Zoeyy's Vegetarian Problems
So I found this article on ‘Veggie Problems’ in Cosmo Online.
So I thought I’d make mine more relateable.
1. Your carnivore friends are more likely than you to loudly announce your vegetarian status to the waiter/person handing out free samples at Costco.
Yes Whewell, I can eat cake… eggs aren’t going to Kill me… LET ME EAT THE CHEESE PLEASE.
2. You get tired of being lectured about protein and iron by people who have half their arm inside a family-size bag of Doritos.
Yes, my health is paramount… but me eating steak won’t help the fact that you don’t eat ANY vegetables.
3. Coworkers that you eat lunch with feel the need to defend themselves.
I actually don’t care if you gave up red meats during the week, just eat what you like.
4. Everyone assumes that you love yoga, kale, and accent braids.
Luckily this has never happened to me, can anyone imagine ME doing… YOGA?!
5. People you just met harass you about your reason for being vegetarian. Again, people who know me, don’t do this. Although loads of people do try and throw their ‘the animals would die anyway’ arguments before they realise it’s a health thing.
6. Every time you groom yourself, there is an internal battle about switching to all animal-cruelty-free products.
By chance, all my colour enhancing hair supplies are cruelty free, so this doesn’t phase me.
7. Your S.O. will make a big deal about picking out a restaurant every time.
I don’t have one xD Besides I’ve never had this issue.
8. After making that self-rightous claim, you will ultimately end up at a restaurant that has NOTHING you can eat.
That’s happened before… but you know, breadsticks ;)
9. You will be confronted by your carnivore friends about wearing leather. I’ve had this one plenty of times, since I wear a lot of leatherette, wet look or faux leather… hell, even real leather. BUT I LOOK GOOD IN IT. *Footstamp*
10. Everyone under the sun has an opinion about your body type.
Yeah, this one too… if you’re vegetarian you have to be skinny right? Whatever your body type it doesn’t matter.
11. All family gatherings, especially Thanksgiving, are a nightmare.
O’ America! This was taken from Cosmopolitan, so that explains the American slip up. But yeah, this has never ever happened.
12. Being the only one who responds to the post-script on a dinner party invitation asking if anyone has food restrictions.
Or if you have to go to a dinner and they serve you meat and you have to squeakily explain… TO YOUR AUNT WHO HAS KNOWN ALL YOUR LIFE.
13. Vegetarian cookbooks rarely have color photographs.
Not had this issue.
14. On Jan. 1, at least one of your friends will “go-veg” to lose weight or “just to see if I can do it.”
15. Other vegetarians are miffed to find out that you are dating a carnivore.
I may even buy them a burger myself and sit across from them and watch them eat it at a resteraunt by a shell garage muahahahhahahahahahaha, but seriously… My sexual and romantic attraction is imediately nulled if they eat meat right? It’s the Veggie Law? If not I turn to ASH?!
16. Loser dudes will take it as a challenge to be the one to break you.
If you want to break me, do ahead. If you want to convert me to eat meat, on the other hand, then it’s a no ;P
17. Vegetarian guys think you automatically want to date them.
This has never happened, though my flat mate Olivia did try to set me up with the “only other vegetarian” in the halls purely based on the fact we were both Vegetarian.
18. When an RSPCA ad comes on, everyone in the room looks at you like it’s all your fault.
19. You get asked about what you will feed your children, regardless of whether you have expressed interest in having kids.
Yes, little Odin Jr will be put to pasture everyday and will only eat free range grass and soy water.
20. You eventually learn the truth about Jelly sweets and marshmallows.
When you accidently eat something off the top of a cake and it’s like: *throat closes*
21. You get confused with vegans and pescatarians constantly.
I eats the fishe?
22. People will ask you about your feelings towards the smell of bacon.
I have a limited sense of smell, and the smell of cooking bacon is akin to the smell of burning human flesh. It’s kind of funny how people sex up the smell of bacon and it’s the smell of human flesh xD
