anyone else just feel particularly horrible during winter? i feel like i’m spiraling again.
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@bipolarconfession
anyone else just feel particularly horrible during winter? i feel like i’m spiraling again.
cant tell what reality is anymore
i’m having hallucinations again and i hate it i hate it so fucking much.
had the worst manic episode i’ve had in a while and it was horrible ughhhh
I don’t know how to handle my anger. I’ve flushed my meds, broken things, yelled at those i love. I don’t know my triggers. I’m a monster
welcome to
the dissociation station
lol i felt so guilty for shit but now i realised i don’t matter and that i’m also better than them but but but but i can also eat my own ass yk just vibe.
I’m only alive for everyone else’s sake. I couldn’t care less if I died at any given moment. I just can’t disappoint people even in my grave.
I’m so apathetic I hate this. I hate this so much. Can I just feel something.
lowkey wanna disappear for a little
i just have this persistent feeling of “i’m not doing enough” combined with “i don’t have the energy to do anything” and it just really fucking sucks
Nothing like a good ol cry in the shower to make you realize that you are so used to putting up a front that you can only cry in a place absolutely no one else can see you, reassuring how weak and worthless you are.
even though it’s called bipolar disorder, we don’t just experience two emotions. we experience depression (sometimes severe), (hypo)mania, apathy, anger (sometimes extreme), we dissociate, we shut down, we feel numb, we feel anxious or panicked…. It’s not a two-way street. stop stereotyping.
I want to stop my meds because they made me gain weight resulting in me being even more depressed than before them.
But my psychiatrist told me he would stop seeing me if I do so
sensory overload is horrible,,, it feels like you’re falling in an endless void of noise and you want to scream and cry and escape but you can’t. Your body feels like it’s going to explode, your mind is telling you to disappear, you dissociate to the point of shutting down mentally and physically……. it fucking sucks.
it’s like a nightmare where your body is screaming to move because there’s a monster chasing after you but you can’t freaking move
it will never get better. i’ve been lied to.
I had such a fucked up childhood. I wish I could start over.