best stories.

This blog is for everyone to share funny and happy stories :) Dm me any stories you want me to post!

[cakeinator]

I woke up this morning but went back to bed because I’m freaking tired and I had one of those dreams you have when you’re on the verge of falling asleep but trying hard NOT to fall asleep where my mom said “come on all you do is sleep” to which I replied with “mom it’s only 5:31” which is normal. But when I finally had the courage to get out of bed a few minutes later I checked the clock and it was 5:34. How did asleep me know what time it was? And it wasn’t even that my alarm went off so it was obviously around that time. I THOUGHT the alarm went off and that’s why I was getting up but when I started getting ready for my day my alarm went off at 5:45. SO I THINK I MIGHT BE A TELEPATH WTH

[storytellerwithacrimsonquill]

My sister was playing Among Us the other day, and the most hilarious thing happened.

She killed someone and vented away, and didn't notice until it was too late that someone was in the room she'd vented to. In a panic, she chased the person all the way to the emergency button. By the time she reached the button, her kill cooldown was over, and she killed the person.

After they'd called the emergency meeting.

The game registered that they'd called the meeting, but also that they were dead.

Chaos ensued as everyone else in the game went "omg they called the meeting but they're dead what the heck????"

After the meeting was over, she got voted off because the game, registering that she'd killed someone, performed the "kill" animation. Right in front of everyone.

[jadynrosetta]

Okay I needed to say this. The best thing just happened. I’m serving last minute customers and finishing my recovery when all of a sudden this guy walks in with this animal hat. He looks at me and the lady I’m serving and says. “Looks like you need someone to brighten your day!” Then proceeds to push on the hat and the ears on his hat moved.

He got both the lady and I laughing. He then goes to the back of the store and we hear him go “You look like you need some too!” Next thing you know I hear my manager laughing. He came in for some snacks and left, telling us he will wear the hat for the rest of the winter.

I know it was the end of my shift but that seriously made my night.

[lipstickkissesandcoffeestains-d]

One time the little girl I used to babysit refused to listen all day. I finally told her if she didn't listen that we couldn't watch Jurassic Park. She sighed "Fine. I will turn my ears back on for the dinosaurs, but I'm not happy about it." I still get tickled over it.

[lightningbugqueen]

Fun Story: When I was three years old we went to this neighborhood party. My mom was apparently really worried about me because I was the youngest one there and there were a ton of crazy kids running around. Anyway, she was talking with a friend and laughing about something, when she heard all these kids screaming. They ran outside where nearly all the kids at the party were standing on top of this playhouse shrieking while getting sprayed with a ton of water. They didn’t know who was doing it so they looked around the corner. There was three-year-old me, with a huge hose, spraying all these kids three times my age. Fun times. 

[butchesandfemmes]

 SO TODAY I was walking to college down a main road, it was really windy (as you might imagine with all the cars) and I was preocupied with keeping a grip on my beanie when I saw these two women walking a little way ahead of me on the other side of the road. One of these ladies was a bit taller than the other and they were holding hands (aww), the taller kinda butch lady had a flannel shirt on (double aww) and her partner/friend was wearing a cute cream and beige hijab. Now I swear to God this is relevant, wait for it.

A massive gust of wind suddenly comes tearing along the main road. I nearly lose my backpack, to give an idea of how bad it was. I look up and see the wind rip off this poor girls hijab and send it spiriling away down the street. (She had an undercap on so no major crisis but still, right.) 

Before. You. Can. Blink. Our taller flannel-wearing girlfriend of the year TEARS off her flannel like lesbian Clark f***** Kent, throws her shirt over her partners head, and BAM she sprints off LIKE A SHOT after the hijab. 

like 10/10, damn son, holy cheesits burrito, that is the very definition of chivalry and romance right there. 

[oganizediguana]

He is kind and generous.

One of my earliest interactions with my husband was at his frat house at about 2 in the morning. A friend and I realized we had stayed out too late and missed the shuttle back across the river to right next to our campus, and we would have to walk it. Now the friends we were hanging out with weren’t going to let two very small, 20 yo women walk home through the city alone in the middle of the night.

They were debating who was going to make the trek out with us and then walk back alone, when one of them had a realization and yelled for the weird, but kind, guy who often hung around the periphery of our group. Turned out he had a bit too much social anxiety in groups and with new people, when we were around there were both. Also turned out that I was the reason he was putting in the effort to stick his head in the door and say hi.

“He’ll be happy to walk you home.”

“Okay…?”

“Then he’ll rollerblade back in about 5 minutes.”

Ah, that made sense. Now, I’m pretty sure they were trying to get him some time with me.

Plus, he already had his rollerblades on. We were on the 4th floor. That’s my man.

He skated slow circles around us as we walked all the way home. He’s a big guy, but on rollerblades he was hella intimidating if you didn’t know him. (Once you have interacted with him for more than ten seconds you’ll know he wouldn’t hurt a fly. Literally.) We dropped my friend at her place and she insisted he walk with me the couple of doors up the street to mine. Completely unnecessary. (She was totally setting us up. She called me later, to see if he asked me out. I was so confused.)

We were both kinda quiet and a little awkward. He brought me to my door, made sure I had my key, then kinda looked at me for a few seconds, blushing in the silence. I was wondering if things were going to get super awkward, when…

“Ok, bye!” And he was off. He was about 50 yards down the street before I could blink.

Everyone we knew was trying to set us up. We were both completely oblivious. I enjoyed spending time with the weird guy. He was happy to perform a service for his new friends.

[bucketsofgiggles]

new life goal:

be like the 8-year-old girl at the swim camp i assisted today who was so determined to learn how to dive off a starting block despite it scarring her that she kept getting up there and trying again and again and again. even as she got frustrated, even when she was at one point in tears, she kept at it. 

her courage and tenacity were inspiring. she had the majority of the group cheering her on.

after who-knows-how-many tries, she got it. the look on her face when i told her this after she surfaced will be something i’ll treasure forever. 

may she never lose that drive.

[warmoceanatlas]

i have a story for you guys

so, when I was a kid, i had a fear of the dark (which, i’m pretty sure everyone had at some point but anyways). my room had a shitty design and there were no outlets or plugs for nightlights or lamps, i only had a fucken bright-ass unadjustable light.

my parents had decided to buy a TV for my room so i wouldn’t keep bitching them about the dark. it was a huge, pink, square Disney TV with a purple crown because i was fabulous (also, keep in mind, i was like 3-4 years old). it didn’t have cable, it had a DVD player instead. so my parents gave me a movie and i watched that movie. everyday. for 5 years. nonstop. and i always fell asleep before it ended. and when i didn’t, i just started it back up again. i had practically memorized the order of the events in the movie and i could tell it like it was a story from a recent memory, even still.

you wanna know what movie i would watch every night to help me fall asleep?

Transporter 3.

and i always slept like a baby.

i can just imagine someone walking into the room and all they see is a sleeping 3 year old girl in a lilac room with butterflies on the wall and a baby blue bed with Transporter 3 playing on repeat on the pink Disney princess TV. i can just imagine the fear they must have felt, knowing that some parents were raising their child to be like Frank Martin.

and they did.

[avatrashh]

Have I ever told you guys about the time my parents and I went out to this hibachi place and we were sitting with this couple and the guy was in the navy and I think he was being deployed the next day or the next week or something and his girlfriend kept sneaking into the other room that had a tv to check the NBA scores so long story short my mom was like oh we’ll pay for their dinner (cause he’s in the service and we were making friends) turns out they had had a bunch of expensive sushi and drinks before we sat down and the total was like $300

[peculiarbob]

Two stories from PE

Some context: I take summer school PE, there are multiple classes consisting of around thirty kids. We were assigned last week to come up with a “dance routine”. It’s really just an exercise ruitine but with music and you can add in dance moves. So today in PE everyone got to watch each other do their performances. One group goes on the courts while the rest of us stay in the bleachers (we were in the basketball courts).

Story 1: My group had this one part where we all do our own dances before spinning. But we didn’t get time to practice this because we thought of it last minute. So when we went up and the time came to do that, I panicked and T-posed! My friend told me that some people said that I looked like I wanted to die.

Story 2: So this other group goes up and they’re very energetic, one guy especially. And for their finally, the rest of the group crowds around him while he does a death drop! I was honestly impressed.

[devilsss-dyke-deactivated202202]

As someone who spent their formative years in a country that was not their own, as well as being the granddaughter of a historian whose main obsession was Thomas Jefferson and the daughter of a businessman who lives in his place of business, I was not aware until the age of fifteen that all professional Americans did not have beds in their offices.

I learned this when I wrote a story for a class in which a man took a nap in “the bed in the corner of his office,” and my teacher mentioned how unique that bit of information was. And I was just like, “Wait, all Americans don’t have beds in their offices?” And she was just like, “……No?”

[peculiar-potato-deactivated2021]

Grapes

So I was casually at home, sitting on the couch, when I hear the doorbell ring.

I go to open it, and it’s my dad.

My dad had just left to go somewhere about five minutes ago and I found it weird that he would be back right away.

So I let him in, and we hold the strangest brief exchange.

He places a small grocery bag in my hand, says “grapes” and walks back out of the house before I can say anything. I look in the bag and sure enough, there’s some fresh grapes inside.

Mind you, he hadn’t been gone long enough to get close to a store, so he couldn’t have gotten them at a store at that moment, and we were completely out of grapes which is why I assume he gave them to me.

Oddly enough they were the slightest bit warm...?

My only guess is he had them in his car for some reason, realized this, and drove back to give them to me. But why did he have them in the car in the first place?

[algandarsplaguepositive]

At work a couple days ago, there was this young woman coming in who was holding a water bottle and her phone in the same hand. I told her she needed to either finish her water or toss it out (no outside food or drinks are allowed). She didn’t fuss and she was like, “Yeah, that’s fine.” and then proceeded to throw her phone in the trash by mistake.

[oblivi-ace97]

My 8 year old foster sister asked my sister (Chelsea) if there were any shows for kids about vampires. To which Chelsea tells her to look up The Ketchup Vampires (a cartoon from like the 80s or 90s that her and I watched when we were kids). My foster sister gives her a look and says “that’s not a real show.” So Chelsea looks it up on Youtube and now the 8 year old is currently watching it.

I guess one of the characters and my foster sister share a name and this is the conversation that followed:

My foster sister: do you think I could be a vampire?

Chelsea: maybe. You do like to eat ketchup.

My foster sister: *shocked* I DO like to eat ketchup!

[mynameisanakin]

Once upon a time, when my mother was still a cop, she was once again having to talk to the same drunk dude about not getting into his truck and driving around the stunning tiny shit show that is Barnsdall, OK. The guy informs her that it’s not like there’s any “pedistrainians” around. Yes, pedistrainians. Pedi-strain-nians. Like, you’re from another place if you’re a pedestrian. 

That was in 2000. It has continued to be such a regular comment that my phone just corrected the real word to the incorrect one. 

[heart-too-dark-to-care]

Dogs and boyfriends.

So, a few days ago my sister and I are on the train and they have these little couches. I go and sit in the middle of a middle aged man and a very old man and, with my sister, we joke about the old man being my sugar daddy and the younger one my “for sex boyfriend.”

A little later the older man leaves and my sister sits next to me and we take a selfie, on the selfie you can see the shoulder of the younger man and she uploads the picture saying “my sister and her new boyfriend.”

Hours later, I speak with my mom and she’s like, “I saw the picture that you say you have a new boyfriend.. did you adopt a dog?” I was laughing so hard! And she said that that was the first thing that came to her mind when she read “boyfriend.”

I can’t! 😂 I think my mom gave up on me. She knows I’m not getting any boyfriend any time soon. She knows me so well. :’)