BђaƄes AℓvɑƦeՀ ♊

There are two (2) ways to live. Whether you live busy dying or die happy living.

[bhabesalvarez]

The Never Ending Story Of Him; Of Us

Oh my! Oh my! Who writes to Tumblr these days now? I'm not sure if there are still some who are like me. Using Tumblr as my diary. LOL! Yeah. Anyhow, what's up? Didn't really plan or think of posting, until I got routed here through memories on Facebook. Yeah, sometimes I just check on it and see if it will help spark my boring life a little. I'm 32 now. And life's got even tougher. Oh God knows how much I wanted to get back on track, maybe my prayers aren't too sincere yet? Or perhaps, God is still preparing for my best life. May God here me out. But, yeah. Despite all these negative things that have been happening to me, I positive that God has something for me. It's coming, yeah?! Hiihii. Life is battle field, we just got to fight to survice :) So, my title says what it says. It all started in 2012... and now it's 2024. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I've grown tired of myself fighting against my feelings, my ability to think logically, and just about everything. It used to be "que sera sera", then "just go with the flow", I don't know. I've ended it probably a million times already, but never in reality. It's August, so technically speaking, it's been almost 12 years... Almost 12 years and yet we're still stuck in this f***ing situation. I actually don't know what to pray for anymore. I mean, I don't know if I should pray for us to be still together in the future or if I should just pray for it all to end already. But one thing I'm certain of. I pray for us to be both happy. But you know what... right now, my most prayed wish is for God to save all of us in this financial crisis. Lord, tabang!!! 🙏🏻 God, give me, give us the wisdom to overcome and settle all our debts and give us the opportunity to start anew. Lead us to financial freedom. We are all just praying for us to be free... where we can provide for our family and extend our hands to those who are in need. I guess, I'm going everywhere. Might as well end it here. Thank you, God, thank you, Jesus. Hear our prayers.

[bhabesalvarez]

Hello Tumblr

Hey! How have you been? It’s been awhile, yeah, it’s been awhile. Well me, I’m good, I guess. I mean, I got tattoos now and I was able to work in a BPO company as well. You know, those things were once just in my bucket list. And I’ve made it come true, but then I got tired and realized, that I should be fixing myself for a better me. Well, what I meant there was, you know, get a degree, get a job that’s going to feed me my whole life. Stereotype, huh?! I thought so too.

But I guess, as we age and experience the bittersweet taste of life, our perceptions and understanding also changes.

I remember back when life seems so easy. How English novels seem to bore me to death and how cheap it was to read Filipino novels. How bittermelon taste awful. How gross it was to clean a toilet, especially the bowl. How unsavoury a black coffee was. And how it pisses me a lot, when I don’t get what I wanted to have.

Oh, those little things. They’re all gone now. They have this thing called “adulting”, I guess, this is it. Which, by the way, makes me say, how childish I was, to be so petty about almost everything.

I really don’t remember the last time I wrote to you, and I’m just too lazy to check it. But I’ve seen some of my posts before, and I honestly didn’t like it. It all seem, shallow. Naah. Don’t know what I really meant by that, but that’s it.

I’d talk to you some other time, I’m stopping here. You know, I have some chores to do.

[bhabesalvarez]

Hello Tumblr! It’s been years since I last checked up on you. LOL. If you could just talk, you’d probably say - “I know why you’re here. You’re going to tell me ‘bout him again, huh.” Haahaa. Well, not really. But since I’m already here, might as well share it, right?

Anyway, truth is my online bank account got locked out. For some reasons, I thought I was giving the correct password, of course until the third wrong input. Haahaa. So going back, I had to reset the password and so I thought that it’d be a lot easy if I have my password set to only one.. And, voila! That lead me here. 

So, him. Let me say something about him and what I can remember about how he was to me; how it ended.

I may not have said this to you before, but we never really started as friends, not the way he think we did. Truth is, we started as flings. We flirted with each other, thinking it’ll never really going to last long. Funny how my bestfriend and my cousin even betted on it - saying it’ll end as soon as 1 week or even just 3 days. However, a week has passed. From weeks to months, months turned to years. 

And 7 years later, yeah! 7 long years. 

After 7 years, I kept it all inside me. The pain, the jealousy - hmmm, well I wanted to say so much about how bad it felt, but I could no longer find the word to do so. Haahaa. Maybe it’s just how it is when you no longer have feelings for the person. I mean, looking back to those days where I had to cry in silence because what we had in between was never really something to be proud of, in the first place. If I go back to those days, I could probably right a thousand words to describe my agony - nah! That’s an exaggeration! Haahaa. 

Well, again. I’m not sure if this has something to do with my forgotten feelings toward him, but I couldn’t really find the words to make this story a little bit more dramatic. Anyhow, to cut the story shorter - one time he just blurted out right in my face that he’d already propose to her long term girlfriend. And even if it hurt like dying, I went on showing off my best self - and I mean the usual “loud and perky self”. After that night I asked him to give me some time to heal and detach all the loads he has given me through out the 7 years. But he selfishly flipped the card, making me feel like I’m the one leaving and ending things in between. Yeah! Like, that was a “WTF” moment. 

Oh, this is tiring. Haahaa. Trying to flashback the old flame in my heart. 

But we’ve got this far, so I better continue and end it immediately.

So wedding day came. Of course, I came! 

With my most genuine feelings, I felt good for him. I was maybe in the “If you love someone, you got to learn to let them go” stage. So, I was genuinely happy for him. With the thought of, “’ll be okay” I gave him my warm greetings and smiled all through out the celebration.

But then, just 2 days after his wedding day. He sent me a message, asking how I’m doing and that he miss me. I was vulnerable then, I was in distress. It was so hard to look forward without him, and needless I say - we went on like the old times.

Until, eventually I grew tired of defending myself from my own self. Tired of making myself believe that, “In love and war, all is fair.” Bullshit! I thought. Haahaa. It was never fair, or maybe - it was never really love to even start of. He may have uttered it, I may have felt it, but the fact still remains - he never cared about how I feel. Of course I knew about it, I knew how pathetic I have been for 7 years. 

Now, lastly. How did it end; how did it stop hurting?

So, for the entire years we’ve been having this connection - well, okay! Affair.. She (his wife) never really confronted me about anything. I know it was not because she didn’t know about it, or she hasn’t found out - but I strongly believe that it was because he was in control of the relationship. Of course I know! I have been there, remember? And again - that lasted for 7 years. 

There was never really anything like that. Until this pandemic time. COVID-19 and the effect of it. During locked down - I’ve been having this argument within myself, that I should at least leave something for myself; a little respect at least.

He still video calls me then, checked up on me. Send me messages as if he cares for me. But during those time, I no longer knew how to react or respond to his gesture and actions. And after the last call, I sent him a message saying “STOP” and making him understand that I wanted to be at peace. He actually responded “OKAY”. For a couple days, I was at peace. Until he send me message through Mobile Legends - you’d probably laugh at how petty things could be. Haahaa. I actually do.. Well, the funniest thing is yet to be spilled out. 

So, he sent a message. Telling he that she (his wife) saw our conversation and that she found out.. And because he wasn’t really an active player of the said game, it took 2 days to get a response from on my question - “what convo? And how far does she know about me, about us?” And another 2 or 3 days to get an answer.. So, yada-- yada-- yada-- to cut it, he just ended it with her saying “YA HABLA YA LANG IO CAY QUIERE TU COMIGO.”

And what does it mean? 

Never mind. The end.

[bhabesalvarez]

How It Ended.. I've uttered my goodbyes countless times before. But you always find ways to pull me back to you, over and over once more. Until one day, I thought it would be useless to say my farewell, knowing sooner or later you'd eventually come to me and break my wall. However, it's been a while now, yet it's not happening; it never came. Not the farewell though, but you. Guess this time, you're not really coming back to me. I should've known better, everything was perfect, until it lasted.. And just like that, what ever 'twas in between us, it has all ended. - R.A.12.01.2019 (at Sangali, Zamboanga Del Sur, Philippines) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5hce9oJIU9dYCGNn4sr4dmfbQbI5tDqyi37Fg0/?igshid=2c389ulrs8j6

[bhabesalvarez]

Illusion? https://www.instagram.com/p/BpnuyeohuzkG8c_KU6DS5UCN0Wd5BMAz87PXs80/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=v4z1riq6bklm

[bhabesalvarez]

Acting sophisticated 🤷🏻‍♀️ https://www.instagram.com/p/Bpnt0L7hYHYWFIFmUOxziIm-m7W1cZb_k_82tI0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=xrlzsy7me5zb

[bhabesalvarez]

Teaser 🎟 https://www.instagram.com/p/BpnmGfmhLavb0IPwghZIXB_c2TdWxZavhxPHfo0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=i9m7fyywqap1

[bhabesalvarez]

It’s that time of the day that tells us, ‘the ending is just a start of a new beginning’. (at Cawa-Cawa Boulevard, Zamboanga City) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bpg-hRTh7Cn1qUA1gYvRMf7VEfTyOq0oSRFpZ80/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=s60lal4b5d5f

[bhabesalvarez]

My 2nd to the last goodbye.. Things had ended in the same way how it started. YOU DID YOUR MOVES, now is my time, to do mine. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo2x5cXhTow7Iga5lLqHxWorxLI3DTPorNt9yI0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1uio4bvqavrvm

[bhabesalvarez]

Scarred with the pain, but the beautiful memories of the love you made me feel remains. https://www.instagram.com/p/BoonTqJB3aJsE9sFShIuZXjiWplBsCMQNeHTlQ0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13gpd55uex7f

[bhabesalvarez]

I know, I’ve already said this many times. I’ve said this probably a hundred times before. “I’m letting go of everything, I’m starting anew, alone.” And I’m sorry self, I couldn’t stand firm, I couldn’t stay strong enough to turn back. This time, just give me (another) more time. Time to heal this wound. I will take it “step-by-step”. Just like what he said when we were just starting; when he still gets up early in the morning, just to show me how beautiful the sunrise is. Just to tell me, “good morning, ateh”. https://www.instagram.com/p/Boomm4-BX6CKPjQBzt6ieboYDQmGUTUvMGQcRw0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1xuzk09igs1mb

[bhabesalvarez]

Hello Tumblr

Hey! How have you been? It’s been awhile, yeah, it’s been awhile. Well me, I’m good, I guess. I mean, I got tattoos now and I was able to work in a BPO company as well. You know, those things were once just in my bucket list. And I’ve made it come true, but then I got tired and realized, that I should be fixing myself for a better me. Well, what I meant there was, you know, get a degree, get a job that’s going to feed me my whole life. Stereotype, huh?! I thought so too.

But I guess, as we age and experience the bittersweet taste of life, our perceptions and understanding also changes.

I remember back when life seems so easy. How English novels seem to bore me to death and how cheap it was to read Filipino novels. How bittermelon taste awful. How gross it was to clean a toilet, especially the bowl. How unsavoury a black coffee was. And how it pisses me a lot, when I don’t get what I wanted to have.

Oh, those little things. They’re all gone now. They have this thing called “adulting”, I guess, this is it. Which, by the way, makes me say, how childish I was, to be so petty about almost everything.

I really don’t remember the last time I wrote to you, and I’m just too lazy to check it. But I’ve seen some of my posts before, and I honestly didn’t like it. It all seem, shallow. Naah. Don’t know what I really meant by that, but that’s it.

I’d talk to you some other time, I’m stopping here. You know, I have some chores to do.

[bhabesalvarez]

Five years ago, I made a wish and posted it here.. After three months, it was then I realized, that my wish actually came through.

And this time, I’d like to make another wish.. Maybe this is a sign of hopelessness, but I’d still like to try..

I wish, to meet someone who would change everything about my perceptions in life today. My understanding about love. Someone whom this time, I wish I could call mine. Someone who would show his love rather than supress his feelings.. Someone, who will love me as much as I love him now.. :(

[bhabesalvarez]

Reaction Paper on a documentary entitled, William Shakespeare

On Friday, 23rd we were asked to watch a documentary entitled William Shakespeare. The documentary talked about not only who Shakespeare was, or how he got the title, “One Of The Best Authors Of All Time” and all the credits given to him. Rather it also and talked more about the controversy behind the name itself, Shakespeare. The controversy that Shakespeare could be just a pseudonym for some writers whose name cannot be told and that the man from the Stratford was not the real Shakespeare behind every plays, sonnets and etc. attributed to him. Before I watched the documentary, William Shakespeare whom I know a little of was simply the man he is known today. The man behind the popular drama Romeo and Juliet, which is the sole drama I’m a bit familiar of. The man who has provided so much of the English words that are so common even up to now. But after I’ve watched the documentary, I would have to admit that my little knowledge about him became more vague and unfamiliar. In the documentary, one of the best candidates for the real Shakespeare was introduced. Christopher Marlowe. Who was born and baptized on February 26, 1564. He was the first superstar and the most popular playwright during his time. He has completed grammar school in Canterbury and even got a scholarship to study in Campbridge. In comparison to Shakespeare who was not even been able to go to college. If I am to look on a bird’s eye view or even on a worm’s eye view. Taking the documentary as the basis, I could tell that Marlowe was more way capable in producing all those that were attributed to Shakespeare. Though somehow, it made me think that the documentary was a little subjective. Still, I think the death of Marlowe has played the biggest part of Shakespeare popularity. According to Prof. Bastian Conrad, Marlowe Expert. Marlowe’s death was a cover up, which explains to why Marlowe’s death record has so many inconsistencies. His death was a cover up to save him from the death penalty and to get him out of the country. Accordingly, a night before he “died”, a meeting was held at Thomas Walsingham’s country house, to plan Marlowe’s escape for abroad. And it would be through his death, he will be killed by a companion in self-defense. Witnesses will be presented with the corpse of a priest who was hanged on the previous evening, having been charged of high treason and blasphemy. And the body will be buried in the graveyard at Deptford under the name of Christopher Marlowe. With no traces of the priest’s dead body, which made Marlowe officially dead. And after that, he probably left first to France then later to Italy or Spain. Supporters of Marlowe claims to have evidence of Marlowe’s residence in Italy. And only after Marlowe’s death Shakespeare became known. Giles Milton a Historian said, that Venus and Adonis, a poem registered some months ago to anonymously was published just shortly after Marlowe’s death under the name of Shakespeare. Milton also mentioned how strange it was for an unknown person to suddenly become known on stage and produce a play such as Henry VI and the famous Romeo and Juliet. He, who did not learn French and Italian. Which were needed to, since it was used in his plays and dramas. In relevance to the speculation that Marlowe’s death was fake, this could lead to prove that Marlowe was the real man behind Shakespeare. In addition, Prof. Bastian Conrad also said, that most of Shakespeare’s plays, the settings were in Italy. A place where Shakespeare were never reported to have been before. And a place where Marlowe was speculated to be hiding after he was proclaimed dead. With this, a theory that Marlowe was alive, whose writings were passed on and published under Shakespeare’s name. If all these speculations were true, then Queen Elizabeth has proven to have been a big part of Shakespeare popularity; almost equal to Marlowe actually. Set aside that the Queen herself loved staged plays. In the documentary, her connection with Marlowe’s faked death was highlighted. The speculation of her conspiracy in covering up Marlowe’s death, to save him from the execution. With that alone, you could tell that if it wasn’t for the Queen, there could be no Shakespeare today. Including those famous dramas, poems and sonnets attributed to him. It was not put much attention, but Queen Elizabeth was also one of the possible candidates for the man behind Shakespeare. During the reign of Queen Elizabeth, theatrical plays or performances were the most popular past time. Stage plays were not only popular in London theaters but also in the court. This has become the Queen’s diversion to her troubled and paranoid mind. People, during that time also loved stage plays probably not only because it was entertaining, but it could also be because they know the Queen love it. Personally, it’s like I’m a fan of a certain celebrity and because she loves doing it, I would love to get the experience as well. In general, the way I understood the documentary. William Shakespeare - the man from the Stratford-upon-avon, was not the man behind the plays, poems and sonnets that we now believed to be. It could be Christopher Marlowe, or maybe a compilation from other writers mentioned. But since there was not enough evidence, just like what was said in the documentary. William Shakespeare, the man from the Stratford-upon-avon will continue to bear the title and credits attributed to him. Reaction Paper William Shakespeare By Ms. Roliefe R. Alvarez

[langleavpoetry]

[bhabesalvarez]

Speaks so much of how my heart feels...

[bhabesalvarez]

As I was scanning my photos saved in my phone, saw this; taken by my (7 year old nephew) #Bebemongskie. Told him, not to place his subject in the center and if he wants his subject to be focused just tap the the object from the screen.. And I believe, proudly believe, my #Bebemongskie is just too smart to give me this 👊👊👊 Buenas tardes :) #Flower #Photography #photooftheday #Photo #Talent #Kid

[bhabesalvarez]

Ang hirap mag move on. Have you been in a situation where kahit alam mong mali, mas pinipili mo kasi mas masarap sa pakiramdam? Have you been in a situation where kahit alam mong talo ka sa huli, sugal ka parin ng sugal kasi, enjoy naman? Eh.. Have you ever been in a situation ba where you’re hurting kasi gusto mo nang mag move on kasi give up ka na and tanggap mo na na, wala talaga? But you don’t want him to get hurt of your cold shoulders.. Tapos nalaman mo nalang, na lahat ng inakala mo sa kanya, hinde pala ganun? Labo noh? Labo nga. Kahit ako hinde ko ma gets. Basta ang alam ko masakit. Ang sakit sakit. Gusto ko nang mamatay. (Oo, ganun ka OA). Paano ba naman? Yung taong tumulong sa iyo na makalimot sa first heartbreak mo, yung taong nagparamdam sa iyo na importante ka, yung taong laging anjan para sa iyo nung panahon na malungkot ka eh siya rin yung taong babasag at sisira uli sa iyo? Sakit. Yung lang ang alam ko. I’m writing this, because I wanted it to be noted. That when I get there, yung sa punto na okay na okay na ako.. Babalikan ko yung sulat na ‘to, to remind myself that IN LIFE IT ISN’T ABOUT WHO WAS THERE TO HELP YOU, BUT RATHER IT’S ABOUT WHO WILL BE THERE UNTIL THE END OF THE RAINBOW…

[bhabesalvarez]

It was fun to cheer while looking at someone jumping off that cliff. But it feels amazing when you're the one who jumped. That moment when you have to bent your knees a bit and encourage yourself that you'll make it. 👊👊👊 Wee! Now I know how it feels TO LITERALLY FALL and GET PHYSICALLY HURT. Haahaa. But I MADE IT! WOOO!!! #jump #Falls #WaterFalls #Dare #Risk #BraveSoul #scaryyetexciting #Badian #KawasanFalls 💦 #Aug30Twenty15