You do you, I'll do me

[genterie]

[fongminliao]

[auxreate]

Have courage, be kind. xx

[sqzrecords]

[literaryhistories]

Yesterday, after years of studying, I finally heard the dreaded words: “I can’t find it online, but maybe if you check the card catalog…” 

[thegoodvybe]

[stimman4000]

.

[hungry-skeleton]

Eat tree

[captain-kiwi-babeyy-deactivated]

Consume plant

[deadblogdontlook]

vegies

[dromik]

http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-arts-and-culture/199377/eli-singalovski-face-of-israel

Eli Singalovski photography.

[mermaidkiwi-deactivated20150430]

[pandaaamonium14]

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[skrillcholas-cage]

oh my god these are great

[princemetalthunder]

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

[ihavetofart-deactivated20150908]

[tinynebula]

tony and rhodey at MIT

[iamnotsebastianstan-archive-dea]

i was at the doctors today and there was a guy sitting behind me with his baby, and the baby starts crying in its pram and the guy just stands up, faces the kid and says “Come on now, don’t cry, you’re better than that”

[iamnotsebastianstan-archive-dea]

also, someone else asked him how old his baby was and he said without even a moments hesitation, “he’s 36 he’s just got a height problem” and I’ve only just come to terms with the fact I’ll never say something that funny in my life

[therealraewest]

It high-key sounds like you stumbled in halfway through a comedy about a dude who’s friend got magicked into a baby

[m4ge-deactivated20210331]

there’s a guy in one of my classes who i am secretly battling for dominance over by wearing awful hipster outfits. i dont know if he is thinking the same thing but regardless i intend to win

i thought i won today when i walked into class wearing my awful 1995 figure skating tour of the world (sponsored by campbells soup) t-shirt, mom jeans, and 1980 moscow olympics-theme denim jacket but then he had to walk in wearing a donald duck jacket with matching donald duck socks like what a fucking power move

[lithicc]

Fun History Fact: The overwhelming majority of cowboys in the U.S. were Indigenous, Black, and/or Mexican persons. The omnipresent white cowboy is a Hollywood studio concoction meant to uphold the mythology of white masculinity.

[howmanymoredays-deactivated2013]

Thank you.

[myvaginaisanuclearreactor-deact]

I will always re-blog this

[skywritingg]

I think it was high school when i overheard some white girl put on her best semi-disgusted and confused voice and go “why do so many Mexicans dress up like cowboys?” and I had to be the person to tell her.

[mexica-boricua-deactivated20180]

Why do you think the whites say buckero? Cause they couldn’t say vaquero.

[thewellofastarael]

[manynamedshe]

I dunno if I reblogged this before but fuck it, y'all gon learn today.

[nyokoko]

Teach the children.

[fifty-shadesofgay]

also, cowboy culture was hella gay. like, write-poems-about-your-cowboy-partner gay.

IF people acknowledge it, they play the necessity card– there weren’t any women out on the range, so they had to “resort to men.” this claim completely erases 1) the romantic (not just sexual) writings of actual cowboys, 2) the acknowledgement of cowboys’ potential homosexual activity by writers at the time, and 3) the possibility that some men would deliberately become cowboys with the intent to seek out homosexual encounters.

no one wants to admit it, but cowboy culture was just. so inherently gay.

[scandinavianindian]

Im here for the gay POC cowboys

[softlenaluthor]

Chelsea is an always mood

[ruinedchildhood]

[catsuggest]

morninge beauté routine

awaken whenever im want

stretch

screme if necessary

appreciate myself exactly as im am

[bob-belcher]

Scooby-Doo (2002) dir Raja Gosnell