“Which I measured with my rulers”
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@bigspicydaddy
“Which I measured with my rulers”
fatassbigbitchesintheclub-deacti:
it is. so funny to think…that person named richard was once a baby. richard is not a babies name
number one son.
the longer he looks at richard, the more he realizes that tossing the hallmark card into the mix isn’t going to work out well. especially not if he’s going to be looked at like that. he repeats it twice, in his head. please, don’t cry. please, DON’T CRY. because he’s not convinced he can work with those kind of emotions right now. raul’s just glad that he could do something, seeing as how as far as daddy relationships go … this might as well be his favorite. it’s easy. too easy, but there’s more to do with his feelings and DAMN, he’s going to get sentimental.
“ i saved up. had to find some way to show you just how much i appreciate you, y’know? it’s your day. ” now he’s grinning, but takes a second to look away. rubs along his neck and actually laughs. “ here’s to hoping that i can get some DADLY advice over the table. ”
he wasn’t expecting anything ( never is, just likes raul ), especially because he’s not even raul’s DAD. sure, raul calls him dad and daddy sometimes for whatever reason, and he LIKES IT -- but that doesn’t mean he was expecting... this. wonders if it comes with the territory considering raul’s actual father is, quite frankly, a steaming pile of crap. but he’s not complaining. no freaking way is he complaining.
❛ oh, come here -- ❜ he says, and then he’s reaching for raul and wrapping his arm around his shoulder, pulling him in for a Dad Hug, practically SURROUNDING him with such an embrace. ❛ you can always talk to me, you hear? ALWAYS. Dr. Richard is always open for business, ‘specially for you. ❜ ( this hug has been going on for a while now, but is richard letting go yet? nope. )
❛ but don’t even think for a second i’m not gonna kick your little tushy at air hockey. ❜
NUMBER ONE SON.
“ you might think i forgot but—— i totally didn’t. ” what does he have?? he has a $500 gift card to dave & busters. and he has an actual card but … he might keep that one to himself. poor choice. “ happy father’s day, DAD. ”
he is decidedly NOT tearing up. nope. it’s... it’s allergies. he’s allergic to adorable things, like this exact moment in time that he is experiencing. and salad. ❛ holy -- !! 500 dollars? raullie, how’d you even GET this? this is so freakin’ AWESOME! ❜ richard carefully cradles the card in his hands like it’s a prized jewel, eyes wide and lips parted. when he looks up at raul, he’s still in awe.
❛ we are gonna play so much air hockey. ❜
( of COURSE he’s gonna spend it all with raul. )
PLEASE look @ my sick sick sick FUCKIN AWESOME THEME THAT mccallito made me oh my God its so pretty.... i love bast,,
MOM’S HERE
[[yes you're back! :D]]
big daddy have you seen shrek is love, shrek is life yet its for science
❛ i have seen shrek approximately twenty five times. ❜ his voice is dead. dead with the memories of babysitting. of shrek. he doesn’t know what shrek is love, shrek is life is. he is innocent.
*gets caught jerking off*
❛ i -- oh holy DECK i thought you were watching wrestling -- I’LL JUST -- skedaddle on out -- you... carry on, kiddo !! ❜
( is that where all his tissues have been going? richard thought he’d just had allergies. )
did he give him the bees and the birds talk yet. oh boy.
"Dad, what do I do about my rude as fuck older brother??"
❛ listen -- you sit him down, alright? you sit his little rude tushy down and you talk to him. heck -- even cry a little. get real emotional, nasty snot and gross tears and all that stuff. you know, like a movie. 'cause he’s your brother, y’know? he’s gotta listen.
and if he doesn’t? i’ll freakin’ talk to him myself. ❜
dad let me suck your organs out through your dick
❛ that is -- that is NOT what that is for !! ❜
-teenage boy voice- 'Don't worry, Dad. I'll keep it on the down low.' -nudges, grins-
❛ are you tryin’ to be sly with me? lil’ sneaky? tryin’ to pull a fast one on your old man? tryin -- tryin to -- ❜ ( quick. consult the dadictionary: what does my kid mean. )
❛ -- you know what? you just -- you go have fun, kiddo. i’ll wait in the car. maybe drive through the mickey d’s. ❜
when my dad’s nervous he watches the game from outside
You guys I think Chris Pratt fucks the dinosaurs??
oh my fucking god remember this account
this is perfection and i hope he comes equipped w/ his very own set of big spicy dad jokes
❛ i’ll have you know i have a very robust collection of dad jokes just WAITING to be heard by the masses. ❜