasn't like he'd ever pass on an opportunity to share space with her, even if he was pretty sure he was about to be bumped down a little further on her list of favorite people.

It took a little planning for one-on-one time, making sure Berkan was occupied with his skills coach and Lale fully trusted where he was going to be. Since he'd seen Devon in town, and knowing a little about how hard that had been for his wife, he'd been trying to be clear with his whereabouts and what he disclosed about how he was spending his time. It was generally easy when they were almost done at a site and so all his time, free or not, was spent there. But off-site, it was different, even if he would just be right down the street.

He gathered a few things to make a really simple dinner, well within his limited cooking skill set, and the leftover pie from Lale's baby reveal earlier in the week. Then he dusted off his key to the back door of the Brody home, and entered without much preamble, other than he'd sent Tana a text and made sure she was free beforehand. He didn't even call for her, a little too weirded out by being in the house even though he was living right up the street. He just started pulling things from totes so he could start cooking.

[thoughtkick]

“Please dont expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.”

— Sylvia Plath

[lenakaplan]

"You know the one I'm talking about." Either Ben was playing ignorant on purpose or genuinely didn't know what look he was wearing, which made it all the more amusing. It was nice having a friend she'd known for so long to call out, not that she'd ever admit it out loud. Ben who had turned his life around. Ben who had proven to her people could genuinely change. Yet there was a part of her that seemed to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Not just with Ben but everyone. "Yeah, you sound like a total dad right now. Feel like I'm still getting used to it." Given that she was rarely around long enough to truly notice. But hearing Ben speak about his son, the pride in his voice, the confidence in someone so small and precious, Lena almost wanted the same. Almost. That was more Lale's wheelhouse. Lena could barely take care of a plant. "If he wants to go pro, I say let him go pro. Shoot for the moon. Plus I know all the cool party scenes he can go to when he's older." But by then they'd probably be very different than what she was used to. Growing old sucked.

"Safety in numbers? Where is this place..." It was sounding more and more like a horror film. She eyed Ben looking at his phone, and alarms went off in her head with his next words, but she remained light and breezy. "Ben...c'mon. Be honest. Are you leading me to my intervention? Cause it's cute, really, all the effort, all the attention that'll be focused on me~" She wracked her brain for any significant moment that would've landed this path set down before her. "At least you're giving me enough warning, I have enough time to look drop dead gorgeous for it." Had she been that bad? Lena could imagine her behavior had been more tame than usual. And she couldn't even remember the last time she'd been arrested.

"Dammit, Ben..." Lena mutters under her breath, cursing him of all people to tell her it's good for Lale and her too if she stayed because she knows he's right. "You know I can't." He probably didn't. Bits and pieces, shards Lale had shared, ones Lena might've too in a blacked out stupor in the past when they were growing up and after he'd become her brother-in-law. "She's honestly better off if I'm not here." Ben had to agree, surely, given the headache and stress she usually ended up causing Lale. "Honestly? Better if I don't stay here. Memories and all that, burned bridges. Easier that way." He could relate, right? Or would've been able to back then? At least enough to empathize?

[bennettjrbrody]

Whatever look he was wearing or however she interpreted it, it broke when he chuckled. "I guess I didn't know what the look on my face said to you," he pointed out. He shook his head a little and sighed. "Yeah, I mean I'm not discouraging him. I guess I just learned the hard way what happens if you take the opportunity to play for granted and there's no backup plan." It wasn't something he thought about often or brought up all the time, but he definitely had his reservations about Berkan putting everything into baseball. "Sometimes you shoot for the moon and you miss not because your shot was fucking terrible, but because the moon was either never real or it moved unexpectedly." Ben knew as well as anyone how that felt and he wouldn't wish it on anyone. And maybe it had been his first real, true disappointment in life and he hadn't been able to cope and he'd hit rock bottom. He didn't really think Lena needed those details. She had enough experiences of her own.

He was glad for the levity of his yes-sincerely-for-work stop that had turned into something sinister or something more in the conversation. It pulled them out of serious topics he didn't actually want to get into and allowed him to, however weirdly, throw the focus onto times when he'd been completely gross as a human being. "You know as well as anyone I'm not a bad liar, even when you're telling me to be honest, but no, this isn't an intervention. Do you need one?" He rolled his eyes. "I'm just texting Lale about plans for the evening. I'd let you read the thread but it also has gross married people flirting stuff in it you probably don't want to see." It was a gamble because he wasn't actually going to let her look at his phone.

He shook his head. "She's not. Look, I know it's hard for you to be here. It always has been. There are a lot of good reasons for that." He bit his lip and debated how confessional to get. "But I'm not the easiest person to live with, either. It's... harder on her than she admits a lot of the time. She needs family around. That's just who she is. So it's not easier when you're gone. She wants you here." He raised his eyebrows at her meaningfully, knowing this was all uncharacteristic earnestness. "So do I." He shrugged. "Just think about it. And come with us tonight for the most boring thing you'll do all week."

[devonaiello]

"Well, I was a researcher for the first few years before I landed a commentating spot for someone on paternity leave. The network liked me enough to make me co-host on one of the morning shows for a few years after that." It was her plan of appeasing her parents. Both enthralled with the world of athletics, she thought this would be a token win for their display case. Their daughter on ESPN, every morning talking about sports. It was exciting at first, but after awhile, she was tired of trying to appease and live a life for everyone else but herself. So, after four years in that role, she dipped. "It was mostly anything and everything. I still pop-in every now and then for some outside perspective," she simply shrugged as she prepped the bar for the lunch rush that would be soon arriving. "It's good to see you too Brody."

"You've evolved," she smirked. It was most certainly not the guy she recalled back in those college days. Cutting out dairy and sugar sounded awful. She was truly surprised he even put a little bit of the creamer in his drink. "Well that's cool. I'm glad you found something that you enjoyed considering everything." They were talking this guy up like he was going to be the next best thing in professional football. Devon knew his ego took a big hit as most anybody would when that was the words your were constantly fed, especially at something one excelled in. She was happy to see he'd come out the other side of it rather unscathed despite their own personal outcome.

"That's wild. Are they into the dating scene yet?" she chuckled at the thought. Devon most certainly could not imagine taking care of a teenager right now. At the mention of his father, she leaned against the bar. "How is the old bastard anyways? Remember what we agreed upon? 'We'll never be anything like our parents. We're far better than them at baseline." Despite their respective chaotic relationships with their parents, it was a reminder to the other when they got so warped up about pleasing their parents that they in fact did not need too anymore as adults.

[bennettjrbrody]

Ben nodded as he took in what she was saying. "That's kind of impressive. You know that, right?" She definitely didn't need his opinion on the matter, but now she had it. And obviously there was some reason she wasn't still doing it, so he had to assume it wasn't a good fit for her in some way. In the back of his mind where he logged probably hundreds of hours of conversations with her, he was sure something existed that would reveal it had been about her dad or her parents. It sounded like the kind of job they would've loved for her, which likely explained why she wasn't there. "And, maybe scaling it back to find something you enjoy is even more impressive."

He shrugged in response to his potential evolution. Maybe he had in some ways, but it almost felt more like growing up than a sea change within him somewhere. Truly evolving, though, probably meant he didn't make the same mistakes over and over again. "Yeah, it was a bumpy road," he quipped. Now, working with Evie, felt like another bump. Or maybe it was a dip. "Sometimes I think maybe it worked out better, but I'm not always sure. And there's nothing I can really do about it except keep moving forward and try to keep my head where my feet are."

He took another pull from the coffee cup, glad for the moment when he had to swallow so it could buy him time to issue a more metered response than the thank fucking God, no he thought up top. Instead, he smiled. "Not really. He's pretty focused on baseball, and most of his friends come from that. I guess it's possible he could be interested in a little more with one of them, but he hasn't said anything if that's the case. And I can only imagine what it would take at his age if that were the case, to say something. I also think he remembers just enough from being little while me and his mom were still growing up that it's kind of a deterrent. And obviously we've talked to him about it all, too."

There were a lot of ways Berkan was more innocent than Ben had ever been, and Ben was grateful for that much at least. If he was honest, sometimes he was surprised by his son's refreshing take on growing up and the world. Maybe it was a little naïve, but it was also a breath of fresh air.

As the conversation turned to his dad, old bastard being the most correct way to describe Ryan Brody in his estimation, Ben shook his head. "Ugh, he's the same as always. Fortunately now that he's not in practice anymore, he's not around much. My mom is having surgery next week and it's nothing serious but she's going to need help for weeks. He couldn't even be fucked to change his lecturing schedule to be here." He diverted his eyes to his coffee mug like the beverage within, which was mostly creamer at the bottom now, was personally responsible for his disgust. He muttered, "It's not hard to be better than that." With an eye roll, he raised his gaze back to her. "What about yours?"

[bennettjrbrody]

[lalekaplanbrody]

Lale didn't miss the icy glare, she shot a look between them, her stomach tightening with the tension she could feel. Whatever it was she wished they'd stop it, especially when every look and tense word felt as if she were intruding on something she wasn't supposed to be a part of. It put Lale on edge, a quiet storm she smoothed with effortless smile and polite friendliness. Whatever it was between them surely it could be solved and if they were going to exchange sharp looks and words with more weight than they should rightfully have in front of her then she would involve herself. Play mediator for her husband, for their friend. In the end they were two people Lale loved dearly and she would do whatever she could to ensure this resolved and everything smoothed out. The sooner the better.

"Okay. More for us." Lale replied quietly and effortlessly despite the discomfort. She left Ben's side to pour herself an iced tea, leaving a glass for Evie full with a lemon wedge to take should she decide. She leaned against the breakfast nook, her eyes volleying between them, her expression neutral as she sipped her tea. Her mind was racing with scenarios and explanations. She wanted to ask them both out right what had happened- but Lale knew better than to meet this iciness with brut force and instead made plans of her own. Proximity had a way of making things come out. "I'm trusting Ben with contractors. I'll be good to tell them what to do, but getting blue prints shouldn't be too hard."

"We can all talk about it over dinner." Lale warmed, a softened expression tossed her husbands way. "Of course there is more we can discuss it's been so long." Lale smoothed, "Just let me know your schedule and I can make reservations for four?" Lale suggested flipping up the calendar she kept on the kitchen wall to check for dates.

@evangelinemorris

[evangelinemorris]

Whatever tension heated between the two of them, Evie didn't blame Lale in the slightest. It took her a moment to rein in any brimming unprofessionalism that wanted to buck in her chest. Even during bids, she was all business first and friendship later, but she could never lay claim to outright hostility.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, this time addressing Lale. "I try to not do anything until I've gotten all my ducks in a row, that unfortunately includes basic bodily needs like hydration. I did eat before I came."

Blueprints would tell them everything they needed to know before any full renovations came about. It often told the story of the hardware within. Fortunately, Evie had known how to read blueprints since she was seven years old and crawled into her grandfather's lap to see what he was doing.

"Matt Rowberry's a drunk and Taylor Juarez is a flake," she responded. They'd be better off hiring some kid straight off his finals than hiring either of them. "They say leaving something in the wall is a rite of passage, but if you hire either of them, chances of a plastic bottle ending up in your wiring's pretty high."

next: @bennettjrbrody

[bennettjrbrody]

Something about Evie's apology to Lale set Ben on edge and he couldn't even explain why. He closed his eyes and dropped his head for the briefest of moments, the tension within him immediately evident in the pull of his neck muscles. He sighed.

Evie's dismissal of both the names he offered had him wanting to burst out in all his frustration and annoyance. He was pretty sure he'd just said those were their options, and it wasn't particularly constructive to shoot down both without suggesting an alternative. He hadn't lived here in over a decade and, even when he had, contractors in the area hadn't exactly been part of his contact list.

"Well, maybe you can get some other names, then," he bit out. "Please."

He turned to Lale, closing the gap between them enough he could tuck a kiss against the side of her head. The easy gesture of affection went a short ways toward unwinding him, but it definitely wasn't enough. "I'm going to go take a quick shower. You know when I'm free. I'll go wherever you say, whenever you want."

next: @lalekaplanbrody

[evangelinemorris]

Evie lost track of whether or not this was brutal honesty or an underhanded way to cut the other. It was a continuing theme in their conversations. One minute, she was uncharacteristically happy to see him, but then reality set in and she realized just how much it actually fucking hurt to see him.

"I don't have to defend him to you except to tell you that he's actively put in the work to become a better person," she informed him. As much as whether or not he reproduced wasn't up to her.

Suddenly, her town felt a little more suffocating than she'd like.

Her spine stiffened when he continued and her hands slid into the back pockets of her jeans. "Maybe we should. But do me one last favor and never fucking bring up the funeral again. Don't fucking do that. Have at least some tiny scrap of respect for me." The words came out as a harsh hiss in comparison to the heated, hushed tones from before. "Just do whatever you want, Ben. I don't really care anymore."

Lies.

[bennettjrbrody]

As she clapped back to his words, he couldn’t bear to make eye contact anymore. The feeling encroaching into every unexamined part of him was one he couldn’t explain, other than to say it stole his breath a little. It fucking hurt if he was honest about it.

“I don’t give a fuck about him,” he clarified under his breath. And it was the complete truth - all he cared about was her, and what kind of fallout there would be from this decision. She’d been a kind of wounded the last time he didn’t know how to answer or how to help repair. It had been its own kind of heartbreaking to hold her and not feel like it made a bit of fucking difference in her suffering, and he didn’t think he could ever trust anything that might welcome that feeling back into their lives. The potential would always be there, now.

And even as he said the words to cut it all off, some part of him hoped she would still reach for him if she needed something from him rather than suffering through it with no one else who understood her. There would never be an ‘I told you so’ between them, at least not from him. He would keep all ‘I knew this would happen’s to himself.

His hands found his hips as she made her last favor request, his eyes still trained on the ground, and he nodded. Maybe if they’d brought it up sooner and talked it out, this wouldn’t be happening. That wasn’t their specialty, though. And he’d never had it in him to start the conversation because it was all too confusing. Even now, years later, he would occasionally get caught up in the memory and he could feel the residue of it all somewhere inside him. Every now and then, it was actually fucking distracting like nothing else had ever been. He was definitely too scared to examine why.

Oddly, though he knew her parting words probably weren’t true as much as she wanted them to be true, he found himself clinging to them most of all. He didn’t issue a response or let his eyes follow her. Instead, he took a breath to offset the pinch behind his eyes, to swallow the taste in the back of his throat, an errant song lyric floating through his brain to settle him.

The trains are ringing in the yard again. Tell me have I lost a friend? Trains are ringing in the yard again. One road opens and one road ends.

He just had to go down the only open road, right? So he lifted his head and went to find his wife.

-the end-

[bennettjrbrody]

Choose one baby your head or your heart We could not have known it'd go this far Choose one baby it's the hardest part Losing one becomes the very start

The trains are ringing in the yard again Tell me have I lost a friend? Trains are ringing in the yard again One road opens and one road ends

[bennettjrbrody]

“No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice.” - Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

[evangelinemorris]

Arguing publicly wouldn't do either of them any favors. Evie didn't expect him to be happy for her either way, but she held back. It wasn't up to her to defend Tate or give the reason for his change of heart. Ben also knew her well enough to know she wasn't fishing for a well-wish or anything remotely resembling it.

Had Tate ripped her heart out? Yes. Was he trying to move forward and putting in the work? Also yes.

Evie wasn't the altogether forgiving type. She was a recent convert of her former mindset of the strong belief people never truly changed. Tate was proof they could.

"I don't expect you to be happy for me, Ben. I really don't. I'm a big girl."

[bennettjrbrody]

Ben let out a ragged sigh, taking a moment to rake his hand through his hair. He then returned his gaze to her. For better or worse, a poor choice of words when it came to them, even in thought, he couldn't really bullshit her. And he knew she didn't want him to try. They were never the friends, or whatever, who would be anything less than unflinchingly honest with one another. There wasn't another option, because they knew each other so well.

"Good, because I think opening up to him is a mistake," he replied. "Just like you think Lale and I shouldn't have another baby." He pressed his lips together, his mouth keeping pace with his thoughts because he didn't really know what to do about any of it.

"Maybe this is the end of the road, Ev. Our choices are dictating we should just... stop trying to rely on each other. Professional relationship only. I guess, if I'm honest, I've known this moment was coming since your grandmother's funeral." Which was, of course, a sloppy shorthand to reference the night they'd slept together. His eyes lingered on her for a long beat. "Maybe I should get back to Lale and Berkan. And you should get back to Tate. And we should be done."