Seeing her cry conflicted him. He hated this sight. He hated witnessing her sufferings, especially that it was him who was the reason for these tears, but he had more to say. Except actions demonstrated beforehand all the anger within him in that moment. He would have let go of her — hugged her, even — only, her every remark rattled his cage further. Jaws clenched, teeth grating, and his knuckles white from squeezing her tight on the arm. "It hurts?! What about me? Do you realize what you're saying now?" He exclaimed, every bit of contempt spilling through his words. "You're talking about your feelings for another guy. To me!! Your boyfriend. What reaction do you expect from me? You want me to feel sorry for cursing at you?!"
And he did. He felt sorry. He had avoided such behavior ever since, but it only justified all adjustments he's made for the female. He wasn't the good guy he wanted to be. He was just another boy, especially known for his rudimentary and conceit. A rapper, artist, who isn't afraid to attract attention, even risking a good image for reputation. But for Jisoo, he showed a side that was meant to nurture, if only she would let him.
Rage seeped through the narrow eyes that opened wide, now outlined in red that revealed the grief he had been hiding. Betrayed. That's how he felt most of all. Regret, closely after it. His thoughts came to life. His assumptions all ended up true. He wished he'd never asked. "It's not even... just some guy. It's Hanbin... my best friend." Voice suddenly fading and bloodshot eyes trailing away from the gaze he'd fixated on the female, losing the firm grasp on her pale arms. He kept getting in the way, she said, but what did that mean if he weren't even here or anywhere near.
"I don't understand. You say you want to be with me but you're also... just trying to be with me..." He wanted to understand, but his mind didn't cooperate. He did nothing else but point fingers, none of which did Jisoo deserve. What kind of conspiracy was this? What was right and what was wrong? He certainly wasn't in between, but it was so easy to admit to mistakes. Both of them found ease in this. If it was to fix the current situation, he had no clue how. Not at this point, at least.
His hands dropped, finally letting go of her, his mind wrapping around the idea of letting her go completely but his heart feeling nothing but pain. All he could think of now was the fact that he might have been simply a distraction. The lingering feelings she professed giving him the thought that he was but a back up plan when their fairy tale didn't achieve its happy ending. Getting around this only made the credence he bore slip away, slowly, in every second of silence in between bitter assertions.
Please speak. Please say something. Please give me a reason to stay.
2087
titsay
prguitarman
turnnoffyourmind
