1. Control your dog! Don't let your dog just run up to any dog or person. So simple and with so many benefits, such as:
a) Avoiding dog fights: not all dogs are friendly and NO dog appreciates another random dog completely disrespecting its personal bubble. Unless ALL owners agree to let the pups meet, give strange dogs plenty of space.
b) Avoiding people fights: despite how awesome I think dogs are, not everyone else feels the same. Perhaps they don't want hair, drool, or muddy pawprints on them when they're just trying to go for a run. Their loss, I guess.
c) Avoiding awkward conversations: believe it or not, people don't want to have long, boring chats about the weather with the owner of the unruly dog that appeared out of nowhere. ESPECIALLY ME. Don't try to use your demon dog as an icebreaker.
2. Always carry a leash! I feel like this shouldn't even be on the list, but it is ridiculous how many people think it is perfectly acceptable to walk around with NO leash. I'm not saying your dog can never be off-leash, especially if their recall and heel is good (refer back to rule #1), but if your dog is having a bad day and ignoring commands, you need to leash them up. Otherwise, I'm going to use MY leash to fucking choke you, you inconsiderate asshole.
3. POOP BAGS! Poop bags poop bags poop bags!! Carry more than you think you will need because dogs are like the TARDIS. They are bigger on the inside...and the inside is filled with poop (that's where the simile ends).
4. Carry a high value item! The outside world is fun and amazing and DISTRACTING! Carry treats, toys, or whatever it is that your dog absolutely LOVES so you can help her make good decisions when the devil (or other dog walkers) tempt her. With dogs, training never stops...so don't be lazy!
Follow these simple rules and I won't want to kill you you and your dog will have an awesome, productive, stress free walk!
Now, if only parents can stop their demon spawn from running and screaming up to my dog and harshly and repeatedly thumping her on top of her head in what clueless individuals call "petting," then my life will be complete.