i ult txt with my entire heart & soul ♡ beomgyu biased
also multistan to many other groups, including: skz, ateez, bts, le sserafim, twice, nct, enha & many more
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personally prefer to remain anonymous, so just call me nishi !
i am an adult, but i will never write/post anything that is nsfw - my account will be a safe place for all ages ♡
lastly, my dms/asks are open at any time, so feel free to talk or lmk anything whenever you like :) i will always answer everyone when i have the time!
⊹ warnings: just my usual awful writing + MAJOR procrastination (two years worth...oops)
⊹ wc: 4.1k
summary: back in your college days, you were living at the prime of your life alongside your boyfriend, yeonjun. you couldn't remember most of it, though, considering it was a blur consisting of mostly parties and many drunken nights. eventually, you reached your limit, and you and yeonjun no longer saw eye-to-eye. after many fights and endless tears, you disappeared for good and left that life and your boyfriend behind.
but, five years later, yeonjun was still waiting for you at every party.
he's dead.
he's absolutely dead.
yeonjun may not know a lot of things, but one thing he did know - for a fact - was that kang taehyun was dead to him.
the drive home had been painfully silent, filled with insurmountable tension that would need more than just a knife to be cut.
taehyun could definitely feel it. he didn't know when the energy had shifted between them, though a twist in his gut had him fearing the worst.
did he know?
meanwhile, yeonjun had just been trying to hold himself together; he was merely trying his hardest to keep his composure and process what exactly it was that he had witnessed just a few minutes prior.
what kind of fucking business did taehyun have to be in contact with you?
just at his own reminder, yeonjun found himself balling his fists - his fingernails digging deeply into the palms of his hands in a desperate attempt to keep his calm.
it was only once they had parted ways - with a stiff and incredibly awkward goodbye exchanged - that yeonjun was finally able to explode with the overwhelming emotions that were consuming him.
he was officially seething with an immense amount of anger while simultaneously hurting with betrayal.
his own best friend.. after everything they've been through...
without even thinking twice, yeonjun's pure instinctive nature had him reaching for a full bottle of tequila from behind the bar in his home. though, before he could succumb to his destructive habit, he experienced a brief moment of clarity.
no... no i need to think..
he shook his head, knowing that if he were to drink now, he'd have only half a mind left to call taehyun back over and beat the living shit out of him.
to think that his own best friend, who had spent hours consoling him and giving him advice on how to get you back, was the very same person who went behind his back and secured a fucking date with you.
"no.. no, no, no," yeonjun was mumbling to himself, his hands gripping and tugging at his own hair as he began pacing back and forth across the room.
his mind was racing, yet he couldn't pinpoint a single thought alone. it was as if there was so much noise occurring in his head, yet it was impossible to make out even a single word. despite being in an empty home, it felt like his head was buzzing similarly to that of a crowded room.
yeonjun froze his pacing and finally took a deep breath – one that was very much needed to help calm himself down.
amongst all the noise that was screaming in his head, it all came to an immediate silence once he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. he let out a scoff of a laugh, though there wasn't a trace of amusement.
what was he doing? what was he thinking?!
he ran his fingers through his disheveled hair, tidying it up just enough to minimize the crazed appearance that he was radiating right about now.
he is choi fucking yeonjun for crying out loud. he was- no.. is better than this.
most especially better than taehyun.
fuck it.
he officially had enough with playing the slow game. he's had enough of second-guessing every choice he made. it was time he finally took matters into his own damn hands.
screw whatever plans you thought you had with taehyun tomorrow, that no longer mattered. yeonjun was not about to sit around and let you slip away again while he nursed bottle after bottle crying about it.
if taehyun thought he could undermine the choi yeonjun and sneak around behind his back, then he had another thing coming.
˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗
"what the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
your brows were knitted together in confused irritation, quite honestly offended by the comment that had just been uttered out of beomgyu's mouth a second ago.
he raised his hands up in surrender, his eyes widening twice their normal size once he gauged your reaction at his words.
"no- okay, wait, i didn't mean that! i just meant-"
"you said i look weird! what else did you mean?!" you were truly flabbergasted, to say the least.
you looked down at the blouse and skirt combo you had chosen to dress yourself with today – a rather drastic and unusual change compared to your normal style of casual wear for work.
beomgyu was shaking his head maniacally and spilling out apologies, seemingly regretful of his poor choice of wording. he swore up and down that he spoke incorrectly, but you feared that he might have just been far more brutally honest than he originally intended.
your cheeks were flushed a deep shade of red now, deathly embarrassed.
beomgyu suddenly fell to his knees, clinging to your leg as he continued to drown you in his apologies. "y/n, no, i swear i didn't mean it! i just meant you look different, i didn't mean to say it like that!"
you scoffed, crossing your arms and rolling your eyes. "yeah, different is just a nicer way to say i look bad."
when you had woken up this morning, you figured it would be a nice change of pace to dress yourself up in more business casual attire for the meetings you needed to attend throughout the day — not to mention that you also had lunch plans later with taehyun that you pretended wasn't your sole purpose for dressing up today at all.
you sighed now, unable to prevent the pout adorning your lips. "do i look stupid? be honest."
beomgyu could practically feel his heart break at how quietly your voice had mumbled such sad words. he hugged your legs even tighter, shaking his head. "no, you don't, i promise! you look pretty, so so pretty!"
admittedly, your heart did flutter a bit at the compliment, but that didn't change the fact that you were still hurt by his original statement.
it didn't exactly make you feel warm and fuzzy to have one of your best friends look at you and point out your weird difference in appearance.
you wondered what kai would think...
would taehyun like it?
beomgyu stood up from the ground, taking your hands in his in order to gain your full attention. "you look very pretty, y/nie. i didn't mean to make you feel bad, i promise," he began to apologize again – though you could truly sense his sincerity. "it's just new to see you dressed so nice when you don't normally wear something like this."
you smiled lightly, feeling your cheeks heat up yet again at his words. luckily, this time it was more out of shyness rather than embarrassment.
"did you wear this for taehyun?"
the soft pink hue coloring your face quickly darkened in shade, back to that of sheer embarrassment. you were hoping to avoid this type of observation, but you supposed it was inevitable.
beomgyu began to laugh now in response to your silence, shaking his head. "who would've thought you'd be dressing up so cute for your little admirer, huh? gotta say, i'm kind of jealous."
you shoved him rather weakly, rolling your eyes lightheartedly. "oh, shut up," you pursed your lips to contain your shy smile, turning away from him to hide how badly your face was glowing red. "i didn't do this for him."
"yeah, and i didn't wake up late this morning," beomgyu teased, poking at your side playfully.
your hands went up to cover your cheeks, as if that was going to somehow magically prevent beomgyu from seeing how badly you were blushing and blatantly lying.
a part of you was beginning to regret letting him ever get involved in the first place.
"i swear, you're insufferable." you grumbled, though beomgyu was able to quickly pick up on your second obvious lie, considering you were failing miserably to contain your smile.
"it comes with the cost of being sober," beomgyu joked, laughing as he slumped himself onto the sofa in your office. "i must bother you as a compromise."
you rolled your eyes for the second time now as you joined him, but the amused smile never disappeared from your lips.
seeing as all your morning meetings were completed and done with, you had more than enough time to spare in the afternoon with beomgyu before your next scheduled meeting.
that, of course, being your lunch with taehyun.
which, after glancing briefly at the time on your phone, you realized was only a mere two hours away.
suddenly, panic quickly ensued at the self-reminder. your current conversation with beomgyu faltered as your mind began overthinking the entire lunch before it even occurred - such as what underlying meaning it may hold for the two of you.
you wondered if, perhaps, taehyun was viewing this outing as a date, considering the circumstances. you, on the other hand ... had no idea what the hell this really was.
sure, you couldn't deny that he was attractive and definitely piqued your interest, but, at the end of the day, you knew not one thing about him. how could you return his supposed affection when you barely learned his name just a week ago?
"that's the whole point, isn't it?" beomgyu questioned, after you had openly shared your worries with him. "isn't this date meant for you to get to know him?"
you looked away as you fell into your spiraling thoughts once more, mulling over beomgyu's words. "well, i mean .. i guess so-"
"there's nothing to guess! just get to know him, whether you see it as a date or not," beomgyu spoke so matter-of-factly, it was almost hard to believe that he was the same playful dork you were used to. "sure, he may have some feelings for you, but it's not like he's forcing you to return them or anything."
you couldn't help but to silently study his face for a few seconds, truly in disbelief.
"who are you and what did you do with my beomgyu?"
beomgyu broke into a wide grin, laughing and shaking his head as he gently shoved your shoulder in a playful manner.
in the midst of beomgyu continuing to give you a peptalk to ease your intensifying nerves, you both then jumped slightly at the sound of your office phone suddenly ringing from on top of your desk.
the only ones who ever contacted you through that phone was typically members of upper management, thus instilling a sudden fear in your chest. you worriedly checked the time for a moment, though you were more than confident that your next meeting wouldn't be until after lunch hours .. so who could possibly be calling? you instinctively looked over at beomgyu with a confused expression, almost as if he would somehow hold the answer.
"don't look at me, i'm just as confused as you are!"
finally standing up from where you were initially seated beside beomgyu, you made your way to answer the ringing phone and held it up to your ear. "hello? y/n speaking."
"good afternoon, miss y/n! it's mina!"
you couldn't help the gentle smile quickly gracing your lips, relaxing once you were able to identify the caller - most especially with knowing you weren't in trouble with upper management in some way.
"oh! miss mina, what a surprise," you giggled, looking over at beomgyu as you spoke to slyly let him know who was calling. "what can i do for you?"
"oh nothing, nothing. i was actually calling because .. well, there's a gentleman here who is asking to see you, and-"
"he's here already?!" you gasped instinctively, cutting off the end of her sentence as your hand came up to cover your mouth in surprise.
wide eyes met even wider eyes as you and beomgyu looked at one another in shock. the two of you were not expecting for taehyun to show up until at least an hour later, unless .. maybe he wanted to surprise you?
"ah, so you were expecting him?" mina had questioned, almost sounding taken aback for some reason you couldn't quite understand.
you felt your cheeks warming up once more. "yes, um, we made plans. you can just, uh.. you can send him up to my office. i just need to finish up .. a couple things."
beomgyu was giving you the most bewildered expression, lifting his hands up as if to question what the hell you were doing - unfortunately not even you could answer that for yourself.
"i have no idea" you mouthed to him, running your free hand through your hair stressfully. you could hear mina trying to giggle quietly on the other end of the line, probably trying not to let taehyun hear her. "alright, i'll send him right up!"
once the call ended and you set the phone back down on the receiver, beomgyu finally was able to speak freely.
"what things do you have to finish??"
"nothing! i don't know why i said that or why i'm letting him come up here," you groaned, fanning yourself as the room suddenly felt like it was growing hotter by the second.
you froze, blinking slowly as your brain finally caught up with the situation. taehyun was coming.
taehyun was coming here.
you frantically looked over to beomgyu, practically rushing to shove him out the door. "you need to leave, you can't be here!"
"what? why? i thought we were in this together?!"
"yeah, when it's just us!" you reminded him, opening your office door and completely shoving him out. "i'll tell you about it later, i promise, just go!"
you closed the door behind him and rushed back to sit at your desk, in some false attempt to appear as if you'd actually been working on something like you claimed to be. truthfully, though, you merely just opened up a blank word document and focused on your breathing exercises to keep from panicking any more than you already were.
funnily enough, as beomgyu was grumbling under his breath, he was mere seconds away from running into your visitor for himself anyway. though, the matter was avoided by a mere few seconds as his elevator doors closed almost simultaneously as the doors of the neighboring elevator opened.
back in your office, you were gazing at your reflection in the computer's monitor and desperately trying to fix your hair in hopes of appearing presentable. now that the moment was here much sooner than you expected, your nerves had skyrocketed beyond what they originally started at.
then, a knock at your office door.
cue the intense feeling of nausea overwhelming your entire body as your heart leapt into your throat.
"come in," you attempted to call out normally, though you feared even he could hear just how shaky it came out.
all that feeling disappeared rather quickly, though, once the door actually opened. instead of freezing up from the nerves, you jumped out of your seat from the shock. your heart felt as if it had fallen from your throat and landed back into your chest, performing a somersault while an unknown sensation twisted in your gut.
"yeonjun?" you finally managed to speak, unable to look away from his fox-eyed gaze. "what are you doing here?"
all that preparation this morning for naught now that his breath escapes him upon seeing you in front of him again. he especially couldn't quite remember the monologue he had planned out on the way over to your office, not when you were looking right at him.
but he'll be damned if he let his nerves get the best of him right now.
"i wanted to see you," yeonjun answered honestly, shrugging rather nonchalantly as he stepped further into the room.
that was definitely not what yeonjun had wanted to say when he first arrived to your building, but he couldn't exactly take it back now. the words were out of his mouth and he had to watch as you let out a disbelieving laugh in response.
"so you thought you could just stroll right in like it was nothing?" your confusion was truly through the roof.
yeonjun averted his gaze to the small table, taking note of the first ever gift he had left for you still decorating the center. the color of the petals were definitely not as vibrant as they had once been, but it was evident that they were still being deeply cared for after all this time.
looking back at you now, yeonjun was shaking his head to answer your question. "no, i just.. i had no other way to reach you. i really feel like i owe you an explanation for everything."
"you owe it to me?!" a genuine laugh of amusement escaped you from the absolute ridiculousness of the situation. "yeonjun, you owed it to me five years ago!"
your words felt like a sucker punch straight to his gut, but he knew full well that you were right. he was definitely five years too late by this point - if not more so, considering he wasn't exactly the best boyfriend - but that didn't mean he couldn't be capable of change... right?
you shook your head, still unable to fathom the situation before you. instead of taehyun arriving earlier to surprise you as you had originally thought, you were instead faced with your ex-boyfriend - whom you had been seeing a lot more of than you would normally like.
what has your life become?
you could only let out a sigh. "yeonjun, what made you think you could come to my office and think this was okay?"
"look... i know that i've been a grade-A asshole, okay?" yeonjun sighed, running a hand through his hair as he took a cautious step forward. "from five years ago... to the party... i'm more than aware that i do not deserve even a second of your time."
admittedly, you were stunned by the raw honesty in yeonjun's words. you couldn't even find it in yourself to make some sort of retort... instead, you listened attentively and waited for him to continue.
"at the party, i- ... i gave you that shirt on purpose. i wanted the memory to hurt you the way it hurt me all these years," yeonjun confessed, which caused your heart to ache at the confirmation. now you weren't sure what hurt more - thinking he didn't remember or now knowing that he did.
"after you left, i wanted nothing more than to make things right. i didn't know how to say the words, so i figured if i started off with gifts... maybe you would see what i was trying to say."
your eyes trailed over to watch his fingers play with the leaves of the flowers sitting on your table, but you could only half process what he was trying to say. instead, you were more concerned about, what could arguably be, the most miniscule portion of his words.
"what do you mean you started with gifts?"
he shrugged weakly, dropping his hand back down to his side. "the flowers, for one. i remember they used to be your favorite."
your jaw clenched as you looked back to the flowers.
there was an unnoticeable glint that flashed in yeonjun's eyes as he watched your reaction, and he knew that he managed to lay the bait. now, all he had to do was hook you and reel it in.
"i know i didn't leave a note with them, but i was afraid you'd throw them out if you knew they were from me."
a lie. yeonjun was just an idiot and forgot to include one, but it wouldn't bode well for his story if he was honest about that part.
"so i tried again with the chocolates..."
you could feel the stiffening tension in your shoulders as yeonjun continued speaking - somehow relaying every gift that you had received. however, none of it made any sense when taehyun had been the one to admit he was your secret admirer.
although, thinking about it now, he didn't exactly confess to it himself - rather, you confronted him and he merely said yes.
you suddenly felt yourself leaning against your desk for support. this was a lot of information to comprehend.
"what did the note say?" the question came out before you could help it. the curiosity over that note - which still sat in the drawer of your desk - had been eating you alive ever since you first saw the messy scribbles.
"oh, the note?" yeonjun chuckled a bit awkwardly, looking a bit embarrassed as he recalled what he wrote. "i actually used lyrics from my friend's song that made me think of you. in fact, he was the one i asked to deliver the gifts, since i didn't think you'd want to see me either."
you almost scoffed at the answer, unable to believe that you had been losing your mind over copied lyrics.
then you heard it.
"wait, your friend? who was your friend?"
"taehyun," yeonjun had to fight back a grimace, not wanting to let his anger get the best of him as he uttered that traitor's name. "i don't think you guys have met."
by this point, you were confident that the oxygen was depleting in your office. this whole time that you were believing taehyun was your secret admirer... it had been yeonjun all along?!
your mind felt like it was taking hits left and right, and you weren't sure where to focus first. surely you weren't just imagining feeling this lightheaded, right?
"i- .. i need air," you exhaled, feeling your forehead with the back of your hand as if you were coming down with a fever.
yeonjun - ever the arrogant asshole - was having to fight back every urge and instinct that wanted to push you to keep talking. he hadn't reeled the line in all the way yet, and he didn't want to risk losing this opportunity.
though, at the same time, he knew it wouldn't be right to overwhelm you all at once.
"let me take you to lunch," yeonjun spoke up. it wasn't exactly a question, but he had the spirit - it wasn't like he could completely change in a day.
"yeonjun-"
"please?" he cut you off, his voice uncharacteristically softer now. still not exactly giving you much of a choice, but he was admittedly desperate.
his plan would have been all for nothing if he left now.
"just one lunch, y/n. i just... i want to talk about everything," yeonjun continued, gazing at you with that pleading expression - one you remembered vividly back from your college days.
shaking your head, you knew full well that this was, in no way, a good idea. on top of that, you were more than sure that taehyun was supposed to show up any minute now for the lunch you guys had originally planned.
however, he was the last person you wanted to see right now...
"fine... fine, just one lunch."
if yeonjun didn't have any semblance of control, he probably would've fist pumped the air in victory. if he did that now, though, he was certain that you would cancel lunch and kick him right out - only succeeding in him looking like a damn fool.
against all of your better judgement, you grabbed your purse and followed yeonjun out of your office and toward the elevators.
the silence was most definitely awkward the entire ride down, but you felt it was too late to back out by this point. if nothing else, you hoped that this lunch could at least end up being much needed closure for the both of you.
yeonjun, on the other hand, was silently praying for the opposite.
as the two of you made your way through the lobby, yeonjun mentioned that he had a company car parked out front. although you were a bit hesitant, he assured you multiple times over that it would be one simple lunch and nothing more - even offering to call you a cab afterward.
yeonjun held the door open for you to climb into the backseat, and he was just about to climb in behind you, however, he felt this burning sensation at the back of his head that was too strong for him to ignore.
turning around briefly, he finally locked eyes with the silver-haired traitor watching him in pure shock from the sidewalk.
when taehyun arrived, he swore that he fully intended to clear the air and explain everything to you. what he hadn't expected, though, was for you to be climbing into a car with yeonjun instead when you had been the one to initiate plans with him in the first place ...
the look on taehyun's face was far too perfect, and yeonjun wished that he could frame it for himself.
with a devilish smirk adorning his lips, yeonjun sent the stunned boy a mischievous wink before climbing into the car and shutting the door behind him.
that should teach him to mess with choi fucking yeonjun.
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a/n:
it's been almost two years and i'm 10000% sure no one remembers this story at all. hell, clearly i didn't remember either ... i don't want to be that typical fanfic author that trauma dumps in the footnote, but lets just say life gets in the way, y'know? anyway, i can't guarantee i'll update any time soon, but i did say that i won't ever give up on this story lol so i hope anyone who reads this enjoys the once in a blue moon update and, as always, pls let me know what you think !!
may have spiraled for a little while, but now i'm seeing all the responses i've been getting again and now i miss writing 😭 i'll work on ydgtp tonight !!
may have spiraled for a little while, but now i'm seeing all the responses i've been getting again and now i miss writing 😭 i'll work on ydgtp tonight !!
remember when i googled and studied the entire layout of lotte world to make my date scene with soobin as accurate as possible... man , i miss being dedicated to the craft 😭
damn i kinda wish i had more people to talk to about my silly little fics and encourage me to write.. tell me why i have an unfinished ydgtp draft in my notes that just CANT SEEM TO WRITE ITSELF 🙄🙄🙄
like miss girl... i have the ideas, just magically manifest onto the screen for me pls
⊹ warnings: drinking involved and maybe angst if you squint really hard? other than that, it's mainly fluff!
⊹ wc: 7.0k
summary: if you had a thousand won for every time you heard the question "are you two dating?" or just the words "you two should just date already!", you and kai could probably afford to buy a house together.
in which two childhood best friends are the only ones in all of seoul who can't seem to see that they're obviously in love with each other.
there were always hints.
not-so-subtle clues.
signs — or, billboards, if you will.
realistically, they were all so blatantly obvious that anyone with a functioning pair of eyes could see it. something just short of being able to scream the words to the world itself.
unfortunately, there is a certain pair that was utterly and embarrassingly oblivious.
and even more unfortunate? it was the same pair that the billboards were screaming about.
two childhood best friends. the beloved trope that all the best stories were inspired by and written about. the kind of friends anyone could look at and know, at first glance, that they were soulmates - destined to be together in any and every lifetime
the only thing fate didn't account for, in this lifetime, was the fact that they were both ridiculously blind.
୨ ✿ ୧
huening kai and y/n.
brought together by a stolen pack of 64 crayola crayons in primary school and impossible to separate ever since. had no one known any better, anyone would have been convinced that the two of you were, quite literally, glued to the hip.
despite all the years that have passed since you two first met, you both still did absolutely everything together. hell, you literally followed each other from primary school all the way to the same university.
the only way life managed to pull you two apart at all was with the ridiculously unreasonable university guidelines separating the male and female dorms — the rules were very much reasonable, you two were just pouty about it.
luckily for your codependency, you and kai only ever had to deal with being apart for four days out of the week.
once the weekend came around, with yeonjun and soobin's approval - and sometimes even without - the two of you, along with beomgyu and taehyun, would gather at their shared apartment and spend the next two nights and three days all together.
in fact, tonight was the first night of said weekend, and you and kai were already making your way to the elevator to head up to the older boys' apartment.
not empty-handed, of course, seeing as you both had one hand occupied with bags full of snacks to share and enjoy between the six of you.
it was a sort of rule that yeonjun and soobin collectively implemented after a few months of four freeloaders living off of their food supply. if any one of you were going to come over - most especially unannounced - then you were kindly asked (aka demanded) to supply the group with drinks/snacks.
in any case, the hands that weren't holding anything were to be found perfectly entwined with each other's — and they have been ever since the two of you left the university. not that this was anything out of the ordinary; honestly, it would be more surprising if you weren't holding hands.
your friendship with kai, for as long as either of you could remember, has always been an affectionate one. lots of hand-holding, many hugs, and even quite a bit of cuddling that made the rest of your friends feel nauseous upon witnessing.
"ahh, if it isn't the happy couple," yeonjun teased immediately after opening the door, earning simultaneous eye rolls from the two of you.
"oh ha ha, that's a new one." you stuck your tongue out playfully at the older boy, handing him the bag of snacks from your hand.
kai followed, quickly passing his bag of snacks into yeonjun's other hand while quickly following you inside - greeting soobin with a sweet embrace directly after you.
there was just something about the 'teasing yeonjun and loving soobin' agenda that the two of you naturally followed.
"kai ... there is nothing but gummies in here." yeonjun pointed out from the kitchen, his brows furrowed together as he scavenged through the bags the two of you had handed to him.
"yeah, i wanted to try every flavor they had!" kai answered enthusiastically, parting from you momentarily to go and grab a gummy bag full of sharks.
"i tried to stop him, but he insisted," you said with a shrug.
"no you didn't! you grabbed half of the bags!"
you were just about to open your mouth to deny his accusations, but, one mini flashback later, you realized he was right. on top of that, you were pretty sure it was also your idea ... but the others didn't need to know that.
"whatever," yeonjun rolled his eyes, an amused grin on his lips as he left both bags full of gummies to sit on the countertop. "let's just hope taehyun brings something that's considered actual food."
soobin couldn't help but to laugh from the living room as he began turning on the TV. "no faith in beomgyu then, huh?"
"are you kidding? last weekend he brought a king-size snickers bar and considered that his contribution," yeonjun recalled, throwing himself onto the couch cushion as he shook his head.
both you and kai simultaneously burst into giggles as the two of you also thought back to the same memory of your friend's dorky grin holding up his snickers bar with pride.
"didn't he eat the whole thing himself, too?" you asked, laughing even more.
"i swear, if he comes in here with nothing again, i'm literally kicking him out," yeonjun stated with exasperation, though all of you were more than positive that he was not remotely serious.
gathering a few bags of gummies to share between the two of you, both you and kai settled together in the single recliner seat – despite the open loveseat across from the two of you being entirely available for you to sit comfortably in.
not that either of you were uncomfortable in any way. in fact, it was quite the opposite. you squeezed beside kai in the seat cheerfully, with your legs draped over his lap, and began to playfully add a peach ring to both of his ring fingers.
one glance in your direction had yeonjun gagging in a mocking manner, rolling his eyes dramatically.
he only stopped when you threw a shark gummy at his head, grinning in amusement as he took a bite of it's head.
a knock sounding from the door interrupted the casual chatter that had eventually occupied the room, introducing taehyun into the space once soobin had answered the door for him. he wordlessly lifted his arms, showcasing the bags filled with chinese takeout to the three of you that remained in the living room.
"tyun, you're my angel," yeonjun cooed, pretending to be moved to tears when he eyed the containers filled with actual food. he stood from the couch to walk over to taehyun with open arms of affection, though taehyun himself wasn't exactly welcome of the gesture – judging by the way he dodged his hug to greet you and kai instead.
"ah, i see you two have made yourself comfortable already," taehyun remarked, noting the position the two of you were in.
"wasted no time when they got here, actually," soobin added with a chuckle, walking back to the loveseat with a container of noodles in his hands this time.
you scoffed, shaking your head with the slightest twinge of annoyance, though not bothered enough to make any sort of comment in return.
unfortunately, you and kai were far too used to the teasing by this point.
whether they feigned disgust or constantly referred to the two of you as a couple, you both remained unbothered and confident in your friendship to not let any of their remarks affect you.
"whatever," you dismissed them casually, chewing off the head of the gummy bear in your hand. "so what're the plans for tonight?"
soobin shrugged with uncertainty, setting down his chopsticks after chewing his mouthful of noodles. "same as always, i think. we could make up another game tournament or just have a movie marathon."
taehyun was quick to shake his head as he sat down on the longer sofa, his expression appearing completely serious. "i'm not playing another game with those cheaters over there," he commented, nodding his head over in your direction.
your mouth gaped open in surprise. "what is that supposed to mean??"
yeonjun scoffed loudly in order to truly showcase his disbelief in your shock. "oh, please, as if you two don't always team up together to cheat against us."
"when have we ever-" kai started, but was cut off by the other three instantaneously listing all the games that the two of you have cheated in without any hesitation – which wound up being almost every single game.
"... and then there was also that time in monopoly where you were both sneaking money under the table-"
"okay, hold on, that's not fair! we were already on the verge of going bankrupt by the time we started cheating," you attempted to defend yourself, pointing your finger over at taehyun. "you had like 5 hotels on boardwalk, so excuse us for trying to help each other survive."
kai was too busy laughing beside you to join in on the conversation. he just found his best friend far too adorable as he watched you get so worked up over the memory.
the bickering went on for maybe another minute before the front door of the apartment suddenly burst open, finally announcing the presence of the final member of your group of six.
"don't worry, kids, beomgyu is here! the weekend can officially begin!" he announced loudly, kicking the door closed with his shoe as he held up two bags full of bottles of beer and soju.
"who gave him a key?" was yeonjun's only concern, looking over at soobin with a look of pure confusion.
"that's not important," beomgyu dismissed him, moving to the living room to set both bags onto the coffee table in front of everyone. "what is important is that i'm here with drinks!"
you laughed at the sight, shaking your head in amazement. "yeah, we can see that. did you want us to black out tonight or something?"
"no, i want us to have fun," beomgyu answered, lightly flicking at your forehead as if you were somehow the ridiculous one in this situation. "when was the last time the six of us actually drank and had fun?"
"i didn't know we needed to drink in order to have fun," taehyun deadpanned, not even bothering to look up from the takeout in his hands.
while the remaining four of you were in agreeance with taehyun, seeing as you've all collectively had fun together without any involvement of drinking before, beomgyu could just barely see out of the hole that he was digging himself into.
"okay, listen, you know that's not what i meant," he attempted to save himself, lifting his hands up in a surrendering motion.
"no, no, please! tell us, gyu, have you not been having fun this entire time?" you continued to tease, glancing over to kai in order to catch his amused smile and giggle together.
beomgyu noted this exchange, rolling his own eyes.
you both were always looking to the other for reactions, hoping to see if you managed to make the other smile or laugh. it was sickeningly sweet, truthfully - as if nothing was actually funny unless you reassured each other with a proper reaction.
beomgyu groaned, shaking his head. "listen, i don't want to hear it from mr. and mrs. over here, alright? you guys know what i meant!"
your previous expression of amusement quickly dropped, earning more snickers from the others. sure, you did claim to be confident in your friendship with kai to be unbothered by these types of comments, but that didn't mean they weren't still annoying to hear every five minutes.
although, you suppose that kai wrapping his arms around your waist to hold you closer to him wasn't exactly helpful to the argument.
but what did you care? as you snuggled closer into kai's embrace, you pushed the thought aside and reveled in the comfort of your best friend.
"fine, fine. what did you have in mind then?" soobin finally dragged the attention away from the two of you, pausing all the teasing for a brief moment to actually figure out what beomgyu's supposed plan to have fun was.
"thank you, my dear soobin, i'm so glad you asked," beomgyu beamed brightly. "i was thinking we could all happily drink to our heart's content and then play a mature game of truth or dare."
crickets.
"what are we, 12?" yeonjun scoffed, shaking his head instantly at the idea.
beomgyu's bottom lip jutted out into a pout. "oh, come on, it's not that bad of an idea! when we're drunk, it'll be more fun."
"listen, i'm down for drinking, but i'm probably not going to participate in your little grade school game," you spoke up honestly, shrugging.
the general consensus was pretty much on your side, leaving beomgyu to pout in defeat as everyone began grabbing a bottle to drink and continue on with the evening in a less immature way.
୨ ✿ ୧
by 10 o'clock that night and about three bottles of beer and multiple shots of soju later, the six of you were gathered around the coffee table and giggling like maniacs.
"okay, okay.. yeonjun, truth or dare?" beomgyu asked, slurring his words ever so slightly.
not one of you could remember how you got here.
yeonjun let's out a hiccup before smirking, his droopy eyes barely able to meet beomgyu's in return. "dare!"
"i dare you to record a dance challenge right now and post it to your story," beomgyu smirked back, laughing like a madman as if it were the most diabolical dare he could come up with.
"boooo," you groaned aloud, gesturing a thumbs down in beomgyu's direction. "he posts dance challenges all the time, this is no fun."
beomgyu hummed, his drunken mind barely realizing this fact for himself as well. "oh... okay, well, in that case we get to choose the challenge!"
yeonjun shrugged, entirely unbothered as he took another sip of his beer. "doesn't matter to me."
beomgyu was silent for a moment, seemingly trying to remember the current dance challenges that were going around, but all of you could clearly tell his foggy mind was coming up blank. after a brief moment of eye contact with you, he crawled over and whispered obnoxiously loud, "help me choose a challenge!"
your eyes widened with an idea, smiling brightly as you tried to recall the name of the song.
"oh, oh! make him- make him do that one where... with the girls, when they do the little thing.. with their hips?" God, what was the name of it again? your poor state of mind could not, for the life of you, remember what it was called. "you know the one, where it's like- like the .. titi ti ti... you know?"
your eyes scanned over your group of friends, hopeful that they would understand what you were talking about, but they were all collectively staring at you as if you had miraculously grown a second head.
"y/n, i mean this with all my love and affection... but what the fuck are you talking about?" beomgyu couldn't help but to laugh.
you pouted, sighing in defeat. you looked beside you at your best friend of the five, your eyes practically pleading for him to read your mind and understand you. "kai, you know what i'm talking about, right?"
he hummed for a second before lighting up with realization. "oh! you mean antifragile?"
you gasped, wasting no time in throwing your arms around him in excitement and knocking him over to the floor. "yes!! yes, thank you! i knew you'd understand me!" you peppered kisses all over his cheek in delight, genuinely overjoyed.
kai's face was now entirely flushed red at this point, and he had to hide his face behind his hands from the embarrassment after you finally pulled away from him.
an action that was certainly not missed by the group.
"there! you have to dance to antifragile and post it to your story," you beamed brightly, acting entirely nonchalant – as if you hadn't just spent the past minute and a half kissing your best friend's face.
taehyun blinked with mild surprise, exchanging equally confused looks with soobin. even they couldn't remember a time where the two of you were that affectionate with one another, so neither of them were entirely sure if they should acknowledge or ignore it.
yeonjun, for the time being, went with the latter.
"okay, well, let's film this challenge and move on."
and that he did. although, in his head, he was overly confident that he absolutely nailed the challenge and had no shame in posting it. the rest of you, however, could clearly tell that he forgot half the choreography and started dancing to an entirely different song halfway through.
of course, neither of you spoke up to correct him. you collectively agreed it would be funnier for him to watch it back in the morning.
"alright, so it's my turn now, yeah?" yeonjun asked as he sat back down on the floor, a hint of a smirk gracing his lips.
your eyes were narrowed suspiciously as his smirk only widened once he looked over and met your gaze.
"y/n. truth or dare?"
a suspicious feeling in your gut was just sober enough to convince you to play it safe. something about his determined stare had you worried about what he had in mind for a dare.
"uhh, truth."
with a subtle glance at kai, yeonjun continued on, "okay. have you ever had a crush on any one of us before?"
you blinked. "what? where did that come from?"
"oooh, that's a good one!" beomgyu was thoroughly impressed with yeonjun's question, now watching you with intense curiosity shining in his big, boba eyes. "have you?"
even soobin and taehyun were eyeing you with piqued interest.
you swallowed a nervous gulp, feeling your cheeks heating up under their scrutinizing gazes.
"is that a yes i'm sensing, little y/nie?" yeonjun teased in a cooing voice, smirking almost devilishly as he studied the way you were shyly avoiding eye contact. "which one of us, huh?"
"hey, cut that out," kai quickly stepped in, setting his drink down. "she doesn't have to answer that."
his arm snaked around your waist protectively, his brows furrowing together. he couldn't entirely tell if you were uncomfortable by the question, but he'd rather not take any risks.
one could argue, however, that maybe kai was the one personally trying to avoid the question. taehyun's eyebrow twitched inquisitively, eyeing kai now more than ever. was he, perhaps, the one who did not want to know the answer to that question?
"fine, fine, but she still hasn't answered the first one," yeonjun chuckled, tilting his head playfully. "and if she doesn't, then she has to do the triple dog dare of my choosing."
you groaned, your hands reaching up to cover the glowing red color that was painted across your cheeks from the embarrassment. there was no way in hell you were about to have yeonjun triple dog dare you to do anything.
"okay!" you exclaimed, still staring straight ahead at the table to avoid looking at any of them. "yes... i had a crush on one of you guys before, but that was way back in our first year of high school. it lasted, for like, a week and then i was over it."
the room fell dead silent, the five of them now exchanging glances with one another as they telepathically tried to figure out which one of them it was that had caught your eye back then – even if it was rather short-lived.
in any case, you figured it would be funnier to never speak on the topic again and watch as they drive themselves crazy trying to figure out who the one was.
"moving on," you continued the game casually. "taehyun, truth or dare?"
he strategically chose to answer truth, allowing you to ask him a rather harmless question about any secret guilty pleasures he has hidden from the rest of you.
to which he swore up and down that there was nothing he was ashamed of to hide.
"kai, truth or dare?" taehyun's tone was relatively calm, but his unwavering eyes had a part of you feeling rather nervous about what he had planned.
"ummm.." kai glanced at you for some form of reassurance, almost sharing your sense of nerves. "truth?"
"have you ever thought about dating?"
kai's original nervousness faded as he then rolled his eyes, an act that had almost become a routine of his for every time this question was brought up. "oh, come on, don't you guys ever get tired of that question? why can't y/n and i just be friends without you guys bringing up dating every five minutes?"
taehyun smirked.
if this were a game of chess, he'd imagine kai was put in check right about now.
"i just asked if you ever thought about dating in general. you were the one who thought of y/n."
kai opened his mouth to retort, but not a word came out.
after a few seconds had passed, though it truthfully felt like an hour, you finally scoffed. "i'm sorry, but can you blame him? you guys never leave us alone, so obviously kai was going to assume that was just another roundabout way of talking about the two of us."
taehyun lifted his hands in a silent gesture of surrender, wordlessly setting down his metaphorical chess piece as he gave in to the checkmate.
"so does that mean we can rule out kai being the one you crushed on in high school?" beomgyu questioned suddenly, shifting the attention over to himself.
"beomgyu!" soobin hissed, placing his finger to his lips in order to signal for beomgyu to hush.
now it was beomgyu who was holding his hands up in surrender. "what? i can't be the only one who's still thinking about it, right?"
you couldn't help but to laugh, shaking your head in genuine amusement. regardless of the atmosphere, you knew you could always count on beomgyu to lighten the mood in any situation.
eventually, the six of you went back to the game and there were no longer any unnecessary insinuations from the others about your friendship with kai. even when the two of you got extra cuddly after more drinks, their comments remained kept to themselves - though their shared looks were not as secretive as they may have thought.
that was, until later, when you and taehyun found yourselves alone in the kitchen as you were grabbing water bottles for everyone. at least, that's what the two of you originally went into the kitchen for - somehow after discovering a container of dumplings, the two of you ended up sat on the floor instead and eating them together away from the others.
"so what're you going to do when kai starts dating?"
you froze midbite, caught off-guard by the sudden question. you quickly chewed what was in your mouth before turning to stare at taehyun with a perplexed look. "what are you talking about?"
"i'm talking about kai. eventually, he's going to want to start dating," taehyun reiterated for you, his expression unwavering. "if you two always swear up and down that you're just friends, that means he's going to have to be apart from you to get close with someone else. so i was just curious what you were going to do."
you couldn't help but to be taken aback. the thought never really dawned on you before, seeing as you kind of just assumed you and kai would be inseparable.
"why do we have to be apart for him to start dating?" you asked, feeling a small twinge in your heart at the thought.
taehyun sighed, having to remind himself of your codependency on each other. "well, think about it this way. imagine you start dating someone, but they always had to have their best friend around. wouldn't you feel uncomfortable?"
you frowned, painfully realizing the truth to taehyun's explanation. you supposed it would be kind of awkward to always have a third person around in an intimate relationship.
"well, so far, kai and i never had to deal with that problem," you commented, glancing back at taehyun.
taehyun shook his head, unable to suppress the pity in his eyes. "of course you haven't had to deal with it yet. no one approaches either of you because they already assume that you're dating."
another painful point ...
"i'm just saying," taehyun spoke up, shrugging his shoulders as he focused back on grabbing the last dumpling from the container. "if you two really are 'just friends', then you need to be ready for when the other eventually starts dating."
admittedly, it was a little difficult going back to the others after that and acting as if you hadn't been faced with a reality check during, what was supposed to be, a fun night of hanging out together. it was even more difficult having kai wrap his arm around you when all you could imagine was him treating another girl the same exact way.
did that mean you wouldn't be able to be close with him anymore?
of course not.. what girl in their right mind would want to see their boyfriend cuddled up with another girl?
"y/nie, you okay?" kai's gentle voice beside you finally drew you out of your spiraling thoughts, his hand simultaneously reaching up to caress your cheek as he studied your saddened expression.
you forced a smile. "yeah, sorry, i just got lost in thought."
it was more than evident that kai knew you weren't being entirely honest - the two of you have been friends for almost your entire lives, he practically knew you inside and out by this point. of course, he also knew that you would tell him when you were ready, and now was not exactly the best time when you were surrounded by your four other friends.
curse kang taehyun for putting these thoughts in your head. there you were having a great night with your friends, then suddenly you were heartbroken over the thought of losing your best friend when he was still sitting right beside you.
you prayed that both sides of taehyun's pillow ended up being warm for the entire weekend.
"y/n! truth or dare!" beomgyu called out suddenly, reminding you of the game that you had originally been playing before you and taehyun had left for your side quest in the kitchen.
"oh, right, um ... okay, dare."
the game continued on rather normally while you all consumed more drinks, but you honestly couldn't recall many details of what had occurred later on during the night. you remember a lot of giggling and stumbling around, but nothing too specific after that.
although, you do happen to remember vividly clinging onto kai more and more as the night progressed. you started off with simply resting your head on his shoulder to be close to him, but somewhere along the way you ended up on his lap and making the others nauseous as you cuddled up even closer.
"i think i'm going to be sick, and it's not from the alcohol," beomgyu had joked at one point, pretending to gag as he turned away from the sight of you and kai feeding each other gummies.
"you're just jealous," you teased, sticking out your tongue playfully.
a devilish grin adorned beomgyu's features at your words. he tilted his head, now turning the tables around to tease you. "you know what? i am jealous." he patted his lap dramatically. "why don't you come over here and feed me gummies?"
before you could even register how to respond to that, kai's arms had subconsciously tightened around you to keep you in his hold. "no."
you felt your heart leap in your chest at his deadpanned answer, but you couldn't even begin to decipher as to why. you glanced over at kai curiously, trying to judge whether he was being serious or just joking around.
"get your own gummies," kai finished, a humorous smile finally growing on his face.
the two of them seemed to laugh and move on, but why were you still thinking about the way his arms were still held protectively around you? and why was your heart pounding in your chest?
what if it wasn't the gummies that he didn't want to share?
you let your head fall to rest on kai's chest, closing your eyes gently. maybe you just drank too much to think rationally.
୨ ✿ ୧
once it had reached an ungodly hour of the night, and not a single one of you were capable of keeping your eyes open any longer, you each collectively agreed to split off into your respective rooms to sleep.
yeonjun and soobin lived in a three bedroom apartment, thus allowing the six of you to divide evenly into each room every time you all stayed over.
it was an unspoken rule that you and kai were always paired together in the guest bedroom, leaving beomgyu and taehyun to decide which one of them bunked with yeonjun or soobin in their own bedrooms.
tonight, you and kai didn't wait around to see where the two ended up staying. instead, the two of you washed up together in the restroom and headed straight to bed while the others played whatever deciding game they chose.
now, every time the two of you stayed the night together in the older boys' apartment before, you've comfortably been able to share a bed and cuddle together throughout the night without a second thought.
so why do you both suddenly feel so far away from each other?
the two of you were laying on your backs, staring up at the ceiling in a darkened room with only the soft sounds of your breath to fill the silence.
unbeknownst to the other, you were both laying awake and allowing your thoughts to run crazy as you individually processed a few details during the night.
while you were chewing on the inside of your cheek and processing the brief conversation you had with taehyun in the kitchen, kai was consumed with the painful curiosity of wondering which one of them it was that you had once held feelings for.
sure, he was able to feign his nonchalance during the game, but that didn't mean it wasn't still eating him alive.
"hey, can i ask-" you both spoke up simultaneously, only stopping to let out a small laugh at the realization.
"you can go first," you offered, turning your head over in his direction to face him.
he seemed to take a deep breath before turning over to face you as well. since both of your eyes had enough time to adjust to the darkness of the room, you were able to see him rather clearly, thus allowing you to note his oddly nervous expression.
"you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but..." he was hesitating now. "i was just, you know .. wondering..."
his fingers were mindlessly toying with a loose piece of string from the duvet, a small distraction for his hands as he attempted to build up his courage. he could feel his heart practically hammering against his ribcage, and a part of him feared that you could hear it as well.
God, did he even want to know?
"beomgyu."
his heart plummeted into his stomach. "..what?"
"it was beomgyu," you chuckled lightly, completely unaware of the way kai's throat had practically run dry. "that's what you wanted to ask, right?"
he nodded, seemingly incapable of forming any words at the moment. there was this strange feeling in his chest that felt like a weight had been placed on it, but he could not understand why he would feel like this.
"it was only for, like, three days, though," you clarified, feeling a sudden urge to reassure him. "it was when he was elected class president for our year. i think i mostly just built this image of him in my head to be like those k-dramas we always watch."
truth be told, kai only half-listened to what you were saying. once he heard that it was beomgyu who had once been a subject of your feelings, his mind subconsciously wandered off to start comparing himself to his older friend.
but why?
"did you fall asleep on me?" you asked suddenly, your soft voice finally drawing him out of his self-deprecating thoughts.
"no, sorry, i was just... lost in thought," he answered, repeating the same excuse that you had used on him earlier in the evening. he cleared his throat now, wanting to move on desperately from this topic. "so what was your question?"
you were grateful to the darkness for covering the blush that had suddenly graced your cheeks. now that it came time to actually ask him, you no longer had any desire to know the answer.
"oh, it was nothing, nevermind. it was a stupid question," you quickly dismissed it, waving your hand in the air as if to physically brush off the question.
without even realizing it, kai's instinctive nature had him reaching for your hand to intertwine his fingers with yours. an action that should be relatively normal for the two of you suddenly causing your heart rate to speed up unnaturally.
"hey, don't say that. you know you can ask me anything," kai reassured you, his thumb gently caressing the back of your hand.
you had to swallow down the lump that had formed in your throat. somehow his hand in yours made the question even more difficult to ask than before.
you took a deep breath, feeling uncharacteristically nervous. you couldn't remember a time before where you had ever felt scared to be open with kai.
"have- have you ever thought about dating anyone?"
once the question had escaped your lips, you ultimately regretted it. you no longer had any desire of wanting to know the answer to that question, afraid that kai would suddenly agree that the two of you should start spending less time together.
"honestly?"
fuck, here it comes...
"honestly, no," kai answered genuinely. "its never really crossed my mind before."
"why not?"
you could see his outline shrug through the darkness. "i don't know. i guess i've just always been so happy with you that i never needed another person in my life."
your heart was practically swelling in your chest as you felt your face grow ten times warmer than it's normal temperature, though a frown still remained on your lips as a sudden new sense of guilt filled your chest after further thought.
"but don't you want someone you can be affectionate with?"
kai chuckled, shaking his head. "i think we're plenty affectionate with each other, yeah?" he lifted up your hands to make a point, noting that they had yet to separate from being entwined with each other.
you scoffed, rolling your eyes - despite the fact that he couldn't quite see the action. "you know what i mean! i mean someone you can actually, you know... kiss.. and be intimate with." your voice grew quieter as you finished your sentence, feeling shy and embarrassed for even bringing it up.
the room felt like someone had turned up the heater by ten degrees, increasing this unknown tension that was settling between the two of you.
"but we have kissed before, remember?" you could practically hear the smirk that was on his face as he adjusted his position in bed to lay on his side and face you directly.
you let out a laugh, shaking your head before turning to face him with a humorous grin. "i don't think it counts when we were seven."
he laughed with you for a moment before returning to the original topic. "i know, i know. but i'm serious. i guess i just always saw us as inseparable, so i never really considered being apart from you to get to know anyone else."
"do you want to?"
the two of you were facing each other entirely now, the space between you both having suddenly minimized dramatically from before - only your interlocked hands separating the two of you from practically brushing noses.
"do you want to?"
no... no, absolutely not. there was no one else in this world who could ever remotely compare to kai in the slightest, much less replace him.
of course, a part of you was far too shy to voice such thoughts out loud, leaving you to simply shake your head in response instead.
"then i don't either." his voice was as low as a whisper, eliciting your heart to leap in your chest.
you couldn't pinpoint when it happened exactly, but the energy in the room had definitely shifted. there was something unspoken in the air that neither of you were quite confident enough to address, too afraid of how the other may react.
which left you both to lay in silence, gazing shyly at one another while your hearts unknowingly raced in sync.
after what felt like centuries had passed, the soft shuffling sound of movement broke the deafening silence. of course, what you hadn't expected was for the movement to signify kai leaning in closer... and closer.
you could smell the peppermint from the toothpaste as you felt his soft breath hit your face, fully aware of the way his lips were now only a mere centimeter from your own.
"wait-"
in a matter of seconds, after you impulsively voiced your hesitancy, it was like he was suddenly farther away than before.
kai had sat up so quickly when he registered your voice, feeling absolutely disgusted with himself for daring to make such a move without ensuring you were comfortable.
of course he read the room wrong... he just got too far ahead of himself in the moment...
"no, you're right, i'm so sorry," he was rambling so quickly, you were barely able to make out a word. "i shouldn't have done that, i don't know what i was thinking. i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, i'm so sorry."
you had to reach out for his arm in order to stop him from leaving. he had already thrown off the blanket and was preparing to leave the room entirely, uttering apology after apology as he stood up from the bed completely.
your heart physically ached at the sight – all because you couldn't keep your mouth shut for one more second.
"no, kai, listen to me.." you finally managed to get out, positioning yourself to sit up on your knees in front of him as you desperately clung to his arm to prevent him from leaving you. "that wasn't what i meant."
he gulped, thankful for the darkness that you couldn't make out the tear that had escaped and was now racing down his cheek. he was not really one to be emotional like this, but he was scared.
he was scared that he ruined everything.
you were the last person he ever wanted to lose, so to think he could have messed it all up with one wrong move...
"i said 'wait' because... i've never actually kissed anyone before," you admitted through an embarrassed mumble, your heart pounding in your chest from the nerves. you wondered if he could feel the way your hand was shaking.
he guided your hand from his arm, gently pressing it up to his cheek and leaning into your touch. he chuckled ever so softly, the sound erupting butterflies in your stomach that you hadn't ever felt before.
his voice was gentle and delicate, perfectly easing your concern. "i haven't either, remember?"
with him still holding your hand up to his cheek, you absent-mindedly begin to caress his cheek with your thumb. your heart was most definitely on the verge of beating right out of your chest, but you no longer cared.
here you were, in front of your best friend, with these newfound feelings stirring in your chest. although you couldn't quite understand or make sense of all of them, you did know one thing for sure.
you really wanted to kiss him.
this time, you were confident enough to lean in. you had originally imagined the experience to be much more romantic, but it appeared that your lips only just managed to make contact with the corner of his mouth - having missed your original target amidst the darkness.
the two of you instantly burst into a fit of giggles, resting your foreheads against one another as you processed the moment. you were mostly reacting out of embarrassment, but kai found it to be extremely endearing.
your giggles were cut short as you felt kai's hand gently cradle your jaw, silencing you as his lips perfectly made contact with your own.
there wasn't much movement, seeing as you both weren't exactly the most experienced, but there was still a spark of electricity that sent shivers down your spine.
you giggled against his lips as he broke into a shy grin, pulling away ever so slightly. "i'm sorry, i'm- i'm not good at this."
you shook your head quickly, cupping both sides of his face gently with your hands. "no, don't say that. we both just need practice, that's all."
with a newfound confidence, kai snaked his arms around your waist to pull you close to his chest, once again making you grateful for the darkened room hiding the intense blush that was certainly coloring your face right about now. "you'll help me practice, right?"
you could only nod, taking the opportunity to connect your lips together once more and reveling in the way it felt to kiss your best friend - your other half, truly.
the kiss lasted much longer this time. despite you being the one to initiate it, kai was the one to deepen the kiss and fill the room with the intimate sounds.
once the two of you pulled away to catch your breaths, you smirked in response.
"what are best friends for?"
masterlist
a/n:
i needed to desperately give in to writing fluff with kai because myGOD i've just been feeling so deeply for him lately 😭 i apologize for working on this over ydgtp, but i needed to get this out so bad. i could probably do a pt. 2 of sorts.. but i like it how it is so maybe not.
pls let me know what you think !! and i promise to go back to writing pt. 8 🤩
⊹ warnings: just my usual awful writing + procrastination, and mention of heavy drinking involved
⊹ wc: 4.1k
summary: back in your college days, you were living at the prime of your life alongside your boyfriend, yeonjun. you couldn't remember most of it, though, considering it was a blur consisting of mostly parties and many drunken nights. eventually, you reached your limit, and you and yeonjun no longer saw eye-to-eye. after many fights and endless tears, you disappeared for good and left that life and your boyfriend behind.
but, five years later, yeonjun was still waiting for you at every party.
the light emanating from the phone was unmistakable, even from just the mere corner of his eye. the second the screen lit up, yeonjun could be caught lunging for the device within a matter of seconds. his heart was practically pounding against his ribcage as his eyes quickly scanned over the notification.
just as quickly as the device lit up, the lock screen faded to black – allowing yeonjun to meet the eyes of his disappointed reflection yet again.
ever since that day at music bank, he foolishly allowed himself to hope and eagerly await for the moment your name would finally flash across his screen. regardless of whether he was at home, in the studio, or even out on one of his schedules, he always ensured to keep at least one eye on his phone for the moment you would contact him.
any time his phone did shine to life or produce some sort of noise, yeonjun would stop everything he was doing to reach for the device and see if it was you.
it never was.
in fact, for the past four days, your name still had yet to appear.
thus, yeonjun found himself succumbing to old habits - nursing bottle after bottle to intoxicate his mind and distract himself from obsessing over you.
of course, it wasn't like he was completely without reason. he was more than capable of conjuring up a multitude of possible explanations as to why you might not have had the chance to reach out to him yet.
the unfortunate part was that, with every reason he thought of, his drunken mind would only get angry with a rebuttal of its own.
at first, he was more than certain that your job had to be keeping you busy at all times. seeing as he had first-hand experience with the daily schedule of an idol himself, yeonjun could reasonably assume that you would have your hands quite full with both of those annoying dogs, er.. friends of yours.
and then he would drink far too much, strewing himself lazily over his kitchen counter, while he stared blankly at the dark screen of his phone.
how busy could you possibly be ?!
schedules don't last 24 hours, you have had more than enough opportunities to send one text .. just one .. that's it..
"this is getting pathetic," taehyun mumbled under his breath, shaking his head one morning as he found yeonjun passed out on the couch with empty soju bottles scattered all over the ground.
after eventually having a full bottle of water dumped all over his face, yeonjun quickly sat up coughing and sputtering - looking around the room and taking a minute far too long to remember where he even was.
once he processed reality long enough to finally acknowledge taehyun's presence beside him, his brows furrowed together with the utmost irritation. "what the hell was that for?!"
"that? what the hell is all this for?!" taehyun retorted, unable to help himself from uncharacteristically raising his own voice. "when i told you that you needed to distract yourself, this isn't what i meant!"
following taehyun's gesture, yeonjun's eyes scanned over the ground to see the discarded empty bottles decorating the floor. truth be told, he really had no memory of drinking any of it last night.
before he could open his mouth to formulate any sort of sentence, taehyun beat him to it. "this isn't healthy. your obsession over this is ... it's not good for you, man."
"you were the one who-"
"no." taehyun was quick to stop him. "i told you that you needed to properly apologize to her, which, by the way, you still haven't done. obsessing over your phone and waiting for her to reach out to you? that's the complete opposite and, quite honestly, insane."
although he did understand taehyun's words, yeonjun's instant focus was on the mere mention of his phone. his hands mindlessly began patting the pockets of his sweatpants before feeling all around him for the device. the longer it took for him to find it, the more panicked he began to feel.
what if this was the one morning you finally messaged him? and he was missing it because he couldn't find his phone?!
"this is exactly what i'm talking about," taehyun groaned, reaching into his own pocket and pulling out yeonjun's phone so as not to drive the idiot any further off the edge than he already was.
seeing him attempting to lunge for the device, taehyun was quick to sidestep and avoid yeonjun's grubby hands before shoving the phone back into his pocket.
"what the fuck, tyun, just give me the phone!"
the pair of them went back and forth for far too long, even going as far as wrestling each other, before taehyun managed to pin yeonjun helplessly to the ground.
of course, yeonjun largely blamed his current hangover for his loss, but taehyun wasn't so sure.
after taking a minute to catch his breath, yeonjun stared blankly up at the ceiling as sobriety finally began to clear the insanity from his mind. "fine.. you're right."
"thanks, i usually am," taehyun managed to joke, standing up before lending yeonjun a hand as well.
running his hands through his hair, though doing nothing to actually tidy up the mess on his head, yeonjun then sighed in exasperation. "what am i supposed to do then? at least when i'm drunk, i can't remember anything."
"we have an award show next month already, have you practiced for it at all?"
the deafening silence was enough to answer his question.
with a much healthier distraction in mind, taehyun managed to lead yeonjun out of the house and toward the company in order to focus on an activity that did not primarily involve staring into a blank phone screen.
truth be told, yeonjun had to agree that there was nothing better to distract himself with than immersing his entire mind and body into practicing and perfecting his choreography for his set next month. in fact, he felt rather guilty for not having thought of it in the first place.
eventually after hours of consistent practice, seeing as they both appeared to be satisfied by the playback recording, taehyun suggested stopping by the cafeteria for a meal before heading home.
"no, i think .. i think i'm going to keep practicing," yeonjun told him, grabbing a towel from the bench to dry off some of the sweat that accumulated on his face.
taehyun furrowed his brows together, refusing to allow his own friend to subject himself into anymore unhealthy behaviors.
"look, you're coming with me whether it's voluntary or not, so i highly recommend you choose the path of least resistance," taehyun warned, shrugging casually as he removed his shirt drenched in sweat in order to change into something cleaner before they left. "have you even eaten at all today?"
truthfully, it was hard to determine what was louder: the silence from yeonjun's inability to answer or the perfectly-timed growl that erupted from his stomach.
now that he was actually taking a moment to breathe, yeonjun could feel the exhaustion from dancing and the hunger catching up to his body. that being the case, he couldn't quite afford, or even bother, putting up any sort of fight.
thus, taehyun found it rather easier than normal to drag yeonjun along with him to the cafeteria within the company.
two freshly ordered bowls of ramyeon later, that's how yeonjun finally ended up eating - or, rather, devouring - his first meal of the day by 9 o'clock that evening.
the pair ate in silence as they sat across from one another, the only sounds between them being from the slurping of their noodles and the sips of their sodas.
yeonjun had to admit, it was rather calming. he was grateful to taehyun for the distraction he provided, as well as the delicious meal.
taehyun, on the same hand, was just as glad to see at least the hint of a smile on his friend's face again.
of course, it only lasted so long before the brief moment of silence was inevitably interrupted with questions and doubts tumbling out of that very same mouth.
"do you think she just forgot?"
taehyun couldn't hold back the sigh that escaped his lips as he set down his chopsticks, his head shaking almost pitifully. a part of him felt that the most logical response would be the one of harsh honesty, in order to finally push yeonjun toward the path of acceptance and moving on.
unfortunately, considering the underlying feelings of guilt twisting in his chest at that moment, taehyun figured it best to attempt playing the role of a comfort for now.
at least, just until yeonjun was ready to make the choice for himself.
"it's possible," he answered simply, his eyes averting down to his ramyeon bowl as he began mindlessly twisting the noodles around his chopsticks. "considering she manages beomgyu, i'd imagine she has her hands full more often than not."
yeonjun let out a soft, half-hearted chuckle, nodding lightly. "yeah ...yeah, maybe."
chewing on the inside of his cheek, yeonjun could feel his fingers naturally itching to reach for his phone that resided in taehyun's back pocket, desperate to check his notifications for any sign of your name.
this was probably the longest he had ever gone without double and triple checking his phone for a message from you. it had been taehyun's insistence that yeonjun be completely separated from his phone for the rest of the night, in hopes of putting a start to breaking this incessant habit of his - or else yeonjun would certainly wind up driving himself mad.
clearing his throat amidst the awkward silence that had settled between them now, taehyun spoke up, "look, you need to get some proper rest tonight. you have the day off tomorrow, so you should focus on finding some way to relax to help get your mind off of all this."
his words practically served as a reminder to yeonjun's exhaustion, his eyelids suddenly feeling much heavier than they had just a minute ago.
yeonjun nodded firmly in agreement, sitting up straighter and stretching his arms above his head in order to wake himself up a little. "yeah, that's probably a good idea."
he would never dare say the words out loud, it would be completely out of his character, but yeonjun was deeply grateful to have a friend like taehyun in his life. despite how obnoxious and unbearable he felt he could be sometimes, taehyun always stayed by his side through it all and remained his biggest support.
"here, i'll throw all this away and then we can head home," taehyun offered, breaking yeonjun out of his sappy thoughts as be began gathering their empty containers to discard them in one of the trash bins nearby.
just as taehyun had stepped away from the table, the softest buzz of a notification emitted from the phone that was resting atop of the table.
by pure instinctive nature at this point, yeonjun practically lunged for the phone before he could even register his own movements.
his heart stopped almost instantaneously, unable to believe his own vision at the sight of your name across the screen. yeonjun was positive his entire nervous system short-circuited in that moment, seeing as he lost all ability to breathe.
just as he was about to burst with excitement, the corners of his lips dropped and the light disappeared from his eyes almost as quickly as it had appeared.
he gently set the phone back down to where it had originally been resting, feeling himself beginning to slowly shut down entirely. all of that progress he made today seemingly for nothing..
maybe .. maybe he was just seeing things. it couldn't have been you, it just ... it couldn't be.
his downcast eyes glanced back over toward the phone screen that was left facing upward on the tabletop, watching as your name lit up for a few seconds more before the screen went black.
yeonjun clenched his jaw in order to suppress his emotions.
just then, taehyun returned to the table with a small smile gracing his lips, absent-mindedly reaching to grab his phone that he had left behind. he meets yeonjun's eyes innocently. "you ready to go?"
˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗
much to your own surprise, within the same five day period after music bank, yeonjun had managed to secure a small space in your mind entirely rent-free.
nothing like how you occupied his every thought, but he was there nonetheless.
you blamed the ridiculous music recommendations constantly displaying and urging you to listen to the very song that you were insistent on avoiding. it was as if your own phone was determined to taunt you on the matter.
eventually, you couldn't resist anymore.
in the quiet of your room by the end of the third day after music bank, you were practically locked in a staring contest with the dreaded play button. you were hugging your legs to your chest as your heart was pounding a little harder than normal, just the thought of hearing the very words he wrote about you making you extremely nervous - not to mention that it'd be his voice singing them to you.
once you came to the realization that you were acting rather pathetic - it was just a song at the end of the day - you finally overcame your nerves and decided that all you needed was a bit of support.
looking to your left, you spotted the precious fox plush that kai had gifted you residing on the empty space of your bed. smiling softly, you reached for the soft toy and hugged it to your chest, feeling slightly better knowing that you had a piece of your best friend with you.
one deep breath later, you finally hit play.
truth be told ... you were torn.
your heart was aching as you recalled the painful memory of your breakup, yet you were also partially confused and rather angry at how you felt you were portrayed.
just as you had predicted, yeonjun managed to paint himself as the victim - telling this story of how his ex spoke so cruelly as she broke up with him.
but that wasn't the case.
you never spoke harshly to him, no, you only ever tried to reason with him when he was always the one throwing things out of proportion and putting words in your mouth.
worst of all, you weren't the one that left. he was the one who pushed you away ... he was the one that told you to leave.
you groaned with annoyance, lifting your phone from the bed and shutting the song off before it could dare to repeat itself.
after a brief moment of silence, in which you allowed yourself to calm down, you weakly wiped away the trail of tears that had cascaded down your face. regardless of the anger that you did feel, you also felt that faint twinge of pain in your heart as your mind raced with memories of the aftermath.
if anything, you probably related more deeply with yeonjun's song than he did.
you blankly stared down at your phone as you thought back to yeonjun's pleading eyes and uncharacteristic behavior asking you to let him know your thoughts about the song.
against your better judgement, along with the influence of it being almost 2 in the morning, you figured .. maybe it wouldn't hurt.
just as you were opening up your messaging app to succumb to your impulsive vulnerability, it then dawned on you that you had no way of contacting him in the first place.
he didn't actually think you'd keep his old number around after all these years, did he??
you scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief. you could certainly imagine that this was some sort of game to him - probably wanting to see if you'd be desperate enough to go around searching for a way to contact him.
absolutely not.
then, your eyes lit up with a sudden reminder of a number you did have.
biting nervously at your bottom lip, your heart raced uncontrollably as your thumb practically grew a mind of it's own and opened up a new chatroom to a certain secret admirer.
or ... you suppose it wasn't exactly a secret anymore.
with half a rational mind left as the clock officially turned 2 a.m., you luckily figured it best to not send your very first message to him in the middle of the night.
unfortunately, by morning, you lost all confidence and had absolutely no clue what you could possibly say to him.
"have you tried using 'hi' before? i hear that's very effective in starting conversations," beomgyu teased, after you had confided in him the dilemma you were dealing with.
not entirely by choice, though. it was more so that he barged into your office and caught you staring at the empty chatroom that left you no choice but to explain yourself.
"wow, gyu, thank you so much for that insight." your response was dripping entirely with sarcasm. "i don't know what i'd do without your help."
beomgyu couldn't help but to laugh, honestly finding it rather funny to see you acting so worked up over the thought of sending such a simple message.
with another chuckle, he ruffled your hair playfully as he then offered another suggestion. "fine fine, why don't you just say hi and also thank him again for the gifts he got you?"
your head tilted slightly as you contemplated the idea over in your mind. surprisingly, his idea wasn't such a bad one after all. thinking it over some more, it was actually the perfect leading opener to offer treating him in return as a show of appreciation.
thus, the message was officially drafted and prepared to send at any moment!
...
any second now, surely...
"oh my God, are you ever going to hit send?" beomgyu groaned dramatically from beside you, causing you to grow all the more nervous and embarrassed.
beomgyu checked the time on his phone, noting how it had now been 5 long minutes of your message remaining unsent as you probably hoped the send button would magically click itself.
"i'm nervous, okay? i've never done this before!" you attempted to reason, feeling all the more embarrassed that beomgyu was the sole witness of your situation at the moment.
you could bet that kai would be more understanding..
"then i'll do it for you," beomgyu deadpanned, reaching over and hitting send before you could even register his words.
as upset as you wanted to be, you were honestly more relieved than anything else. although the way he went about it wasn't entirely ideal, at least he got it over with.
though, now panicked, you exited the chatroom and locked your phone before shoving it away as if it were some sort of infectious disease.
this caused beomgyu to burst out in laughter, shaking his head at how adorable you were being. he had never seen you act like this for the entire time he has known you.
"stop laughing!" you pouted, smacking his arm lightly, though it only managed to encourage him further. "i knew i should've called kai.."
"wait, wait, wait.. kai doesn't know yet?" beomgyu's mood quickly shifted into that of curiosity, his expression rather surprised at your words.
"well, no, not-"
"finally!" beomgyu cut you off to cheer, standing up and raising his arms proudly. "i finally know something he doesn't!"
you roll your eyes, shaking your head. "oh, come on, i always tell you everything too. kai's just usually around first, that's all."
beomgyu scoffed, sitting back down in the chair that he had dragged behind your desk to sit beside you. beomgyu may be a lot of things, but he wasn't blind; he was more than aware that you and kai held a much closer friendship with each other than either of you did with him.
not that he blamed either of you, considering you both knew each other longer than him, but that didn't mean he couldn't be jealous about it from time to time.
his eyes widened with an idea, and he leaned over to grasp your hands pleadingly. "please don't tell him!"
you blinked, taken aback. "tell him what?"
"about this, with taehyun. let's keep this between us," beomgyu explained, and you were shocked to see genuine sincerity in his expression.
a part of you was feeling guilty as you studied beomgyu's features, but you weren't entirely sure as to why.
"why do you want this to stay between us?"
he sighed, turning his face away slightly in order to attempt hiding the embarrassed blush that was beginning to color his cheeks. "i don't know, i just ... i want to share something with you too. you and kai are always together, i'm sure you guys even have your own secrets and i get that, but i just .. i feel left out sometimes, you know?"
you could feel your heart almost break at his words, feeling all the more guilty to have ever been the cause of sweet beomgyu feeling anything less than he deserved. "oh, gyu.. i'm so sorry. i never meant for you to-"
"no, no, i know you didn't!" surprisingly it was beomgyu reassuring you, smiling softly as his thumb gently caressed the back of your hand. "it just happens to be that way, and i get it, don't worry."
you squeezed beomgyu's hands lightly in reassurance, a small smile adorning your lips as you met his eyes. "i promise this will stay between us, okay?"
you don't think you could recall any other time where he smiled so widely, most especially at something so miniscule as a secret like this.
"but you can't get mad when i start calling you all the time asking for advice," you warned him with a teasing smile, tapping his nose lightly and playfully.
"are you kidding? that's exactly what i want," beomgyu smiled back.
thus, you stuck to your promise and kept everything involving taehyun between you and beomgyu.
which was very lucky because, without him, you don't think you would have had any courage to make it as far as you have.
taehyun: you're more than welcome. it was really no problem at all, it just means a lot knowing that you appreciated them.
you: of course i did, and i would love to be able to return the favor! if you're free tomorrow, maybe we can meet up for lunch :)
"you're crazy, i can't meet him tomorrow!" you exclaimed with shock, watching over beomgyu's shoulder as he typed out the very message that was making your heart race with nerves.
"why not?"
you hesitated. "because i'm nervous." your voice was embarrassingly soft.
"alright, fine." he turned back to your phone and began deleting the last portion of the message, though only to tweak it slightly before hitting send without consulting you first.
you: of course i did, and i would love to be able to return the favor! if you're free this weekend, maybe we can meet up for lunch :)
you shrieked with shock, yanking your phone out of his hands as if it would take back the action. he may have given you a few more days to prepare yourself, but it still didn't make it any better!
beomgyu smirked up at you, seemingly shameless. "you can thank me later."
"thank you??"
"oh, you're welcome," he beamed brightly with pride, earning another soft smack on his arm. "look, it'll be fine! you already know he's into you, right, so what's the problem?"
you opened your mouth to answer, but you couldn't think of anything that was justifiable.
amidst that moment of no words being spoken, your office door opened up to reveal none other than kai walking in with a curious expression upon seeing you and beomgyu alone together.
a sight he realized he wasn't used to seeing.
"what're you guys doing?" he asked, rather confused as he noticed the way beomgyu attempted to slyly slide your phone back to you.
"nothing, beomgyu's just being beomgyu," you answered nonchalantly, even adding an eyeroll in hopes of it coming off natural and lighthearted.
luckily, kai brushed it off as simply nothing and joined you both to hang out for an hour before you all eventually had to go your separate ways for different schedules.
on the way to your meeting with other members of the staff team, during a brief moment alone in the elevator, you pulled out your phone to double check your messages - only for your heart to flip into your throat as your face practically began to glow a bright red.
taehyun: that sounds great. i'll pick you up saturday.
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a/n:
okay, first off, can i just say ... i accidentally and unintentionally made soobin side character so hard this series ... i'm so sorry, king, idek how to bring him back OOPS
but anyway, GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH AN UPDATE !! not the greatest, i know, buuut i hope it's still interesting and enjoyable :( <3
PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK !! i need encouragement and motivation so hard because it truly truly helps me to write the next part :,)
