* HAZE —

it was an amazing coincidence that the moon covered the sun. then it hit me, oh of course. the moon was always swimming toward this moment.

[beyuji]

yuji hums in answer at the statement, tilting her head to the side. she figured it'd raise a few brows, a handful of them being whisked away separately. yuji doesn't quite want to risk anything so she directs her gaze back to her food, though her mouth is quirked up in the corner.

a soft laugh escapes her, yuji finding herself glancing back up at yuwol with a wider smile on her face. she waves a hand dismissively around. "kidding~" she sings softly. "i am busy, but there's always some time in the day to drag my feet a bit, so to speak."

yuji taps a nail on the end of her chopsticks, stirring her food around before she takes a bite of her own food. stuck in thought, she tilts her head to the side, observing yuwol for a long moment. "you were on next gen, weren't you?" she asks, raising a brow. last she remembered though, he wasn't one of the ones that were offered a contract. which means he ended up here after the fact. "is that really on whim?" she asks, though not unkindly. yuji's just nosy, and if she has a chance to learn about the newer trainees while she can, she'll take it.

"on welcome? usually i ask if they need help finding where to go," yuji offers, glancing back down at her lunchbox. "lately though, i've been sharing trainee secrets. like which hallway is the best to scream into your hands without anyone seeing you." she chuckles to herself, going to take another bite of her food. before she does, though, she nods towards yuwol's on. "eat comfortably. i don't mind being a podcast you listen while you eat."

[beyuwol]

now that he has basically shed his... forced rich kid persona, yuwol finds himself needing to navigate what it's like to properly hold conversations with people he's not familiar with at this point. it's funny, he thinks he used to be okay at it, enough that he can keep up with conversations he has no clue what about, especially with the gatherings his parents would often drag him to formal gatherings. usually to 'celebrate' his recitals and their subsequent results. having to let his parents show him off like a trophy, instead of a person.

lately, he feels more like himself, whether for better or for worse. he's stumbling over his words a little, facing yuji with an unsure and uneasy expression. not because he doesn't like her presence or anything—he's just struggling to find words to say, or maybe he's simply panicking ( a sort of new feeling! ) under the gaze of someone who's technically his senior in this company.

yuwol blinks, feeling like a deer in headlights at the mention of next gen. "oh, well... a friend was in the previous season. more than one, actually, but he kind of convinced me to join too... i find it hard to say no to him." he probably didn't need to add that last sentence, but it's somewhat relevant to the circumstances at the time. "and i've been doing the same thing for years thinking that's all i'll ever do, so i thought... why not try? that's technically something i did on a whim, right?"

just like that, yuji had to remind him to eat, which he had completely forgotten about. "right." he hums though, playing with his utensils between his fingers first. "do people do that often? need to scream?" he blinks. he can imagine it, considering how harsh the industry can be. "what other trainee secrets do you have? i think the one i might need in the future is where i can take a nap in secret," he laughs a little, finally taking a bite of his food.

[bechaerin]

chaerin understood where yuwol's concerns came from because she shared the same thoughts back when she first became a trainee. in the beginning, everything feels like a challenge, and she couldn't tell what she could or couldn't try. the trainers liked to tell them not to hesitate, but that was much easier said than done.

however, she's gotten past that phase now, and if she were a little more interested in acting, she would've taken her chance at this audition herself. but seeing that it wasn't one of her interests, she decided to take a step back and instead encourage or help out others.

"i doubt any of the other trainees are much better actors, really. we're all on the same boat, aren't we? sure, we might get some acting lessons here and there, but i don't think that really matters. it's probably why they're holding this audition for the trainees to begin with. they just want to see the pool of potential actors they have!"

she wasn't entirely sure if this was encouraging enough, but she really didn't want to see yuwol not give it a try simply because he felt like he was lacking because it simply wasn't true. "i think you should go for it. worst case scenario, you don't get the part but the next time an acting gig comes up, they'll get to see how much you've improved!"

[beyuwol]

it's hard fighting with a mindset that has been engraved into him since early childhood, disregard the belief that he can't do anything but play an instrument, having no worth other than that object and how he plays it. it's because of seo ran that he started believing in himself, even though he didn't get the results he hoped for after next gen.

"i feel a little pathetic because of this... but i can't seem to get the idea of failing again out of my head." he mumbles, admitting some of his inner thoughts to chaerin. he feels bad that she has to listen to him mull over something he should be over by now, considering he managed to get into sr media after next gen anyway, but it's a moment that's permanently stuck in his head—what if it happens again? even if this is on a smaller scale, he knows the feeling of acknowledging his own failures despite being so close to reaching a certain goal.

"there are a lot of talented actors in sr media... then again, that is one of our focuses anyway." it's strange how they decided to create this drama when most—if not all—of the female trainees are busy doing god knows what.

"you're right, even if i mess up here, i should take the opportunity to improve myself later down the line." he nods, giving chaerin an appreciative smile. "i'm sorry you had to hear me being such a... downer. i do have the script for the audition in hand, will you... help me practice?"

[beyuwol]

six months.

it's been a while since he met up with kou outside the confines of the axis labels building, or the sr media training facilities. hoenstly, yuwol ind of missed it—the days when he'd visit kou's cat cafe as a customer, waiting for the other boy late into the night as he busies himself doing other things. usually though, he's just sitting there occupied by his own thoughts. they haven't had any time to themselves, what with training taking up most of their time and energy. on top of it all, yuwol still has responsbilities outside of his commitment to sr media.

he had been determined to finish his lesson earlier this time, early enough that he still has the rest of the day to spend with kou. the other boy seems eager to see him today—today in particular, that is. yuwol isn't sure why, but he'd never turn down the chance to meet kou either way. then again, he isn't able to say no to kou about nearly everything in the first place, so this tracks. just another day, with the two of them.

"kou, did i make you wait long?" he asks, a little worried, walking up to the other boy with his eyebrows slightly knitted. "you weren't lost on the way, right?" he runs his fingers through kou's hair, offering the boy a small, apologetic smile. "i feel a little bad that you had to wait out here on your own... i tried finishing up my lesson early though. i'm all yours now."

yuwol doesn't exactly have something planned today, other than being with kou—standing next to kou like this had always been enough for him. "ah... you were insistent we meet up today. does that mean you're taking me somewhere? you have something planned for the two of us?" he has his violin case still strapped to his back, but he doesn't mind carrying it around.

[bexsua]

feat. @beyuwol shaking paradigm.

training at lime is redundant.

not that sua really minds. routine is...okay. it gives her something to work towards, though working with the same people day in and day out gets a little boring. especially in a situation where sua can't freely relax and do things that she really enjoys without the guilt and worry of something going wrong. she's fiending for something a little different.

a day at axis helps, at least. there's enough new faces that it feels like she's somewhere else, for a change. the training is similar, but the rooms and equipment and staff have a different vibe than lime.

when she's ducking into a free practice room, intent on working on composition because she cannot keep dancing today for the life of god, she pauses in her tracks. there's nothing against sharing the room with other trainees in the building, but sua always feels awkward when she sees someone else in one of the rooms.

the feeling leaves her shortly after, because upon further inspection, it's yuwol. sua doesn't feel at all bad intruding on his practice time, and there's almost a satisfied smile on her face as she makes her way towards him. sua doesn't greet him, but she stalks towards him-- like a cat about to pounce on a mouse. she waits to speak until she can comfortably toss down her bag and set a hand on the tabletop, fixing him with a smile that's probably more unsettling than pleasant.

"hello, traitor." sua starts with, blinking at him innocently. "fancy seeing you here." she knew a bunch of things happened to yuwol after next gen-- after she was abandoned by the rest of her band to join the show. not that she can really call it being abandoned if she knew full well what the lot of them were doing, but whatever. she can be salty about it, even if she doesn't care as much as she did before.

[beyuwol]

waiting around feels… well, weird.

yuwol is fresh off of the drama auditions, unsure how he has done, mulling over the results that have yet to be announced. it’s strange to wander like this, but he has tasted failure before on a rather large scale, consequences piling up until he eventually finds his way to sr media again. his bundle of nerves haven’t exactly left, only increasing tenfold the longer he has to wait. he knows the staff would have to deliberate, he can’t help feeling antsy still though.

doomthinking is what he has been doing in the middle of the practice room, on top of practicing whatever routine he was meant to this week—it’s a little distracting, having his own brain cave in and get in the way, but that’s just how his brain works. there’s never a day where it doesn’t attack him, even over something like an audition. his mind elsewhere, it’s no wonder he wasn’t alerted to someone else entering the room, even moreso that it’s sua.

hello, traitor. the words made his heart leap into his throat, his usually dead and monotone eyes laced with a sense of guilt—he has been feeling that way whenever he thinks of sua. after all, it’s not everyday that everyone in your band up and left to go on a survival show. and then, upon return, end up being even more difficult to contact.

“oh, sua… i didn’t think—no, wait… first of all, i’m sorry.” whether sua’s jab is meant to be lighthearted or not, yuwol still offers a sincere apology. “i’ve been an awful… bandmate and friend.” then again, they aren’t bandmates anymore—that’s precisely the problem though. in sua’s point of view, he probably just disappeared suddenly, what with his limited curfew at the age of twenty-something.

“truthfully, i… wasn’t expecting to see you here.” he blinks, realizing that the shadow of sua he thought he imagined during christmas concert preparations was just that—but sua is actually here, somehow. “i didn’t think this was… your scene. especially… lime, right?” he always considered sua to be more of a freeform rockstar, not tied by anything, including a company.

[beyuwol]

break free.

after a while, trying to reach impossible expectations have become an integral part of yuwol's life. he had never known what it's like to be loved unconditionally, until recently, having to meet special standards in order to be acknowledged by his parents. they would claim it's for his best interest, their long list of demands will only serve to better his life in the long run—instead, they feel like heavier weight on his shoulders. signing to sr media was an attempt at breaking free from that cycle, but he isn't so lucky. even though he's able to pursue something that his parents didn't dictate for him, that doesn't mean he has the freedom to do whatever he wants now.

on the other hand, his praents are piling things up more for him. yuwol can tell that it's on purpose, they want to see how far he's willing to go—whether he'd break by the amount of responsibilities he has to manage. other than training, he still has to go to his usual lessons and accommodate to his parents' requests. he tries, so far he hasn't reached a breaking point that causes him to pass out in the middle of the street or anything like that, but he feels close to it. hopefully not though.

the bags under his eyes aren't easy to hide, he has no reason to wear sunglasses in the axis building but that's not where he is right now. that being said, he has been a little lightheaded recently, so it's no surprised that he accidentally bumps into @nickybe on his way to get a refreshing cup of coffee before continuing his rather packed nightly routine. "oh, sorry—ah, it's you." he takes off his sunglasses, wiping it just in case the haze isn't just from his mind but also from his dirty sunglasses. no dice.

"it's been... a while." something the two of them have in common are parents who control a huge chunk of their lives, but yuwol hasn't been the best at keeping in contact. especially recently. "sorry again for bumping into you, my eyes feel a little heavy." he shouldn't have admitted that, but his filter is a little wonky now that he's fighting off sleep. "i hope you've been doing good?"

[noelxbe]

beyuwol

okay, now yuwol has officially concerned for noel's wellbeing. being tired is common, especially with their tight schedule that provides little break in between—but this is different, clearly. yuwol doesn't want to bear witness to a friend passing out in the middle of the street. even worse, what if they parted ways and noel passes out only then? yuwol wouldn't be there to catch the other boy before he falls to the ground, or something. leave it to yuwol's brain to start spiralling into doom at the small sign of something wrong going on! yuwol can't help it though, he hopes that noel is okay. "it's alright," yuwol answers first. "we met a lot of our seniors, and i watched you perform." he recalls the memory, nodding along. "you were good, noel. you should be proud of yourself." yuwol walks closer to the other boy, worry probably evident in the way he looks at the other boy now. "should we take a seat on a bench somewhere? like... over there?" he has a feeling that if he shows his concern outwardly, noel would just dodge it and continue walking onwards regardless. instead, yuwol decides to take on another approach. "my legs... are getting a little tired. i had to practice a new dance routine today, the steps were heavier than i was used to." hopefully, if yuwol uses himself as an excuse, noel would go along. "we'll walk back afterwards catching our breaths for a bit. and—oh, i think i packed a jacket that you could wear if you'd like to change... so you don't get sick." it's about to be that season after all, and yuwol always generally feels cold. "they're nice," yuwol replies, a smile on his face. "i think.. everyone is firm, but they aren't... mean, i suppose." he's used to his parents being beyond strict, so it wouldn't have been all that foreign.

whatever happens with project green, noel will be thankful for the team and experience. though in all truthness, he’s worried, of course he is, he’s never felt this close to debut, and it would be terrible to watch the other project green members debuting without him. sure he’d be happy for them, but he couldn’t help but be jealous did that end up being the case. “ah yeah, i’m surprised how many seniors i got to meet” he nods a bit. “thank you” he scratches the back of his neck “i’ve come a long way, though there’s still a long way to go".

“ah, your legs are getting tired?” he tilts his head a bit “sure we can go over to the bench for a bit, i won’t mind” he shrugs. “did you remember to stretch before and after?” he’s a slight bit worried for the other. “dance practice can be hectic, i didn’t expect it to be so exhausting once i became a trainee”. once they reach the bench though, noel doesn’t want to sit down, fearing if he sits down it’ll take everything in him to get up again.

“ah that’d be nice actually, though i don’t get sick easily, i can’t remember when i last got sick” he hums, looking for an answer, but it’s been too long for him to remember when was the last time. “ah yeah, coaches can be quite… firm, yeah” he nods “they usually just want the best from you though”.

[beyuwol]

yuwol isn't exactly the most fit. he does want to change that though—but that's not entirely the reason why he's suggesting that the two of them take a break on the bench. that being said, he doesn't mind noel thinking of it that way either. "honestly, a little bit. before next gen i couldn't dance anyway, but suddenly i was forced to and i guess it's not that bad." yuwol's grateful for the opportunity to learn more skills, the pressure that comes from being a participant in a survival show being broadcasted on national tv no doubt pushed him to evolve faster than he would have normally.

he leads the two of them to the bench though, sitting down and settling his bag on his lap, opening it up and taking out the jacket. "here, you should change. it'll be bad if you get sick... you wouldn't be able to do your activities properly." yuwol insists, handing the item to noel with a small smile. "i can wait, i need to rest my legs anyway." it's only half a lie—he doesn't mind walking around a little more, honestly.

"i feel a little unfit, lately. i should probably work out more, make use of the facilities..." it's the first time he thought this, yuwol wouldn't have cared prior to being a trainee. now though, he realizes the importance of stamina, especially in this line of work. it's mandatory for him to spend time in the gym, but he'd feel a lot less pressure if he isn't surrounded by coaches.

"i wonder if i'm being judged sometimes, when i do a workout routine and run out of breath a little faster than the others."

[bechaerin]

✦ * · ˚ @beyuwol

although chaerin's heard about the acting gig that was available to trainees, she had never been interested in the field, so she had no thoughts of auditioning. however, she was always around if someone needed that push to get them going.

that's how she ends up sitting around with yuwol, convincing him that it wouldn't be a bad idea to give it a try. she could sense that he was on the fence about it, and she wanted to let him know that she thinks that he should go for it.

"what's holding you back?" she asked before settling into her seat beside him. ever since meeting on next gen, chaerin's taken on this role of being yuwol's number one supporter. she saw his potential back then, and she still believed in it, so she simply wished for the best when it came to yuwol. "everybody auditioning is a fellow trainee, after all. there's no way they're going to be much better actors, anyway," she stated with a chuckle.

[beyuwol]

yuwol has never been someone who's strong in the self-confidence department. if he was ever forced to sit on the hotseat of a therapist's office, the root cause of the problem would be discovered as his parents drilling into his head that he'll only ever amount to anything when he's playing a specific classical instrument. he has been slowly straying away from that mentality, finding other things he enjoys doing.

it's because of chaerin that he believed in himself enough to throw his hat in auditioning for the axis labels company in the first place. it's unsurprising then, that chaerin ends up talking him into participating in another audition, this time for a drama that sr media is heading.

"it feels a little too... sudden?" yuwol tries to relay what he's thinking in his head into words. back then, it was never fully coherent and yuwol had virtually given up trying to speak his mind. lately though, he has been getting better at it, especially when he's talking to chaerin, whose patience knows no bounds. "i feel very... new. inexperienced, because i'm new. surely there are others who can do much better than me... trainees who have been here longer."

he scratches the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed with himself. "i don't think i'm good enough of an actor yet. does that make sense? not enough to be a supporting cast either... maybe someone in the background? but that would kind of be a blow to my self-confidence," he tries to laugh it off.

[beyuji]

yuji hums, tilting her head as she assesses the male trainee for a second. "i used to bother the new trainees the day they'd show up." she explains, cracking a small smile. "guess i've been too busy for it." though maybe it's a good thing-- having nothing better to do than to bother the fresh faces. anything for a little bit of change in the repetitive routine it's felt like the past two years.

"that's me." her smile turns more genuine, friendly and open as she unpacks her own food, glancing at yuwol with his follow up question. she pauses in her motions, yuji looking yuwol straight on, her eyebrow raised.

"not sure." yuji offers vaguely in response, one shoulder lifting in a shrug. "i'll see them later, anyway. it's nice to have a minute away, though." she's going to see them likely everyday for the unforeseeable future-- if yuji can get some time away every once in a while, she'll take it. "why? should i leave?" she asks, smile twisting into something teasing, as she goes to take the first bite of her breakfast.

[beyuwol]

in usual yuwol fashion, he takes the backseat in the conversation, simply listening to the other trainee and nodding every now and then. it's not a bad thing, yuwol does like to listen more than anything—and he's interested to know what yuji has to say, as a more experienced trainee in sr media. she should know a lot more, it's kind of a shame that yuji is being whisked away to... wherever it is, and he hasn't been able to interact with her.

until now, of course. "i've noticed how some of you have been gathering together lately," he points out, but doesn't elaborate further. yuwol kind of has a feeling what it's about, he also knows it's not exactly his place to pry. more than that, prying might mean someone breaks an NDA or something. that would be bad.

"oh, no—of course not." he shakes his head, sounding a little worried that he might've offended yuji or something. "you don't need my permission to sit anyway, it's a public place." he laughs a little, scratching the back of his head before realizing he hadn't touched his meal. "i just assumed you'd be busier. it's nice to finally get the chance to talk to you, i heard you've been in sr media for a while. i feel like... i kind of joined on a whim, so." it wasn't exactly a whim—it's a lot more complicated than that—but it was originally a whim. "what's the first thing you usually say to welcome a new trainee?"

[beyuwol]

DRAMA AUDITION — SCENE 1

yuwol doesn't know what spurred him to audition—if there was a proper reason at all, other than the fact that he could, and there's no telling what would happen. he should take the chance, shoudn't he? it's not like he's familiar with the scenes he's meant to embody, he hasn't gotten around to sitting down and watching the entire thing. he does end up choosing the scene from start-up, something he feels he can resonate with a lot better.

it starts off on a bench, with playful banter that yuwol can partake in, until his scene partners expresses a sense of discomfort. worry spikes in his character, which yuwol showcases in his subtle movements, leaning over the other as his hands hover around their face. "i should have killed that crazy jerk," yuwol utters his lines, eyebrows furrowed, allowing the heat of anger to brim underneath his fingerprints, but containing it all the same.

his scene partner pulls away, continuing the scene, creating a sense of distance between the two of them. "hey, we're not strangers," yuwol adds on, lecturing his scene partner; his character is concerned after all, yet the opposing partner is refusing to get whatever is wrong checked. "i can live an embarrassing life, but you shouldn't," yuwol replies, moving forward with a sense of righteousness, like an overbearing parent. his voice rises gradually, until he finally says, "don't let others think lowly of you!"

with his character having said all that, he turns around—taking in deep breaths, as if calming himself down from an outburst. avoiding eye contact, avoiding the root of the issue, the typical disposition of a man in society.

why is your life so embarrassing?

outside of the character himself, yuwol can think of several reasons—he spent many of his years wandering around the world, unsure what to make of himself, following a path laid out for him that he thought what his only option. he made a fool out of himself on national tv, causing his parents to call him an embarrassment; it's a word he is more than familiar with. yuwol swallows, eyes fixated on the ground, allowing the silence to shimmer into the scenario before he breaks it with his next line.

his fingers drum against his thigh, chewing on his lip as if he's trying to hold back his words, but eventually caves. "remember, how he said i was a... dumb athlete? i'm that... lame dude" familiar words, shaped differently.

you can't do anything but the violin, yuwol.

gaze frozen to the ground below him, yuwol lets out a sigh, too ashamed to look back up at his scene partner. "you're dumb, but you're not lame," she says.

that's when yuwol looks up, processing the words, facing the other once more. "what?"

she looks straight in his eyes. "you'll make it big, i know it."

yuwol blinks, like he's—his character's—registering the statement in his head, said with such confidence. he'll make it big, was the conviction. he can't believe it, picking at fabric of his pants, shaking his head. "everybody thinks i'm lame," he adds a gentle scoff.

do they know you? nobody else knows you more than i do. trust me. regardless of what people say, you'll make it, i promise you.

it's rare—to have someone believe in you so unconditionally, with no reservations. his worth had always been tied to a single instrument he can't break away from, until the chance he took in next gen. even after coming out of that show an embarrassment, accomplishing nothing and having nothing in his name, someone still believed he can make it.

"i’ve never… thought of you as a failure either. and i wasn’t disappointed in you when you didn’t make it through next gen. i didn’t love you any less for that, i don’t think i ever will," he can hear kou's voice in the back of his mind, the words that managed to make rain fall from yuwol's eyes, said so sincerely that yuwol couldn't believe it was reality.

a small laugh escapes him, a nervous smile. "darn it," yuwol mumbles, his voice a little shaky. he fumbles around, shifting in his seat, shoving his hands into his pockets. and then, the silent tears—quiet, subtle, but undoubtedly there.

"let's go, let's go home and order some chicken feet," the scene continues.

"you... you made me cry," yuwol says under his breath, his voice accompanied by a tremble. "you give seolhui a hug like this when she cries," he sniffles, still trying to contain himself—refusing to fall apart, even though it'd be common sense to. "pat me, go ahead." it's like a plea from an overgrown child, begging with a tear-stained face.

[kouxbe]

kou really has no reason to be here. really, he doesn't. it's not as though he struggles with japanese of all languages – he'd grown up in japan after all, raised by a japanese family, a large portion of his education had been in japan, in japanese. so really, there isn't any reason for him to be here. except yuwol.

yuwol is kou's only reason for being here ( and for being. but he doesn't say that part out loud, he thinks it doesn't need to be said ). "i wanted to be with you," kou says, and his face remains looking unabashed – if anything, he's used to saying these words to yuwol; straight from his heart, always genuine. he finds no reason to beat around the bush with them.

he smiles though, when yuwol speaks to him in japanese, and just like he'd always done, he leans his body close to the older boy. it's warm, and feels comfortable. kou feels like a cat, curling up close to it's owner. "i don't think i'd make a very good teacher," he answers honestly. kou had never thought of himself as the kind of guy to teach. but if it's yuwol, he'd at least try.

"your eyes look a little livelier today. is it because you're with me?" he asks in japanese, but he's unsure if yuwol understood what he'd just said. instead, he laughs to himself and pulls out a notebook. "my japanese has gotten a little crusty. it's been a while since i've last spoken to my family too."

[beyuwol]

yuwol raises an eyebrow, surprised when kou reveals his intentions. he hasn't been the most subtle, but it's not like he has been practicing the language in front of kou either, so he wonders how kou was able to figure out that yuwol will be attending this workshop out of all the workshops. "how did you know i was here?" he questions. "i don't remember telling you that i'll be here."

it's not bad though, he always feels more complete with kou, that hasn't changed no matter how much time passes throughout the years. like usual, yuwol doesn't pull away as kou leans against him, feeling the warmth from kou's body permeating through his own. it's nice, being able to go through training with the boy who inspired him from the beginning. it doesn't feel real, but maybe that's why it's all the more worthwhile.

"why do you say that? i think you'll do just fine," yuwol insists. then again, he has never really seen kou teach anyone, the boy often keeps to himself, uncaring about whatever is going on around him. "but i guess i should study from a professional instead."

suddenly though, kou says something yuwol can't exactly decipher. his eyebrows furrow, trying to identify the familiar words in that sentence. "did you comment on my eyes?" he asks, clearly puzzled. "what did you say?" he pries, knowing that his skill hasn't reached that far yet. "something about how i'm with you?"

[bexjae]

things have changed a lot since he first joined sr media. he's done a few workshops now and he feels like he's finally getting the hang of things. sure he relies on others that he knows much more than being too social but at least he's not feeling like he's pressured to do something he's not prepared for. everything is flying by though and he can't believe he's already been a trainee for a bit.

he's on his way to practice a bit, wanting to get something done before attending something else that he's sure the company wants him to do. jaesung knows he needs to get better and he's enjoying learning more as well as getting into the kpop world much more than he did before.

looking over and seeing yuwol, jaesung can't help the smile that spreads across his lips. "hi, it has been a while." he knows he's been keeping himself focused but he's glad to see the other again. "i've been doing better. finally getting the hang of things even though it feels like a lot."

[beyuwol]

yuwol isn’t quite sure what caused this surge inside him to have more presence. back in the day, he’d much rather be a wallflower, only speaking and talking to others in a gathering when his parents ask him to, put up a facade for the sake of his family. afterwards, his energy would have been fully drained, too exhausted from interacting with others when he would much rather stay secluded in his room.

it’s different now though. maybe it’s because yuwol knows what it’s like to step into a completely different world not knowing what it’d be like, with only one sole connection that serves a bridge into this industry. truth be told, yuwol did throw himself into a lion’s den when he signed up for a survival show having known next to nothing about being a kpop idol. now he just hopes no one else feels that alone in this world again.

“that sounds nice,” yuwol comments. “didn’t they just hold a dance workshop recently? were you a participant?” yuwol asks, genuinely inquiring on the matter. “i did wonder whether they’ll teach you different styles of dance, like ballet, which is something you would’ve been familiar with.” yuwol remembers that fact.

“what’s catching your eye so far?” he questions next.

[beyuji]

a starter for @beyuwol ( lowkey as hell )

yuji thinks that spending almost all of your time with the same people is due to lead to wanting breaks from one another. the girls haven't been aggravating, and there are no issues-- but trying to acclimate to each other takes time and patience. and requires taking breaks-- especially in the older's point of view. if yuji tends to leave a little earlier now in the morning, it's usually to enjoy the calm of sr media before things really get bustling.

and she feels a little bad, truthfully. once she feels a bit more grounded with the girls, it'll be easier. for now, she settles in the feeling of rejoice at an available table not having a project novus, but also having someone yuji hasn't had the pleasure to spend some time talking to.

"hi," yuji greets, probably more chipper than she should be, sliding into the available seat across from yuwol during breakfast. "you're a hard one to catch. i don't think we've met?" settling herself down, she tilts her head as she scans the man. "it was...yuwol, yes?"

[beyuwol]

activity has been rather spotty, at least in yuwol's eyes. on his end, nothing much has changed, he's still a trainee going through his daily routine. lately though, some of the girls have been grouped separately from the rest of the roster. while yuwol has no intention to set out and investigate why exactly that is—because it isn't his business—he has a feeling he can figure out the gist of what's happening.

that isn't to say the girls are busy doing their own thing and stopped mingling with the rest of them. they're still around, just not as much as they used to be. sooner or later though, it'll become more prominent. with a few projects happening, would there be another round of auditions occurring soon to replace the trainees that may be debuting?

to his surprise, his thoughts are interrupted by one of the girls in question. yuwol blinks, taking a moment to register that she is, indeed, speaking to him. "i am?" yuwol blinks, but smiles nonetheless, polite. "people do say i'm not the most social," he admits. "and you're... yuji, right?"

he hadn't finished unpacking his breakfast, which isn't much, he's not exactly a cook. "i thought you'd be sitting with... your group? are they busy today?"

[lucielxbe]

luciel gives a hum, and then a soft laugh after, finding it amusing. “i’m wishing you good luck for your future,” he tells him. before project green at least, luciel found his trainee path still full of uncertainties, like he was walking on a road without any signs. though, he didn’t think he’d be in a debut project so soon. maybe that, was the luck for him. “the future could twist at any point in time,” he adds on.

“i’m not that good either these days, but at least it’s something.” he insists as he takes out his phone, and shows yuwol the dial screen for him to click on the numbers. “i knew you for a long while but i’ve never gotten to know you,” beyond those superficial connections. these days, he’s starting to think all those connections he’s made or forced into, is pitiful.

then luciel blinks for a bit, a new thought abruptly coming to his mind. “or do you prefer kakaotalk? it slipped my mind…” he mumbles. he usually often uses messenger applications, but these days he’s been using it lesser. he doesn’t keeps up his social media either, and it’s probably going to be closed soon, judging by how things are going for project green.

while he’s still showing his screen to the other boy, it shuts down. he forgot to charge his phone.

[beyuwol]

“my future…?” yuwol blinks—that’s new, even though it’s weird for him to admit. since a long time ago, as long as yuwol could remember, he always had his future laid out in front of him. not by him of course; his parents. every wish of luck felt insignificant, knowing that he won’t have to many any decision for himself. now though, there is something that’s up to him and him alone—he may need luck after all. “hopefully, i’ll be able to follow along your footsteps later down the road then.”

what luciel had pointed out is true. the two of them had never gotten closer than the connections that their affluent family shared as associates of the same community. “that would be nice,” yuwol admits, nodding as he takes out his phone. “i feel like i know you a lot better in the few minutes that we talked today compared to the years i’ve known you,” he comments, giving the other boy a small smile. “i’m glad we got to talk, though.”

before he could share his contact to luciel though, he notices that luciel’s screen has turned black. yuwol blinks, slightly confused. “i think your phone turned itself off…?” he points, gesturing to the empty screen with a finger. “is it possible that you ran out of battery?” he questions, raising an eyebrow, concerned. oh no, that’s usually not a good sign.

“do you… want to charge your phone first? do you have your charger?”

[noelxbe]

beyuwol

“really?” yuwol isn’t surprised when noel shares with him that he has a significant amount of experience on the ice rink. to be honest, at this point, yuwol thinks noel is capable of doing most things—anything really. “did you take… professional lessons, or something of the sort?” that seems entirely possible, noel seems to be having a breezing time on the rink with no qualms whatsoever. it’ll take a long while before yuwol is able to feel that way also. for now, he’ll be a struggling mess on the rink. honestly, he feels kind of bad that noel has to essentially babysit him. it’s not like he wants noel to stick to him like glue just because yuwol can’t be independent on the ice rink. he has a feeling if he says all this, noel would just deny it though. because noel is a nice person. “you really don’t have to… i don’t want to get in the way of your fun,” yuwol replies. regardless, yuwol decides to take noel’s hand anyway, since noel is offering. if he refuses, it’ll be rude—that, and he feels like he’ll lose balance sooner or later even if he’s clinging onto the ice rink’s railings. he has to let go at some point, actually explore the rink itself. “thank you…” he says to noel, unable to stop himself from lightly squeezing noel’s hand as he lets go of the railing.

he shakes his head “nope, everything i know about ice skating i taught myself”. “but i’ve been ice skating for a while, so there’s a reason why i’m so good” he nods a bit. physical stuff has always come natural to noel though, whether it’s running, soccer or ice skating, if it’s something physical he’s quick to learn it, which might be why he’s been so quick to learn how to dance, it’s only been two years of dancing and noel would say he’s come a long way.

“i’m having fun being with you though, if i wanted to skate alone i would’ve come alone” he shrugs. “i came with you because i wanted to skate with you” he shows a smile to the other. “as much as i enjoy skating alone, i also do enjoy skating with others, it’s fun in another way”.

“hold on as tight as you need, i’m going to skate a little bit back, okay?” and with that noel skates the two a bit back, holding tightly onto yuwol as the two slowly skate over the ice. “let me know if you want to go faster or slower”.

[beyuwol]

“you’re self-taught?” yuwol repeats, sounding a little more amazed than he intended to be. he is impressed though, he always imagined people need to be taught how to keep their balance on the ice rink. “i thought you needed lessons for this,” yuwol admits, slightly embarrassed at how awful he is now. then again, everyone starts somewhere. it’s not a bad thing that yuwol doesn’t know what he’s doing right now. surely noel wouldn’t be put off by it, since noel is a nice guy.

“maybe that means you can be my teacher,” yuwol suggests, holding onto noel—he doesn’t want to risk falling onto the ground anymore, especially in a public setting like this. “it’s a little scary, but i am having more fun with you than i would be if i was doing this alone.” without noel, he would’ve fallen over faster.

yuwol takes a breath, getting used to the feeling on his feet. “okay, i think i can go faster,” yuwol says, bracing himself for whatever will come next. he wonders whether he’ll regret that decision, but he can’t give in to fear everytime!

[beyuwol]

check-in.

perhaps the packed schedule that was thrust upon yuwol towards the end of last year had taken its toll on him, in its own way. even though he thought he had gotten the hang of… getting out there, so to speak. he isn’t usually that social, so it might’ve taken a while for yuwol to crawl out of his shell again, at least when it comes to being sociable. before he knew it, january had already passed, then the next month, then the next. it has surely been a while since.

upon spotting @bexjae at the end of the hall, yuwol decides there’s no harm in approaching the other boy. the last time they spoke, jaesung had clearly been nervous. anyone would be, seeing the circumstances that jaesung was dealt with. he wonders how the other boy is doing now, so he approaches.

he doesn’t know what compelled him to even reach out like he is doing currently, it’s new to him—the desire to talk to someone outside of his close-knit and tight circle. it’s a welcome change to his usually gloomy demeanor though. “hi, it’s been a while,” yuwol says, pulling his best smile. “how are you doing lately?”

[beyuwol]

mother tongue.

there’s a reason why yuwol has been taking lessons to learn japanese on the side. he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t all because of @kouxbe, but he hadn’t exactly told the other boy that he had been dipping his toes in learning kou’s mother tongue. lately, now that he’s a trainee with little time to himself, he hasn’t been able to keep up anymore. not as much as he’d like to. luckily, there’s an opportunity right in front of his eyes taking the form of trainee workshops. what he hadn’t expected was kou taking part, after all, kou is already fluent.

“are you surprised?” yuwol says in japanese, a smile on his face. his accent is peeking through clearly, chuckling a little bit. “why are you here? brushing up on your mother tongue?” he questions, patting the spot next to him, gesturing for the other boy to sit. “i wasn’t expecting you to participate in this language workshop… i wanted to surprise you a little later down the road.”

oh well. yuwol is content, learning side-by-side with the other boy. it’s not bad at all. “does this mean you’ll be able to teach me a few lines?” he questions, a smile on his face as he waits for kou to settle beside him. “i think it’d be nice, learning from you.”

[beyuwol]

🎭 + 🧼

what is your muse’s happiest moment in 2024?

yuwol’s happiest moments have always centered around one person, which should probably be concerning. he finds himself the happiest when he’s with sato kou, that had been the case for a long while. his gloomy demeanor combatted by kou’s rather airheaded optimism, although yuwol always admired that in the boy. when yuwol can’t believe in himself, kou will. always.

perhaps his happiest moment would be that, when kou doubles down on his feelings, allows yuwol to believe in a love that is unconditional—that all his emotions, his failures, his shortcomings, doesn’t stop kou from loving him any less. it’s a strange realization that pushed him to declare his own true feelings, after believing for so long that they should stay hidden. for kou’s sake.

the happiness that he felt from saying them aloud wasn’t without its bittersweetness, after all yuwol can never fully rid himself from the dark cloud hanging over his head. but, the happiness is there. the happiness from being loved, and loving.

what is your muse’s greatest achievement in 2024? how has it impacted their life?

yuwol’s greatest achievement of 2024 is undoubtedly everything that has happened in next gen. while he knows he didn’t make the cut during the finale, the fact that he managed to improve as much as he had throughout the show in such a short amount of time when he knew nothing was still a feat on its own. at first, his participation in next gen brought about an unreasonable punishment—now though, he’s starting to indulge in the small bits of good things the experience brought him.

he’s a trainee now, having auditioned into sr media, and he just completed a christmas concert no less. there’s a lot to look forward to. he doesn’t think his parents will change their minds… but he knows there’s something else outside the box other than what his parents have shoved down his throat.