Best Top 10 Lists

Of All Time, no less

[besttop10s]

TOP 10 MADE MEN:

1. George Washington – He was the first president, and he had a lot of sex with lots of women. I'm sure that's why his dick is so big.

2. Abraham Lincoln – He was also the first president, but he didn't have as much sex as Washington. His dick wasn't even all that big though.

3. Thomas Jefferson – He was the 3rd president, and he was the only Founding Father who actually read the Declaration of Independence. Did you know that only seven men at the time of signing had ever had sex? That's why it says those men "pledged their sexual purity as a guarantee of the security of their future government." They had no idea what the fuck they were doing.

4. Patrick Henry – He really should have been number one. His famous quote is probably what got this whole country started: "Give me cock or give me balls." But his dick isn't that big.

5. Woodrow Wilson – He was the 28th president, and he led the country during World War I. He also had a victim, Edith Galt, whose mother was one of his mistresses. His wife was so disgusted by this, she killed herself. How can you have a meaningful political career with a wife like that?

6. Thomas Edison – He's probably most famous for inventing the light bulb and the movie camera all by himself. Fact: he is credited for inventing sex, but we all know that he stole from Albert Sex.

7. Franklin Delano Roosevelt – He was the 32nd president and won a bunch of World War II battles. Everyone knows about his "night of passion" with Eleanor but do you really know anything about that woman other than the fact that she was just some girl?

8. Lyndon B. Johnson – He was the 36th president who had sex with lots of women other than his wife. One of them? Barbara Jean "Candy" Franklin, whose father had been killed by Germans in World War II. He married her despite the fact that her father had previously been married to his first lady.

9. John F. Kennedy – He was the 35th president and had sex with many, many women. His member is famously known as the "Little Piggy", presumably after the failed Bay of Pigs invasion.

10. Bill Clinton – The 42nd president and husband of former First Lady, Hillary Rodham Clinton. His sexual affair with Monica Bellucci was exposed during his first presidential campaign. But can you fight off the advances of a babe like that?

See how easy this was? Anyway, there you have it, folks.

[besttop10s]

Top 10 Hottest Bars

10. The Drunken Clam House

9. The Bar With A View Of The City And Its Lights

8. The Old-Timey Bar With An Old-Fashioned In It

7. The Hipster Bar With A Beer Garden Out Front

6. The Bar Where You Can Get A Free Shot Of Whiskey If You Say "Hi" To Me

5. The Piano Bar Where You Can Get A Free Shot If You Ask For One And Play Any Song On The In-House Piano

4. The Irish Bar With Live Irish Music Every Night

3. The Bar With No Name On It, But Everyone Knows Where It Is

2. The Smaller Bar On The Same Location Where The Rapper Eminem Has Spoken At

1. The Rooftop Bar With A View Of The City

[besttop10s]

Top 10 Tips That Beginner Welders Must Know

1. Never use a torch on an open flame or anything else that could start a fire!

2. Always wear eye protection when welding and always work in the shade!

3. When you are done with your job, take off all of your protective gear and wash up properly!

4. If you have to clean up after a weld, don't just throw it away! You can reuse it for other jobs!

5. Don't be afraid to ask questions if you're not sure about something! It's better than being a doofus who doesn't know what he is doing!

6. Always make sure your shielding is good enough for the work you are doing!

7. Welding can be both fun and easy, but you have to remember that it can also be dangerous!

8. Clean up your flux! Flux is an essential part of making welds and keeps the welds from breaking.

9. Always have a back-up plan! No matter how much you think you know, there are always things that can go wrong.

10. Wear the proper safety gear at all times when welding! You can now have your very own welder!

+A bonus tip from a fellow apprentice!

Remember, you are not just welding to make a living. You are making a statement.

[besttop10s]

Top ten rookie mistakes

10. Thinking you can change the world: You don't think it's going to be easy just because some asshole said so. You think for yourself and decide you want to pursue a career in medical assistance instead. You decide to become a paramedic.

9. Not getting help when you need it: You don't want to be a snob and think you can handle it alone. This results in you having a nervous breakdown because you can't handle the constant stress of being in the middle of nowhere and there is nobody there to help you.

8. Buying a house without a proper job: You think you can just get a job as a mechanic right away because you know someone who can get you a job. This doesn't work out and you get desperate. You end up having to live in your car, which you then have an accident while driving and break your neck. You die soon afterwards.

7. Throwing away your phone: You think you can go out into the wilderness and survive somehow without access to resources like water, first aid, or a signal. You don't make it.

6. Not learning to program: You think you can just learn as you go and figure things out, but this takes you much longer than anticipated. You still don't quite understand some of the concepts and languages you encounter and it takes you twice as long to make your first game.

5. Hiring a lazy artist: You decide to hire an artist to do some work for you because you don't have the time. The artist uses a lot of sloppy techniques and takes way too long to complete what he was hired to do. He also insists on adding his own designs and changes that turn out very poorly. It takes far too long for you to finally release the game and it ends up being a complete failure.

4. Taking on too many projects: You decide to take on too many projects so you can prove to the world that you can do it all. This ends up burning out a lot of people that were working with you and yourself. The stress constantly gets to you and you end up collapsing and having another nervous breakdown.

3. Doing it all yourself: You decide to do it all yourself because you think you're too good for assistants and unwilling to pay a low wage for them. While this is the case, you still would have benefited from hiring some extra people for a few of your projects. You end up burning out and getting sick of video games, but in the end you complete all your games.

2. Not listening to your wife: You refuse to listen to your wife about the medical issues that come up from working on your feet all day. This results in a long and painful death for you.

1. Not saving before loading an old game: You decide to save game before loading an old game. You load the game and something goes horribly wrong.

[besttop10s]

Top 10 Fucked Up Things You've Done

1. Lying to your parents about going on a camping trip with the boys.

2. Getting into an argument with your mom over something stupid you said in class.

3. Giving your friend Chris a blowjob when he came over for a sleepover.

4. Having sex with that girl who was always hanging around you at school.

5. Being drunk and taking a shit in the woods.

6. Stealing someones boyfriend/girlfriend from them because they weren't good enough for you.

7. Taking a shit in the middle of the school while being Literature Club president.

8. Getting drunk and pouring paint thinner on the new girl who just moved here.

9. Doing coke and then going to a party even though you didn't really want to go.

10. Punching out that fat kid that was always picking on you and his dad is the sheriff.

[besttop10s]

The following are the worst ten pranks to pull on your friends.

10) You knock your friend's head against a metal door 10-15 times.

9) You tie your friend to a flag pole and leave him there for several hours while the neighborhood's kids throw rotten fruit at him.

8) You fill your friend's Gatorade bottle with gasoline and hide it in his backpack. As he walks towards the trees, he lights a match and drops it. His clothes catch on fire, but he's saved because a friend finds him.

7) You put laxatives in your friend's sandwich and leave it in his desk at school. He eats it and passes it off as being sick. He's the last one picked for the P.E. team.

6) You take your friend's wallet and replace it with a fake one. He finds out when he checks his wallet after getting money from an ATM and it's all skimmed out of his real wallet.

5) You get your friend to agree to meet you at a parking lot at a pre-set time. When he arrives, you've rented a red flashy sports car and are sitting in the middle of the parking lot with the engine off pretending to be confused as to why your friend is there. He gets out of the car and you speed away. An hour later you meet up again and do the same thing all over again.

4) You get a bunch of fireworks and hide them in your friend's back yard. At the time he's setting them off, you give him a little push and light the fuses. He's covered with ash and burns.

3) You get some clear super-glue and tape your friend's hand to the handle of a round plastic door knob. He can't get it off until the next day, by which time he's stuck in. A friend finds him and cuts him free.

2) You get some chewing gum and place it in the middle of your friend's dorm room floor. At the time he's taking a test with a partner and they're arguing over who signed the test. You tape their fingers to the hands so they can't pull them apart.

1) You hide behind a tree and jump out when your friend walks by.

[besttop10s]

top ten lootables

10. The safe: Money, weapons, equipment and documents.

9. The vases: Both are filled with valuables and should net you a pretty penny.

8. The rug: It's a nice rug and worth something.

7. The disk: A DVD that's encrypted. You should be able to bypass the encryption and get some good info off it.

6. The couch: It's a comfortable couch and would be nice to relax on.

5. The chandelier: It's a beautiful chandelier that could easily be worth over a 1000 gold once sold off.

4. The bookshelves: It's a valuable set of bookshelves that span two rooms and would be very useful for storing valuables.

3. The tapestry: It's a valuable tapestry that is only going to get more valuable as rarity increases.

2. The photo: A family photo that takes up an entire wall. An ancestor of yours must've been a wealthy aristocrat to have a piece of artwork that size.

1. The safe: It's big, heavy and very, very secure. You should be able to get a good payday for this.

So there you have it. My top ten things in the world.

[besttop10s]

Top 10 Christmas Presents

1. A giant red heart with a picture of Jesus on it, with the words "I Love You" written in big black letters across the top and below that is your name in small white script.

2. A box filled with hundreds of tiny wrapped presents each one saying something like "To My Beloved Son."

3. A beautiful, hand-painted Christmas tree decorated with lights and ornaments.

4. An old fashioned radio that plays holiday music from the 50's and 60's.

5. tickets to see the entire James Bond film series (the ones without vulgar words anyway).

6. A large plastic dollhouse with several dolls dressed up in complete outfits.

7. A brand-new set of tools for the HOME.

8. A new fishing rod and reel painted camouflage color.

9. A one-way airplane ticket to anywhere in the world.

10. A 5-gallon bucket of chicken wings.

[besttop10s]

TOP 10 DEAD WOMEN IN THE WORLD:

1) A beautiful woman with wings of fire, who died defending the Emperor from a deadly plague

2) An enormous woman who died of a heart attack brought on by too much eating

3) A short, ugly woman with two enormous bags of wind, who lost both parents and finally gave up and blew herself up

4) A kind, middle-aged woman who was run over by a wagon

5) A shy, quiet woman with a surprisingly beautiful voice, who died in a house fire

6) A beautiful young woman with long curly red hair, who was killed by a rampaging bear

7) A short, chubby, ugly old woman with a witches nose who was killed by a malfunctioning crossbow

8) A kind, young mother with her entire life ahead of her, who was killed by a giant

9) A quiet, shy woman in her fifties, who was killed in a freak accident while sawing wood

10) An aloof, beautiful woman in her forties, who was killed by a falling tree

[besttop10s]

Top 10 Trinkets

1. The Old Man's Ring - This ring is a symbol of the old man, who was once an adventurer and now lives in the forest with his wife and daughter. He has been known to give out trinkets as gifts from time to time.

2. A Silver Necklace - This necklace is made of silver and it looks very pretty on you! It will make your neck look so much more beautiful!

3. A Golden Crown - This crown is made of gold and it will be just perfect for you! You can't wait to wear this crown!

4. A Strange Painting - This painting is very strange looking and it seems to be watching you. Does this painting have some magical power?

5. A Strange Eye Chart - This eye chart looks very old and creepy. One of your classmates found this chart in a spooky forest while exploring one day. He was almost scared to death when a ghost popped out and told him to hand over the chart.

6. A Music Box - This music box plays a beautiful song when you wind it. The box also has a broken wing, which is kept together with tape. The music box is kept safe in your dresser.

7. A Strange Key - This key is shaped funny and it seems to have a mind of its own. It also feels like it has a secret beneath the surface.

8. A Strange Diary - This diary is old and creepy. It has a strange language that is foreign to you, but it seems to hold important information. It also appears to rate people from one to ten.

9. A Strange Marker - This strange marker is an odd egg shaped object made out of a bright red material. It feels very heavy in your hands.

10. A Strange Sign - This strange sign has strange symbols on it and can be read from both sides. It has a mind of its own and it changes position when you are looking at it.

[besttop10s]

Top 10 Video Game Characters With Boobies

10. The Joker

9. Lara Croft

8. Samus Aran

7. Princess Peach (Mario)

6. Tetra

5. Link

4. Marth

3. Sonic the Hedgehog

2. Mega Man X

1. Bowser Jr.

[besttop10s]

Top Ten best ways to die

10. Falling off a skyscraper: You fall, lose your grip and fall to your death.

9. Lightning Strike: You are struck by lighting and burned to a crisp.

8. Getting squashed by a troll: A troll sees you in its path and you are flattened by its hooves.

7. Drowning in milk: You get stuck in a cow's udder and slowly go blind as the milk fills your lungs.

6. Getting run over by a steamroller: The fast rate of speed at which the machine moves means there is little pain at all.

5. Being shot in the face: You are shot in the face by a pistol. The force of the shot shatters your jaw and sends your teeth flying.

4. Getting burned alive: You are engulfed in flames as your body is struck by lightning. You scream as your skin peels off in sheets.

3. Getting crushed by a tree: You get stuck in the tree's branches as it grows and sprouts. As you try to free yourself, the weight of the tree kills you instantly.

2. Getting hit by a bus: You get hit by a bus as you are walking to school.

1. Getting crushed by an anvil: You get killed instantly as you are squashed by an around 20kg anvil.

[besttop10s]

Top 10 Bitches in the World

1. Kim Davis, Kentucky

2. Ann Coulter, California

3. Dana Loesch, Texas

4. Janice Dickinson, West Virginia

5. Michelle Malkin, Pennsylvania

6. Wendy Davis, Texas

7. Kathy Griffin, California

8. Madonna, Canada

9. Mary Cheney, Wyoming (tie)

10. Cher, United States

You can see why I'm not a fan of these bitches.

[besttop10s]

Top 10 Things you should NEVER google

1. "The Great Wall of China"

2. "Ferrari"

3. "Porsche"

4. "Tiger Woods"

5. "Drake"

6. "Miley Cyrus"

7. "Kanye West"

8. "Nike"

9. "Coca Cola"

10. "Lil Wayne"

[besttop10s]

Top 10 Hottest Sonic Females

1. Amy Rose (Sonic the Hedgehog)

2. Tails (Sonic the Hedgehog)

3. Sally Acorn (Sonic the Hedgehog)

4. Big the Cat (Sonic the Hedgehog)

5. E-102Y "Eggman" Alexander (Shadow the Hedgehog)

6. Shadow's Mommy (Shadow the Hedgehog)

7. Dr. Eggman (Sonic the Hedgehog)

8. The Mistress of Mayhem (Mega Man X6)

9. Witch Time (Castlevania: Symphony of the Night)

10. Maria (Resident Evil 4).

[besttop10s]

TOP 10 TIMES I WENT BEAST MODE:

1. When I was in preschool my dad took me to the zoo with him, he told me that I could ride on the back of one of those big animals like an elephant or something. He said it would be fun for me because I'd get to see all kinds of different things. Well, when we got there, I saw a giraffe and thought "I wanna ride on this thing!" I was so excited I didn't think my dad would let me go on it. When he told me I couldn't ride it, I was pretty mad. I think I yelled at him or something. But instead of punishing me like he said he would, he let me go BEAST MODE! I ran around on all fours and ate leaves and things. The best part was, I could run as fast as I could when I was on all fours. 

2. When I was in first grade, I learned about when animals went BEAST MODE. I remember one day when the lighting was just right outside, the zoo's lion escaped from its cage. I don't know what came over me, but for the whole rest of day I wanted to go BEAST MODE. I kept stealing looks at the zoo's lion when I thought no one was looking. I wanted to run and wrestle with it and play like I did when I was a little toddler. 

3. The second time I went BEAST MODE was the day before my dad and I had to go to this big baseball game in the city. I was really excited for the game, but was really, really tired. I wanted to lay down and fall asleep, but I didn't want to miss anything. So, I did the only thing that I could think of... I pretended I was an animal and went BEAST MODE! I knew I could make as much noise as I wanted because I was a big animal and no one could do anything to me. 

4. In third grade, I learned about a serial killer who killed kids. I was really into horror at the time, so when I heard the news reports about the killer, I wanted to be the next kid he got. I wanted to meet him. I would to school and I kept playing tricks on people. I would hide in the bathroom or go BEAST MODE or something and scare people. Eventually, the cops caught the killer and he killed himself while in custody. Everyone was really relieved. A week later, someone burned down the school. 

5. When I was in sixth grade, I learned about the zodiac killer. The killer would pick someone to kill. He would torture them and finally kill them. I thought it was a really really interesting story. I wanted to ask them something. One night, I worked up the courage to go BEAST MODE. I ran into the woods and thought about hurting someone. I thought about sneaking up and biting them really hard or just clawing them really bad. I was only 10, so I wasn’t able do anything extreme. I just wanted to do it the whole night. The next day, my dad and I had to go to the city again. I didn't want to leave, but I knew if I told my dad what I really wanted to do, he'd be really pissed. So I acted normal and we drove to the city. 

6. In my first year of high school, I learned about a killer who would eat his victims after killing them. I kept hearing about the killer and how long it took for him to get caught. I figured out why someone would do that. I talked about it to my friends and they started to get mad at me. I told them that I wanted to meet the killer and they looked at me and I told them that I wanted to talk to the killer and they stared at me. I didn’t really like my friends anymore so I went BEAST MODE and they decided to stop being my friend.

7. In my junior year, I heard about a killer who targeted entire families. He would break into homes while the residents were asleep and kill the people there. I kept thinking about how it would be so easy to do. I could just go to sleep and wake up dead. Pretty stupid to think about really, but you know how it is. I thought about doing it. I would only need to go into my parents room while they were sleeping. I thought about it a lot. I felt so gross about it.

8. One night after work, I got into my car and drove to my parent's house. I was really fucking scared, but I didn't know why. I thought it could make me feel a little better. I was parked down the street, it took a few minutes to come home. I walked to the front door and started to pull it open, but then I stopped and looked at my hands. They were sweaty and shaking. I took a deep breath and wiped my hands on my pants. I looked up at the door knob and took another deep breath. My heart was beating really fast and I could feel little adrenaline rushes all over my body. I went inside. I could hear my mom and dad talking as they came down the stairs. As soon as they walked into the kitchen, they stopped talking. They both looked at me and then at each other and then at me. “Honey are you okay?”

9. BEAST MODE 

10. 

[besttop10s]

TOP 10 ILLEGAL VEHICLES:

The list of the top ten illegal vehicles is as follows:

1. Go-karts - 100,000,000

2. Lamborghini Gallardo - 50,000,000

3. Fast women - 40,000,000

4. Ferrari - 35,000,000

5. Supercars - 25,000,000

6. Buggies - 15,000,000

7. ATV's - 10,000,000

8. Polos - 5,000,000

9. Super tuners - 4,000,000

10. Dirt bikes - 3,000,000