This world is hard as fuck

[essenaoneill-deactivated2015102]

Do you think you are beautiful?

Isn’t horrible to think that either way I as a female answer this question, it will be controversial.

“No”. She’s attention seeking, insecure, ungrateful, lying, depressing, bad role model.

“Yes.” She’s up herself, airhead, she thinks too high of herself, she’s uptight.. bad role model.

I would be lying if I said I thought myself right now in this stage of my life is beautiful. I think my beauty, or the true beauty I seek is not at all exterior. The beauty I crave to be is not me right now. I am determined to find that part of myself and truly, authentically be it. 

[organicallyolive-deactivated201]

THIS ^^^

[beyourstongself]

Just me

I realy don’t know how to start or do this, but scolling true tumblr reading all those depressed quotes made me feel even worse than I even felt. So I decided to tell my story, I don’t think anyone will read this or even see it but that’s fine by me, I just.. I need to just say what I feel honestly for one time..

My name is Laura, I’m a 15 jear old girl from Belgium. And last jear was a nightmare, people always saw me as a strong kid, my dad killed himself when I was 7 jears old, I think I saw him 4 times in my whole life. He didn’t wanted me, he didn’t needed to see me, I guess I wasn’t good enough, for him.. for anyone actualy... His dead never realy effected me until like a jear ago, somtimes I would ask my mom some thing about him but it changed. I starded thinking about why he didn’t wanned me, what was wrong with me, why he killed himself.. I know he had some personal end big money problems but I don’t realy know why. I lost a few other peole but my dad, its a part of me, not having him, there is no day that goes by that I don’t think about him. I have a hard relationship with my mom, we are like always together and thats isn’t easy, we don’t have a lot of money and every month is hard. She is the strongest women I know, the things she does for me, she’s the best mom I could ever wish for, we fight .. A lot , specialy during school beacous I’m just not myself then and she is stressed out from work, she also works in the weekend so she doesn’t ever rest. But true it all she’s my world. I’m a “easy girl”, specialy for boy’s, I fall in love way to easy. When a good looking guy talks to me a start freeking out, trying to hard to be nice, to keep the conversation going.. Butt thats you know likeing someone. I just I just feel like I will never get a guy who realy likes me, who does everything for me , who I realy mean something to. There was a boy in my class and during all jear, i mean I had cruches but thats not the same.. I felt for him, like I never did before, that boy he’s just my dream, when we talk I just like us toegether, The more I got to know him the more I felt for him. We are friends , he had 2 girlfriends during the jear, he knew for a period i liked him but I made him beleve it’s over. I will never be the girl he want, I will never be enough for him and I realise that . I’m not good enough, for him or no one else.. I hate myself so mutch. I hate myself for loving him, giving myself fasle hope. I hate myself for being easy to play with, I have like a realy close friend who made me her peronal diary , nothing whrong with that but that girl has a eating disorder and she doenst want to searsh help I did everything I could to help her to liste, tell her she’s beautiful even I hated myself so mutch telling her life is good. I whould give my live seeing her truely happy again but even how hard I tryed she kept losing weight , having panick attacs,, being scared I would just leve her alone, whaterver I sead she didn’t listen. I wass never enough for her, she made me feel like I HAD to help her, put more effort in our friendship but she geve nothing back.. I feel empty everything I feel our do goas whong, there’s a lot more but that’s a part of me , my life

If someone reads this I AM SORRY FOR MY ENGLISH..

[extrasad]

What happens once you kill yourself? Because I'm ready to go.

You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to  her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all  busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself

but you killed everyone else around you too. 

[martinawrites]

this need to be on everyone’s blog

[sleepybambi]

this makes me think..

[janoskipornhub-deactivated20150]

God bless whoever wrote this.

[ioanaslovesongs]

im crying

[phanscuddles]

I never usually reblog things like this.. but if it saves just one persons life… please take thime to read this even if you think there is no point in living. Please.

[yoursummerdreamz]

[beyourstongself]

[invisxbleoxe]

 “Dad.. I brought you your favorite drink. I made sure not to make it too sweet.” Her eyes slowly looked up from the iced beverage as she set it down. “Are you hungry? I brought you something else.” She opened the box to show the long, golden, chocolate topped pastry. “Eclairs! I made them myself.” She sets one on a napkin and put it next to the drink. “Do you like the little hearts I drew on them? They’re very popular at the cafe. A lot of men buy them for their wives or girlfriends.” a weak laugh was almost caught in the middle of her throat. “Recently there’s just been a lot of couples in the cafe. Maybe it’s the atmosphere I created in there, that’s good though right? Around the neighborhood my place is known as the love cafe..” She quickly looked down at her black heels. “It’s lonely here, right? I’ve felt really lonely lately..” Soon a small stream of tears flowed down her cheeks, voice becoming shaky. “I miss you, dad.. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you better.” She broke into a sob and fell onto her knees, burying her face into her hands and exposing her hidden feelings in front of her father’s grave.

                             Alice Park - 20 - Plot? - 18+ posts

[wildlifepower-deactivated201506]

So cute ^_^

[beyourstongself]

imed <3

[beyourstongself]

It’s a passion

[beyourstongself]

Hey, your beautiful ;)

[beyourstongself]

Keep dreaming <3

[beyourstongself]

Scared of losing you..

[beyourstongself]

Sometimes it all gets a little too mutch

[beyourstongself]

I do ..

[beyourstongself]

Hi! My name is Lou, I'm 23 from Ireland. I want to make some new Lovatic friends so thought I would say hi :)

Hi! My name is Laura, I’m 16 from Belgium. And yes she helped me true some hard times :) (I’m sorry if  you can’t understand me,my Englisch isn’t that good ;) )

[indulgant]

[scntrx-deactivated20191108]