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An Unwavering Light - Chapter 17

Rating: T/ Teen for violence (mentions of violence in this chapter) and mature themes including ones about trauma and depression.

Setting: begins before the confrontation with Aizen and co. in Fake Karakura Town arc, and goes from there to the Thousand Year Blood War arc. This chapter takes place during the 17 month time skip.

Music to listen to: Will of the Heart by Shiro Sagiru (YT | Spotify), Soundscape to ardor - harp 2022 by Shiro Saigu (YT | Spotify), 1130 TYBW piano solitude by Shiro Sagiru (YT | Spotify), 999 - ochestra by Shiro Sagiru (YT | Spotify), From Me to You by Yuki Hayashi (YT | Spotify) and Inherited Power by Yuki Hayashi (YT | Spotify)

Fic synopsis: During the confrontation against Aizen, the unthinkable happens. For Hitsugaya, a vow is broken, and for Hinamori, her future is unknown. With everything in shambles, how can they piece their lives or bond back together?

Chapter synopsis: Hitsugaya and Hinamori see each other for the first time since the battle. Rangiku and Izuru finally put their plan into action and lament on the past.

AN: And so the final act begins! The next chapter will be the most important one, but how do we get there? Find out in this chapter!

We've got a lot of drama in this one, from arguments to Hitsuhina reunion to a secret grave. However, we've also got brotp goodness all around in this chapter, between Rangiku and Izuru, Hinamori and Shinji, and I guess Rangiku and Hitsugaya...you'll see.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: BLEACH and it’s character’s belong to Tite Kubo.

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________________________________

Hinamori should leave. Her job was done. Go to Tenth Division, leave the papers on his desk. He knew they were coming, had even left her the helpful note on his desk that he was away overseeing a training session and to leave them there.

Her fingers remained on the pile of documents. There were only fifteen reports. It shouldn’t take him more than two hours to review and complete his sections. He may even finish them today and have Rangiku return them to Fifth Division.

Surely Aizen will start to wonder where she is. She was only meant to be gone for fifteen minutes, and ten had already passed. She lifted her fingers away at the thought.

“I need to get back,” she said aloud, just for good measure.

She walked away from Hitsugaya’s desk. Her hand no longer lingered on the papers, but her eyes did. She came to a stop before she reached the office’s entrance. She let out a loud huff. What’s gotten into me?

She pressed her lips together. Had she really hoped to see Hitsugaya this much?

It’s been months, she thought. I can’t even remember when I last spoke to him.

He isn’t the only one. Outside of her lunch breaks with Aizen and her Division members, she hardly saw any of her friends these days. It’s the reality of being a Lieutenant, and she knew that when she took on the role. She thought she’d be used it by now.

But it wasn’t just that. It’s that gap, that feeling of their paths diverging, rarely meeting or intersecting. Her gaze caught on the glint of his ink brush, oddly left out from the rest of the set.

There was very little she could do to lessen that feeling, but maybe she could show she hasn’t forgotten him. That this would be one instance where their paths met again.

She strode back to his desk and came around to the other side, moving his chair for more room. She didn’t sit in it – that somehow felt worse than what she about to do. With some trepidation, she opened the desk’s top draw and pulled out the ink set for the brush, avoiding looking at whatever else was in there. From her sleeve, she took out the spare blank sheet kept for emergencies and unfolded it.

The brush, doused in fresh ink, hovered over the page. She knew what she wanted to do, but not what to write. She bit the inside of her lip.

What can I say to him?

Would she have been so speechless if he were here before her? She wanted to see him, so why was nothing coming to mind? She wanted to talk to him about work, and old memories, and did he like reading anymore? Did he still do his ice sculptures? Was he still a fussy eater? What were his interests these days?

Oh…She winced. It really has been a long time since we last spoke.

She shook her head. What was she thinking? She couldn’t possibly write everything she wanted to talk to him about, and she couldn't be sure he would want to talk about all of it. Still, even as she left the simple note, put away the ink set, cleaned his writing implements, and then made her return to Fifth Division, she wanted to run back and write more.

__________________________________

Seeing Hitsugaya again is like witnessing mist clear from a lake. It’s the first breath of air after being suffocated. It’s the sun rising over the Junrinan and discovering snow had fallen overnight.

Hinamori clenches her jaw to keep her emotions in check. Her composure is tenuous, and it won’t take much for one of her fellow lieutenants on either side of her to notice. She clasps her hands behind her back, fingers tightly winding around each other to stop the shakes that threaten to break out. She hates that she can’t tell if they are from fear or catharsis.

It’s only made worse when he looks at her. He too is trying to stay composed, but she knows the nuances of his face – the tightness in the corners of his lips, his brows not furrowed as deeply, the slight wideness of his eyes. She can’t comprehend what he must feel. She wants to cross the room and take hold of his hands, but she also wants to tread further back, away from the cold radiating off him that he'd warned about months ago through Rangiku.

Will it always be like this for her from now on?

To think it could become like this. That merely looking at him, her friend since childhood, would elicit such a reaction. Things have changed. She may never be able to stand being in a room with him ever again, and the thought brings the threat of tears.

She bows her head, breaking the gaze. She focuses on her breathing, pretending not the sense the look of Hitsugaya, or the glances of Shinji or Izuru and Iba. She’s a Lieutenant, and she must show the Captain-Commander she is capable of holding on her title.

She rolls back her shoulders and raises her head. She listens to the Captain-Commander and gets the tail end of the update on negotiations with the Espada. Then the other captains give their updates and offer their opinions. But even as she resolves to stare ahead and listen, her attention strays to Hitsugaya every few minutes. She forces herself to look away when he stares back, sensing her. She holds his gaze for a beat too long and forces herself to look away.

In the back of her mind stirs an old memory. The first time she saw him, and the few times after that they met at dawn. How she would stare at the silhouette of the Seireitei, but find herself unable to turn her gaze to him. His snow white hair and blue-green eyes were unlike anything she’d seen in the Junrinan up to that point. He was unlike any Soul she met, but in so many ways now, he is not that same Soul.

__________________

The meeting is over, but he can’t move.

Her back is turned to him while she speaks with Izuru. Her Captain is not far, conversing with Unohana. Rangiku is behind him, watching him but not approaching. A silent observer, her role throughout the last few months.

He doesn’t look back at his Lieutenant, unable to take his eyes off Hinamori. She’s right there, the closest she’s been in months. It’d take less than twenty steps to reach her.

His feet carry him towards her, and he doesn’t realize what’s happening until she begins to turn her head. He freezes, petrified. But she doesn’t turn all the way, just enough to see the tip of her nose and the corner of her eye. Her hair sways high over her shoulder with every little movement she makes.

The words Rangiku spoke in Fourth Division's garden whisper in his ear. “…you won’t know how she truly is and where you stand until you see her.”

He wants to face her, even if all he can do is apologize. Has he done enough? The battle from weeks ago showed perhaps he had. His bankai is far stronger than before. It’ll be proof to her that he’s better in combat, that he’s strong enough to protect her now.

Yet even as he goes to slide his foot forward, he feels a phantom edge beneath his sole. That precipice of something greater but being barred from it. A wall with no door and too tall to climb. Within his grasp, but as evasive as trying to catch a leaf in the wind. Hyourinmaru stirs in the back of his mind. Hitsugaya’s furrow deepens at the wariness emanating from his zanpakuto spirit.

“Shiro-chan…Why?”

He flinches back, paralyzed by those words. It only last for a heartbeat, then he takes a step away, and then another. He can’t do it. Not now.

He turns and hastily walks out of the meeting room. Rangiku catches up to him and follows without a word, but he can sense her concern and the other Captains watching him. He wants to flee, run away like a child from a monster in the forest. But there is no monster.

__________________

He found the note on top of the report. He stared at it for longer than necessary.

Here are the reports. I hope everything is going well for you!

When had he last seen her? In the meeting two months ago? Or was there another instance, where they’d passed each other in a hallway and only exchanged a greeting?

Hitsugaya didn’t get rid of the note until the next morning, folding it and then letting it slip from his fingers into the bin. He hated the weight behind such a minute action. It’s not like this was the last time he would see her hand writing. He’d see her around, even if it was only for a few minutes across the months.

Another drop in the ocean of a Shinigami’s life.

__________________

He’d approached her. If it weren’t for Izuru looking over her shoulder, she wouldn’t have turned to see him as he began to spin away. He didn’t notice, had practically stormed out of the room. Rangiku was as surprised as she was, gave her a quick, shocked glance before speedily following her Captain.

Behind her, Izuru says something she doesn’t catch. She can’t look away from where he’d been standing. Just out of arm's reach, but he’d chosen to back away. What did he want to say to her? What would she have said to him?

“Yo, you okay?”

She blinks at the hand extended to her from the right. She follows the length the arm to see it’s Shinji. Swallowing against the sudden lump in her throat, she nods. “A-Apologies, sir.”

“It’s fine, just making sure you weren’t spacing out,” he says, drawing his hand back to his side. “Come on, we’ve gotta head back.”

“Yes, of course.” She turns back to Izuru and nods to him. “I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Yeah, sure,” he says, his smile smaller than before.

Leaving First Division and coming back into the cool spring air, the tension unspools from her. She’s left weak, mind hazy but for replaying that moment of seeing him turn away.

“What do ya reckon they’ve cooked up for us?” Shinji asks. "I hope it's chicken curry tonight."

“Oh, I’m not sure.” A lame reply, one that reveals just how distracted she is. Rather than have him ask, she sighs and adds, “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t fulfill my duties as Lieutenant just now.”

“Huh?” He lets out a weak, amused huff when she doesn't elaborate. “How so?”

“I didn’t pay as much attention as I should have during the meeting. I recall the updates about the negotiation attempts with Hueco Mundo’s new ruler, but nothing else.” She lowers her head as her hand rests over her heart. “Forgive me, sir.”

She half expects him to bring them to a stop so they can discuss the issue, but they keep walking. In the silence, she looks at him through her bangs. His brows are furrowed and he scratches his chin, contemplating. The lanterns and torches on the walls cast half his face in shadow and give his blonde hair an orange halo. It’s quite a striking image, one she would normally want to capture in a drawing or painting.

“Well,” he eventually says, gazing at the sky in mock thought, “I’ll let you off the hook this time. Next time, you better be paying attention.”

She raises her head to give him a solemn nod. “Yes, Captain.” She used the title for good measure, even if it’s still hard for her to call him by it.

He doesn’t seem to notice, his grin returning. “Geez, no need to be so serious! I was half joking.” He shakes his head. “You really think everyone is always paying attention in those meetings? I remember spacing out several times and missing key updates from the Captain Commander.”

“You did?” Hinamori asks, incredulous.

“Yeah, had to get Captain Otorobashi or someone else to tell me what happened. Sometimes he’d sneak in a fake update just to mess with me.”

It’s such a bewildering notion that Hinamori can’t help but laugh. It’s like a valve has been loosened, releasing the pent-up emotions that gripped her until now. Shinji joins in with a chuckle.

She is about to thank him for his ‘leniency’ but he jerks his chin up ahead. They’d arrived back at Fifth Division, and a few officers are there to greet them. She tries to lose herself in their smiles and the divisional updates they provide, and in the meal she shares with the rest of them in the mess hall fifteen minutes later, but her mind is tethered to the residue of those turbulent emotions, like damp sand left behind after the sea ebbed. She sees him turning away, over and over.

____________________________________

It’s out of sight, in the east and far away from the built up areas of the Rukongai. It's better this way. As Sasakibe told her months ago, it would be unfortunate if word got out, and Rangiku wouldn’t put it past some Souls to come and deface it.

It’s also makeshift; they’ll have to come back every few months to check on it and restore it as needed when the elements get to it. Perhaps this will always be his final resting place, never allowing him back into the Rukongai or Seireitei.

“Thank you again,” Izuru said to her along the way. “Even though I told you I don’t think I can ever forgive him, you still let me contribute.”

She hadn’t answered right away, listening to the leaves rustling overhead, the wind passing between the trees. “I haven’t told anyone else. I don’t plan to, given his actions.”

“I agree.”

Now they stand, grim but calm, in front of the rave they've erected. She dusts off her hands, trying to get rid of smudges of dirt. Aside from her, the only sounds are from the nature around them.

She remembers days traveling through forests like this, searching for food by herself, then eventually with Gin. He always had a knack for finding things in places she never thought to look. He got more dirt on his hands than she did on hers because of it. She’d feel guilty, would insist that he wash them in the creek near their district before returning home. She even went to the trouble of trying the scrub his nails. He laughed at her fussing every time.

She shakes off the memory. Gin may have not left any mementos behind, but it doesn’t stop her from reminiscing on occasion. She looks to her right, to Izuru standing there like a solemn statue.

“Have you thought more about the persimmon trees?” she asks.

“I decided to make a case with Captain Otorobashi to keep them,” he says. “They’re a good food source for the Division, and it would take some effort to remove them from the Division.”

“So, they’re staying?”

He nods.

She snorts quietly. “Persimmons were his favorite food. I think he only planted them in the Division so he wouldn't have to pay for them in the Rukongai. He always wanted everyone to try them.”

A faint smile cracks across Izuru’s lips. “Yes…”

For many, it’s hard to reconcile the same Captain who grew permission trees and try to get visitors to try them with the cold, cunning killer he was. For her, they’re one and the same, fitting together as naturally as anything in the flora and fauna around them.

In her experience, people are always more than one thing. There are sides to them, ones that even they themselves aren’t aware of until the situation arises to bring it out.

“Speaking of Captain Otorobashi," she says. "When you came to Tenth Division last time, we didn’t really get a chance to talk about him. How is he? Is he treating the Division well?”

“Yes,” Izuru says. “He’s already brought in his own quirks. He loves music, even plays a few instruments on his breaks.”

Rangiku lets out a huff of a chuckle.

“Everyone’s spirits have been lifted since he came.” He bows his head. For a long moment, he stares at Ichimaru’s grave. “It feels…disrespectful.”

Rangiku shakes her head. “I think he’d want to know.”

She’s surprised by how much she means it, and if Izuru’s expression is anything to go by, so is he. “You really think he cared in the end?”

“Whatever his actions were in the end, it was Aizen who struck him down. But then…he cut down his own allies before, like the Espada my Captain faced.”

She didn’t notice the tiny spark in Izuru eyes until she killed it with her words. She withholds a wince. She hadn’t meant to give him hope, and she should’ve known he would turn to her as the one person who knew his Captain better than he did.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“Don’t be.” His lips shape into a sad smile. “I always delude myself into thinking I’ve moved on from him completely, but days like today humble me. I have a long way to go, but having a new Captain who cares about the Division helps. Having friends like you helps.”

She manages a faint smile. They fall into another silence, peppering it with the occasional moment of reminiscing. Rangiku knows what it is to be alone, in the world and in grief. To have someone who knew Gin almost as well as she did, who got to see a side of him even she never knew about, is a small blessing in a world that rightfully wants to forget him.

Eventually, as the sun begins to set and the shadows grow along the forest floor, they turn to leave without a word. They trek down the mountainside, stepping over fallen tree trunks and through shrubbery. There is no obvious path to his grave, and only the two of them will know how to find it.

“When you mentioned having friends helps…I wish my Captain could see things that way,” she admits. “Although, recently, he seems to be changing.”

“The other day when I bumped into him, I didn’t expect him to say something like that,” Izuru says.

“Me either.”

“I remember him when he was a student.”

“Oh, yeah! You would’ve seen him at the Academy.” Rangiku spots the dirt path further down and points it out to Izuru. “I’ve heard from Hinamori-chan what he was like, but what was your impression?”

Izuru lets out a rueful sound. “I don’t know if it’s appropriate, given that he’s my superior now.”

“Oh, please! I won’t tell him.”

“I think Hinamori-san would’ve given you an apt description.”

Rangiku huffs, but lets it go.

They reach the path a minute later. Ahead of them, the sun crests the mountains on the horizon, and the Rukongai sprawled out beneath. It goes as far as the eye can see, with the Seireitei a dot in the distance.

“About Hinamori-san…”

Rangiku looks over to Izuru. “Hm?”

Izuru tilts his head up, his bangs sliding over his cheeks and the shadows of trees gliding across his face “I hope she can find happiness again, someday.”

She always suspected there was more from his side. A crush, but it likely didn’t go beyond that. Had probably fizzled out by the time they left the Academy. Still, fragments of it can linger, as alive as a slowly dying ember. She knows that better than anyone.

“Are you worried about her?” she asks.

“As Lieutenant, no. But as her friend, yes,” he says. “Seeing her at the meeting yesterday, and when she saw Captain Hitsugaya left, she looked troubled. You saw it too, right?”

“I did.”

Rangiku considered visiting Fifth Division to check on her, but she wouldn't have any answers for her if she asked, nor is it her place to explain her Captain's actions.

"It's not our place to interfere. It's up to them to clear the air when they're ready." Even as she speaks the words she tastes a bitterness at the back of her throat. She can't believe in that snetiment completely anymore. Not when Hitsugaya had crossed the hall and almost spoken to Hinamori, walk away.

“You're right, but she’s made remarkable progress in such a short time. It'd be a shame to see her lose the momentum she's built up for herself.” Izuru smiles wanly. “But then, she’s always been like that. Once she has a goal, she’s committed to and gives it her all. I wonder what Captain Hirako did to get her out of Fourth Division?”

Rangiku shrugs. She has yet to properly speak with Fifth Division' Captain. So far it had been pleasantries with she handed over some of the Fifth Division work she’d taken on. The rest had been sorted by her Captain.

“I think it helps that he’s different from Aizen. He’s the complete opposite of him, actually. Regardless of what he said or did, it worked. He helped her, but so did you and I and all her friends.”

"I suppose it's no use thinking on it," Izuru concedes. "The important thing is she is in the right mindset to return to her duties as a Lieutenant. Things are looking up for her, and with a someone like Captain Hirako to lead Fifth Division, she'll only get better."

Rangiku runs her thumbs on her palms, feeling the smudges of dirt. The creek, the swirls of soil and mud coming off both their hands. How he grinned when she tried to scrub his nails…

Those days and the days that could've been are gone for her, but they don't have to be for Hinamori and her Captain.

________________________

It’s dusk by the time Hitsugaya returns to Tenth Division. It’s been like this for the last few days, ever since the meeting. Before then, he left the caves early enough to finish work in the office and the join his officers down in the mess hall for dinner. He can’t make this a habit, not when things have started to turn around for him in the eyes of his subordinates.

His officers are already eating when he passes the mess hall. He won’t join them today, needing to review the work Minagawa and Rangiku should’ve completed or overseen today. Even so, he slows his pace at the smell of delicious food and hearing the chatter and laughter that carries down the hall and up the stairs. It gives him a warm feeling reminiscent to winter nights spent eating with Granny by the fire pit.

He shakes it off by the time he steps on to the balcony leading to the office. The air is cool and still, and the glow of lanterns and lights through windows is all that illuminates his way. He hears before he sees Rangiku and Funjino. He can't make out what they’re saying, but judging Rangiku’s laugh and the flustered tone of Fujino's voice, he figures the unseated officer has been speaking too formally for his Lieutenant's liking and she's teasing her for it.

Eventually, they bid each other goodnight and Fujino walks away while Rangiku turns to the starry sky, resting her elbows on the railing. Hitsugaya waits until the unseated officer leaves the balcony before stepping out of the shadows.

He almost doesn't, taken by how peaceful Rangiku looks. He's never known her to stargaze, but she takes in one corner of the night sky with a small smile before shifting her attention to another corner.

His approaching steps are quiet, barely heard above the noises coming from the mess hall below. She doesn't startle when he speaks. "Matsumoto."

The corner of her lips fall, and rather than look at him, she lowers her gaze to the balcony railing, where her hands grip on more tightly. Then, with a long breath out, she turns to him. "Good evening, sir."

He passes her. "You ready to give me the updates for today?"

She says nothing, following him to the office. He doesn't like the silence, foreboding in a way that makes him want to fill it. "Have you had dinner?"

"Yes. Have you?"

"I'm not hungry. Is Minagawa downstairs?"

"Yes, he left the office about twenty minutes ago."

Once inside, he continues to his desk while she closes the door and remains rotted there. He stops at the couches, pretending to be distracted by the pamphlets and magazines sprawled out on the coffee table.

"I trust the officer training went well?" he asks.

"It did," she responds.

"And the reports, are they done?"

"All of them. They're on your desk to be reviewed."

He's unnerved by her short responses. It's enough to make him face her. He hates the weight in her eyes, because he knows why it’s there. He’s not ready to have this conversation, but here it is.

"You seem distracted. You have something to say?" he asks, not with as much authority or snark he hoped.

She doesn't answer at first, perhaps taken aback by his approach. She knows he doesn't tolerate diversions, would rather cut straight to the point of the matter.

“I do, Captain,” she begins. “It's about the meeting from earlier this week.”

He goes to his desk, getting some distance between them. He wishes he could go further. Cowardly, much like how he's avoided this conversation.

“We never had our discussion afterwards,” she continues, taking a few tentative steps towards him. “It's been a busy week for both of us, so now is the best time to have it.”

He hates the formality, that it wasn’t long ago that they had returned to their usual dynamic. He unclasps of Hyourinmaru’s chain and props the zanpakuto against his desk. He says nothing for a few heartbeats.

“Fine.” He folds arms across his chest. “What do you want to discuss?”

Her brows furrow at the briskness of his tone. “You already know, sir.”

“Do you want to critique my conduct at the meeting?” he snidely offers. “That I had to ask you for what the updates Captain Yamamoto provided about the negotiations with the Espada?”

“This isn’t helping.”

“The meeting happened, there’s nothing I can do to change how I acted. It was a mistake, one that I will never repeat.”

Something snaps within her. Her eyes blaze, like a fire flickering, wavering between indignation and sympathy. “She saw, sir."

Her tone makes his heart lurch and his mouth suddenly as dry as sand. "What do you mean?"

"She knows you were going to talk to her."

That cuts through him like a strike from a zanpakuto. His arms loosen and go limp at his sides. How? Did she tell her what I did?

Rangiku presses her lips together, hesitant to continue. She shuts her eyes for a moment, realizing she's already come this far and might as well inflict the final blow. "I saw you go to her. I didn't stop you, and maybe I should have, but I couldn't. Not when you've..." She shakes her head. "But when you were turning away, she saw you."

Why didn't you tell me sooner? Because he ran away, throwing himself into his training again, coming back to the Division late, undoing the work from the last few weeks. It's all gone so wrong.

“What are you afraid of?”

The question makes him scoff, defensive. “Afraid? I’m not afr—”

“Don't, sir! Please, just..." She threads a hand through her hair, pushing the bangs away from her face. "You don't have to tell me what it is, but I know that something scared you enough to not go to her."

He’s taken back to that night after finding out Shinji was returning to the Seireitei. When his Lieutenant stood before him, rightfully pointing out that if he visited Hinamori the way he was, it would do neither of them good. Then that small, tired smile, because they've dragged out this conversation -- no, this argument -- for months. Going in circles, with the only change being what allows him to keep everyone and everything within him at arms length.

His resolve is fracturing and falling away, but the remaining shreds of it cling on fiercely. Enough to make him glower and round on her. “First you told me I should visit her, then we agreed I shouldn’t. Then what would you have me do? What could I have done in that meeting --"

“I’m not saying your reaction was wrong, but that’s beside the point --”

“It was her first meeting back in front of the Captain Commander. If I had gone to her, she might have lost her composure. We might have made a scene, right in front of the Captain Commander and everyone else."

"I know you would've asked her go to somewhere private."

"How can you know that?"

Rangiku scoffs and throw her free hand in the air. "Because you care about her! It's why you kept your distance, isn't it? It's why you always asked me how she was after my visits to her."

"It's not use debating this. She saw me turn away. What do expect me to do now?"

"Speak to her, sir."

"I can't!"

The admission catches them both off guard. The air becomes thick, harder to breathe in.

"Why?" Rangiku asks, pointedly. "Why, sir? What's stopping you?"

She's pushed too far, and he retreats, turning away from her to grip the desk in support. Hyourinmaru slides around the edges of his mind, trying to calm the frenzy running through his mind. Of feeling exposed. Of questions he asked himself in the long hours of the night, after nightmares of the battle.

"You've been giving me mixed messages this whole time," he retorts, voice barely above a murmur. "One day, I should speak with her. The next, I shouldn't. Which is it?"

It's an unfair question, a pitiful attempt at inflicting hurt. She sees that, not answering him, staring at his back from across the room. Because of course her answer would change along with Hinamori's condition and his moods.

"Make sure you rest and eat well"

He blinks down at his desk.

“Stay warm, it’s going get colder in the next few days.”

His brows furrow deeper. Rangiku shifts behind him, taking three halting steps towards him.

“You should know that my reiatsu’s changed because of my training. It’s gotten colder. I’m working on controlling it.”

He resists the urge to look over his shoulder at her, afraid of what he might see in her face, or what might reveal in his.

“Sir,” she tries again, calmer. “I was exchanging messages between you two. You always had something to say to her."

"But not what mattered," he admits, more to himself. "They were platitudes."

"I don't think they were, and neither did she."

"It wasn't what I needed to tell her."

"That couldn't have been done by me. It has to be you."

He glares down at his desk. I know that.

“You said before you may have caused a scene if you spoke to her after the meeting. Hinamori-chan is in a better position now. She can still be melancholic, but she’s happier. She's not fragile, sir. You've seen her strength, how she can carry herself through anything that's bothering her.

"The meeting wouldn't have been the right place to have a discussion about what happened, but it could've been a start." She's quiet for a beat. "You're right in a way. It's no use getting caught up on what happened, only on what can happen now.

"I won't tell you what you should or shouldn't do," she says, "perhaps it was a mistake that I did in the beginning. Maybe I should've left you to sort this out on your own...but then what kind of Lieutenant would I be?"

He peers over his shoulder as she lowers herself on to the arm of a couch. He reads between the lines, but the meager warmth that comes from it stings rather than comforts.

"Regardless," she continues, "take this from someone who knows. The times you spent with her before all of this won’t come back. They’ll be memories, ones you can relive over and over in your mind.

"However the longer you stay away from her, the more distant those memories become. You’ll never go back to that happiness, but that doesn’t mean you can’t reach out create something like it now.”

She tips her head, bangs sweeping over face. She’s trying to keep it together. He forgets sometimes her grief will never end, that she will carry it with her every day just as he does the memories from the battle.

He pushes one hand off the desk and half turns to her.

“I said before you should only see her when you're ready," she adds without looking at him. "I stand by that. I know how scary that can be. To reach out and not know what will happen. I also know how scary it can be to realize you can never go back to the way things used to be. You're resilient, sir, but even you have your limits, and if they're tested enough, they can make you stronger or make you push everything away.

She presses her lips into a tight line, conflicted over something. She raises her head as if it weighs the weight of the world and she looks at him. "I also said before you don't always have to be the one lift the burdens off people. You don't have to do it for Hinamori-chan. If that's what keeping you away, don't let it. You just have to speak to her and be there for her. If you leave it for too long, you’ll drift further apart."

But what if she fears me? What if she resents me?

“Captain, for what it’s worth, I don’t believe she resents you.”

What if she doesn't regard me as a friend anymore?

"She needs her friends to be there for her, but if you feel you can’t be that for yet, I think you should only see her when you’re ready."

He remembers a pain in his chest after Rangiku spoke those words. He hadn't understood at the time, but it's clear now. He didn't think he would ever be ready, but he had been. He crossed the meeting hall to her, but he found a reason not to speak to her. He always did, because...

Rangiku waits for, allowing him to think on her words. He can't do that with her here, not with how tired he is from all of this.

"I think it'd be best if we discussed the updates further tomorrow instead," he suggests. "I'll read through the reports now and push my training to the afternoon so we can meet here in the morning."

Her lips part. There's a flicker of disappoint for a second, but she smooths it away with a nod. "Yes, that's a good idea."

She stands from the couch and he expects her to leave. When she lingers, he doesn't ask this time, simply looking back at her.

"She might also decide to take the first step," Rangiku finally says. "You have be prepared for that."

"Why would she? I was the one who wronged her. It should be me, shouldn't it?" He hadn't meant to add the question on, but the vulnerability makes him unsure.

Rangiku doesn't regard him with pity for it. Instead, she snorts faintly. "We both know what Hinamori-chan is like."

He bites down what he wants to say. That he doesn't anymore. That he should've known she would fight tooth and nail to come to the battlefield at the Fake Karakura Town. That she would follow him and Rangiku to Central Forty-Six several months ago. That he can't remember the last time he properly spoke to her to find out what books she was reading. He doesn't even the last time he made her laugh.

He turns away, signalling Rangiku to leave. She does, and the moment the door closes, his head falls into his hands. The laughter carries up from downstairs, but it barely reaches his ears.

_________________________

Hinamori grunts while trying to pull the weed up. This one is stubborn, its roots running deeper than the others.

“Want me to take care of it?” Hirose asks from her left.

“Yes, I think this needs your handling." She scoots away to let her Twelfth Seat in. She watches her stab the spade into the soil. A thin sheen of sweat lines her brow, and the earring in her left ear swings out as she cuts around the weed.

Hinamori looks around to the other officers, all doing some form of gardening. She doesn’t miss the glance Funai makes at Hirose, nor the small, fond smile that shapes his lips. He startles when Hoga, arranging some stones around a flowerbed, warns him that he’s spilling some of the soil he has in his shovel over the flowers Suzuki had just planted. After an awkward chuckle he swings the shovel away and tips the dirt on to a small but growing pile.

Nearby, Suzuki helps unseated officers with pruning a bush and planting a another flowerbed. Hoshino lumbers over to the veranda, plopping down next to an unseated officer who takes off her gloves and uses them as a fan to herself off. Higuchi passes the both of them, carrying a garden hoe in one hand and two stacked baskets under his other arm. He calls out to Hirose, who pauses uprooting the weed and points to the vegetable garden, instructing him to show the newest ‘members’ of the gardening group how to plow the dirt and harvest.

Without meaning too, Hinamori raises a gloved hand to her chest, touched by her Division. It’s a peaceful scene, one that reminds her of days before Aizen’s betrayal. They’re moving on, and things like this can still happen without him.

Other things she’s still uncertain of. The thought darkens her mood, and she’s quick to turn back to her task. She pulls up weeds, but it doesn’t distract her like she’d hoped.

It’s been five days since the meeting. She remembers his face, eyes wider, brows hitched up out of their usual furrow, his reiatsu colder than before. She hadn’t truly taken in his changed appearance, only saw what she recognized and how it had changed. How he'd turned away from her.

In the same moment, she remembers the hatred etched into his scowling face as he came speeding towards her, seeing ‘Aizen’ instead of her. Even before then, as she lay on the ground trying to comprehend the battle taking place high above her, the waves of his reiatsu that’d radiated from him were like jagged ice, with the force of a blizzard wind. He was violent, enraged.

But he’s also that grumpy kid she first met on a snowy dawn in the Junrinan. He’s the boy who held on to a flower crown she gifted him until it withered to nothing. The boy who sat high in the trees to watch sunsets and see the Junrinan from above, the very town he lived in despite being ostracized by its residents. The boy who sulked about her being accepted into the Academy, but who ultimately enrolled there as well. The boy who grew up as a Shingami, harnessing powers unlike any other and becoming the youngest Captain in the history of the Gotei Thirteen.

There is no separating the two, they are one and the same from different points in her life. She never knew him capable of such harshness, but she does know his kindness. The rare smiles; amused ones when she was indignant about his teasing, or the genuine ones when he was happy about having helped someone. The acts and gestures he played off as being no burden upon him, when he likely put hours of effort into the result. The small questions he’d ask his officers, slowly and subtly getting to know them. The words he gave Rangiku to pass on to her while languished in Fourth Division, trying to encourage her from afar.

Why couldn’t he tell them to me himself?

She inwardly cringes and shakes her head. Being angry doesn’t solve this, and neither does fretting over memories she can’t bury. So what did?

She mulls over the question while doing other garden tasks. She conjures up a smile and small talk when she interacts with one of the officers, but otherwise keeps to herself.

Why didn’t he visit me? Why did he turn away? Why didn’t I think to invite him to see me until it was too late?

Is the onus on her? How does this work? In Fourth, everyone came to her, she didn’t have to ask them to see her. She’d had arguments and fights with him before, but those are petty compared to this. Does she have to wait for him? Does she approach him instead?

For what little frustration rises within her, she has no idea how she would’ve reacted seeing him. She’d feared him, as bitter as it is to admit, but she also worried about him. She wanted to tell him she missed him when passing messages through Rangiku, yet it didn’t feel right. She didn’t miss him. She missed how they used to be, their lives before all of this. Because how often had they seen each other since becoming Shinigami? Does he still like the same things? Had his views changed? When did she last see him smile?

Their paths had diverged long ago -- she with Aizen, and he with his rising through the ranks and becoming a Captain after Isshin vanished. They had very little to go back to. Pleasantries replaced the long conversations they had back to the Junrinan. Short teases that made her indignant replaced lectures not to space out or to call him by his old nickname.

She doesn’t have an answer to her quandary by the time she tells Hirose she has a meeting with Shinji and hands her gloves to an unseated officer to put away.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” she says while rushing into the office. “I lost track of time with the --“

Shinji is on his denreishiki. He waves at her to sit down. She can make out a tinny voice on the other end, but not what they are saying.

“I’ll check with Captain Kyouraku. Right…Yeah, we’ll talk later.” He twirls around to her as he snaps the denreishiki shut. “Just a call from Lisa-chan from the World of the Living, nothing serious.”

“Oh, I see. Do you still want to go over the schedules for next week?”

He grins. “Well, you’ll be proud of me. I already started on them before you got here.” He jerks his chin at the papers on her desk. “Need to finish them up, but see what you think of it before we do.”

A chuckle forces it’s way past her lingering apprehension. “Honestly, sir.”

She goes through what he’s written out while he puzzles over financial reports. She doesn’t make it far before her mind strays back to Hitsugaya, and she forces herself to return back to her work, only to end up looking away from the words and out the window. Clouds are gathering. He has that uncanny sense to know when it’ll rain or not. If she saw him on a day like this, she used to ask him in passing if it would.

He turned away from her.

“What’s got you looking so gloomy?”

She startles. “Ah, sorry, sir!”

He ignores her apology. “Come on, what’s on your mind? It’s not like you to not focus on something like this.” At her hesitance, he sighs. “If you’re not comfortable telling me, that’s fine. Just want to make sure you’re okay to work today.”

“I can do this, sir,” she insists. “What’s on my mind is…" She almost feels like throwing up her hands, tired of dancing around the issue. "Sir, have you ever been in a fight with someone you care about?”

Shinji snorts rather fondly. “Yeah, many times.” His smile sours into a scowl. “Somehow I always end up with a shoe in my face, or being labelled with something that isn’t true, like ‘Baldy’. Other times I've been left behind to fend for myself, or got told to leave.”

Hinamori frowns. “Well, then, how did you go about resolving a problem between you and this person?” Or people?

“Wait, are you fighting with someone?” he asks instead.

“No! I-I mean, not exactly, it’s more like…” She nearly smacks her forehead. How did she get into a situation like this? Being so vague had been childish.

“A disagreement?” he offers, but she shakes her head. “A misunderstanding?” When she doesn’t shake her head again, he takes that as a ‘yes’. “Well, you gotta clear the air, don’t ya?”

“It’s not that simple,” she says. “It’s more complicated. I don’t…”

Shinji nods. “It’s hard to explain right now, I get it. You don’t have to say anymore if you don’t want to. But I’ll leave you with this: time flies, and the time to make up gets further and further away.”

He’s hit her at the heart of the matter. That maybe in circumstances like it doesn’t matter who should approach who first. That if neither of them do anything they’ll continue down their separate paths, growing further and further until all they’ll do is exchange pleasantries at most. All they see in each other is the one moment that tore them apart.

He'd turned away, but he'd also gotten just outside of her arm's reach. What stopped him from getting her attention?

“If you need some time to go speak with this person, you let me know,” Shinji offers. “You feel a little better?”

She can’t summon up any words, can only offer him a smile and a nod.

“Damn it,” he teases, “I was hoping you’d say ‘no’ and I’d have an excuse to take us out the office and go do something fun.”

She lets out an incredulous laugh. “Sir, this paperwork has be done!”

“I know, I know!”

They resume work, and she manages to get to review the schedules in full. After adding her suggestions, she hands the documents back to him.

“Zanjutsu training?” he asks.

“It’s been a while since we done any lessons,” she explains. “It’s also a good chance for the unseated officers to learn from the seated officers.”

“All right, I trust ya.” He signs off on the plan at the end. “Done!”

“Thank you, sir.”

He looks down at the financial reports and pulls a face. “I’ve gotta finish reading through these, then go through the proposal for Tenth Division.”

“Proposal?”

“Yeah, the ones that started with Eighth Division. They wanna hold some joint training sessions with us and Tenth Division. Gotta review them and give my sign off before tomorrow morning when I take them over to Tenth Division.” He rolls his eyes. “It’s gonna be a pain though, because I’ve got a bunch of meetings in the morning. I might send you to attend --”

“I’ll take them.”

He grunts at her brusque tone. He frowns and waits for her to elaborate. It’s unlike her to interrupt him, and normally she’d be mortified at her rudeness.

She clears her throat. “A-Apologies, sir. What I meant to say was I can take those to Tenth Division for you tomorrow. That way you won’t be late for or miss any of your meetings.”

He lets out a weak chuckle at her abrupt formality. Then, his expression settles into something more serious. “You sure you’re okay to do that?”

She hasn’t told him much about Hitsugaya yet, but he saw what happened on the battlefield, had seen the way she looked at him from across the hall and her reaction after he left.

She wills herself to give him a firm nod. “Yes, sir.”

He appraises her for a moment longer. Something warms the hardness in his eyes. Relief, she realizes. Had he been worried about her?

He jerks his chin over at a stack of papers near a corner of his desk. “That’s them. I’ll get them done before this evening. Deliver them to Tenth Division’s office by nine hundred hours tomorrow.”

______________________

It’s been over three weeks. Hinamori didn’t know she would miss him as much as she did. She was surrounded by friends, and all them meant something to her, but Hitsugaya was different. She couldn’t put her finger on why or how, but nothing filled the void he left.

She looked for him a week after their argument, in the streets of the marketplace, in the forests and up in the trees, in the places they discovered together hidden far away from the Junrinan, but nothing. It was as if he vanished, but he couldn’t have. His Granny would’ve come to her, asking where he went.

Perhaps he was avoiding her, seeing her before she saw him. She gave up in the second week, choosing to be with other friends, going on different adventures. They were fun, but it wasn’t the same.

She hadn’t stood out in cold dawn with them, looking at the silhouette of the Seireitei in the distance. She hadn’t gone foraging with them deeper into the forest and discovering vegetable patches and fruit trees no one else seemed to know about. None of them could climb trees as high as he could, or saw the world the way he did.

She decided she’d had enough this morning. She used her indignation to practically stomp through the alleyways and streets of the Junrinan until she was standing in front of his house.

“Why don’t you just leave already?! You’ve clearly wanted to be there more than here for so long! So just go already!”

Her anger left her then, and she was back to being upset. It made her nervy, a tremble threatening to break out across her limbs. But she forcefully shook her head and marched on. She came to a stop when his Granny came out of the house, a broom in hand.

She forced a smile on and greeted the old woman as she came down the steps. His Granny had a knack for seeing things she tried to hide, but if she could see her anger or dismay, she didn’t show it. Perhaps Hitsugaya hadn’t even told her about their argument.

“Is Shiro-chan around?” Hinamori asked.

“Oh, yes, he came back about an hour ago.” Granny pointed to the stack of watermelons on the front porch with a chuckle. “He gathered all those. He’s getting stronger every day.”

She struggled to keep the smile in place. They used to pick watermelons together. “He loves them, doesn’t he? I think it’s his favorite fruit.”

Granny nods. “He should be out the back.”

After thanking her, Hinamori jogged up to the side the of the house. She didn’t want to surprise him, so she called out “ Shiro-chan? Hey, Shiro-chan, where are you?”

Rounding the corner, her gaze got caught on the white of his hair, and she was ready to start a new argument with him, or sort things out if he didn’t get angry that she was here.

“Shiro-ch –“

Instead, her heart sunk.

“Oh, he’s asleep.”

He must have tired himself from lugging all of the watermelons back. Instead of backing away, she came up to the veranda and stood at his side. She’d caught him napping a few times in the past, but only woken him up once. Waking him now would be a bad move, it’d only make him more angry at her then he probably already was.

Still, it couldn’t be comfortable sleep on the wood like that.

________________________

It’s been two days since their argument. The air between them is tense, and Hitsugaya is certain the officers have begun to notice. Their responses to each other are short and to the point, keeping only to work-related matters.

Being with Rangiku in the office, with her sitting at her desk checking through a tome of their financial records, he’s almost at his breaking point. He should be content that she’s doing administrative work for once, but he can’t be.

He made the effort to stay in this morning and one the before instead of heading to the caves at dawn. It was meant to show he was making the effort to be in the Division, to be an olive branch between her and him. But he still went to training in the afternoon and didn't return until most of his officer were asleep. He's still running away, still keeping everyone at arms length.

He can't blame Rangiku for being pensive around him. Because he's prone to change his mind and return to his old training schedule, to brushing off her advice and attempts to comfort him.

Hitsugaya stops writing. This can't go on. He's contemplating what to say when a flicker of reiatsu passes over his senses. It’s deliberate, a sign the owner wants him to know they’re approaching.

He nearly breaks the brush in his hand. His heart clenches and a shaky breath passes through his lips. He looks to the office entrance, wide-eyed and leaning out of his seat until the edge of his desk pushes into his sternum. In his peripheral, Rangiku looks up with a frown. Then, she lets out a surprised grunt and her gaze also snaps to the door.

Hinamori.

Once her footsteps resound in the hallway, Rangiku pushes her chair back and stands. “Sir…”

He looks to her.

"We both know what Hinamori-chan is like."

There’s a knock.

“Good afternoon,” she says from the other side. “It’s Lieutenant Hinamori. I’ve come to drop off some documents that need your approval. May I come in?”

She’s never spoken so formally to him, and the inexplicable pain that brings renders him speechless. Rangiku rounds her desk and goes to the door.

“Coming, Hinamori-chan!” she calls out, somehow conjuring up her usual happy-go-lucky tone. It doesn’t defuse the tension.

His Lieutenant slides the door open, blocking some of his view.

“Hello, Rangiku-san,” Hinamori says.

“It’s good to see you,” Rangiku responds.

Then a silence. There’s an exchange happening, one between friends. One this looks and appraisals. He knows it too well, used to have them with Hinamori when they lived in the Junrinan.

After giving a subtle nod, Rangiku steps aside. And there she is.

Hinamori had been composed until she laid eyes on him. There’s a crack, a sliver of uncertainty in her face. It makes her hesitate for too long a beat. He doesn’t move either, as rigid and breakable as ice.

Then, she clutches the documents tighter, and the resolve returns. “Captain Hitsugaya,."

He barely manages a nod, bidding her to enter.

She walks into the office. Behind her, Rangiku returns to stand at her desk, but her eyes are glued on the two of them. Hinamori stops in front of him, with only the desk between them, and holds the papers out. There isn’t a tremor in her hand.

"Captain Hirako asked me to bring these to you," she says. "It's the training proposal with Fifth Division and Eighth Division. Your written approval is required on page five if you're happy with the proposed lessons."

It takes too much strength for him to raise his arm and take the documents from her. He glances at them, seeing but not reading what’s on them. He swallows, trying to find words. She waits, anticipates.

“Thank you for bringing these,” he says, and he’s thankful it doesn’t come out as a mumble. “I’ll review and sign off on them by fourteen hundred hours.”

She presses her lips together and nods. Job done. But she stays rooted in place, hands fisted at her sides. She readying herself. He doesn’t know how he can do the same for whatever she’s about to do.

“Before I go,” she says. “If you have a moment, there’s something I wish to discuss with you.”

________________________

After telling his Granny he was napping, the elderly woman told her where the blankets and pillows were in the house.

Hinamori knelt at his side and gingerly lifted his head and slide a pillow beneath it. She brought out a sheet too, and begun to unfold it but stopped.

“Would he need this?” she asked herself. “It’s getting colder in the evenings, he might be out here for a while.” But he’s always had a high tolerance for the cold.

She refolded the sheet. Besides, it’d be more trouble for Granny or Hitsugaya to put away if she did. Still, she left it at his side, in case his Granny came by later and didn’t want to wake him.

She rested back on her heels. It’s not even been a whole month since she last saw him, but it felt longer. “It’s been a while since I last saw you.” She sighed. “I wish I’d brought the news up differently. I didn’t think you’d be so upset by it…”

She shook her head with a weak snort, a flicker of indignation returning. “I don’t understand though. I always thought you didn’t care whether or not I got into the Academy.” Her gaze fell from his face to her lap. “Was I wrong? Did I miss something?”

She not his only friend. He had his Granny and Jidanbo. He was also not very sociable, inclined to keep to himself rather than speak. He always teased her about her dreams to go to Academy, but never thought it was malicious. It was coming from a friend who didn’t care about where she went, because they would stay friends.

And at any rate, he would probably end up at the Academy at some point. She saw his spiritual potential in how much he ate and, in a strange way, the air around him. He was a child, but there has always been something about him that made her think he’d been here long before her or any of her friends. As if he were ancient somehow, but she’d end up dismissing those fanciful thoughts once he teased her or got bratty about something.

She let out a weak chuckle. “What am I doing? I should be saying all of this to you when you’re awake.”

She stood. She returned gaze to his face. She’d slept over a few times in the past, and he always had a twitch in his brow, as if trying and failing to frown. This time without the usual frown pinching his brow, he looked younger. She almost wondered if he was pretending to be asleep.

Well, just in case he was. “I promise I will next time. I don’t want things to be like this before I leave.”

As she left though, she didn’t know when next time would be. Today she’d woken up determined to confront him or make amends. Would she feel like that tomorrow? Would he ever approach her again?

Hinamori bid his Granny farewell but couldn’t meet her gaze.

________________________

This was a mistake. The way Hitsugaya looks at her, he isn’t ready for this. He may never look at her any other way ever again. And she doesn’t know how to change that.

“If now isn’t a good time, I can come back later.”

That only makes his expression worse, bordering on a grimace.

“I…” Hinamori swallows back a choked wince. “It’s not about what happened, I just…” It’s gone. The gumption she had in coming here, scattered like leaves to the wind. What was she thinking?

She'd been too hasty, had seen this as an opportunity to start changing things and grabbed it to quickly. She should've waited, let things settle. But when would that be? Would she realize too late shed missed a chance to put things to rest.

Her heart races, and her breathing is on the verge of shortening. She needs to leave.

She bows her head. “Forgive me. I’ve been too forward.”

_______________________

He heard her put her sandals back on, slide the front door open, then close it, a quick goodbye to Granny, and finally her footsteps scraped against the dirt as she rushed back into the Junrinan.

He didn’t open his eyes until then. He twisted on to his back and threw an arm over his face.

He hated the pillow pressed beneath his head, and the folded blanket left at his side within arm’s reach. He hated the painful tightness in his chest. He hated that she was going to Academy. He hated that he had been a brat to her about it. He hated that he knew what she wanted to say and that she was none the wiser.

_______________________

In his peripheral, Rangiku steps away from her desk. She'll lead Hinamori out of the office, maybe even to the Division's main entrance.

Hitsugaya stops her with a stare. Her eyes are the same as when they argued, wild and flinty with what she was trying to convey to him. In that moment, it clicks.

He recalls seeing her in Fourth Division after the battle. Standing in the doorway, her shoulders slouched, her hair frizzy and her eyes haunted. How she nearly sobbed when he offered her his miso soup. How she sat alone on the bench in gardens, staring off into nothing. How days later she'd been standing outside of the caves, waiting for him.

He’ll never understand how someone like her had any affection for someone like Gin. But it didn’t matter. What did was her regret, her hurt and the terror not only at his actions but at the happiness he took with him. What would she give for Gin to be alive again? Or at the very least have a moment to tell him everything she ever wanted to convey to him? She will never have that chance, but he…

He returns his focus to Hinamori. His throat constricts, his hands tremble.

When he’d been dragging himself through the ruins of the Fake Karakura Town, he would've given anything in that moment to reach her. Then he did everything he could to stay away, denying what he always knew.

He’s missed her. He’s missed her so much.

He’s weak. He doesn’t deserve this chance. He’s not ready. He’s not strong enough yet. He keeps coming up against that invisible wall time and time again. He’s unworthy still, has nothing to atone with.

Stronger than those sentiments, however, is that he can’t bear to reject her. He should have gone to her after the meeting, but she came to him instead; even if she was scared, or was angry at him for walking away from her. Even if meant he would turn away from her again.

__________________________________

He scrambled to his feet and leapt from the veranda. He rushed to the front, right past Granny as she let out a bewildered grunt, and down the path into Junrinan. She’s about to go into the main street.

He called out her name.

_____________________________________

“Hinamori.”

Time freezes in the room. Hinamori’s eyes shine, hopeful and earnest. He’s never wanted to be on the receiving end of such a look, as if he holds something so dear to her in his hands.

He lets the documents slip from his grasp, not caring if they went scattering across his desk, and gestures to the door. “Let’s discuss your matter in private.”

He rounds his desk on weak legs. Hinamori's head swivels between him and the documents he's dropped, but she's quick to follow him. He ignores Rangiku, who doesn't blink once while watching them leave the office.

Once outside, he shuts the door and leads her several steps away, getting out of his Lieutenant's hearing range. He considers going to one of the private meeting rooms, but he doesn’t want Hinamori to feel boxed in. He wants her to leave if she chooses to, to run from him like he half wants her to.

He puts his senses out, and certain that no one is coming in their direction, he stops and turns to her, waiting. The sun shines down on them, glimpsing through a gap in the clouds. It highlights her eyes, turning them amber and glassy.

“Thank you for hearing me out,” she starts. She presses her lips together, gathering herself, perhaps surprised he decided to speak with her at all. “It’s been a long time since we last spoke, but I think we need to. About what happened at the Fake Karakura Town, and before then. Not now, but soon.”

He has a chance to halt this, return to her when he has proof of his strength. But he can’t run away anymore, not from her. No matter how much he tried, she was never far away. Whether it’s their shadows touching from across the gap between the paths they chose, or the days they spent together in childhood. Even if it means they will never be as close as they once were and they become strangers to each other as the decades go on, he can't let this hang over them.

_______________________

Rangiku could weep. She bites the inside of her lip against the urge. How strange that she is so emotional about this. Is it because of the months of visiting Hinamori and befriending her? Is it finally seeing her Captain take a step towards true recovery?

“I know it’ll be hard, but it’s the only way you can start again." She told him that months ago, when she had been more hopeful of a reunion between them in weeks rather than months. She didn't know just how much was between them, what both of them had to deal with before facing each other.

She looks down at her hands. Unbidden, her last memory of Gin flashes before her eyes. She held him as his eyes closed and his lips formed a faint smile. It’s not the one she’s known for years, snake-like and cunning. It’s closer to the one reserved for her, perhaps Izuru too. Softer, genuine. At peace.

When Hitsugaya returns, she fails to busy herself with paperwork and act nonchalant. He looks to her and she stares back. The blue-green of his eyes is like thin ice, so fragile and clear. He’s on the verge of regressing to that boy she met in the Junrinan, so afraid of his own power and how it affects others around him.

“Can you and Minagawa handle Division duties next Friday afternoon?” he asks.

Rangiku doesn’t withhold the wide, relieved smile. “Of course, Captain.”

__________________________

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