Vandalism

/ writings / graphite / forbidden / My soul is black and it screams for ink and lust.

[inkskinned]

we all had good reasons for it, because we didn’t want to seem weak. we were only tired because we were so bored in school. we were only shaky all the time because we drank too much coffee. we weren’t anything but lazy. ungrateful. attention-seeking. we would chug liquor and call it having a good time, would stay awake weeping and call it Wednesday. it didn’t matter how many warning signs we had. we knew other people could be sick, but we? we were only faking it. were just lonely. were making a mountain from a molehill. we knew there were people out there dying. we had nothing to complain about. we heard what they called us. unwilling, under-performing, wasted potential. we knew, somehow, they were right. they were right.

[just-shower-thoughts]

Snipers and surgeons need steady hands for the exact opposite reasons

[bldstain]

I can’t seem to attach myself to people in public. I can’t do public displays of affection. I can’t do those mushy things girls do with others. I don’t like it when you put your arm around me on jeepney rides. 

Just talk with me, during cigarettes breaks, or have a bottle of beer with me while I read my law notes and you skim your book. Just sleep with me when we’re both down, both lost. Just listen to my heartbeat while I tell you a story of a boy who sailed the world on his small boat and returned a young man with stories to tell and a family to raise. Play with my hair while I play with your stubble--that prickly part of you I adore. 

I can’t seem to attach myself to people in public. But I’m yours when the world’s out. 

[pinkfy]

[bldstain]

This is me in every way possible

[bldstain]

I miss cigarettes Cold beer The scent of old books graphite on my fingertips I miss the real me

[bldstain]

and after all this time, I'm still nothing.

[bldstain]

I'm tired. I'm soaked and weary of everything. I can't let myself be happy without scrutinizing every bit of possibility that maybe, maybe, in this glorified scenario that I am in, is a dark aftermath that is ready to take back the happiness that it has allowed me to bask in. I don't want that. Pretentious it may be but I would rather have all the vipers come at my feet than them slithering on my bed when I'm at my weakest. I'm tired. I'm tired. No matter how many times you kiss me, you touch me, or you ease the unrest off my shoulders, I'd still be the person you're glad you got away from.

[bldstain]

cuddling is perfect when you are exhausted and just want to lay there wrapped in arms until you fall asleep.

[bldstain]

My capacity to love and care have grown callused like an old farmer’s hands. But you didn’t seem to mind. You listen to my angry words and spiteful tone but you do not despise me. You keep up with my made-up schedule and hope to insert yourself for a minute or two with me. You are not a martyr but you are not a fearless fighter either. You have shown me how frail your heart has become even if I didn’t want to. Many times I have urged myself to run away from you but you have come to my aid when I needed you most. Your kisses on my forehead when you knew I was aching and weary felt like a drizzle of rain on a thirsty flower. But you are still more than that. You know how to fire me up, love me hard, and kiss me to sleep. What did I do to deserve you? Because, my lover, I do not know how to keep a lover.

I look forward to nights of cigarettes and beer without you.

[dephus]

It is terrifying to think that one day you will trust somebody enough to let them see you naked. You will undress and remind them that you’ve stretch marks and birth marks and scars from having chicken pox when you were little and scars from all of the other things now. You will blush thousands of shades of red, painting yourself as a rose losing its petals. And that person - that person will take it all in. And I wonder if they will reassure you. But mostly, I wonder if they will even see anything worth reassuring you about. I hope they see each freckle on your back as if it’s a star and you are the whole universe to them.

K.P.K (via ohteenscanrelate)

[therelatablepost]

[bldstain]

I used to translate my longings and sighs into words treat my wounds with his vague promises seduce myself with a tasteful future yet all were dreams amiss and sourly buried

that was him and that was long gone today is you and your unruly hair you and your strong fingers that entwine with mine you and your honest embrace I long for

[wewanthappinessback-deactivated]

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

Good-night, sweet princess. You are still on your own; be stoic; don’t panic; get through this hell…

Sylvia Plath, from a journal entry (via oiseauperdu)

[bldstain]

At first I longed for the familiar taste of your lips, the familiar scent of you, the soothing touch of your hands. At first I cried and blamed myself, cried and tried to fight back through silent written dialogues. But now that another boy has taken your place I do remember you in little things. I remember you kissing me in the dark and me leaning on your shoulders at the moviehouse, our little antics and cheesy promises to each other. I remember a lot of things but lately I can't list up to ten anymore. It's all slowly fading away now. I'm not mad. I'm not even sad. I'm happy, at least. To tell you the truth, you were never really mine to keep.

[stardustlimbs-deactivated201704]

Fuck, I want to have her in ways no one else has ever had her or ever will have her.

(via b4thewreckage)

[bldstain]

- We fell into a routine   that familiar rotten taste of silence   our days were bleak;   our care became inquiries - I don’t want this   but truth is,   I might only miss you   when my body longs for yours

/trace my veins/