notes: so the @infamous-if brain rot is here and it's very fucking real lmfao- ever since i played i have not been able to stop thinking about it and more specifically, how my mc would cope post break up with seven. something something i still love you i still have to live that but how does ANYONE live with that .. anyway here it is! the song arabella sings is honeysuckle by pom pom squad
the chorus rattles around in her head long after she stops singing it. she seems to be frozen in place, her thoughts drowning out the ability to do anything else, although she does notice the faint sound of silence. the rest of dead apple have long stopped playing, but no one says anything. they seem to be doing that a lot lately when it comes to her.
she wasn't even supposed to be at this rehearsal, and she even agreed with her bandmates when they suggested she take some time away to process everything. the music can wait while she figures out how to move forward.
but all she can think about is music, all she could think about while she spent the last two weeks trying to pull herself back together is to write songs.
how do you go through something so traumatic and not write about it?
losing sev- just his name passing through her brain is enough to make her eyes clench shut, gripping the microphone stand in front for her tighter.
losing him is the worst pain she's ever felt in her life. how do you go from talking to someone every single day for the past eleven years to suddenly no contact? how does anyone cope with that? she'd really like to know.
it doesn't help that she was so unbelievably in love with him. she never was one to believe in soulmates but no matter how dumb she thought it was, she considered seven to be her's.
a soulmate who now wants nothing to do with you.
she lets out a ragged breath, which prompts someone reaching out to touch her shoulder.
"arabella-" it's rowan, his voice uncharacteristically timid, and it makes her stomach churn. she shrugs his hand off and turns to face him.
"i'm fine," she snaps, wincing at the tone in her voice. he's staring at her pitifully. if she dared to glance at the others they would share the same look.
they were just as much friends with seven as she was. why are they all so fucking concerned for her in particular? a part of her wants to say that if they were so upset about her, they never would have taken that stupid vote in the first place. the vote that ruined everything.
seeing the look on seven's face, the hurt in his eyes, the betrayal-
she can't think about this right now. she's spent the last two weeks trying to move on and fuck if she's about to cry in front of the band over this.
she turns back around, storming toward the exit. as she yanks the door open and slams it behind her, she wonders if anyone will come after her.
they don't.
she can't even get into the car before she's a sobbing mess, hands shaking as she clambers into her vehicle, resting her head against the steering wheel. her hands are balled into tight fists as she considers if punching something would help the pain subside. it didn't help last time.
last time. that night casts an unbearable weight down on her and makes her shoulders shake as she recalls her and seven screaming at each other in drunken rage, both saying things they can never take back. going to a place they could never come back from. when he left she punched a hole in the wall and her hand flares up as a reminder. her bruised knuckles are starting to heal now, and some part of her wishes they weren't. maybe so she could have one last piece of seven to remember him by. just one last trace of the effect he had on her so it didn't feel like the eleven years she spent with him were for nothing.
they can't just be nothing.
right?
that seems to be what they are now- he hasn't talked to her since that night and every day, every hour it feels like she pulls up his contact info out of reflex to tell him something. a joke, a lyric for a song, a text just to tell him she's thinking of him. she always manages to realize what she's doing before she hits send and she doesn't think that will get any easier.
if i'm nothing without you, am i anything at all?
the lyrics she wrote down one night after getting drunk in an attempt to get him out of her brain dance around in her mind again.
she can't remember the person she was before seven. it's not the one who stares back at her now as she wipes her eyes and looks into the rearview mirror.
would she like that person? would they be friends? she never thought about it until now. she never thought she would have to.
how do you move on from someone that was so inexplicably tethered to you? where there was arabella, seven was right there next to her.
she looks across to the passenger seat that seven used to occupy every day and is met with no one there. she sees the grey headrest where a black mop of hair used to lie. she sees the middle console where his fingers used to drum to the beat of whatever was playing through the speakers. she sees the dash where he used to lay his worn out combat boots on.
emptiness eats away at her until all she can do is let out another sob.
some part of her wonders if he even feels a fraction of what she does. he has to. for her own peace of mind, she hopes this has been as hard on him as it has on her.
pairing: nate sewell x f!detective (felicity langford)
word count: 1.9k
warnings: some swearing? and felicity overthinking so much like itโs her job
tagging: @masonscig @blainehayes
notes: so this has been a wip for... a year at least LMFAO but i'm in twc hell so i dusted her off and she's here! i will never get tired of examining felicity under a microscope like she's an ant so <3 this takes place sometime during book 3 (we're ignoring that her apartment is ruined) AND this fic is loosely based on how do i tell you? by lizzy mcalpine
felicity watches as the fan on her bedroom ceiling grows faster with each spin, the yellow blades losing their rectangular shape in seconds and morphing into a blur right in front of her eyes. she's probably spent a thousand nights doing exactly this, hoping that if she stares up at it long enough it'll put her to sleep.
but how can the thought of sleeping even cross her mind when all she can think about is him?
all felicity sees when she closes her eyes is nate; the way he looks at her when they're together, his deep brown eyes staring into her own and leaving her breathless, the intensity making her look away, how he concentrates when he's pouring over a book in the library, the way his ring covered hands turn each page so delicately.
she also sees the way his smile strains when she turns him away yet again, reassuring her that it's okay, how he reaches out to comfort her but quickly puts his hands back in his pockets as if touching her would burn them both.
it's not that she doesn't like him. she adores him. she knows being with him would make her happier than she's ever been in entire life, even a sliver of what could be when they're together makes her smile a little brighter and stand a little taller.
if only she could get over herself.
to say she's been hurt badly in the past would be an understatement. she's never anyone's priority, at least not in the way that they were to her. whether it was with bobby, or the handful of other relationships she's had, they always end up leaving her in the dust, struggling to understand where it went wrong, as if it was all her fault.
she knows nate would never do that, at least she thinks he wouldn't. she's just so tired of having to pick up the pieces of her broken heart that it seems pointless to attempt a romantic relationship with anyone ever again, despite how much she might want to.
and she desperately wants to.
this can't go on forever, she knows that. she needs time, but she's tired of feeling down on herself and fuck if she does it any longer. nate deserves to know how she feels.
before she can stop herself, her phone is unplugged and off her nightstand and into her hand. she's calling nate before it even registers in her brain what she's doing.
it rings four times (not that she was counting), when she suddenly hears some shuffling on the other end. her heart sinks as she realizes he was probably asleep and feels guilty for calling him so out of the blue, and she hates to admit it but she wanted - no needed, to hear his voice and maybe just talking it out would help and god, what the fuck is she doing-
"felicity? is everything alright?" his voice is urgent, but calm and she rolls her eyes at how quickly it soothes the storm of overdramatic thoughts swirling around in her head.
"i just had a hard time sleeping," she smacks her hand against her forehead. that is not why you called him. why are you prolonging this?
"i'm sorry to hear that," he says and her heart swells at his words. she's known him for six months now and still, every time he says something to her that feels so genuine - because it's nate, and he doesn't have a insincere bone in his body - she can't help but gape in disbelief that anyone could be soโฆ unabashedly kind to her. is she really that starved for affection that someone being polite to her feels like such a big deal?
'any normal person would be sorry that you couldn't sleep,' she thinks. 'don't get ahead of yourself.'
she shakes her head as if to clear that thought out of her brain.
"do you want to talk about it?" nate asks.
her mind immediately starts to backtrack. she couldn't possibly tell him how she feels. it's too soon. she can't do this.
"no, it's really dumb and i shouldn't have called you. it's so late," she lets out a nervous laugh, "and i know you hate talking on the phone."
"i was awake anyways," she swears she can hear his smile through the screen as he continues, "and you know i enjoy talking to you, no matter the circumstance."
i would fight through any form of technology if i knew you were on the other end.
the memory of him saying those words to her outside of the warehouse makes her head spin. her skin flushes as she mumbles an okay.
"if you don't want to talk about it, i understand, but i hope you know i'm here for you, felicity. always."
always.
after a beat of silence, she mumbles, "what if you leave?"
"felicity, i-"
"leave wayhaven," she says quickly, "things could calm down and unit bravo isn't needed here anymore and you get assigned somewhere else. what then?"
"i can assure you if we got assigned to a different place, i wouldn't lose contact with you." he declares it with such confidence it makes her brain foggy.
she smiles in spite of herself. "what, would you write to me?"
"absolutely."
she giggles. "maybe farah could teach you how to text."
she expects him to join in on the laughter but he's quiet. "or, you could teach me."
"i could."
there's a moment of silence before nate speaks again.
"is me leaving something you think about frequently?"
she almost forgot she let that slip and her bedroom suddenly feels a lot smaller and constricting.
"not really. i mean, i guess so, since i brought it up," she rambles and exhales a deep breath. i justโฆ"
"i don't think that i ever mean that much to anyone," she blurts out, eyes widening at what she's saying. "i know that sounds dumb, but when things get tough with anyone, no one has ever stuck around and seen it through. i want to mean enough to someone to where they want to make it work when things are hard. and i'm terrified of that happening with you."
there, she said it. the worst that could happen is that he doesn't feel the same. but he does feel the same.
right?
her thoughts come to a halt when she realizes he hasn't said anything.
"nate? hello?" she pulls the phone from her ear to see that the call has been disconnected.
did he hang up on me?
maybe he accidentally hung up. he'll call back any minute.
one minute turns into five. five minutes turn into ten.
she can't stop the tears from forming in her eyes.
he doesn't feel the same way. of course. why would he? why the fuck did i say all that? he probably thinks i'm crazy. god, why am i such an-
the knocking on her front door stops her overthinking completely. she's probably so tired that she's hearing things, until she hears a knock again.
she rubs her eyes and slips out of bed, adjusting her pajamas and treading sleepily to the door.
she looks through the peephole and her heart is in her stomach.
it's nate.
she immediately yanks the door open. he's stood there, wearing his green satin pajamas with his usual jacket hastily thrown on. his hair looks like he hasn't brushed it in days, and he has sweat dripping from his brow. she'd find it attractive if she wasn't so anxious and confused about why he was here.
"may i come in?" he asks, eyes pleading and she lets him in. she notices he's also wearing his bedroom slippers which have tracked mud into her apartment. nate notices this too.
"i apologize for the mess, i'll clean it-"
"why do you look so-"
"disheveled?" he chuckles, running a hand through his hair.
"yeah. not that i don't like the look but-" it hits her. "nate, did you run here?"
he looks uncharacteristically nervous, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.
"i did."
"why?"
"because i wanted to finish our conversation in person."
her face grows hot in embarrassment.
"about what i said, nate, i-"
he takes both of her hands in his, the touch taking her by surprise. she forgets whatever excuse she was going to say about baring her feelings instantly.
"i know we haven't known each other that long, felicity, but i do care about you. more than i've cared about anyone in a long time. your happiness is of the utmost importance to me, and to hear you say you feel like you don't mean that much to anyone-
"you mean everything to me. i need you to know that. i'm sorry people in your life have been so unkind to where you feel this way, but i want you to know i would never dare to make you feel any less special than you are.
"i know you need time. i completely understand. but please know that i would never do anything to hurt you, felicity. doing so, i think would hurt me."
tears are welling up in her eyes again and nate's hands move from her own to cradle her face, thumbs at the ready in case any should fall. he's giving her that look that he always gives her, the look that tells her that he means everything he said. his brown eyes are staring into her own, and for once she doesn't look away.
"iโฆ i don't know what to say," she mentally scolds herself, but how would anyone respond to the man of your dreams telling you he wants you and would never harm you?
"you don't have to say anything. i just wanted to tell you how i feel." he's smiling, but she knows she needs to buck up and let him know that - whatever this is between them - isn't one sided.
"i know," she sighs. "nate, i'm crazy about you. i care about you a lot, and i'm really sorry i haven't done a very good job at showing it. you deserve more-"
"no," he assures her, rubbing her cheek with his thumb. "i deserve you, and you deserve to be happy."
it all clicks into place for felicity at that moment.
"you're right."
she has to stand on her tiptoes but luckily nate meets her halfway as their lips meet in a searing kiss, her arms wrapping around his neck. his hands move to the small of her back, bunching up the fabric of her nightgown in his fists. kissing him is better than she ever could have imagined, his lips molding to hers as if they've always belonged there.
he pulls away too quickly for her liking and his eyes widen in concern, his hands snapping away to hover over her waist.
"felicity, are you sure?"
she smiles, blush rising in her cheeks. "i've never been more sure of anything in my life."
she kisses him again, and again, and again, until eventually, she has to pull away so she can breathe, and is met with nate's adoring gaze.
"i could get used to this view," she jokes, moving her hand to his hair to brush a strand out of his face.
he catches her wrist after, hand sliding down to entwine their fingers together.
"me too," he admits, smiling down at her. "and i am not going anywhere, so you'll be sure to see it often."
1. rheya โฆ. THEY MAY TRY TO REPLICATE WHAT SHE HAD BUT THEY COULD NEVERRRR
2. renza fierro that big tittied bitch got me even if i knew she was being incredibly suspicious..
3. aerin valleros isnt like fully a villain but he is fully a flop and i love him for that
4. gaius augustine resident genocidal man and then being like GUISEEEE I Was BRAINWASHEDโฆ
5. again not fully a villain but a girlboss nonetheless priya lacroix .. fucking her then her killing us was so funny i fully sat there mouth open like she gagged me
honorable mention: all of the blades baddies but especially the lady w the whip
adrian raines EASILY do i even need to explain this one
close second but tied with adrian in my heart would be BLAINE HAYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also no explanation
liam rys but NOT the white one never the white one... we'll never get him back and it makes me want to die i love him sm he was such a MAN..
andy MY KING kang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats my man and im gonna stick beside him no matter what ............
thomas mendez i love me a lawyer man.... and hes just sooo sweet to mc and hes such a good man ......... :(( besusgdsifwiffewhfueibfiuhfe i want him so bad i need to replay moty also im tying this one with bryce i love bryce sm and i needed him in here sorry i m cjheating.
honorable mentions:
grant emerson i swear no one thinks of him like i do its insane.. hes so underrated soooo babygirl .........
gabe electric man ricci ... no words or explanation needed
kamilah sayeed ............ i dont wanna talk abt this one i fear
HUNTER FIERRO............... MY BELOVED........
ava cunningham my girlboss
eiko matsunaga i love her sm and if she was real i would wife her up QUICKLY........
colt kaneko & logan no last name would be in 6th place tied. it will ALWAYS hurt that we never got to see a proper ending with them uhguierhniweruhfiwrfnwefwfwifnwk im mad now
lastly.......... trystan thorne i think he couldved placed if i could finish the book and so for that i will need to continue playing!
ok please note: i drew this ages ago but i need to get it out of my drafts or else im gonna puke and pass away and die ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ i dont draw this bad anymore i think
so i got bored n decided to draw my detective for twc HDFSHDSFKJHSFDKย
main points about them ig <3
they/them pronouns
bisexy
comfortable clothes > anything
very minimalist apartment iirc??? idek man
strained relationship w rebecca, at least in a kind ofย โyouโre a stranger to me i donโt really see you as my momโ way
does things their own way
very sarcastic
but also a huge softie when needed
theyโre kinda used to looking at like gruesome things but theyโre not completely desensitized to it
very flirty but at times gets a lil teeny bit flustered when the flirting is reciprocated
they also did shoot Adam when I initially played and when they found out i made them laugh abt it FDSHFDSHFDSKSDFHK
tysm @natesewell for tagging me <3
tagging: i dont really have anyone to tag so im tagging whoever sees this (and wants to do it!!!!!) link is above !!! but ill have it here too
stole toriโs layout for this so results under the cut star eyes emoji FSDHFDSKHFSDKFDS
val navarro | a knife called griefย
You have left your house, you have left those people behind, but what are you going to do about the memories which have taken root in you? You can run but not without them. You want someone to sit with you on this cool marble floor while the sun burns everything. You want them to cut your rotten heart and theirs too. You want to sit with it in front of you, let them see you with all your flaws, which havenโt been your fault but you have been made to believe so, and you want them to love you anyways. Because you know youโd do that for them.
max rodriguez | violent devotion
Everyone seems to think you are faithless, but the thing is you havenโt yet found someone who will bring you to your knees and make you raise your head in reverence. This world has stopped bringing you joy, you want more of the divine. You want to dedicate your entire existence to someone; you want to make them realise they are not something terrible, make them see just how much beauty they are bringing to this world. You want to be the only one for them, the only one they have chosen to love. Thereโs a god shaped pit inside of you and only they can fit in it. And what if they choose to walk away? Didnโt I say this was violent devotion?
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