Hey! I’m attempting to create a soulbond/willogenic headmate. I’ve been trying for about a month or two without much progress. Do you have any advice?
Hihi!! It’s different for everybody, so I can’t say any advice I have for you will work, or maybe I’ll just sound like a broken record with advice you’ve heard before, but I’ll try anyway!
What worked for us was talking with each other. This worked especially well when we were tired, because when we’re tired, we don’t mask as well and therefore it’s easier to do things that are “weird.” My first willomate was Mari, a caregiver, so I would often imagine her telling me to go to bed or eat something, and I would also walk her through what I was doing while I was caring for myself!
Talking helps a lot. It will feel like roleplay— even when they’re formed, if your system is monoconcious like ours, it may still feel like roleplay. The important thing is to acknowledge that they exist. Even when they’re forming, even when they don’t have a consciousness of their own yet, even when they just feel like a “puppet,” they still exist.
You don’t have to talk to them every day for them to exist. They don’t have to front to exist. They don’t have to speak to be with you in front, if you feel them without them speaking, that counts too!
Act like them sometimes, too. Online, make posts “acting” like them, think how you believe they would, eat things they like but you don’t, pick up a hobby they like even if you’re not too interested in it; convince yourself it’s them, not you. If you have discord, find an endogenic safe space, make a pk proxy for them, talk to others as them and allow them to make friends and have conversations. Especially conversations you wouldn’t typically have! If it fits them, give them a typing quirk, because that helps you “get into the mindset” of another person!
If you’re in an environment you can’t really let them front, if it’s possible, let them front when you’re alone. At night when everybody’s asleep, let them guide you through your nighttime routine, choose the video or book you use to wind down, something like that.
Another tip I’ve heard, if you’re worried they may disappear— give them something in the physical world that is separate from you, something ground and connect them! Give them friends, communities, maybe a favorite object like a stuffed animal or a favorite activity that you don’t share. Allow them to exist separate from you and have connections to this world that you don’t.
And above all— any progress is progress. Even if it’s so subtle it feels like nothing, even a mountain can be made up of a lot of smaller rocks, even a huge pile of sand is just thousands of tiny grains. It doesn’t happen overnight, and even if they feel more like an “imaginary friend” than a separately conscious headmate, they’re still a headmate, and they still exist.
