Billy Russo's Haven @billyrussohaven - Tumblr Blog

Such a Softer Sin (Part 5)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: I’m not specifically tagging this one, if you’ve seen the show, nothing will shock you. Smut will happen eventually so minors DNI, thanks.

A/N: Some bonding with Billy, anyone?

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“Are you sure you don't want to come? King William, sorry, Billy, said it was okay if you came with us,” Atticus asked with a sly smirk and you shot him a dirty look, kicking him in the leg and making him almost fall over. He caught himself on the wall just in time as he laughed.

“I’m sure. It’s good to get everything set up for Leanna before she gets here and I’ll get to check the place out a little,” you huffed, still glaring at Atticus as he and Kosmos got ready to leave.

“We won’t be too long. We’ll need to get everything packed so we might be a day or so. We’ll try to be as quick as possible,” Kosmos said softly, giving you a concerned look. You’d never been on your own before, at least for a long while. But you were a grown ass woman and you’d deal with it.

“It’s fine. Just make sure everyone’s okay with the plan, try to break the news gently,” you sighed, raising a brow a little. Kosmos tried his best but he was still rough around the edges.

“I will, don’t worry,” he smiled ruefully and you smiled back before giving him a hug. Atticus stepped over then, opening his arms with a sheepish smile. You huffed but a grin tugged your lips and you wrapped your arms around him too.

“Behave yourself,” you muttered as you squeezed him before letting him go.

“I always behave,” he smirked and you snorted, shaking your head.

“I’ll believe that when pigs can fly,” you replied amused.

“Mhm, well you try not to break anything when we’re gone. There’s only so many of the King’s things you can break before they start to think you’re doing it on purpose,” Atticus grinned and you rolled your eyes.

“I’m starting to think Kos should just leave you behind when everyone else comes here,” you glowered playfully and he gasped, holding a hand over his heart.

“You’re ruthless, Y/N. You’d leave me defenseless like that? Who would keep me safe if I’m not with you?” he asked dramatically and Kosmos just shook his head as he made his way over to the door.

“As fun as whatever this is, we need to get going,” he said as he gave Atticus a look. Atticus threw you a cheeky smile before he waltzed over to the door.

“We’ll miss you,” he murmured, all traces of humor gone now as he looked over at you. You felt a pang in your chest and you swallowed thickly.

“I’ll miss you too, now go. You’ve got important business to take care of,” you said firmly, not wanting this to be a bigger deal than it was. He nodded before he opened the door and walked out, Kosmos lingering in the doorway.

“Try and not get into any trouble,” he warned with a teasing smirk and you scoffed.

“Who do you think I am? Atti?” you asked offended and he raised an amused brow that made you gape at him. With that, he was out the door and you were left alone.

You weren’t really sure what to do with yourself now. You knew Karen wanted to show you around the medical facilities and the place you’d all be staying but you had no idea where to find her. You didn’t really feel like looking for her either. The last time you went wandering, you ended up breaking the King’s vase and you didn’t want a repeat performance. Atticus was right, there were only so many times you could break his stuff. He’d been kind enough last time but at some point, he wouldn’t be so understanding. You flopped on the bed as you wondered what to do, your thoughts carrying away from you. Luckily you weren’t hungry. Azalea had stopped by earlier with a basket full of fruit and baked good for breakfast and you’d enjoyed it. You knew the full moon would be soon and you found excitement swelling inside of you. You loved letting your wolf free, loved the freedom you felt as you ran around outside. As a wolf, you could only transform under the full moon. You could force a shift in dire circumstances, if the wolf thought you were in danger and came out to protect you. It was dangerous though, there had been some cases where people had been stuck in their wolf form from forcing a shift. Lycans though, like the King, could shift at will. Their wolf was stronger, faster, bigger than all the others. More powerful. You wondered what he looked like. You’d seen from the glass window that he was a black wolf with glowing silver eyes but you wondered what it would be like in person, wondered how big he truly was. The rumor was that he didn’t shift anymore, not after last time. You’d heard the tales of when he shifted after the last war, when his Beta’s family got killed. He’d gone on a rampage and almost killed innocents. Your mind drifted to the dinner the night before, you’d kept feeling his eyes on you and it was slightly unsettling. You weren't sure if he didn’t trust you or something but he’d been nothing but nice to you. You'd even been shocked when he agreed with you over the Council and you’d admit to feeling smug at how uncomfortable they were to the point they left. Your thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock at your door and you sat up, looking at it warily. Heaving a sigh, you stood up and opened the door, revealing Karen who was smiling brightly at you.

“Good morning. I thought we could take that tour,” she grinned.

“Sounds good to me,” you replied, trying to muster up a smile for her. You felt incredibly awkward and out of place here and she seemed to be a ray of sunshine. It was a lot to deal with.

You followed her down the hall and then down the steps to outside in silence and it was making your skin crawl.

“So, you’re a witch,” you blurted, unable to help it. It was something you picked up at dinner the night before but you hadn’t dared to say anything, especially in front of the King. You hadn't even meant to bring it up now but your mouth had decided to go off without warning. Karen’s head whipped to you as an amused laugh slipped past her lips and you closed your eyes with a groan.

“I’m sorry, that came out wrong. I just meant that… King William’s Beta, Frank… he said you’re his mate. A wolf and witch pairing is a little…” you trailed off, not really knowing how to word it but she did it for you.

“Impossible? I know, but somehow it happened. I’m glad it did though, I can’t imagine my life without him,” she said with a wistful smile and you found your own lips tugging up a little as the pair of you walked past some buildings to the left of the castle.

“What about you? Do you have a mate?” she asked as she gave you a curious glance. You chuckled and shook your head.

“No… I don’t even know if I have one anymore. Chances are he was part of my old pack. And now they’re all…” you frowned as flashes burst through your mind in quick succession. Blood, screaming, you covered in mud hiding in the bushes as Atticus covered your mouth to stifle your sobs. Suddenly, you felt a calming sensation wash over you, almost like someone wrapped a soothing warm blanket around you. The haze over your eyes cleared and you blinked rapidly, eyes darting to your wrist where you saw Karen’s hand. When you looked at her startled, she took her hand back quickly, an apologetic look on her face.

“Sorry… It was just a simple calming spell, nothing more I promise. You looked a little… lost,” she said carefully, her eyes shining with concern. You looked away quickly as you cleared your throat, embarrassment burning inside of you. You didn’t like looking so vulnerable, especially in front of people you didn’t know.

“It’s fine. It’s a pretty cool trick honestly, I bet King William gets you to use it on him all the time. It must be stressful being King,” you mused softly, a wry smile on your face as you tried to deflect from your embarrassing behavior. Karen snorted, rolling her eyes playfully.

“Like he’d ever let me use magic on him,” she grinned fondly and you could tell by her tone she must be close to him. You’d gone past most of the buildings now, only one left to go and it looked pretty big.

“So, how are you finding it here?” she asked softly after a small moment of silence.

“It’s… nice,” you answered uncertainly and she smiled to herself.

“You don’t like it, do you?” she asked with a knowing smirk and you snorted, shrugging a little.

“I do, it’s just… a lot. It’s bigger than I’m used to and a lot more people than I’m used to,” you said honestly. You hadn't been here long enough to see if those feelings of uncomfortableness would ease up, to see if you settled in here.

“That’s understandable. I’m sure some time will help you,” she mused as you both came to a stop outside of a building.

“What do you think of the King?” she asked. Your eyes narrowed a little, a rueful smirk tugging at your lips as you tried to suss her out.

“I feel like that's a trick question. You're clearly friends with him and you're his Beta’s mate,” you murmured amused and she chuckled, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

“I just mean, is he what you thought he’d be? I know you’ve had a little time with him on your own and most people are always surprised by how normal he is,” she shrugged. You nibbled your lower lip a little as you nodded. It seemed valid enough.

“He wasn’t what I thought, but I know more than most that there’s more to people than the stories people tell about them,” you said simply. It had been hard to wrap your head around, still was if you were honest, as he really hadn’t been what you thought he’d be. But you knew the same could be said about you so you tried not to really dwell on it. It was a pleasant surprise to find out he wasn't a stuffed up old guy who loved ordering people around. Karen nodded, looking pleased with your answer before she led you inside of the building.

You were shocked by how large it was. It was the size of a full blown human hospital and inside was clean and smelled of bleach. There were numerous doctors and nurses around as Karen led you through some corridors and up some stairs. Before long, you’d been taken to the maternity wing. She’d told you all of the sections of the facility as you passed them, how the doctors here knew what they were doing. For the most part, while they had a large amount of staff here, they mostly treated minor injuries from training or from whatever special jobs the Elite Warriors would go on. Of course, there would be an emergency or two here and there but it didn't happen too often. She led you through the birthing suites, all different kinds as she listed off things your brain didn't quite understand because you knew nothing about babies. But then just through the maternity ward, she led you to the NICU and she stopped outside of a large window. When you peeped inside, there was a small baby inside an incubator.

“He’s so tiny,” you murmured softly, blinking at the fragile little wolf.

“I know. He’s called Jason, his parents are warriors here. We don't get an abundance of babies here but with all the staff and warriors, a lot of them mates… it happens. He was born a little early but he’s a fighter. He’s doing really well,” she hummed, eyes glued to the baby. You nodded, hope filling your chest as you knew what this meant for you and your pack.

“Leanna will be in good hands here, Y/N. You don’t need to worry,” Karen said firmly and you looked at her. You were taken off guard that she’d remembered her name but it made you respect her a little more. She clearly cared and that meant a lot to you.

“Thank you,” you murmured with a nod and she smiled brightly at you.

“Okay then, I’ll take you to your new pack house,” she grinned before she turned around and you followed her back out of the building.

“All the housing is on the other side of the grounds,” she explained as you both started off. As you crossed over to the other side, you turned over to near the fences at the noise and saw the Warriors training. The training area was large and full of short grass instead of the dirt floor that covered most of the inside of the castle grounds. There were a bunch of tiered benches, some Warriors and some seemingly other wolves. You weren't sure who they were, you still had no idea how the uniform system worked. You’d gathered that the Warriors wore black and red. You noticed the King then too. He was wearing almost the same outfit as you saw last time, only this time his pants were black and he wasn’t wearing his jacket. You didn't even realize you’d stopped walking as you watched him weidling a large sword, sparring with one of his Warriors. You couldn't help but watch, mesmerized by how fast and graceful he was as he dodged and striked out with his sword. You knew he wasn't using his full speed or strength though, you knew he was capable of far more than this, but then the poor Warrior wouldn’t stand a chance against him. The Warrior was putting up a good fight but in the end, King William knocked the sword right out of his grasp and held the tip of his sword to his throat. There was a tense moment between them as they watched each other and you looked on with rapt interest. The Warrior held his hands up in surrender before he smiled and then the King smiled too. It was almost blinding with how radiant it was and you couldn't tear your eyes away. He lowered his sword, still smiling as he slapped the Warrior on the back and said something. You couldn't hear what but you presumed it was something akin to ‘good job’. It was still strange to see him like this, he looked so carefree and clearly, he’d enjoyed the fight. He didn't even look like a King right then, he just looked like a wolf who had enjoyed the thrill of the fight and was riding the high. As if sensing your eyes on him, he turned your way and his eyes locked with yours, making your breathing hitch as his smile slipped and he just looked at you. You knew you should look away, avert your eyes. He was the King, the Alpha of Alpha’s, you shouldn't just be staring right at him like this, yet you couldn't move your eyes from him. He didn’t seem annoyed though as his lips curled up again in a lopsided smile as he raised a hand and waved. You blinked dumbly before turning to Karen who was standing next to you looking thoroughly amused.

“He’s not waving at me,” she shrugged when you just looked at her quizzically.

“Oh…” you murmured, looking back over at him. He was still smiling at you and you lifted your hand, waving lamely and internally groaning at what an idiot you were making of yourself. You heard Karen snort from beside you and you felt heat sweep up your entire being. You watched as he looked at you for a moment longer before turning around and walking back over to his men. You felt puzzled by the interaction and were glad when Karen started walking again and you followed her.

“Is he like this with everyone?” you asked curiously. You were just confused by his behavior, he almost acted like you were already friends.

“Not really,” Karen muttered wryly and you looked at her, eyes narrowed a little. It made you think of Atticus’ words and you frowned to yourself, hoping he was wrong. You didn’t want the King getting the wrong impression, thinking you were about to hop into bed with him. Seeing you lost in your own thoughts, Karen spoke again.

“He likes you… your pack, I mean. He respects what you guys have done, building a pack from nothing after all you’ve been through. And he has a lot of respect for you specifically. He admires your fighting skills, or at least what he’s heard about them. You guys are different to the normal packs we get here,” she explained and you nodded to yourself. It made sense and it was similar to your own defense that you’d given to Atticus. It was a nice thought, to have the respect of the King himself. You both stopped in front of a large house that was bigger than your pack house back home. It also wasn't made out of wood or a little bit wonky like yours either. It was built out of bricks and looked well made, it even had a little wooden porch on the front. She led you up the few steps of the porch before inside and your eyes darted around as you took it all in. The lower floor looked like a giant living area. There was no kitchen in sight and you wondered if they had some kind of dining hall somewhere in the castle grounds. It was cozy with plush sofas and a large fur rug beside the fireplace. It even had working electricity, it blew your mind. You’d seen the electrics in the castle, seen them in the hospital, but you’d hardly expected to find it in the houses too. It was such a foreign concept to you. A lot of wolves opted for more primal living lifestyles and others, like your pack, couldn't afford something like that. Karen showed you around, showing you the closets and where to find everything before she led you up the stairs. There were two additional floors to the large house and more than enough rooms for everyone. In fact, you were pretty sure there might be some spare rooms. It made you smile though. Your current pack house had multiple people crammed into rooms with you, Kos and Atti taking up the smallest with your measly pile of blankets. This way, people didn’t need to share if they didn't want to, although you knew you three still would. You couldn't imagine getting used to sleeping alone and you were already dreading tonight. You were also happy to find out there were three separate bathrooms, all with a bath and a shower that worked on heated water and not rain water.

“This is the Alpha’s room but I presume you and Atticus will be staying here too,” she smiled as she opened the last door on the top floor. There was no judgment in her tone which you were thankful for and you glanced around with raised brows. The room was as nice as the one you’d been staying in at the castle with a large bed in the middle. You walked over, sitting on it and grinning as it bounced lightly.

“I can’t believe we get a real bed,” you mused softly, running your hand over the soft furs over the end of the bed.

“You don’t have beds back at home?” Karen asked, looking mildly shocked and you shook your head.

“The pack members do but we don’t. We didn’t have enough and our room is so small I don’t even know if a bed would fit,” you snorted ruefully and she nodded.

“The large building just to the right near the castle is the mess hall. That's where we all gather for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The King and his men usually eat there too, King William doesn’t like eating in his own dining chambers much unless there's a reason for it. Breakfast is at 8AM, lunch is at noon and dinner is at 6PM,” she said with a smile and a nod, like she was ticking off a mental checklist.

“I’m trying to think if I’ve missed anything…” she murmured with a thoughtful look.

“Oh, you don’t have to move in here tonight. I know being alone in a big house like this might be a little…. disconcerting. You’re welcome to stay in your room in the castle until everyone comes back,” she smiled and you relaxed a little. The idea of sleeping alone was already something you weren’t looking forward to, you weren't sure how you’d cope in the whole house alone. At least at the castle there was a general hustle and bustle of all the people and staff there.

“I appreciate that, thanks,” you nodded and her smile widened.

“Okay, I think that’s everything. Oh, one more thing! King William is in the process of having uniforms made for your pack. Obviously, you’ll still be your pack, even if you’re here working for the King. so you’ll have uniforms different to everyone else. They should be ready in a day or two,” she explained.

“No dress for me please,” you snorted and she smiled to herself.

“Don’t worry, King William already learned his lessons with that one,” she grinned and you felt a little embarrassed it had been so obvious how much you’d hated the dress but at least you didn’t have to worry.

“Alright, I think that's it. I’ll leave you to it. Feel free to explore the grounds and get a feel for the place. Obviously don’t go into other people’s houses and you can explore the castle, but I’d avoid going into random rooms as some of them are off limits. If you get hungry, feel free to come to the mess hall when it's time,” she smiled.

“Thank you,” you smiled back and she nodded.

“No problems. If you need anything, you can just ask a staff member for help or they can mindlink me or one of the others if you need them. I’ll see you later.” With that, she was off and you were alone in the house. It was eerily quiet and you didn’t like it. You couldn't wait for everyone to get here, you missed them all.

You wound up missing lunch, feeling a little uncomfortable and not too hungry. Instead, you explored every inch of your new house, wanting to get to know it better. You’d even laid on the soft bed for a while enjoying it. Maybe it was also a little petty on your part because you wanted to get your scent all over it first just to annoy Atticus when he got here. When dinner time rolled around, you were bored, lonely and incredibly hungry. You considered going back to the room in the castle to get your furs but it meant going all the way up there just to come back out. You didn’t think you’d need them anyway, you’d probably head back to the room after dinner and try to go to sleep early so you didn’t dwell on being on your own. You set off out, seeing some of the wolves here heading into the large mess hall building and you made your way over too. When you walked inside, it felt like the place was even bigger. It was filled with chatter as people sat at the tables together as they ate and seemed to have a good time. You lingered just inside the doorway off to the side a little as you looked around. You felt quite out of place and had no idea where to sit. Every table had people on them and you didn’t much feel like going and introducing yourself. You never normally had to be so social with people you didn't know and you didn't like it.

“Hey, Y/N,” you whipped around at your name to see Frank there giving you a smile.

“Hey, Frank,” you smiled back, unsure how to really talk to the man. Not only did you not know him but you weren’t sure what the etiquette was. He was a Beta, same rank as you. Normally there wasn’t any hierarchy between you and other Betas, but this was the King’s Beta.

“You look a little overwhelmed,” he murmured wryly and your lips tugged up, heat tinging your cheeks at being so obvious.

“Just a bit. It’s a lot of people,” you replied quietly, eyes sweeping the place.

“Come on,” he grinned, leading the way. You followed behind him, noticing how as he passed, wolves were bowing their heads in respect to him. It wasn’t just him though, they were doing it to you too and you weren't sure you’d get used to it. Respect from your own pack, sure. From others, not so much. He led you to the sprawling counter that had trays and trays of food to pick from. You grabbed a plate before grabbing some potatoes, chicken and some vegetables as Frank lingered around you. Once your plate was full, you grabbed a glass that you filled with water from a jug before you followed him to wherever he was taking you. It didn’t take long to see he was taking you to his table, one that was mostly full and it seemed like he'd stopped eating to help you as his half eaten plate was still on the table next to Karen. Karen's face lit up when she saw you and Curtis gave you a smile and a nod. Your eyes drifted to the King then. Karen had already mentioned he preferred eating in here but it was still strange to you to see a King eat with his men like this. Even with his jacket on he looked casual yet put together. He looked up at you as you approached and a wide smile stretched across his face that made you feel lightheaded. Frank went over to his seat and you hovered uncertainly near the only other empty one next to the King.

“You gonna sit down?” he asked, sounding amused and you bit your lower lip as you nodded, moving to sit down with your food.

“You settlin’ in well?” he asked softly, dark eyes boring into you as you toyed with your fork.

“I’m trying…. Adjusting…” you murmured with a shrug and a snort and he nodded with a smile.

“I get that. I know it’s a lot but… I hope with time that you’ll be happy here,” he said it so sincerely, like he actually gave a crap if you settled in.

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” you smiled somewhat shyly.

“Billy,” he corrected instantly and your eyes widened a little, darting to the others at the table who were talking among themselves yet seemed to keep an eye on you too.

“But… we’re not alone,” you pointed out ruefully, raising a brow.

“What? These assholes? They don’t count,” he snorted and an incredulous laugh left your lips at the same time Frank smacked him across the back of the head.

“Oh, we don’t count, huh? Asshole,” Frank huffed playfully and your eyes went back and forth between them. It reminded you of you and Atti and it was so strange to think the King himself was capable of being playful that you felt a little speechless.

“Don’t mind these two, you’ll get used to it,” Curtis grinned at you and you smiled with a nod. You started eating as they all chatted casually. You couldn't work out if they were carefully picking more mundane things to talk about because you were in their presence or if this was how their dinners usually went, more relaxed and chilled out. You couldn't really suss the whole thing out, you really hadn’t even expected to be eating with them. You’d thought you and your pack would eat with the ‘commoner’ wolves or something but now you were here, you realized it wasn't like that here. While there was an obvious hierarchy, the King didn’t mind mingling with his people, didn’t seem to see them as less than him at all and it was a pleasant surprise. You’d really had him all wrong but it wasn’t like you’d ever even met him before.

“How’s the house? Do you like it?” The King asked after you finished your food and you glanced at him.

“It’s amazing. It's way more than what we have now, I think everyone’s going to be happy with it,” you smiled genuinely. You couldn't wait for your pack to see it, electricity and decent water and all. It was more than what you’d been able to give them, even if they still cherished what they had now. He smiled at your words, looking pleased by them and you were once again struck by how much he seemed to care. You were really gaining a lot of respect for him as King that he valued his people so much.

“Good. And if you ever need anything, don’t be afraid to ask me. Don’t matter what it is,” he said firmly and you smiled again.

“Thank you, Your- … Billy,” you snorted, rolling your eyes at yourself as he shot you a toothy grin.

“Have you explored the castle grounds yet?” he asked curiously and you shook your head.

“Just what Karen showed me on the tour,” you admitted. You wanted to at some point but it had been a lot to take in so soon and all on your own, it was a little depressing.

“Did you see the Royal Gardens?” he asked and your interest perked up as you shook your head again. You didn’t even realize there were Royal Gardens here.

“If you want, I could show you. I planted everythin’ myself, it’s a pretty peaceful place. I like it there,” he murmured. You blinked at him for a moment before nodding with a smile. You really hadn’t expected an escort from the King himself but you didn't want to offend him by saying you could go by yourself. Besides, he seemed like a nice guy and it was good getting to know him like this. Karen had told you he respected you so you wondered if he was trying to forge a friendship of some kind or just spend time with the newbie in the group. Maybe he felt sorry for you knowing you were all alone and maybe it was obvious how much it was bothering you.

“I’d like that,” you said and the smile he gave you was blinding. You wondered if being so ridiculously handsome was part of the Demigod package.

“We can go now if you’re done,” he suggested as he quirked a brow and you nodded, watching as he stood and the others gave him a look you weren’t quite sure of.

“I’ll see you guys later,” he smiled at them and you stood too, following him out of the building.

When you got outside, the chill bit at you. It was dark now and you cursed yourself for not bringing your furs. You tried to ignore it though as you both silently made your way around the back of the castle. The first thing you noticed was the large archway carved out of a bush. It turned into carved walls that seemed to line what you presumed to be the gardens inside. They were covered with red flowers that you had no idea the name of but you looked around, finding something soothing by how pretty it was.

“Come on,” he grinned, leading you through the archway. Your breathing hitched as you looked around in wonder, eyes taking in the large space. There was a huge water fountain in the middle carved out of what you could only presume was marble. There was the moon in a crown, balancing on four wolves heads, each wolf facing North, East, South and West. The water was coming out of their muzzles and into the fountain that had a gentle sound to it. There were four big wooden benches, each aligning with the wolves around the fountain and around the benches were tons of flowers and bushes and shrubs that went on for what felt like forever. It was so colorful, even under the blanket of the night sky and the stars above you only seemed to make it more so.

“Oh my Gods,” you murmured in awe, your eyes not being able to decide what to look at first.

“It’s beautiful, right?” he asked and you turned your eyes to him then.

“It’s… I don’t even have words. It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen,” you replied in a whisper and he stood up taller, a proud smile on his face that you didn't blame him for.

“You really planted all this by yourself?” you asked incredulously.

“I had a lot of time on my hands,” he shrugged impishly and you smiled with a nod. You moved over to a shrub next to you that had deep purple flowers on them, reaching out to gently touch the flower. As you did, a shiver ripped through you and you quickly wrapped your arms around yourself to stave off the cold. You heard rustling next to you and when you looked over, the King was shrugging off his jacket before he gently placed it around your shoulders. The warmth hit you instantly, as did his scent that you found pleasing. You hadn’t paid much mind to it before, but now it was wrapped around you, you found the scent of bergamot and orange blossom calming.

“You don’t have to give me your jacket, Your Majesty” you frowned softly with a shake of your head.

“Billy,” he corrected with a smirk and you gave him a look.

“Billy… You don’t need to-” you started and he cut you off.

“You really think I’m gonna stand here and let a beautiful woman freeze to death? What kinda gentleman do you think I am?” he snorted. You felt your cheeks heat up at his complement, the very idea of someone like the King finding you attractive being alien to you, but then Atticus’ words flew through your brain rapidly and you frowned. His smirk melted off his face at seeing your frown and then he was mirroring you. You opened your mouth before closing it again, trying to choose your words carefully as you reminded yourself this was the King you were talking to.

“I hope this doesn’t come across as rude or out of turn, but… I’m not going to sleep with you,” you muttered warily, looking at him carefully as you felt nerves bloom in your belly. King or no King, you wanted it to be perfectly clear. His brows rose a little before his eyes narrowed.

“What?” he asked slowly. You shifted on your feet, feeling more than uncomfortable at the situation you found yourself in.

“I don’t know if I’m just reading it all wrong but… I’m flattered if you find me attractive but I won’t be another notch on your bed,” you clarified. You tried to be firm and held eye contact, even knowing it could get you into even more trouble. But from what you’d seen of him so far, he didn't seem one for rules so much. A look crossed his face you couldn't read and it made you nervous, but then he rolled his shoulder, a mirthless chuckle leaving his lips.

“You heard about that then?” he asked tensely.

“I mean… I’m not one for gossip, but I’ve heard some things,” you confessed. You didn’t want to say you’d only heard them from Atticus because he didn’t seem pleased about the whole thing and you didn’t want to get him into trouble. His dark eyes came back to you then and they seemed to burn with something that made your heart beat faster.

“They meant nothin’ to me,” he insisted and you blinked at him.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” you asked derisively. If he was planning on adding you to that list, he was doing a poor job of convincing you.

“No, I didn’t mean…” he growled, running a hand through his perfect hair and making it a little messy and you watch on warily as a myriad of emotions seemed to pass his face at the speed of light.

“Will you… will you sit down?” he asked, giving you an imploring look. You weren’t sure why but he looked sad and you were confused. You nodded, moving over to a bench mostly because he was the King and you’d already managed to upset him. He moved to sit next to you but it didn’t escape you that he left space between you both and you were relieved.

“You got this all wrong. I don’t want you to be a notch in my bed, it ain’t like that,” he sighed as he stared off at the fountain. You found yourself playing with the golden hem of his jacket that still hung around you as your eyes darted from him to the fountain.

“Then what is it like?” you asked softly, being careful to not sound like you had an attitude. You were just confused and curious. You’d gladly accept you had it wrong if he could try and tell you what he meant because if you were honest, it made no sense to you that the Demigod Lycan King would find you remotely attractive enough to take you to bed, not when you knew what kind of women he probably surrounded himself with. His eyes left the fountain and then pinned you in place with such intensity that you found yourself averting your eyes, unable to help it as you submitted to his Alpha.

“You don’t gotta look away from me like that,” he insisted harshly and your eyes snapped back to him then. You felt so unsure of yourself right now and you didn't like it.

“I think you’re one hell of a woman. Yeah, you’re attractive, but that ain’t… You’re intelligent, cunning, an amazin’ fighter. I heard all the stories about you and maybe some of ‘em are embellished, but I know what you’re capable of. I respect you for that, I respect you and your Alpha and your Gamma for everythin’ you’ve done, not just for the Kingdom but for your own pack. I respect the fact you came from nothin’ and built it all from the ground up, that you gave a home to those that needed one. I’m not here lookin’ to get you into bed, I just want… I wanna be friends. I wanna get to know you ‘cause you’re here and you're a part of this now, you’re part of a bigger group, my pack. You’re family now,” he said vehemently, his obsidian gaze burning into you. You swallowed thickly, fighting the urge to look away as it hit you again. You felt stupid now. You’d assumed something you knew wouldn't be possible because you’d allowed Atti to get in your head and now you’d made a fool of yourself in front of the King when all he’d wanted to do was befriend you.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured with a frown.

“Don’t be. I didn’t meanta come across that way, it’s my fault. I just wanna get to know you better,” he explained. An uncomfortable silence fell over you then and you didn't know quite what to say after you’d ruined something so innocent. A chilly wind swept through the gardens and you pulled the jacket tighter around yourself as your eyes moved to look at some flowers. You were just about to try and politely excuse yourself to save you from the embarrassment you were feeling when he spoke up again.

“I know you heard the rumors about the other women, but I dunno if you know why,” he started, leaning his forearms on his legs as he leaned forward. He wasn’t looking at you, once again staring broodingly at the fountain.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” you frowned and he scoffed, shaking his head a little.

“I want to. I just… I’ve been around a long damn time and the whole time, all I ever wanted was my mate. I went so long without her and each day was like hell to me,” he muttered. Your frown deepened a little at the pain you heard in his voice and you felt a pang of guilt for him.

“I get urges just like anyone else and I tried for so long to ignore it, but after a while, I caved ‘cause I’m weak. My wolf… He gets restless and it makes me nervous. I can’t shift, not after what happened last time, not after-” he cut himself off, mouth clamping shut as a haunted look passed his face and he sat up straighter. Your mind drifted to the stories you knew of what happened the last time he shifted and you felt bad for him again.

“So I get my urges out before somethin’ bad happens. And after I just feel… I’m disgusted with myself. I feel so much shame and grief and guilt that it buries me alive and I fuckin’ hate myself,” he seethed. You blinked warily at him, the urge to reach out and try to comfort him gnawing at you but you knew it wasn’t appropriate so you clapped your hands in your lap.

“I hate myself ‘cause my mate’s out there and I don't wanna hurt her, I don't want her to be disgusted with me that I didn’t save myself for her, don’t want her to feel like I don’t want her or love her, ‘cause I do,” he ranted insistently.

“I’m sure she’ll understand,” you murmured, making his eyes snap to you. You were surprised to see how glassy they were and you felt an ache in your chest at how vulnerable he looked.

“Like you said, you’ve been around a long time. It’s a long time to wait, it's not like everyone else. I mean, I know how lonely I get, I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you,” you added softly. You meant it too. Some wolves didn’t even save themselves for their mate even though they didn't have to wait for as long as he had. Things were different for him, you couldn't blame him for that.

“You really mean that?” he whispered hoarsely, eyes boring into you like you held all the answers. You weren't quite sure why he was speaking to you about this, why he was letting this out to a stranger. Why he was letting you see him so vulnerable and stripped down. But you could see clearly that this was something that weighed heavily on him and you could only presume he spoke to Frank or the others about this. That maybe it was different for him to talk to someone not in his inner circle.

“I do. The fact you feel guilty about it shows you love her already and with the added stress of having to keep you wolf calm because you can’t shift… It’s understandable,” you shrugged, giving him a small smile. He blinked at you slowly for a long moment before his shoulder relaxed and he nodded.

“Thank you,” he breathed sincerely, eyes darting around your face.

“You don’t need to thank me, I’m just being honest. She’s your mate, so I’m sure she’ll understand,” you murmured. Another strange silence settled over you both and your eyes drifted to the moon in the sky.

“Do you think of your mother when you look at the moon?” you asked curiously, wanting to change the subject as you felt way out of depth with it. He chuckled and you looked away from the moon to him and he was grinning wistfully at you. You were glad you made him smile, it was better than him beating himself up.

“Yeah… Yeah, I do,” he smiled, his own eyes drifting up to the moon with a fond look.

“Are you excited for the full moon?” he asked knowingly as he looked back to you and you smiled. Even though he could shift at will, he was the only one and he was surrounded by other wolves just like you. You knew how they got when the full moon was coming.

“I’m always excited. It's the only time I can feel it,” you murmured softly, a sad smile on your face.

“What d’you mean?” he asked. You glanced at him and he was staring intently at you.

“I don’t… I can’t feel my wolf. It happened after… “ you trailed off as your chest burned and you blinked rapidly at the fountain. It felt like your heart was tying itself in a knot and you took a shaky breath. Suddenly, the feeling eased, the knot untying itself as the burning soothed. It was similar to the feeling of Karen's spell yet different and you frowned in confusion, your hand absentmindedly coming to your chest as you rubbed it. You cleared your throat and looked back to the King who was looking at you patiently, a sad look on his face and you felt your cheeks burn.

“After what happened to my pack, I just couldn't feel my wolf like normal. Couldn't hear it, couldn't feel it… just nothing. The full moon when I shift is the only time we seem to be connected. I just miss it,” you explained quickly, not wanting to talk about it any more. He frowned but nodded, looking away as he licked his lower lip before his eyes darted back to you.

“I’m sorry you went through that. Maybe… maybe one day you’ll get to be connected again,” he murmured. You nodded with a smile that wasn’t quite genuine on your face.

“Yeah… maybe,” you mused, not really believing it. You’d thought that once, thought that one day the wolf would come back to you properly, but it had been a long time now and nothing had changed so you were starting to think you were stuck like this. You felt broken.

“Did you see the lake when you came to the castle?” he asked and you were glad for the change of subject.

“No,” you shook your head, looking at him curiously.

“I’ll take you sometime. It’s a nice place to just sit and be with nature, I think you’d really like it,” he smiled softly and it made you smile too.

“I’d really like that,” you nodded and he grinned with a nod, looking pleased with himself.

“I should probably go to bed. It’s late and hopefully, everyone will be here tomorrow,” you sighed. You found yourself not really wanting to leave. You enjoyed his company even with the heavy topics you’d discussed. Other than your pack members, you’d never told anyone you couldn't feel your wolf and you were unsure why you’d confessed it to the King. But he’d also been raw and honest with you and you felt like you’d gotten to know him better. That had been what he wanted, after all.

“I’ll walk you back,” he replied as he stood. You stood too, taking one last look at the beautiful gardens before he led you out of the archway.

“Am I okay to come here? It’s beautiful here,” you asked softly, looking up at him as you walked. His lips tugged up as he nodded.

“You can go anytime you like, you don’t need permission. And if you ever need company, don’t be afraid to ask,” he grinned and you smiled to yourself.

The silence between you wasn’t uncomfortable this time as you walked into the castle and up the stairs. He walked you right to your room and you lingered outside for a moment. It had been a long time since you made a new friend and never one that wasn’t in your pack.

“Thank you for taking me… and for this,” you smiled as you took off his jacket and handed it to him. He clutched it as he smiled, licking his lower lip as he tilted his head at you.

“It was my pleasure. Have a good night, My Lady,” he smirked, bowing to you and you snorted.

“My Lord,” you gave him a fake curtsy, and his smirk turned into a lopsided grin. You looked at him for a second longer before you opened the door. Part of you wanted him to stick around, the impending loneliness waiting for you in the room making dread settle in your stomach. But he was King, he had better things to do than keep you company. You’d already taken up his time. You closed the door before leaning against it, glaring at the empty room in front of you. It was so quiet and you hated it. You blew out a sigh before getting undressed and into your sleep clothes. You didn't like long nightgowns and instead opted for a long sleep tunic that the men usually wore. Once ready for bed, you climbed into it. It felt like it swallowed you whole with how big it was with no one with you. You felt an ache settle in your chest and you chided yourself for being so weak. You were a grown up, you could sleep by yourself without it being the end of the world. Then why did you feel like this? You sighed, rolling over to your side as you took a deep inhale. You could still smell Kosmos and Atticus and you tried to let it soothe you. You could still smell the King too on your skin from his jacket and you found yourself relaxing a little, letting the mix of scents calm you down. After a while of some deep inhales, you found yourself drifting off to sleep.

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

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