BABs

We may have dumped you. But we're still pissed.

[whatshouldwecallme]

When delusional girls make up excuses for why a guy hasn't called

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABs are marriage material.

BAB 1: This is what blows my mind...it's not that I wanna be loved...I just want some action. And I can't accomplish it. Must be because I'm too nice.

BAB 2: And I'm too intimidating.

BAB 1: We are just more marriage material.

BAB 2: You're so right.

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABs whip nips.

BAB 1: So what happens if you don't have money for the toll?

BAB 2: You get a ticket.

BAB 3: You flash them.

BAB 1: This is a great shirt for that. I could whip a nip so quick.

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABS turn boys away.

BAB 1: What's new with you and boys?

BAB 2: I'm focusing on me right now. (Which is code for not a fucking thing and I'm trying to play it off like I'm turning guys away...which I'm not...my milkshake just isn't populating the yard.)

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABs make men feel like lesser men.

BAB 1: But I'm so short in flats. Oh well.

BAB 2: Guys like short girls. Whenever a guy tells me I'm tall it's code for "Fuck you I feel like less of a man now you slut."

[durtysheets-deactivated20160617]

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABs steal candy from babies.

BAB 1: Well I'm sorry for the boy situation.

BAB 2: My own fault. Giving myself one day to be mad, then moving on. New life starts tomorrow and it's respectable.

BAB 1: Well there you go. Might as well do something else today while you still can... like steal candy from a baby.

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

A text from the right person is better than an orgasm from the wrong person.

BAB

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

A slut is just a girl with bro morals

BABulous.

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABs be creeps.

BAB 1: Done. I did it. I kid you not. I friended him on Fbook. And you wanna know how I found the damn kid? Random Friend's timeline.

BAB 2: I love Random Friend.

BAB 1: Well. I feel good about this.

BAB 2: Me too. He's probably like "confirm confirm confirm CONFIRM."

BAB 1: Oh man, I wish you still got emails about friend requests. When will he KNOW.

BAB 2: IM him..."Hey you get my request?"

BAB 1: "Hey check your Fbook ;)"

BAB 2: The winkie face. Good lord.

BAB 1: Next step...poking. Unless he doesn't accept.

BAB 2: Oh he will accept. I bet he writes on your wall.

BAB 1: I bet not.

BAB 2: I BET SO.

BAB 1: I can't wait till he sees I'm already friends w/ his bro. I am. A CREEP.

BAB 2: I forgot about that...BAB 1, we all know if a girl wants to fucking creep she will do a better job than the god damn FBI with that shit. No shame.

BAB 1: Not ashamed, just calling it how it is.

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABs take what they can get

BAB 1: You are so celeb. Lilo's hairdresser. Premieres. Ya know?

BAB 2: I am a space filler and guinea pig…but you know what…I WILL TAKE IT.

BAB 1: Like my motto for guys!!!

BAB 2: I will take it?

BAB 1: Yup.

[dorky-kid]

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

how BABs walk through life.

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABs might not go to heaven.

BAB 1: Why the fuck are delish things so bad for you? It's upsetting.

BAB 2: Because God is mean.

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABs genuinely enjoy life (and dancing).

BAB 1: I realized something the other day. We like people who enjoy dancing. Because people who enjoy dancing know how to have fun and can laugh at themselves. So, if someone genuinely enjoys dancing, they genuinely enjoy life.

BAB 2: Then they're in. I like that.

BAB 1: And I will genuinely enjoy them. It's a great test for a person. 'Hey, you like dancing? No? Get out of my face.'

BAB 2: I think the key is drunk dancing skills. Like, if some bitch likes dancing cause she wants to get all stripper on the dance floor….no dice. If you like getting drunk, and looking like a retard, then you are in.

BAB 1: Right right right. Fun dancing, not slutty dancing.

BAB 2: Sometimes I look slutty cause I get so drunk that I need to be up against a wall and it looks like I'm grinding. But it's just cause I need help.

BAB 1: That's hilarious.

BAB 2: I mean, it's true though! That's how I always end up alone in the corner. Cause I get help from TWO WALLS.

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABs should be reality TV stars.

BAB 1: Um. She should go on The Bachelor. She's be so fucking funny. Is that mean? I don't mean it in a mean way at all, I just think it would be really good television.

BAB 2: It would def be funny. But she's not catty.

BAB 1: But a lot of the girls on this season aren't.

BAB 2: Well tell her to audition.

BAB 1: No I think she should go on like, SNL instead. She's too funny for The Bachelor. Maybe I should go on it actually.

BAB 2: You totes should.

BAB 1: I wonder how I'd do? Actually, I'd probs get way too drunk at the Rose Ceremony and be sent home the first night.

BAB 2: I should go on The Biggest Loser.

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABs should have curfews.

BAB 1: My mom always said nothing good happens after midnight. I've never heard anything more true in my life.

BAB 2: Eh, I dunno. The only times I've scored with Senor Amazeballs has been post midnight. Win.

BAB 1: Haha well...I just hit the floor or send text messages.

BAB 2: Or make out with dentists.

BAB 1: Yep. That is plural.

BAB 2: Or end up in bed with me. Both positives, I'd say.

BAB 1: You know what I thought about that made me laugh?

BAB 2: The fact that I couldn't button my top that night?

BAB 1: Well, yea. But before I knew that I made out with Mr. Cuddles in addition to Fancy Pants, I flat out said to you, "There's no way I made out with both of them - I would never do that." But I did do it. With the dentists.

BAB 2: And those 4 dudes that one New Years. It's cool. Why have one when you can have more? I feel that way about cookies.

BAB 1: I'm a class act.

BAB 2: And I'm a binge eater. BABES.

[bitterangrybitches-blog]

BABs need happy endings too (no not that kind perve).

BAB 1: Between the wedding and vday emails…I'm just about ready to hire an escort so someone makes me feel special.

BAB 2: There's a film about that. They end up together. Not a bad idea.