What a horrible year. I gotta do this for like 35 more or so.
The evening before, I watched Frozen 2. It was stupid. I was going to message my friend and tell him about it, but I decided to do it another time. Which I would have, because we talked very often. It was a genuine "later."
I went to sleep for a little while and got up around midnight. I played a game that was barely holding my interest while I waited for FFVIIR to finally drop. That must've been around the time he died. I wonder a lot if I had messaged him then, if it would've distracted him from doing the drugs, or maybe he could've told me something was happening to him at that time? I could've called 911 for him cuz hee would've passed out, they would've been there and it would be different now. Like, why didn't I message him?
But then again maybe it wouldn't have changed. Distracting him would have only meant he would do the drugs an hour later, a day later. It's not like he wouldn't have done them. And maybe I called 911 and they revived him as a vegetable because he went too long with no oxygen. Or maybe I'm just naive enough to think he would've had time to tell me, when he didn't even have the time to hit "post" on the FB status he was in the middle of making. Maybe he was already gone by midnight.
It's still a chance I didn't take. And now I live for 35 or 40 more years with the guilt.
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