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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
EXPECTATIONS
Monterey Bay Aquarium
if i look back, i am lost
cherry valley forever
taylor price
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One Nice Bug Per Day
★
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Fai_Ryy
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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
shark vs the universe
Sade Olutola
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
noise dept.
sheepfilms
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@betteronpaper-blog
This is fantastic.
I might be late to the party on this - or not - but this is a site that is absolutely worth looking at from start to finish.
hipster puppies
It combines so much awesome - dogs, the mocking of hipsters, dogs in clothes, and even more mocking of hipsters.
This site gets two thumbs up, a double high-five, and a slap on the ass.
If this question turned into a statement, it would be proof that people are inherently good even if they are irrational at times.
Well played, "My Man Mitch"
The governor on his Harley riding through Indiana's fields of gold.
I don't know if this is part of a calculated political strategy or what - "In Indiana, basketball trumps everything at all times. Speeches can be recorded and replayed - basketball can only be truly enjoyed in the moment. This is a free country, and anyone who dictates what I do with my time and when is on the side of terrorists and tyrants." - but Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels skipped the State of the Union the other night to watch the Purdue-Ohio State game.
"You caught me. I didn't watch it. I was watching the Purdue game as long as it was watchable,"Daniels told a local television station. "Honestly, I've read the accounts. I've got the text of the speech and I'll be reading it between now and the next stop. I think I'll just say that I'm very hopeful that we are going to see changes in national policy."
As a Purdue fan, that was a terrible game to skip something else to watch, but I still have nothing but respect for 1) the decision and 2) telling the truth in public and not running away from it like another political twit would.
[Source: Fanhouse]
Tuesday Link Dump
Yep, we're back. And as the "Other Guy" (loved the movie, by the way) on the Better On Paper payroll, I've gotta make a contribution. And with that, some random links and thoughts from the day....
Guy Gets Fired From Chicago Area Car-Salesman Job for Wearing Packers Tie
Never mind insubordination on the salesman's behalf. And I'm likely giving Webb Chevrolet too much credit here, but perhaps this was part of its marketing strategy to get the downtrodden, Cutler-cursing Chicago Bears faithful to rally around what seems like a terrible HR decision and ultimately buy some Chevys. I can hear it now, "Hey, honey, let's go get that HHR from these guys. They hate the Packers as much as we do!" Brilliant PR. Oh, and I just read that a rival dealership has hired the guy who was canned. Again, brilliant. They're going to have to step up production in Detroit if this keeps up.
Cubs Sign Wellemeyer
...and just when I was starting to look forward to baseball season, the Cubs go out and sign Todd Wellemeyer to a minor-league deal. WHY? I guess I can only be not critical of Jim Hendry for so long. Have fun in Iowa, Todd. And please, make me eat my words at some point this season.
NYT Reviews Decemberists Show
Nice to see the Decemberists are on the Times' radar. I'm really digging the new album, "The King Is Dead"; the addition of Gillian Welch is fantastic. Here's a video from the band's Conan appearance in November if you're so inclined.
MTV Sending Cast of Jersey Shore to Italy for Season 4
Nope, nothing to add here. See you next time.
-jda
The 5 worst things someone in DC can say tonight.
I am a proud resident of the Washington, DC-metro area. There's no shortage of things to do in the area, we're not lacking in the things to see department, and there are any number of good places to eat and drink. You know what else we don't lack?
Pompous political douchebags.
This is what I think of in my mind as the "DC Tradeoff." Every city has at least one tradeoff - in New York, you have a fantastic city, but the tradeoff is you really have to pay for it. In Chicago, the tradeoff is that you have to endure a horrendous winter. In Boston, you deal with a double whammy tradeoff - cold weather and quiet bigotry (unless they're drunk). And so on...
So in the DC area, the tradeoff is living amongst and around political people who think they're powerful, important, or both. The worst is that it infects every level - the elected and appointed officials think they're saints, the middle level people have incredible Napoleon complexes, and the entry level bastards are sucking from the tit of power for the first time and can't suck fast enough.
Tonight is President Obama's State of the Union address. In the 48 states that don't border DC, it is a speech most people are like, "Oh yeah, I should watch that." People in some states think about it slightly longer, like the folks in Kentucky who make sure it doesn't conflict with American Idol, the folks in Idaho who make sure it doesn't run over the white-power-militia meeting, and the folks in Alaska making sure there's no interference with whatever Sarah Palin claims they do up there.
But the SOTU brings out the worst of the terrible political people in the DC area (Disclaimer: not all who wander the political halls are bad, but it is very obvious who the bad ones are). In the ongoing pissing contest that exists on Capitol Hill, tonight brings forth a pissing contest that has been fueled by an excess of water, Miller Lite, and soda. In other words, there's a lot of pissing.
While there are any number of annoying things you can hear around town tonight, these five rub me the wrong way...the MOST.
1) "Oh, yeah, I just scanned the President's speech. I got an embargoed copy. What, you didn't get that?" Basically what this worthless human is saying is that he got a forwarded email from his boss that he was forwarded from one of the million journalists in the area, who probably was on the tail end of twelve other forwards but cut out the email history to make it look like he got it himself.
2) "Look for my BOSS - he should be on the aisle." There are two major flaws with this line. First, "the boss." People on the Hill all call their congressman or senator or whatever "the boss" it seems, as if their boss, who is actually 436th in the line of succession, is on the verge of being noteworthy for anything other than saying something controversial about gay people so he could make page 6 of USA Today. And second, "he should be on the aisle." Those are the worst of the worst of the worst people in government, the aisle hogs, and anyone who is proud to work for them is a tool. Funny how the aisle hogs are all democrats. There's a joke about hand-outs in there somewhere, but I'm too tired.
3) "Here's a scorecard for the SOTU drinking game we made up." Are you a 19 year old sophomore at an Ivy League university? No? You're a federal employee? Act like it then. This is the SOTU, not a meeting with a PR agency where you snicker and drink every time someone says "circle back." And nothing says it takes a female a ton of booze to sleep with me more than "here's your SOTU drinking scorecard."
4) "Ugh, I wish we didn't have to look at Joe Biden and John Boehner behind Obama all night." Really? How about this - would you rather look at Biden and Nancy Pelosi? No thank you. Pelosi scares me. WHY is she looking at me like that? Say what you will about their respective politics, but I like to imagine that Boehner and Biden are sitting back there sipping booze they slipped in while telling dick jokes during the bursts of applause.
5) "I love how so many Republicans and Democrats are sitting together this time." This idea - to have he parties mix rather than be divided - was a great idea that the think tank Third Way came up with a few weeks back. Now, its a stunt. Its too bad there had to be so much press and coordination behind it instead of just letting it happen. I'll be the first to admit its a good first step toward more civility, but anyone who is fooled by the staging of this now is stupid with a capital -upid.
And now for a final prediction: the State of our Union is strong. U! S! A! U! S! A! Go get 'em Barry O...tell the world our story.
Your dead-on Oscars odds.
[Natalie Portman, aka the only woman my wife would ever leave me and go lesbian for. She said that to my face. I think. Who knows, maybe it was implied.]
This blog dabbles in many things - sports, music, libations, and so on. But come on, let's all admit you come here for the handicapping of Best Picture nominations for the Oscars. So let's dive right in. And the nominees are... (What the hell? There are TEN!)
Black Swan: Didn't see this, but I've heard two things: 1) You really have to pay attention, and 2) Natalie Portman makes out with Mila Kunis. A complicated story and edginess by way of famous actresses dabbling in lesbianism - sounds exactly like what people in Hollywood tell you they want to like. Odds: 3:1
The Fighter: Didn't see this, but I heard Christian Bale is in it. Speaking of him, I really liked The Dark Knight. I'm not into comics and sci-fi, but that was really good, and the music was fantastic. I should Google Batman and Christian Bale to see if they're making another one. That would be cool. Odds: 12:1
Inception: Didn't see this, but I heard that there's something about stealing dreams and I've also heard a lot about it since people wouldn't shut up about it last year. I saw a preview and that chick from Juno is in it apparently. Between that and the Cisco commercials, she's doing a good job of distancing herself from being the poster-child of teen pregnancy. Odds: 8:1
The Kids Are All Right: Didn't see this, but I think this is the one about Annette Benning and Julianne Moore being lesbian partners and having kids or something. Basically, it sounds like the movie I'll watch on my next flight to LA. Odds: 25:1
The King's Speech: Didn't see this, but I've heard some pretty good reviews. That fellow Colin Firth is apparently the main character, which initially makes me think this is a romantic comedy in which he plays a frazzled Brit who is dealing with some absurd or pathetic tale of love since that's all I know him for. But alas, I've heard good things, and we all know Hollywood goes gah gah over accents. Odds: 4:1
127 Hours: Didn't see this, but I heard if you want a good opportunity to projectile vomit or pass out with a large group of people, this is the film for you thanks to the scene where he cuts his arm off. Hollywood will call it "gritty" and "raw" - I call it 7th place. Odds: 50:1
The Social Network: Didn't see this, but my father - who hates computers and jokingly claims the internet is a fad - loved it and was very interested in it. That says more than any Variety review could ever tell me. Odds: 5:1
Toy Story 3: Didn't see this, but seriously? We're nominating animated movies for Best Picture? If this wins, I will wear a leotard and do a one-minute ballet routine and post it on this site. Odds: 1500:1
True Grit: Didn't see this, but know it stars two people Hollywood loves fawning over - Matt Damon and Jeff Bridges - and was directed by the Coen Brothers. That's well and good, but can we give an Oscar to a remake? Nope. Odds: 15:1
Winter's Bone: Didn't see this, mainly because I've never heard of it. Not good for your odds, Winter's Bone. Odds: 100:1
Wait, where's The Tourist?
So there you have it. It looks like, based on the fact that I've seen none of the movies nominated, your leaders for Best Picture are Black Swan, The King's Speech, and The Social Network. Make sure you tune into the Oscars, umm, whenever they are to see how wrong I am, and possibly to see how much more botox Nicole Kidman has used on her forehead.
So...
We've had our break, and I think we're all better for it now. We learned a lot about ourselves, and we hope you have too in the couple many months we've been away. But whaddya say we give this thing a go again? I think we're all in better places now, and if it doesn't work this time, we'll go our separate ways. Oh come on, you know you want to. We can see it in your eyes - that twinkle is back, and baby, we're back too.
That close, eh? Time to bang my head against the wall again.
Watching this is like jamming chopsticks under my toenails. You guessed it - painful. But I still find this kind of thing to be incredibly interesting. And just because I enjoyed this analysis doesn't mean I watch The Big Bang Theory on CBS, so stop judging. So what if I stopped watching it a while back - that Sheldon guy's schtick wasn't really funny the first 24 times I watched it, and I have a new principle that doesn't allow me to watch any show on television with a laugh track.
Wait, how did this post evolve to commentary on an overrated sitcom on CBS from the original discussion of how damn close Butler was to winning on Monday? I think I'll choose to blame Clark Kellogg, who takes sucky announcing to a whole new level every time he speaks on the tv.
You are the worst.
Right now, even Billy Packer is sitting somewhere saying, "Gosh, this Kellogg guy is really annoying."
He's also saying, "You know what, I like watching games not having to hear Nantz."
You suck, CBS. How you don't have Gus Johnson and Bill Raftery calling this game is a crime.
Blue II, the actual Butler Bulldog mascot, was on the floor during team intros. Unfortunately, cell phone reception sucks from the seats. Tied up at the half, the Dawgs will obviously pounce in the second half.
Local Indiana beer to get things started...or well, you know. Go BU!!
Ace is at the Final Four in Naptown, AKA Bracket Town. More updates to come.
This has forged a path around the internets - or sites I look at...whatever, I don't care - and I feel obligated to post it here. This Punte fellow at With Leather (a great blog) sure deserves a high five and a pat on the back, because this is just fantastic. In fact, one reason I'm posting it here is because over the course of the day, something is bound to piss me off at work. Well, this is 59 seconds of elixir.
Breaking news
This story almost seems like its straight out of The Onion, which means its almost too good to be true. All you need to know are two things:
First, the headline: "Man used penis to assault female police officer."
And second, a quote from the story that sums it all up:
Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.
AWESOME.
Shockingly, this happened in Scotland, not Utah. So that means not only was the entire dialogue between the two probably pretty funny to begin with, it also happened with Scottish and Lithuanian accents (where Varinauskas is from).
[BBC News]
Well done, Stewart. Well done.
March Madness...is here!
[Shhh. Larry Legend needs you to shut up so others can read.]
There are many wonderful times of the year. Baseball's opening day. The first day the weather has turned away from winter once and for all. The Fourth of July. And the day Duke loses in the NCAA tournament.
Without the NCAA tournament, where else could we collectively get so much pleasure from watching a team that represents a high-quality, small school in a nice town in North Carolina fail in front of a national audience? Oh Duke, you know I'm kidding. Watching you fail isn't the only reason I watch the tournament.
This week, there's a ridiculous amount of coverage, stories, and analysis of the tournament. Too much in a lot of cases (I'm looking at you, ESPN). You could say its a coverage orgy, actually. And as the writers of a blog that people turn to daily (monthly?) for hard-hitting (sarcastic?) and informative stories (ramblings?) about important topics (drivel), I think its important to point out some stories you won't find on Better on Paper over the coming weeks:
"Profiles in Courage: Bob Huggins accepts his idiocy"
"Integrity: John Calipari and his guiding principle"
"Bump 'n Run: UNLV and the white powder that fuels a city"
"When Tigers Become Pussies: Clemson's basketball team and the second half of seasons"
"Wasted: The story of a Baptist school, a great city, and a missed opportunity by putting Baylor in the New Orleans regional"
"Life Hanging on the General's Nuts: Digger Phelps and his love affair with Bob Knight"
"Clark Kellogg isn't only tolerable, he's great!"
"UC-Santa Barbara achieves their dream with a trip to Milwaukee"
"Duke: Where attractive basketball happens"
"Rick Pitino's Magical Run: From sex in a restaurant to a #9 seed"