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apitnobaka

episode recaps; 1️⃣ 2️⃣

apitnobaka

episode recaps; 4️⃣ 5️⃣

apitnobaka

shane hollander, i know what you are

#mpregtruthers

intergalacticmca

I love the way they portrayed Ilya’s jealousy in the show. I love that it’s blazing rage and disgust with himself. We’ve seen in the first two episodes that Ilya does not react well when he’s in emotional distress and that he tends to lash out when he’s emotionally overwhelmed (at Shane on the rooftop in Vegas, at Shane in Sochi) and the way he reacts to his jealousy is so consistent with that.

He’s angry and disgusted at himself for being jealous because this has never happened to him before. He has never cared about sharing a lover before, but the thought of Shane loving someone who is not him is making him sick and he doesn’t know how to control it. We’ve talked a lot about Ilya’s need for control due to the lack of it in his own life and how his sexual dynamic with Shane satisfies a lot of that need, but now Ilya has totally lost control of the situation with Shane and he’s spiralling out.

He aggressively checks Shane into the boards. He angrily storms out of the room when he sees Shane and Rose on TV. He stares in disgust and anguish at himself in the mirror.

This is someone who has no idea what to do with all that he’s feeling. He’s not angry at Shane; he’s angry at himself for caring, for needing Shane, for trying to take more from Shane than what he thinks he deserves. He has never felt anything like this and it’s eating him up inside. He would give anything to not feel it - he goes to the club to get drunk and get laid, only to find the very bane of his existence there lived up with his new girlfriend.

Ilya, who is usually so good at compartmentalizing and hiding how he feels, is in uncharted territory - he’s in love and he knows it, and he has no idea what to do with everything he’s feeling, so he lashes out.

It’s absolutely devastating and delicious to watch.