The Alamos Journal

My journal and musings from when I was a younger man working in Los Alamos.

[billrivers]

My birthday 4/22/1943

Last night I woke and my throat beat as if it were my heart. I swear I watched in the mirror as every thump in my neck made it more swollen. My tonsils feel as though they're touching, but I have no fever. It's not a sick if there's no fever. Instead I'm frightfully cold, only in my fingers and hands. I keep them pressed to my forehead and under my arms. I dress in the uniform they have given me. Dark blue pants and a buttoned shirt. I hang my badge from my neck and the security clearance that comes with it.

For breakfast, I can't eat anything. I don't believe my throat would widen to let any food pass. It's no matter, no need to talk when I'm cleaning.

[billrivers]

First day on the job 4/21/1943

Most everything here is new and covered in sheets to preserve them from dust. That or it's riddled in mud and dirt and while my supervisor is showing me around it's everything I can do not to clean everything now. Why, I could strip down to my knickers and get to scrubbing and have this place set to go. That's why I've been brought.

But now that my tour is over and I'm to return to my room I've lost the vigor I previously felt to clean anything. My house is squared away and it's the last of all the rows of identical one floor houses with black doors and darker shutters. I keep mine closed to keep out the brightness of the moon. When I left Columbus, Ohio they didn't tell me how much brighter the moon would be in New Mexico. And truthfully, I am scared. But my younger brother wants to go to college and I want to pay for it. Though there's talk of him getting drafted.

I got stuck here when the University of California became the manager of Los Alamos. After three years cleaning the school I became the lead man in their sanitation department and I say that proudly. Well, they said I had to go down to Los Alamos and take care of everything. Said I'd be doing my part and I'm proud to do it. But it's lonely here because I don't know anybody and everyone here is always on the move. They say a big man is heading this and I hope I get to meet him. Why, I'll tell him how proud I am to do my part. Let him know I'll keep things clean so he doesn't have to worry in the least

The moon has gotten quieter now so I'll close this notebook and let my thoughts be quiet too.