Hurt and confused Clarke by me
Clarke is pissed at herself. It shouldn't hurt this much to see them together. She should be happy. They had a good, peaceful life, they even found love. It's what she wanted for them, it's what she sacrificed herself for. So her friends would be safe and live a good life, even if she wasn't going to live it with them. She should be happy, she keeps telling herself. And she is, at some level. They're all back on the Ground, she's with Madi again and they're safe for now. The heartbreak she's feeling is kind of getting in the way and it's annoying. It's not that she didn't think it was possible for him to go and have a relationship but it was never a thought she had for a long time. It didn't matter. She just wanted to know he was okay. Alive. So why the hell did it hurt so much that he was with someone else? The answer was haunting her now because she couldn't allow herself to feel what she was feeling just to lose him again. He was back for a week and it was too little time. She wanted to hear his stories, to get to know this new older version of her best friend, someone she's been keeping close to her heart for years now, the one helping her through the darkest times without even knowing. At the same time, she didn't. It was scary to think he had changed too much, that the boy she's been talking to for so long was forever gone. They did fall back into their old ways pretty quickly and easily, she has to admit. But neither of them was the same and she knew it. Anyway, this is all a lot harder than she thought it would be but she should have see it coming. She wish she had so maybe it wouldn't hurt that much. But it was too late now. And she had no idea how to act around them anymore. For six years she never had to hide how she felt. She would put her heart and soul into Madi's stories and her radio calls to Bellamy. So what now?
