i am the sheep that got away

audrey. 26. trauma, mental health and religion centered blog. My posts are not up for debate.

[blacksheep-blues]

I am just so incredibly fucking angry right now pretty much nothing is okay

[blacksheep-blues]

Lack of physical touch will really get to u at a certain point

[blacksheep-blues]

I feel absolutely INSANE and like I should be put down :D

[blacksheep-blues]

Now why would you say this

[scorpionlafemme]

[kaikartel]

you are worthy of relationships that are reciprocal, considerate and intentional. and that isn’t limited to romantic love

[blacksheep-blues]

Looking into paganism lately

[free-my-mindd]

Let people miss you. Let things unfold without your interference. Let life surprise you. Control is exhausting, trust is freedom.

[d-i-d]

[bpdohwhatajoy]

People do not fucking understand why those of us with cptsd get sooooo set off when we’re triggered. It’s not just emotional flashbacks of one event. It’s feeling the pain of so many different painful experiences at once. For example, if someone violates one of my boundaries, I feel the pain of every single time before now where someone has violated my boundaries. It seems like an overreaction because you’re not in our fucking heads

[gibbearish]

kids who werent raised christian being like "lol baptising children is whack if they tried to do that to me i would start doing things to make it look like i was possessed" no you would not. you would bask in the pride and approval coming from the adults around you and you would quietly wait your turn because you were told from birth that sinning sends you to hell and baptism is The Promise that youre dedicating your life to jesus that youve had hyped up for years and watched other people be fawned over as they cry happy tears about it and you do NOT want to fuck up your One Big True Promise To Love Jesus Forever So You Don't Get Tortured For Eternity when you are literally 8 years old. im begging yall to remember its a thousand times easier to see the church's bullshit for what it is when you're not actively in the church. eight year old you is not thinking about trying to fight back against an oppressive religious group indoctrinating children because You Are The Children Being Indoctrinated. stop acting like you would've magically known better if it were you.

[yourhealingjournal]

actually, to have the audacity to live, to take up space, is the scariest and most rewarding gift you can give yourself.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[wholesome-animal-images]

[flock-of-cassowaries]

That’s what I look like every time someone shows me genuine, welcome, and appropriate affection.

[escapingexvangelical]

dear little one

you are not a burden.

you are not perfect

and you don't need to be.

you are not a sinner.

you are not where you used to be anymore,

you are safe.

you are safe from him.

you are loved, so loved,

love that is untwisted,

that actually means kindness and goodness and joy,

not wretchedness and restriction.

you do not need to kneel

to be okay.

you just are.

there is no obligation from you in this one short life -

only to live it.

there is not a reason for everything.

pain has no explanation -

we love anyway.

here, on the other side,

it is a little broken -

and it is beautiful.

[grandpa-spooks]

One of the breaking points for me with Christianity was realizing how much I had to contort the truth to make it look good. A few VERY common refrains from Christians are the whole "don't let the actions of one bad Christian keep you from God" or "broken people do not accurately reflect God's heart", all ways of saying that religious trauma is not actually Christianity's fault— I'm sure you've heard it before. But I reached this point where I couldn't stop myself from asking "how much longer do I have to make excuses for you?" The amount of fuzzing the corners and rephrasing of things I had to do in order to present Christianity as Good Actually was exhausting. The mental gymnastics I had going on were so extensive that at some point I had to just accept I was lying for and repackaging an inherently abusive program.

"How much longer do I have to make excuses for you?", I screamed at the sky

[still-asunbeam]

yes i'm over it. yes i think about it 20 times a day