So I'm talking to a dom rn, and what's an appropriate vetting timeline? What should the pacing be??
Okay, so. Let’s start with what we know. You’re talking to a Dom, and I’m going to make the assuption (maybe the wrong one but work with me here) that’s he’s online.Â
If you’re planning on doing any sort of meeting up with a Dominant that you have met online, you must set safety protocols.Â
Ask for a photo of his drivers license and a recent photo. If you need the guy to take a picture with a copy of the daily local news, do it.Â
Send these things to a trusted friend with a timeline of your first meeting. Have them check in with you via text message every few minutes–some say 10 minutes, other say 30 minutes. Whichever you choose, keep open communication going with someone who can easily call the police.Â
Keep your Snapchat/Find my Friends/Google map locator turned on so that your friend can see where you are.Â
Make sure you meet in an open location the first time–do NOT meet at His house, apartment, hotel, etc. That is one goddamn dangerous fantasy that just does not need to be a thing ever.Â
If they refuse to do any of these things, that saves you a fuckton of time in the vetting process. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200, do not meet up with this person. The end.Â
When it comes to the actual conversation, the vetting process needs to be a detailed interview. I’m dorky enough that I would bring pen and paper or open a document in my phone and write it all down. Hell, even record the whole thing and play it back so you can, again, write it all down.Â
What to ask? Everything. Likes, dislikes, limits, expectations, desires, goals, is this long term or is this short term (and if so, what is the expiration date?), what kind of Dominant are you, what kind of sadist are you, punishments, rules–all of it. Every single little thing you can think of, ask it. Prepare your questions ahead of time ( @instructor144 has a list of questions that is just awesome). If he acts like you’re being “too much,” “silly,” or that you’re “not a true sub because a good sub would just do what Sir says”? NOPE THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.Â
If he scoffs at you having limits, run. If he tells you to call him Sir/Daddy/Master/Lord and Savior Jesus McDomly Pants Christ, RUN. If he tells you not to look in his eyes during this first meeting, if he tells you that he doesn’t have to tell you things, if he tells you that you should be silent and listen, run.Â
Sub frenzy is a real thing ( @reflectedtruthsblog I believe wrote a spectacular piece on the subject that I cannot find because Tumblr won’t let me search for things anymore) and needs to be guarded against. Slow and steady wins the race, not just for turtles but for D/s dynamics too. A good Dominant will understand this, actually push for slowness, and will not rush timelines, contracts, etc.Â
A good valid Dominant will seek regular yet appropriate levels of communication. Texts daily, asking about your day, not pushing you for an answer to whether or not the dynamic will work for you. Frankly, I’m of the mindset that a Dominant needs to care about his submisisve as a person, not just as three holes. If you’re engaging in a long-term dynamic with someone, they should know you as a person, not just as something to get their dick wet.Â
I know this is a lot, but you can honestly never be too careful when you’re undergoing the vetting process. It’s worth being careful. You’re worth finding a Dominant who will love, adore, and treasure the strong, valued possession that you are.Â
I welcome any sub who takes this approach. Keep yourselves safe, boys, girls, and everyone else.
