I have spent many hours of my life solitary, and in silence. I was the youngest of two children raised during the time when children were seen not heard. I didn’t go to friend’s houses and they didn’t come to mine. I wasn’t allowed to participate in any afterschool or extra curricular activities while still living at home. My sister for years claimed I was contaminated after the age of innocence, and didn’t want to have much to do with me in the teen years before I left. Once when we young - while waiting in the car for our mother to come out of whatever store she was in, my sister turned to me and said “things were fine until you were born.” Those words from a temporarily only child stung.
Consequently I played in isolation as a child loving my little Kiddles dolls, Barbie’s, and Styrofoam building blocks. I envied my sister’s erector set which had a little motor that enabled her to build little complex machines with the help of our father.
In later life I chose to live alone - following a spiritual path in a way. As a young adult I read a body of work by authors and spiritual teachers that aligned with my blossoming consciousness. There was the poetry/memoir of May Sarton, the Tao Te Ching, writings by Jung, many writings on Zen Bhuddism starting with Zen Flesh Zen Bones, and later Shambhala International founder Chogyam Trungpa’s writings. This list is only of small amount of the materials I ingested.
Having been baptized, received communion and confirmation with St Theresa of Avila as my patron Saint in the Catholic Church, I was left loving the rituals, and at best ambivalent - at worse appalled by the tenants of that version of religion/spirituality. Knowing Joan d’Arc’s story and learning more about the Crusades, and the fact that the nuns declared that Catholics were the only ones who would be able to go to heaven if they were absolved of all their sins, was problematic for my young mind to hold. More problematic - was the knowledge of the forced conversions of indigenous peoples here and around the world - which involved abuse, and severing of all cultural ties (language-rituals and customs).
What I learned was that I did have a belief system that acknowledged the holiness of all existence. I learned that imagination came from silence. I wasn’t into sitting meditation - but loved tai chi, and had my own brand of moving meditation - walking mostly alone on the paths in my home town or gardening.
I heard a radio show about twenty years ago that spoke to how afraid people were to sit in silence. As an artist I found that to be sad- without silence these words would not come to the page - without silence I wouldn’t know my own mind as well as I do. Without silence - intentional quiet - I wouldn’t be able to distinguish the tones of nature, or listen as deeply to those around me as I do now.
These days the world is full of noise and excess. Embodying silence and peaceful has been woven into my being by years of non flag-waving practice. So here on this last Sunday in April 2024 I leave this tiny bit of peaceful - healing energy a beautiful koi swimming in a pond. Sending out love and light. In gratitude for what has been returned to me over the decades.
Linda Joy Burke
All rights reserved.
From my forthcoming collection
67 Things - A life of Practice