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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@bgillie1
we know existing is hard, but that little whisper of hope that tells you to keep going? to keep living because maybe things will improve? maybe it will get easier? maybe you’ll experience joy and love? maybe the next season resembles the relief of spring following a grueling winter? whatever it is that hope is telling you, listen to it.
you are not a wasteland you just need ibuprofen and a hot bath and a shower and a nutritious meal and some water and some fresh air and to do something productive and to do something creative and to do something that takes physical exertion and to do something social
Franz Kafka, 1912
I'm so tired but if I fall asleep it will be tomorrow. I always hate tomorrow.
Do we think I’ll ever be okay again? 🤷🏽♀️
It wasn’t for a lack of trying, I swear.
The chemistry in my brain makes it impossible to be alive.
don't infantilise yourself. you are not a child who needs an adult to make your decisions for you. you are a splendid and magnificent autocrat and you are consulting your trusted advisors. you are exercising great wisdom by inviting an expert to give their opinion before making your ruling. often the path of wisdom is to say "good morning, I'm trying to [perform task] and I have a question about [aspect], can you tell me who I should speak to for advice?" before you do it. sometimes the path of wisdom is to hire a plumber. there are times when you cannot do things for yourself but that doesn't mean you are not an adult. you don't need a grown-up. you need a specialist.
“I hope one day Your human body Is not a jail cell, Instead it’s a sunny 2pm garden with daisies Thriving because of Self love.”
— Alexa Evangelista (via knittings)
we know existing is hard, but that little whisper of hope that tells you to keep going? to keep living because maybe things will improve? maybe it will get easier? maybe you’ll experience joy and love? maybe the next season resembles the relief of spring following a grueling winter? whatever it is that hope is telling you, listen to it.
i think i’m just too soft for this world
you are not a wasteland you just need ibuprofen and a hot bath and a shower and a nutritious meal and some water and some fresh air and to do something productive and to do something creative and to do something that takes physical exertion and to do something social
the scary part about getting better is that there's this constant fear that things will go back to what they once were
This is the house that built me / and I’m gonna burn it down.
Toothpaste isn’t breakfast. Coffee isn’t lunch. Ice isn’t dinner.
I found myself today staring at a scale that proved that I have done everything to fight this nasty disorder. It proved that there has been weight gained. It proved that all the days of toothpaste, coffee and ice are long gone.
However, something happened when I had to look down and confirm that the number looking back as me was in fact accurate. It all came flooding back.
I still crave that hunger pain. It’s in that hunger pain I feel beautiful.
I still crave the thrill of weaving lies together so no one will see the pain.
I still crave the excitement that comes from counting, calculating and rationing that weeks calories.
Yet, I keep going.
I keep going because in the times I need it the most, people join me in the fight and pray for my spirit to be calmed and my leaning on Christ to increase.
I keep going because maybe one day there will come a time where meals aren’t an issue, leg shaving isn’t a fight and being honest won’t come with a deep rooted fear that people will manipulate and leave.
I keep going because there will come a time where scars and scales will no longer be how I gage pain and worth.
I keep going because maybe the words, “you are worthy love and life” will resound in my heart as truths.
I keep going because it’s important and I matter.
The fight isn’t over, but at least now I know I’m stronger than I thought and the burden is lighter when you let people love you hard.
Clearly I had lots of thoughts and feels last night before falling asleep. 💛
“You sometimes think you want to disappear, but all you really want is to be found.”
— Kid Cudi
“Will you let me love you? Will you let me love you, when your nights become sleepless and days become grey. Will you let me love you when you’re at your happiest and when you can’t stop smiling. Will you let me love you when you wake up late for work and miss your morning train. Will you let me love you when you’re well and even when you’re in unbareable pain. Will you let me love you when you are feeling sick so sick you can barely walk. Will you let me love you when you get so excited about watching your favorite movie and all you do is talk. Will you let me love you today and even more tomorrow, will you let me stay with you and share your sorrows. Will you let me love you, let me love you in all the ways you could only imagine, let me love you and put nothing else above you.”
— Tenari Ioapo // Will you let me love you (via words-she-will-never-say)
