Just Focusing On Me

34, Queer,

[bettering-me-bitches]

I’m down 3 1/2 stone. I still want to lose like 3 more. Still running 3 hours a week. Mostly staying in my calorie deficit.

[bettering-me-bitches]

Still alive

So I actually managed to lose a little weight over the holiday season, not much, but given that I definitely stopped paying attention to what I ate and drank, I’m going to consider it a success.

I’ve not missed a single days run so far this year. I’ve been keeping track of my calories and while I’ve had a few days where I overate, once I worked out my averages, I actually managed to be around 100calories under my ‘target’ from the diet team at the hospital. So yay on that.

I still need to buy some weights but that’s not a super urgent thing for me.

I finally tried cottage cheese, and despite so many people treating it like the worse thing in the world, I don’t think it’s bad, like sure it’s not the best cheese, but I’ve definitely had some that were terrible.

[bettering-me-bitches]

Still doing my runs. Still calorie counting. Had my birthday yesterday. Had cake. Stayed in my calorie deficit. Have lost 8kg since may.

[bettering-me-bitches]

How is it that I was officially told I’m post menopausal, and nothing would change that yadda yadda ya, only to have 3 periods in the last 4 months

[bettering-me-bitches]

The leak seems to have ended, huzzah! Now to start the endless crusade to get the wall and ceiling replaced. Also, replacing the lights in my kitchen and bathroom.

In other news, I now run for 28 minutes a day, slower than I want, but I finish my run so I just have to rebuild my speed.

And I finally got caught up on absolute flash. The fact that wallys mum died last year and was born the same year as me was equally humbling and infuriating. I am a child gods be damned.

[bettering-me-bitches]

So the repairs was never done. My kitchen ceiling is leaking, my bathroom light, now disconnected, is leaking, my wall is strangely dry, and I am waiting for a repair guy to come and sort out things. I pray that he can do it, since 10am my bucket is about 1/2 full with ceiling leak water.

I’m going to do my run once the repair is checked so that I can hopefully have a bath after. I was not able to have one yesterday because the electrical guy came about 10pm, and I was not going to try and clean and run a bath that late with zero light. My bathroom doesn’t even have a window for heaven’s sake.

My neighbour who is also affected, has told me about 2 separate incidents of our housing association being sued for ignoring repairs leading to dead of the tenants. Which is absolutely setting my anxiety to 1000.

I hate it here. (Right now)

Like usually I’m chill and go with the flow. I do my best not to get aggravated or upset with the call centre people, but my ‘with the flow’ absolutely does not include the flow from my goddamn ceiling and walls and lights.

I wouldn’t be so mad if they were doing the job in a relatively timely manner, but I FUCKING REPORTED THE FIRST LEAK 48 DAYS AGO!!!!

I’m stressed , my cat is stressed and over grooming herself, and I have like 5-6 birthdays this month. And I just want to curl up and sleep for as long as I can

[bettering-me-bitches]

I can do all the things, improve fitness, eat healthier, sleep mostly better and then out of nowhere I’ll have a fucking asthma attack because I made my bath a little bit too hot.

[bettering-me-bitches]

Finally have a date for my repairs, yay.

Still doing my runs, still sleeping at least 7 hours, still alive. Only missed 1 morning of brushing my teeth. And I felt crap about it, so yay on training myself to brush 2X a day I guess.

[bettering-me-bitches]

I’ve been keeping up with my running and bathing and generally looking after myself.

But something that people rarely talk about is how, even when you’re doing all the things you should to get better, it’s mentally draining before hand.

I’ve done today’s run, I’ve been for A walk, I’ve eaten a meal, and right now I’m honestly trying to psych myself up to get in the bath. It’s not a big thing, it’ll be like 30 minutes tops but gods above the mere thought of it makes me want to scream. But I have to because I know me, and if I don’t have a bath tonight, I’ll make some stupid excuse not to run tomorrow, probably ignore the fact I need a bath tomorrow and just rot in my flat. So I’m going to get in the bath but right now I really don’t want to.

[bettering-me-bitches]

So yesterday I walked nearly 2X my usual, and because I had a morning appointment, I had planned to do my run when I got home. Spoiler: I didn’t. It was over 30C and I am not built for that so I marked yesterday as a rest day and I did today’s run.

I am glad I did, but I do not like this heat. It was 27C when I started and 29C when I finished. I was so sweaty and thirsty. But I did it, and tomorrow is meant to be much cooler so I’ll be fine.

[bettering-me-bitches]

So my back is like 90% better, which is good because my runs have felt so slow this week.

Still running for the 25 minutes, it’s too hot to increase at the moment.

[bettering-me-bitches]

I did a super slow run today, my back is still sore which sucks. Apparently, I looked so exhausted when I took my rubbish out that a neighbour took it from me and told me to go back in.

But I ran. And I went for a short walk. Little over 8,300 steps today. Which given I wanted to lay down and sleep until I’m better a la video game logic, I feel is pretty good not as many steps as I prefer but still good.

Also, something you never think about, you use a lot more muscles than expected to go to the bathroom, I knew logically that you were using some but now I can feel my muscles and I don’t like it.

[bettering-me-bitches]

My back still hurts!

Thankfully today is a rest day but gods above my beck hurts even after I stretched and massaged it best I could.

Honestly, the worst part is going to the toilet, why it spasms when I need to poop I don’t know but I don’t like it.

Just going to have a hot Epsom salt bath after dinner and hopefully tomorrow I’ll be fine.

[bettering-me-bitches]

So I did my run, I was sweating so much but I didn’t stop.

Then somehow while out running errands, my lower back twinged and now my back hurts and I also forgot my glasses when I was out so I’ve got a bit of a headache.

Adding on the heat, which I do not enjoy and my Friday has been the lower end of meh. At least I can say that I did my run. Thankfully tomorrow is a rest day anyway.

[bettering-me-bitches]

I had a morning appointment today. Early enough that I honestly wasn’t going to try, and didn’t, wake up early enough to do my run beforehand.

Then on the way, I managed to spill a small amount of coffee down my top, literally not even a mouthful but still super visible. And then I had to wait and my appointment was 30 minutes later than I booked and then I finally got home about 11:30, and like an idiot I decided to have lunch first. And then by the time I had let everything settle the temperature was about 26C. I am not a heat person. At all. So I put off the run. And then I realised what I was doing about 4pm, and knew if I didn’t run today, I’d stop running and make excuses upon excuses.

So with it being way too hot for me, grossly humid and too bright( ok I’m just complaining for the sake of it) I did my run. I stuck to 25 minutes despite wanting to increase because honestly by the 5 minute mark I was drenched in sweat and felt gross.

But I did it. And ok so I went a bit over my calorie plan for the day, but I did my exercise and I’ll focus on the calories tomorrow.

So basically, if I can I will always prefer to run in the morning, so it’s done before the heat gets too much, or I try to talk myself out of it.

[bettering-me-bitches]

Today’s run was harder than expected. I think it’s because this is one of my ‘long weeks’

I use alternating Saturday and Sundays as my rest day, and it works pretty well for me. It just means one ‘week’ I run for 5 days then the next it’s 7 days.

[bettering-me-bitches]

Weird way I make sure I always brush my teeth. My toothbrush and toothpaste are in my kitchen. I brush my teeth I brush my teeth in the morning while making my coffee, then I do my run while my coffee cools a bit and by the time I’m drink my post-run water my toothpaste has had the 30 minutes for whatever and I’m free.

And in the evening I feed my cat and since I’m in the kitchen I brush my teeth. And it really helps me with intrusive thoughts, because if my toothbrush is never in the bathroom I can’t have dropped it in the toilet and forgotten.

Still running for 25 minutes a day, I was hoping to increase my time next week to 28 but I’m not sure now, the past 2 runs have been very rough.

I guess we can see how I feel on Monday.