I’m happy for long hair back (but why not bother to even attempt the blond 😭) for gif and fic purposes but yeah I have no intention of seeing the movies before spoiling myself to see if people say it’s worth it tbh
Hopefully the LEWK looks better in the actual movie because he looked super AI/CGI to me in the trailer 🤣
But uggggggh. I don’t want to go through this again. Thank fuck we have fanfic and can be delulu and write whatever we want into existence no matter how fucked canon is 🥲
I’m happy for long hair back (but why not bother to even attempt the blond 😭) for gif and fic purposes but yeah I have no intention of seeing the movies before spoiling myself to see if people say it’s worth it tbh
Hopefully the LEWK looks better in the actual movie because he looked super AI/CGI to me in the trailer 🤣
But uggggggh. I don’t want to go through this again. Thank fuck we have fanfic and can be delulu and write whatever we want into existence no matter how fucked canon is 🥲
STOPPPP tagging your fics wrong for “reach.” Oh my gosh.
If you’re writing an “x Bucky” fic don’t also tag it “x Steve”
Or if you’re writing an “x Art” fic don’t also tag it “x Patrick”
Unless you are literally writing polyamory lol
It’s so annoying. This is like the easiest app to search things on bc of the tag system. If someone wants to read about a certain character they will look up that character. I promise you readers searching the irrelevant tags are just scrolling past it… or blocking you.
I know this might sound silly but I feel like I’m speaking for a lot of people when I say this. Please stop.
There’s so many times I’m looking for Dean Winchester x reader fics and castiel smut or Sam Winchester smut pops up because some ass hat tagged them. It’s so so frustrating
Series Summary: After Bucky cheats on you, you leave the Tower shattered, humiliated, and convinced that love has only ever made you smaller. Steve comes back from a mission to find you gone - and when he learns the truth, his loyalty is tested in ways he never expected.
Series Warnings: tower fic, alternative mcu, slow burn, healing arc, hurt comfort, emotional hurt comfort, angst with comfort, infidelity angst, second chance at love, cheating / infidelity, emotional betrayal, toxic ex relationship, Bucky Barnes is OOC, forced kiss, non con elements (very light), boundary violation, sexual assault implications, emotional manipulation, jealousy and possessiveness, panic attacks / panic response, vomiting due to distress, STI scare / medical testing mention, violence / physical fight, blood mention, breakup grief, trauma recovery, found family, protective steve rogers, soft steve rogers, toxic bucky barnes, self-worth issues, mentions of emotionally abusive family dynamics, reader has a difficult childhood, happy ending, MDNI, some chapters will have smut or explicit intimacy
Important note about Bucky:
Bucky is very OOC in this fic. I want to be very clear about that from the start: I know he is OOC, I know canon Bucky would not act like this, and I am not presenting this as my interpretation of canon Bucky Barnes.
This story uses him in a deliberately darker, more toxic role for the sake of the angst, conflict, and Reader’s healing arc. So please, before sending me an ask or leaving a comment to tell me that Bucky would never behave this way: I know. That is what this warning is for.
I will not be replying to complaints about Bucky being written OOC. You have been warned, and if this version of him is not something you want to read, please feel free to skip this fic.
I can imagine him asking "Are you listening?" In that exact pose because he noticed I'm not following whatever he's talking about, just simply staring at him like O_O
Summary: You come clean about your unhappy dating life.
A/N: Reader is plus sized, female. No other physical descriptors used.
Warnings: Insecure reader, Unrequited feelings. Please let me know if I missed any!
Previous
"Yup, that's it. I give up," you tell yourself as you climb the stairs to your apartment, tears falling down your cheeks.
Another date another guy who treated you like you should be grateful for his attention. It's just too painful to keep putting yourself out there only to be mocked.
From your apartment door you can hear Colin practicing his guitar. Normally you'd try to be quiet so he couldn't hear you slinking back home alone but you're hurting and thinking about him doesn't help.
Grabbing a cup of water you let yourself just stand in the kitchen and cry.
"Sweets?" Colin calls from your door. "Hey Sweets? You home already?"
Knowing he won't go away until you answer you let out a sigh and set down your water before opening the door.
"Sweets! I thought---" Colin stops mid sentence when he sees your tears. "Are you okay? Did that jackass hurt you? Do you need help? Does he need a punch to the face?"
"He didn't do anything out of the ordinary," you shake your head. You wish you could say you're surprised at the look of confusion on Colin's face. "No one wants a big girl."
"But...the One-Date-Club?"
You're seconds away from slamming the door in Colin's face.
"It was never my choice," you explain. "Just never got a guy who showed interest. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to do what I always do and curl up in my blankets and cry until I pass out."
"That's...Are you sure? I can grab some ice cream? You can complain to me about all of it?"
"I don't want your pity," you spit.
"It's not pity," he insists. "It's kindness. It's being a friend."
The declaration of friendship further shatters your heart making you sob and slam the door shut before running to your bed where you cry yourself to sleep.
The next morning you feel hungover without having had anything to drink.
As your brain slowly starts to function, you remember your interaction with Colin and your entire body burns with embarrassment and shame. He didn't deserve that. He had no clue about the reality trying to date as a plus sized woman.
Slowly crawling out of bed, you hear movement in your kitchen. When you remember you forgot to lock your door last night you freeze up. The odds of it being a burglar are slim, but who else would it be? Colin is probably too upset with you. It's too early for it to be someone from maintenance, unless it's an emergency call. But even then, odds are slim.
Cautiously you peek out your bedroom door to try to get a glance at the intruder.
In the kitchen you see Colin setting down a couple of coffees and breakfast sandwiches. He looks more somber than you think you've ever seen him.
"Colin?" You step out of your room, getting his attention.
"Hey, Sweets!" he softly exclaims, trying to smile. "You didn't lock your door last night so I slept on your couch. Hope you don't mind, I also went ahead and ordered some GrubHub. I got your favorites!"
"You should have just left me," you grumble. "I'm sorry I was so rude to you last night."
Colin gently grips your shoulders. "There's no need to apologize! You were hurting and I've, apparently, been a blind idiot."
"You couldn't know. I never said anything."
"Well I know we've both got today off so how about we eat some of this breakfast, and we can spend the entire day with you explaining, complaining about the jackasses who didn't give you a chance, and more. And all the food is going to be my treat because you definitely need some care."
You can't fight the sobbing that ensues from the most kindness you've received in some time.
"You're kidding!" Colin exclaims after you tell him about another bad date. "What an absolute jackass!"
You manage to giggle at the outrage as you take another bite of ice cream. It's nice to get some support, to have someone around who's got your back.
"I'm surprised you haven't just given up on men all together," he admits.
"That's where I was at last night," you confess, shoulders dropping.
"Ah, that explains a few things."
"Again, I'm sorry about slamming the door in your face."
"And again, it's okay. You were hurting and I wasn't helping!"
"No, but you were trying to. To be a...a good friend."
You hate that your heart hurts again at the use of the word. But really, maybe it's for the best to say it out loud more often. To let go of your crush. Maybe you need a friend more than a romantic relationship. And Colin is really good for that. Especially since he doesn't seem the type to go for a romantic relationship. Maybe he's aromantic, and you need to respect that. Maybe he's not ready for that kind of relationship, and you need to respect that.
"Hey, I've got an idea to help you find a guy. If you're interested," Colin starts.
"Oh?"
"When you're ready for it, we'll go out together and I'll be your wingman! Or, if some creep comes up, you can say I'm your boyfriend!"
You snort. "That won't work if you're flirting with the other girls there."
Colin sets down his ice cream and holds out his pinkie finger. "I'm adding a new rule or bylaw or whatever to the One-Date-Only Club Charter. If one of us can't get laid, the other one can't either."
"I can't ask you to do that! You'll be going without sex forever!"
Colin raises an eyebrow and dips his head. "C'mon, we can do this! We can find someone worthy of you!"
"It definitely isn't fair to you."
"Hey, don't worry about me. I've got me. This about taking care of you and entering a new phase in our friendship."
"You can't say I didn't warn you," you sigh. "But if you're really up for a life of celibacy, I'll take all the help I can get."
Reaching out your hand, you curl your pinkie finger around his, sealing the promise.
Summary: In wartime London, Bucky Barnes steps into a crowded bar and mocks the sound of a bagpipe - only to be thoroughly humbled by you, the Scottish woman who decides to teach him a lesson in music, pride, and heartbreak. Years later, after everything the world took from him, one familiar sound sends him back to the memory of a love he thought had been lost forever.
A/N: This one has lived quietly in my head for a very long time, and I’m really happy to finally share it. Please mind the warnings before reading.
Masterlist
London smelled of wet brick, coal smoke, and rain.
It clung to uniforms and overcoats, to the cuffs of gloves and the edges of scarves, to every narrow street that curled black beneath blackout curtains and the thin, cautious glow of lamplight. The war lived in the city even when no sirens sounded. It waited in the darkened windows and the ration lines, in the faces that smiled too quickly and slept too little, in the way every room full of laughter seemed built against collapse.
Bucky came into the bar carrying all of that with him and trying, for one evening, to set it down.
Steve walked beside him, shoulders hunched against the cold, hat low, expression already resigned in the way it often was when Bucky dragged him somewhere loud.
“This had better not be another place with warm beer and a piano that’s never seen a tuning key,” Steve said.
Bucky pushed the door open with his shoulder and grinned over at him. “You say that like you don’t love my taste.”
“I say that like your taste got us thrown out of a place in Soho last month.”
“That was one time.”
“That was three times.”
Inside, the bar glowed amber through smoke and crowded warmth. Soldiers filled most of the room, British and American uniforms muddled together with working men, girls in worn dresses, and old women who sat straight-backed with their drinks and judged everybody equally. Somebody laughed too loud near the counter. Glass clinked. Boots scraped over the floorboards. In one corner, a handful of musicians crowded together with the familiarity of people who had played shoulder to shoulder for years.
Bucky barely registered them at first. He shrugged off his damp coat, ran a hand through his hair, and looked around with the easy hunger of a man determined to wring something good from a bad century.
Then the bagpipes started.
He stopped dead.
The sound cut through the room, wild and high and strange as a mourning cry dragged through reeds. It rose over the fiddle and whatever else accompanied it and drove straight between Bucky’s eyes.
His face twisted at once.
“Oh, come on,” he muttered. “What is that?”
Steve followed his look and failed, very visibly, not to smile. “Music.”
“That,” Bucky said, “is a wounded animal making peace with death.”
Steve gave a quiet huff that passed for laughter. “You could try being less dramatic.”
“I am being restrained.”
The note swelled, fierce and nasal and unashamedly itself, and Bucky winced harder.
“Whoever invented that thing had a personal grudge against joy.”
“Well,” a voice said nearby, cool and distinctly amused, “good evening to you too.”
He turned at the sound of it.
You stood not far from the musicians, one hand curled around a glass, the light from the bar catching along the line of your cheek and the dark sweep of your hair. Nothing about you seemed arranged to be noticed; perhaps that was why he noticed you all at once. You belonged there in a way he did not. The room seemed to bend around you naturally. Even before he knew anything else, he saw that much.
For a second, he could only look.
Then his mouth curved, slow and easy, instinct taking over before thought quite caught up with it.
He smiled on instinct, because smiling had always been easier for him than caution.
“Now,” he said, shifting closer, “I could pretend I didn’t mean a word of that, but I figure honesty might serve me better.”
“Will it?” you asked.
Your accent brushed the words soft at the edges, shaped by someplace older than London. Scotland, he guessed a moment later when he really looked at the musicians. You did not sound offended. You sounded amused. That was worse. Amusement meant you had measured him quickly and found him manageable.
Bucky leaned an elbow on the nearest table like he had all the time in the world. “Depends how much you like honesty.”
“I imagine it depends on the honesty.”
Steve, traitor that he was, drifted away toward the bar with the deeply suspicious look of a man abandoning his friend to a fate he deserved.
Bucky kept his eyes on you. “Then here’s some more. You’re the prettiest thing I’ve seen all week, and I’d like to know your name.”
Your mouth curved. “That sounded practiced.”
“It was,” he said. “But not inaccurate.”
A few of the musicians shifted. The piper adjusted his grip. Bucky heard the scrape of the drones starting up again and grimaced before he could stop himself.
Your eyebrows rose.
He caught the expression and knew at once he had made a mistake, but he did not yet understand how much of one.
“That your first love over there?” he asked lightly, trying to recover. “Because if it is, I should tell you I’m not built for competition.”
“My brother,” you said.
Bucky closed his eyes for half a second. “Well. That is unfortunate.”
“For you?”
“I’m beginning to think so.”
You regarded him in silence long enough to make him feel it. Not embarrassed, exactly. Bucky Barnes did not embarrass easily. But something close. He had expected laughter, or annoyance, or perhaps a sharp remark if you had a taste for sharpness. He had not expected to feel like a schoolboy who had spoken out of turn in front of a teacher cleverer than he was.
Then you glanced toward the musicians and said something to them in Gaelic.
Bucky did not understand a single word, but the piper – your brother – snorted under his breath and looked at you the way brothers looked at sisters when they had known them their entire lives and still sometimes found themselves outmaneuvered.
“No,” he said in what sounded like weary affection.
You answered him in the same language, calm and unmistakably certain.
Another musician laughed.
Your brother sighed, adjusted the bag beneath his arm, and nodded once.
Bucky narrowed his eyes. “What was that?”
You turned back to him, and there was satisfaction in your face now, bright and dangerous.
“A lesson,” you said.
Before he could answer, the room shifted.
The fiddle drew out first, gentler than before. Then the bagpipes came in beneath it, not as a noise now but as a long, carrying ache. The chatter nearest the musicians faltered. A few people turned. Someone at the bar lowered his voice.
And you sang.
Not for the room.
Not for applause.
For him.
Bucky knew it with the same instant certainty with which he knew that he had been foolish. You had not lashed out. You had not taken offense and walked away. You had done something worse, something more elegant and much more devastating.
You had decided to show him exactly what he had mocked.
Your voice was not loud. It did not need to be. It was clear in the way cold water was clear, and old in the way some griefs were old – polished by being carried, not dulled. The bar seemed to fold itself around it.
By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes,
Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond...
He did not know the song. He caught the place-name, the shape of the words, the rhythm of something held for generations and offered now without flourish. You did not sing to charm him. If anything, you sang with a kind of composed defiance, as though each line laid another stone in the case against his ignorance.
Where me and my true love will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond...
Something in the room stilled.
Bucky had heard beautiful women sing before. He had flirted with chorus girls and danced with girls who sang in Brooklyn parlors and knew the warm, easy thrill of being near sweetness. This was not that. There was too much sorrow in the song, and too much pride in the way you held it. You sang as though it belonged to your bones. As though the words had passed through your family long before they ever reached his ears.
The bagpipes rose with you, and this time the sound did not strike him as ugly. It cut, yes. It keened. But beneath the strangeness he heard something else now – distance, mourning, country, farewell. Not a joke. Not a grotesque instrument. A wound with breath in it.
You looked at him once, only once, in the middle of the refrain.
O ye’ll take the high road and I’ll take the low road,
And I’ll be in Scotland afore ye...
It was a look with a point to it. Not cruel. Just precise.
See? it said.
Listen.
Learn.
For the first time in many years, Bucky had no idea what to do with himself.
He stood where he was and forgot the room, forgot Steve, forgot the drink he had not yet ordered. He forgot, briefly and entirely, how to perform. There was only your voice and the strange grieving cry of the pipes, which had become beautiful without asking his permission.
Then the line came again, the one that lodged somewhere deep before he fully understood it.
For me and my true love will never meet again...
The words should not have meant much to him. Not there. Not then. Yet they landed with a force he could not explain, as if some part of him recognized the shape of loss long before the rest of him had to.
By the time the song ended, he was lost.
He knew it with perfect clarity in the small silence that followed. Not in the cheap way he had used the word before, with girls and evenings and charming lies that dissolved by morning. He was undone in a quieter, more dangerous fashion. He had come over to flirt with a beautiful woman and found himself standing before something he did not know how to touch without reverence.
Around you, the room breathed again. Glasses lifted. Somebody clapped. A few people murmured praise. Your brother pretended not to be pleased and failed entirely.
You turned to Bucky.
“Well?” you asked.
He opened his mouth and closed it again.
You smiled then, slight and victorious.
“That bad?”
“No,” he said, and his voice came out rougher than he expected. “No. I just–”
He stopped, then laughed once at himself and shook his head.
“I think I owe your brother an apology.”
From the corner, the man in question barked a laugh.
You looked over your shoulder at him, then back to Bucky. “That would be a start.”
He glanced toward the bar. Steve stood there with two glasses in hand and an expression of such open satisfaction that Bucky wanted, briefly, to kill him.
Instead he looked at you and asked the only question that mattered.
“What did it mean?”
That changed you.
Only a little. Your amusement softened into something more attentive, more serious. You studied him for a heartbeat as though deciding whether he had earned the answer.
Then you nodded toward an empty table near the wall.
“Sit,” you said.
Bucky did.
Steve passed behind him on the way and muttered, “You look stunned.”
“Get lost.”
“With pleasure.”
You sat across from Bucky with your glass between your hands. Up close, he saw details he had missed the first time – the steadiness in you, the quick intelligence, the faint shadow of tiredness beneath your eyes that war had written there like it had on everyone.
“It’s an old song,” you said. “Older than either of us. There are different stories told about it. The one most people know is about two Scottish prisoners. One died. One lived. The dead one took the low road home.”
Bucky frowned slightly. “Home.”
“To Scotland,” you said. “Before the living man could get there by the ordinary road.”
He leaned back, trying to catch up with the shape of it. “So the low road was–”
“Death.” You said it simply. Not theatrically. Just as fact. “Or the road of the dead, depending on who tells it. The high road was the one the living took. The long one.”
He looked at you for a long moment.
“And you sang that,” he said slowly, “because I made a face at the pipes.”
“I sang that,” you replied, “because you insulted something you didn’t understand.”
The candor of it hit him like cold water, and he laughed despite himself. “That was a lesson, all right.”
Your chin lifted a fraction. “Did you learn anything?”
“Yes.”
“What?”
He looked at you, at the curve of challenge still in your mouth, at the room around you with its smoke and shadows and impossible temporary warmth.
“That I was wrong.”
You waited.
“And,” he added, “that you sing like you’re trying to haunt a man.”
That earned him a real smile.
“That,” you said, “was a little better.”
He asked your name then, properly this time, with none of the easy arrogance from before. You gave it to him. He repeated it once, careful with the shape of it, and you laughed at the way his American mouth handled it.
The bagpipes started again later that evening.
He did not grimace once.
He came back the next night.
He told himself he might not find you there, and that was true enough. London turned people into chance encounters and absences with equal speed. But some part of him had known he would return from the moment he stepped out into the rain.
Steve knew it too.
“You’re going back for the girl with the bagpipes,” he said as they walked.
“She’s not the girl with the bagpipes.”
“She’s adjacent to the bagpipes.”
“She sang one song.”
“You look like a man who got clubbed over the head with it.”
Bucky shoved his shoulder. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Steve’s smile was faint in the darkness. “Sure.”
You were there.
You stood near the bar this time, speaking to your brother with your head bent toward him. When you saw Bucky, your expression gave nothing away for a second. Then one eyebrow arched, and he knew he had been expected after all.
“Back so soon?” you asked.
“Couldn’t stay away from the terrible music.”
Your brother, close enough to hear, made a rude sound.
You laughed.
That laugh became, in the days that followed, one of Bucky’s favorite sounds in the world.
The war did not pause for you. That was what made everything between you feel both brighter and more fragile. Nothing happened in a place protected from danger. You met in streets still carrying bomb damage, beneath signs dimmed by blackout rules, in cafés where the tea was weak and the bread rationed, in parks where the grass bore the memory of barracks boots and drill lines. The city gave you no illusion of permanence. So you took what it offered and made something of it anyway.
He learned the shape of your hands around a cup.
He learned that your brother pretended to be suspicious of him while quietly making space at the musicians’ table whenever Bucky appeared.
He learned that you had lived in London long enough to move through it without hesitation and yet still missed Scotland with an ache that sharpened when the air turned damp.
He learned that you could cut through his nonsense with a single look.
He learned that you did not forgive foolishness, but you did reward sincerity.
You learned, in turn, that behind Bucky’s practiced charm sat a quick mind, a reckless loyalty, and a tenderness he hid as if tenderness embarrassed him. You learned the way his face changed when he spoke of Steve, and how rarely he spoke of fear except by joking around its edges. You learned that he liked to touch when he laughed – a hand on a shoulder, a brush at your elbow, the casual contact of someone who had grown up crowded and warm and never quite unlearned it.
One evening, after the musicians finished and the last of the crowd thinned, he walked you back through wet streets shining under the moonless dark. Your gloved hands brushed once. Then again. Neither of you pretended the second time was accidental.
“You never told me why London,” he said.
You glanced up. “For work at first. Then because war made moving anywhere else rather difficult.”
“That sounds practical.”
“It usually is.”
“And Scotland?”
Your expression softened at once, as if the very name had opened something.
“Home,” you said.
He thought then of the line in the song.
And I’ll be in Scotland afore ye.
For reasons he did not examine too closely, it touched something in him every time.
“What did you ask your brother that first night?” he said.
You laughed under your breath. “You still want to know?”
“Of course I do.”
“I told him,” you said, “to play properly if he meant to cure an American of his bad taste.”
Bucky groaned. “You set me up.”
“You deserved it.”
“I walked right into it.”
“Yes,” you said. “You did.”
He stopped beneath the shadow of a doorway, looked down at you, and saw the city in fragments around your face – the wet shine of stone, the thread of cold air, the pulse of distant traffic and soldiers’ voices and all the things that made the war feel, for one impossible second, far away.
“Do you always punish men by singing at them?” he asked softly.
“Only when they are particularly arrogant.”
“And did it work?”
You searched his face like you meant to catch him trying to be clever. He let you look. For once, he had no trick he wanted to use.
“Yes,” he said. “It worked.”
The kiss that followed was careful at first.
Not because he was uncertain of wanting it. Because he was not.
It was careful because you had not been won with any of the easy methods that had once served him elsewhere. You had seen through those in an instant. So when he touched your face and bent toward you, he did it with the strange, new seriousness you had called up in him. Your gloved fingers rose to his coat, caught there, and then your mouth met his.
He had kissed women in crowded dance halls, on stoops, in cabs, behind theater curtains. He had kissed for the joy of kissing, for the spark of being young and wanted and alive.
He had never kissed like this.
When you drew back, your breath warmed the cold air between you. He rested his forehead briefly against yours and heard you laugh once, quiet.
“What?” he asked.
“You looked very pleased with yourself when you walked over to me that first night.”
“I’m always pleased with myself.”
“No,” you said. “You were certain.”
He smiled. “I was.”
“And now?”
He touched the edge of your scarf, tucked it closer against the wind. “Now,” he said, “I’m trying very hard not to say the wrong thing.”
That pleased you. He could tell.
“Then perhaps you are improving.”
The bagpipes stopped sounding harsh.
That, more than anything, made Steve laugh at him.
It happened on the sixth or seventh evening – Bucky never afterward remembered the exact day, only the astonishment of realizing he had sat through an entire set with your brother playing at full force and had not once flinched.
You noticed too.
“You didn’t make a face,” you said when the tune ended.
He pretended to consider it. “Maybe I’m going deaf.”
“Or educated.”
“Careful,” he said. “You’ll make yourself impossible to live with.”
Your brother snorted from three feet away. “Too late.”
But Bucky shook his head. “No,” he said, looking at you. “That’s not it either.”
“What, then?”
He could have joked. He often did when anything grew too plain. But you had made plainness easier somehow.
“It sounds different now,” he said.
You held still.
“How?”
He glanced toward the pipes, then back at you. “Like something I know.”
It was the nearest he came to saying it then. Not that he loved you. That knowledge had already taken root, but the word felt too narrow and too fragile all at once beneath wartime skies. Instead he let it live in smaller things – in the way he always turned first when you entered a room, in the way he listened when you spoke, in the way he began to carry your songs inside him without noticing when they settled there.
One night you taught him fragments of Gaelic badly enough that you laughed until you had tears in your eyes. Another time you sang under your breath while he leaned against the wall and watched you, and he understood with a quiet shock that he could have spent the rest of his life listening.
That thought came and went so quickly he almost did not catch it.
The rest of my life.
It was an absurd thought to have in wartime. Perhaps that was why it felt so true.
The order came three days later.
Bucky knew the look on the faces of the men before anyone said it aloud. Something sharper. More focused. A mission with teeth.
He found Steve first. He always did, when things mattered.
“You knew,” he said.
Steve did not deny it. “Not until this morning.”
Bucky exhaled slowly. “Good one?”
“No.”
They stood in silence for a moment in the corridor, the sounds of the base moving around them like distant machinery.
Then Bucky said, “I need to go out tonight.”
Steve looked at him once. “Go.”
That evening London seemed colder than it had in days. The air bit through wool and into bone. Bucky walked to the bar and found you not inside but just outside, wrapped in your coat, one hand braced against the wall while your breath made pale ghosts in front of you.
You turned before he spoke, as though you had felt him coming.
For a moment neither of you said anything.
Then you looked at his face and knew.
“You are leaving,” you said.
It was not a question.
He nodded. “At dawn.”
The street behind you lay quiet except for distant traffic and one burst of laughter from somewhere farther down. Overhead, the blackout left the sky blank and immense.
“How long?” you asked.
He gave the only honest answer. “I don’t know.”
You lowered your eyes once, then lifted them again. Steady. Always steady.
He hated that he had so little to offer you. No certainty. No safe promise. Nothing but himself in a world that could take that without warning.
“I’ll come back,” he said anyway.
The words came out instinctively, half vow, half plea. He heard in them the bravado of every soldier who had ever left a woman on a dark street with war between them. Yet he meant them. God, he meant them.
Your face changed in a way he could not name. Not disbelief. Not acceptance either. Something older. Sadder.
“Don’t promise me because you think you should,” you said.
“I’m promising because I intend to.”
“That is not the same thing.”
He let out a breath that almost became a laugh. “You always do that.”
“Do what?”
“Make it impossible for me to sound noble.”
A faint smile touched your mouth and vanished.
He stepped closer until there was no distance left worth naming. His gloved hand cupped your cheek. You leaned into it for the briefest second, and that small motion hurt him more than tears would have.
“I keep hearing that song in my head,” he said quietly.
“Which part?”
He swallowed.
For me and my true love will never meet again.
He did not say that line. He could not bear to.
“The road part,” he said instead. “The high road. The low road.”
Your gaze held his. “It was meant to.”
He laughed once under his breath, pained and fond all at once. “You really never let me off easy, do you?”
“No.”
“Good.”
You kissed him first this time. Harder than before, as if softness would have broken something in you. He answered with both hands on your face, with every word he could not make useful. When you pulled back, your forehead rested against his and he shut his eyes.
“Sing it for me again,” he said.
Not there in the street. Not truly. He knew that. But you understood what he meant.
You drew one hand up to his collar and said, almost too softly to hear, “O ye’ll take the high road and I’ll take the low road...”
He closed his eyes harder.
“Don’t,” he whispered.
You touched his jaw. “Then come back.”
He kissed your palm.
When he finally turned to go, he did not look back at once. He knew if he did, he might stay. He walked several steps down the street, stopped, and turned anyway.
You were still there.
The wind moved the edge of your coat. Your face was pale in the dark. Somewhere inside the bar, someone struck up the first searching note of the pipes.
Bucky stood very still.
For the first time in his life, the sound of the bagpipes broke his heart.
Steve came alone.
You knew before he spoke.
The war had taught everyone to read grief on sight. It altered the body. It hollowed the eyes, tightened the mouth, made every movement careful as though the world had become full of sharp edges. Steve carried all of it when he stepped into the bar and asked your brother for a word.
Your brother looked toward you.
You crossed the room before either man could come to you, because some instincts were not habits but mercies. Better to meet sorrow standing.
Outside, the afternoon lay cold and gray over the street. Steve took off his gloves one finger at a time as if the order of small motions mattered.
“He fell from the train,” he said.
Nothing in his voice tried to soften it. You loved him for that. He respected you enough not to lie.
For one suspended second the world narrowed to that single sentence.
He fell.
Not died. Not was killed. Fell.
Space opened beneath your feet that did not exist anywhere visible. If you had not already learned, long before London and before him, that grief often arrived without spectacle, you might have expected yourself to break. But breaking belonged to stories told by people who had time. War gave you tasks instead.
“When?” you asked.
Steve told you.
“Did he–”
He shook his head once, answering the question you could not finish.
No body.
No burial.
No return.
You looked past Steve at the wet street, at a woman carrying parcels, at a truck rumbling at the end of the block, at life continuing with the vulgar steadiness it always had.
“Thank you for coming yourself,” you said.
Steve swallowed. “He cared for you.”
The words almost undid you. Almost.
You folded your hands tighter around each other to keep them still. “I know.”
Steve stood there a moment longer, perhaps expecting more, perhaps fearing it. Then he nodded and left you your dignity.
You watched him go until the street swallowed him.
Only then did you close your eyes.
Later, your brother found you in the back room with your hands flat against the table and your breathing measured to the edge of pain. He said nothing. He only set the bagpipes down in their case beside you with a care that bordered on ritual.
Within the month, you and the musicians left London for the work you never called heroic.
You crossed the Channel under false papers and names that shifted like shadows. You carried messages folded into instrument cases and hems. You played in taverns and village halls and farm kitchens where the Resistance met in glances and murmurs and the exchange of ordinary things. Music covered many movements. People underestimated musicians. That helped.
You never stopped missing him.
But missing and mourning were luxuries that had to live in the cracks between tasks.
By then, perhaps, you understood the song differently too.
Not as warning.
As truth.
Years later, in New York, a bagpipe stopped Bucky in the middle of the street.
The sound rose above traffic on a bright afternoon, sharp as a blade and old as weather. Some tourist somewhere laughed. A bus hissed at the curb. Someone jostled past with shopping bags and a phone pressed to their ear.
Beside him, Sam kept talking for two more steps before he realized Bucky had stopped.
“Bucky?”
The note held.
Bucky did not answer.
The world folded.
Not around him. Through him.
He saw wet London pavements. Smoke-light. Your hand around a glass. The slant of your smile when you told him he had insulted something he did not understand. Your voice pouring sorrow into a crowded room while he stood there like a fool and fell in love with you and the song and the sound of the pipes all at once.
He saw your face the night before the mission.
He heard you say, Then come back.
His chest locked so hard it bordered on pain.
“Hey.” Sam stepped into his line of sight. “Talk to me.”
Bucky dragged in a breath that did not feel sufficient. The street around them blurred strangely, as if time itself had slipped. He had lost so many memories over the years that he had learned to live around the emptiness, to accept that whole rooms in his mind remained locked or ruined. But this was not emptiness. This was a door blowing off its hinges.
“There was someone,” he said.
Sam said nothing. Just waited.
“In London,” Bucky went on, the words rough and uneven. “During the war. I–” He pressed a hand briefly to his mouth. “I forgot her.”
The admission came out like confession.
Sam’s expression changed. Not pity. Something better. Recognition.
“Okay,” he said quietly. “Then we find out what happened.”
The piper turned out to be some man from Staten Island with no connection to anything that mattered. It did not matter. The sound had done its work.
Memory gave them pieces first.
A bar.
Scottish musicians.
A brother.
A song.
Gaelic.
Then more came, maddeningly slow and then all at once. A street shining with rain. Your voice rising over the room. The shape of your smile when you decided to make an example of him. Your hand in his. A doorway. A kiss. Your face in the dark the night before the mission. The sound of you saying, Then come back.
That was all Bucky had at first – fragments with feeling still clinging to them, sharp enough to hurt and too incomplete to bear.
Sam helped him as only Sam could – without crowding, without trying to make the grief tidy. They pulled military records, old city directories, oral histories, and the scattered fragments left behind by ordinary people history rarely bothered to keep intact. One name led to another. A musician’s registry. A mention of a Scottish family living in London during the war. A surviving reference in a church archive. Then, eventually, a village in the Highlands and a brother who still lived there under a sky large enough to make silence feel holy.
Scotland met them with wind.
The drive north took them through roads that narrowed and climbed, past lochs holding the pale light of afternoon, past heather and stone and distances that seemed built from old songs. Bucky sat mostly quiet in the passenger seat. Sam did not press him. Every so often he pointed something out – a stand of trees, a ruin, a sheep planted absurdly in the middle of nowhere – not because it mattered, but because gentleness often wore the shape of ordinary conversation.
The cottage stood alone except for a low stone wall and a wash of purple creeping over the hillside behind it. An old man opened the door before they reached it, as if he had seen the car from half a mile away and had no intention of pretending surprise.
He looked at Sam first, then at Bucky.
Everything in him stilled.
Age had thinned him, bent him slightly, silvered his hair. But the eyes were the same. Bucky knew them at once. He had seen them across a crowded wartime room over the shoulder of a bagpipe, bright with long familiarity and no patience for fools.
For a moment nobody spoke.
Then the old man said, in a voice weathered but steady, “James Barnes.”
Bucky swallowed. “Yes.”
The man looked at him a second longer, and something unreadable passed through his face. Not shock. Not exactly anger. Grief, perhaps, finding a form it had not expected to see.
He had your eyes.
The realization hit Bucky with quiet brutality. Not exactly the same – age had changed them, sorrow had dimmed them – but close enough that, for a moment, standing in that doorway felt like standing before a ghost.
Your brother let them in.
The cottage smelled faintly of peat and tea and old wood. Bagpipes rested in one corner of the room, worn with use and time. On the mantel stood photographs, some new, some very old. Bucky’s eyes went to one and stayed there.
You.
Not London-you, though it was still you. Younger perhaps than when he had known you, standing on some hillside with your hair blown loose and your head half turned toward the camera, smiling at the person behind it.
His hand twitched at his side.
“She kept one of you,” your brother said.
Bucky looked up so fast it almost hurt.
The old man crossed to a drawer, opened it, and took out a photograph with movements made careful by habit. He held it out.
Bucky took it like something breakable.
He had never seen it before.
For a moment, he could only stare.
It had been taken in London. You were standing beside him, close enough that there was no mistaking what you had been to one another. His arm was around you. Your face was turned toward him, caught in the beginning of a smile, while he looked back at you with an expression so open it made something in his chest twist. He barely recognized himself in it. Or perhaps he recognized himself too well.
On the back, in your hand, a line had been written.
He finally learned to like the pipes.
Bucky stared until the letters blurred.
Sam, across the room, politely looked away.
Your brother sat down slowly. “She loved you,” he said.
The simplicity of it nearly drove the breath from Bucky’s body.
“I loved her too,” he said.
The old man nodded once, as if that at least had never been in doubt.
For a while the only sounds in the room were the kettle beginning to stir and the wind touching the windows. Then Bucky asked the question that had brought him across an ocean.
“What happened?”
Your brother rested his hands on his knees. They were old hands now, broad and weathered and still. Musician’s hands. Survivor’s hands.
“She kept working after your friend came with the news,” he said. “There was no persuading her otherwise. None of us stopped, but she...” He paused. “She had less fear after that. Or perhaps less interest in obeying fear.”
He told it plainly.
The group traveled through occupied France under the cover of performances. They carried messages, names, routes, codes. They hid what they could in instrument cases and lining and sheet music. Twice they evaded searches. Once they barely escaped an informant. Then, in the winter of 1944, near Lyon, they were caught.
“We were taken together at first,” he said. “Questioned together. She understood before the rest of us that they suspected a network larger than musicians passing letters. They wanted names.” His jaw tightened. “She gave them none.”
Bucky did not move.
“She told them it was her,” the old man went on. “That she had used us. That we knew nothing. She made herself the center of it because she thought, if the story was narrow enough, the rest of us might live.”
“And you did,” Sam said quietly.
Your brother nodded once. “Most of us. Not all. But more than would have otherwise.”
Bucky’s hand tightened around the photograph until he feared he might crease it.
“They deported her,” the old man said. “There were reports for a time. Fragments. A prison. Then transport east.” He looked toward the window and beyond it, to distances only he could see. “After that, nothing. Not nothing, perhaps. History always leaves scraps. But nothing certain. No grave. No confirmation I could hold in my hand.”
No return.
The phrase rang so loudly in Bucky’s head that it eclipsed the room.
He had lived. That was the cruelty in it. He had fallen from the train and not died. He had been taken, erased, broken, remade. The war had stolen him from himself, but it had not buried him. He had gone on breathing through decades you had never seen.
And you – you had waited long enough to hear of his death, gone on fighting, and vanished into the machinery that devoured millions.
For me and my true love will never meet again.
He understood then, fully and too late, what the song had always known.
Sam drove him out later, when the light had begun to turn gold at the edges of the hills and the old man had clasped Bucky’s forearm at the door with a grip that said more than words could have borne. They did not go far. Just to an overlook where the land opened wide and the air smelled of water and heather and old rain.
Bucky got out and stood at the edge of it.
The Highlands rolled away in folds of muted green and purple, cut by stone and distance and the silver thread of a loch far below. Wind pulled at his jacket. Somewhere unseen, a bird called once and went quiet.
Sam stayed a respectful distance back.
Bucky took the photograph from his pocket and looked at it again. At his own younger face. At your handwriting. At the life that might have been small and ordinary and therefore more precious than any grander thing.
He thought of you in the bar, chin lifted, deciding to teach an arrogant American soldier a lesson he would never finish learning. He thought of your voice threading sorrow through smoke. He thought of the way you had said Then come back as if you had known promises and intentions were not the same.
“I’m sorry,” he said aloud, though the wind nearly took it.
Sorry for not returning. Sorry for surviving wrongly. Sorry for forgetting. Sorry for all the years in which you had been dead and he had not even known where to grieve.
The hills did not answer him.
Then, faint and far off, a bagpipe began to play.
The sound came from somewhere beyond the ridge, carried thin and true by the wind. Not close enough to see. Only close enough to hear.
Bucky shut his eyes.
He no longer heard something sharp and ridiculous and foreign. He heard a road. A country. A loss too old for repair. He heard you.
When he opened his eyes again, the light had shifted over the loch below, turning it to muted silver. He stood there until the tune thinned into distance, and when the words came back to him at last, he did not fight them.
For me and my true love will never meet again
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond
your best friend humbly offering to take your virginity out of the kindness of his heart because he doesn’t want you to end up losing it to someone who doesn’t deserve it (he’s been plotting on this outcome for months)