Waking up
So I find myself something to do, an activity that forces me out of the numbness. One morning I stand up and decide that this is not how my life will go on. The clothes scattered around in my room get sorted, the floor scrubbed, the dishes cleaned. What I do is supposed to be an act of cleansing, in hopes that it will transfer onto me. I shower myself, thoroughly and extensively. Hot water runs down my body. This naked body of mine, which, once it leaves this shower will start a new life. The water helps sorting my thoughts, finding a way through the loud vortex that is my mind, rushing wildly in my head. Slowly it decelerates, I can pull out individual strings of thoughts in my mind and hold them tight: I have interests and desires that exceed the numbness I feel. I am living in the here and now and I have abilities waiting to be trained and improved. And once evolved they can be put to good use in our world. By any means, I am far from being useless, least of all for myself. Enough encouragement. Out of the shower I go, through my apartment, whose clean brightness gives me new strenght, pack up my stuff and make a run for the city. In the library I find like-minded people. The university houses every type of human. So many of us students meet with our reputation of lazyness. But so many of us are far from being numbed. On the contrary, especially in the library between all the procrastinating I see diligent people, bending over their books, trying to understand. And to them in my mind I call out "Hello there! I'm joining your hard-working force now. Let's make it our quest to train our abilities, to broaden our knowledge of the world and eventually find and create correlations where no one has seen them before." I will make myself useful to other people with what society, or better the institution of humanity embodied in the university has given me. We tend to forget this: How splendid is the fact, that we in our history of mankind not only knew how to wage wars and kill each other off, but also wrote a history of love, of affection, curiosity and of the eagerness for knowledge? It is necessary to remind oneself every now and then, especially in these times.
