So, there's that.

Karen, take me to the nearest famous city middle near where they hang the lights. I got 500 in twenties and a ton of great ideas!

[blargledonuts]

I don’t know why I’m so bad at things. Like it takes me ages to work up the nerve to go call and cancel my data service that I never use. Just call them! It’s not that hard! Just be firm and don’t let people talk you into things!

But no! I drag my feet with shit like this and it’s so dumb because I’ve got no good reason for it.

[blargledonuts]

So I left my old job

And maybe one day I'll go into detail about it here but that's not really important at the moment. The issue is that I liked my old job. I was good at it. I liked people relying on me to fix things. My idiot brain needs people to tell me that I'm amazing, so I can say "ah shucks no way" but then pocket that compliment f o r e v e r.

I've been at my new job for three weeks now and even though my boss is telling me to allow myself some grace since I'm new, I absolutely hate being so bad at things.

[retrogamingblog2]

Kanto Starter Pokemon Japanese Ukiyo-e Style Artwork made by Lanipuna

[blargledonuts]

How in the hell did I end up with over two thousand posts?!

[blargledonuts]

I only bake when I’m in a mood.

[blargledonuts]

[blargledonuts]

Wild how in 2019 I would have never guessed that I’d be sitting in my car in a line that snakes through my entire old college campus waiting for the freaking army to administer a vaccine so that if in case I do catch the virus that’s wiped out 500,000 Americans in one year that maybe I won’t die from it.

[blargledonuts]

Okay whatever I just paid the $9 stupid dollars because I’ve been using the theme for over ten years and maybe the theme maker should get paid and I could quit being a stingy asshole. 

Edit: It is a very nice theme. 

[blargledonuts]

2021

I’m here what, 12 years into my Tumblr (older than any relationship I’ve ever had) and right now I’m bitching because the theme I had installed ten years ago now costs $9 dollars if I want to update it and I’ve got $9 and it’s not a big deal but I’M SO ANNOYED. Meanwhile, today was a fucking mess and I refreshed the news all day and I’m so tired of living through history in the making. 

[blargledonuts]

[buttpoems]

[buttpoems]

[blargledonuts]

COVID19 has me thinking about people I’ve cut out of my life and hoping that they’re safe, but also fuck them.

[blargledonuts]

We’re the heirs to the glimmering world

[blargledonuts]

2020 feels so hopeless.

[blargledonuts]

I’ve been baking up a storm to beat the Frowney Girl Blues away and lately everything I’ve been making includes a fun challenge called “how much bourbon can I pour in and still make this taste good”.

[blargledonuts]

I had this shitty dream a few weeks ago that’s still bothering me. I was at some party when my social anxiety flared up and I wanted to be anywhere but there. I knew everybody there but I just couldn’t bring myself to care about what anybody was saying or force myself to meet anybody new. I was just so tired of the noise and the laughter. I couldn’t even breathe. And I pulled out my phone and started texting somebody about how much I didn’t want to be there. This person knew me through and through, and he was going to save me from this shit party. 

Kind of like what I do most times I’m out anyway.

So like in this dream I’m drafting this long ass text to my soulmate who was going to save me. He was going to find an out for me so that I wouldn’t look like such a loser trying to mingle and failing horribly at it. But then I asked myself “who are you texting?” and I couldn’t remember his name. And in the dream I found myself deleting the message because I realized he never existed. I woke up feeling just so lonely. I have a great friends and a great boyfriend and i know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I haven’t been able to shake that feeling.