Series Summary: After Bucky cheats on you, you leave the Tower shattered, humiliated, and convinced that love has only ever made you smaller. Steve comes back from a mission to find you gone - and when he learns the truth, his loyalty is tested in ways he never expected.
Wordcount: 9.9k
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader (no use of y/n)
Warnings: tower fic, alternative mcu, slow burn, healing arc, hurt comfort, emotional hurt comfort, angst with comfort, infidelity angst, second chance at love, cheating / infidelity, emotional betrayal, toxic ex relationship, Bucky Barnes is OOC, forced kiss, non con elements (very light), boundary violation, sexual assault implications, emotional manipulation, jealousy and possessiveness, panic attacks / panic response, vomiting due to distress, STI scare / medical testing mention, violence / physical fight, blood mention, breakup grief, trauma recovery, found family, protective steve rogers, soft steve rogers, toxic bucky barnes, self-worth issues, mentions of emotionally abusive family dynamics, reader has a difficult childhood, happy ending, MDNI, some chapters will have smut or explicit intimacy
A/N: Beta read as always by Cassie. Also, again, some talks happen here, because communication is the key kids.
Important note about Bucky: Bucky is very OOC in this fic. I want to be very clear about that from the start: I know he is OOC, I know canon Bucky would not act like this, and I am not presenting this as my interpretation of canon Bucky Barnes.
This story uses him in a deliberately darker, more toxic role for the sake of the angst, conflict, and Reader’s healing arc. So please, before sending me an ask or leaving a comment to tell me that Bucky would never behave this way: I know. That is what this warning is for.
I will not be replying to complaints about Bucky being written OOC. You have been warned, and if this version of him is not something you want to read, please feel free to skip this fic.
Masterlist - Series Masterlist - Prev - Next
You found the pancake place almost by accident.
It sat on a corner just off a broader avenue, all bright windows and painted lettering and the kind of cheerful, aggressively comforting interior that seemed designed specifically for people who had made it through something unpleasant and now needed syrup about it. The sign outside promised all-day pancakes and custom toppings in a font too enthusiastic to be entirely trusted.
Steve parked anyway.
When he held the door open for you, the smell hit at once – butter, coffee, sugar, vanilla, bacon, warm batter on a grill. The place was busy without being crowded. Families with children. Two students sharing a tower of something pink and impractical. An older couple reading the paper over bottomless coffee. Music played low from ceiling speakers, something soft and harmless that asked nothing of anyone.
It was ridiculous.
It was exactly right.
A hostess led you both to a booth by the window. Sunlight fell in pale strips across the table, catching in the syrup bottles and the steel coffee pots. The menu was absurd. Page after page of pancake combinations with fruit, whipped cream, nuts, sauces, chocolate, caramel, powdered sugar, peanut butter, cream cheese drizzle, ice cream if one had fully abandoned restraint.
Steve looked at it for a moment, then at you.
You looked like someone trying very hard to behave like a person having breakfast after a clinic appointment, and not like someone whose mind was still stuck several hours behind the rest of the day.
Your eyes moved over the menu. Stopped. Moved again. Stopped for longer on nothing at all.
Steve knew that look.
You were not deciding what you wanted.
You were enduring the act of deciding.
When the waitress came by – kind eyes, tired smile, the sort of woman who called everyone honey without making it feel performative – Steve ordered first to spare you from having to think too long. Chocolate chips and banana slices. Coffee. Water.
Then she looked at you.
You glanced once more at the menu and said, “Just the plain stack. Maple syrup.”
No toppings. No whipped cream. No fruit. No indulgence. No decision beyond the most basic version available.
The waitress nodded as if there was nothing sad about that at all and left.
Steve poured you water from the sweating pitcher without asking. You took it, drank a little, and set the glass back down with too much care.
Outside the window, the city continued in its usual indifferent way. People crossed at the light. A car honked. A cyclist nearly got flattened by impatience and lived to complain about it. Cities never paused for private catastrophe. Steve had known that for a very long time, but today it seemed especially offensive.
He looked back at you.
You had gone quieter again since the clinic. Not shattered. Not actively panicking. Something else. Held. Folded inward. As if your mind had taken all the forms, the information, the blood draw, the doctor’s calm voice, the instructions about timelines and follow-up testing and notifications, and set them somewhere just behind your eyes where they could keep vibrating without yet becoming words.
Steve did not ask what you were thinking.
If you wanted to tell him, you would.
So when the pancakes came, he focused instead on practical things.
The plates were ridiculous.
His stack looked like a child’s fantasy breakfast – thick pancakes with melting chocolate chips between the layers and banana coins arranged over the top, butter sliding slowly into the heat of them. Yours were exactly what you ordered: plain, golden, a neat square of butter softening in the center, a small pitcher of maple syrup on the side.
For a second, Steve thought maybe the simple comfort of the smell alone would help.
It didn’t.
You cut into the top pancake and then… did nothing with it. You pushed the piece through syrup with the side of your fork. Then nudged it back. Then divided it into two smaller pieces as though the right geometry might make eating happen.
Steve watched for thirty quiet seconds.
Then another fifteen.
Then he said, “If you don’t start eating, I’m making you take half of mine.”
Your head came up.
There was nothing sharp in your expression. Only tired surprise, as if the threat itself required more energy to process than you had available.
“What?”
He cut into his pancakes as though discussing the weather. “Half. Minimum. And you’ll hate them because I got chocolate chips.”
You stared at him for another second. “That’s coercion.”
“That’s care.”
“You’re very bossy for someone who once wore a star on his chest and tap-danced for war bonds.”
Steve’s mouth twitched. “That feels like a cheap shot.”
“Accurate shot.”
“Eat.”
You made a face at him that lacked any real heat. Then you looked down at your plate again and still did not move.
So Steve did.
He reached across with his fork, stole two banana slices from his own stack, and dropped them onto the edge of your plate.
You looked up at him with an expression halfway between suspicion and confusion.
He shrugged one shoulder, the motion deliberately casual.
“It’s your favorite fruit.”
That stopped you.
Not dramatically. You did not tear up, did not smile, did not say anything immediate. But he saw the hit land. A small thing. Tiny, really. Two slices of banana on a breakfast plate. The kind of detail anyone might have forgotten. The kind of detail Steve remembered because he remembered things about you, because he had been paying attention long before anyone named what that attention was.
You looked back down at the plate.
Then, finally, you took a bite.
Just one at first.
Steve said nothing.
He only cut into his own pancakes and gave you the dignity of not watching too openly while relief moved quietly through him. A few seconds later, you took another bite. Then one with a piece of banana. Then another.
Little by little, the plate began to look touched by intention instead of avoidance.
Not much conversation passed between you after that, but it did not feel strained. You let him pour you more coffee even though you only drank half. He pushed the syrup nearer without comment when you ran low. Once, when your fork slowed and your gaze drifted out the window again, he tapped the edge of your plate lightly with his own and you rolled your eyes and took another bite just to prove you still could.
By the end, you had eaten more than half.
Not enough, in Steve’s private opinion, but enough to stop the hollow look from worsening. Enough that he did not actually have to force half his own breakfast onto your plate.
He considered that a victory.
The waitress brought the check and called you both sweetheart as if the word belonged to everyone. You reached for Tony’s card again before Steve could stop you.
“This is still self-care?” he asked.
Your mouth twitched faintly. “Recovery is expensive.”
He let it go.
Outside, the day had sharpened toward afternoon. The earlier softness was gone. The light had grown cleaner, less forgiving. Steve helped you onto the Harley and, once the helmets were on and the engine rumbled back to life beneath you, turned the bike toward the city.
There was no reason to stay.
The clinic would send the results by email when they came in. The doctors had made that clear. Some of them might take a day or two. Others longer. Follow-up might be needed depending on timing. There was nothing to do nearby except wait in the orbit of a medical building and let dread stretch itself thinner and meaner with every hour.
So you went back.
The ride into New York felt different than any of the others.
Not lighter. Not healed. But steadier.
You did not cry this time.
Steve noticed that almost immediately because he had become absurdly tuned to the language of your grip around his waist. Yesterday, and even earlier today, sorrow had announced itself in sudden tightening hands, in the trembling of your body against his back, in the quiet convulsions he felt more than heard.
Now your arms held him firmly and consistently. Your cheek rested once against his back, then your forehead. No tremors. No silent collapse. Only tiredness. Thought. Maybe even resolve, though he did not dare name it too soon.
The city rose gradually around you again – bridges, traffic, glass, brick, noise. The closer you got to Brooklyn, the more Steve felt something in himself resist the return. Not because he wanted to keep you on the road forever, though some part of him probably would have liked that. Because road delayed endings. Cities insisted on them.
When they reached the safehouse building, he killed the engine and helped you off the bike. You took off your helmet and shook out your hair, looking more awake than the day before, more composed than the morning, and also strangely farther away.
Steve knew that look too.
Thinking.
Deeply. Seriously. In the way people did when the adrenaline had burned off and the emotional facts of the last twenty-four hours had to be laid side by side to see what they amounted to.
He carried your bag upstairs without comment and stood just inside the apartment while you set the helmet down and closed the door behind you.
The place felt familiar now in a way it had not the first time. The couch. The table. The shattered old phone still bagged by the trash because Tony would probably want its remains later. Your water glass from before. The temporary shape of refuge.
Steve turned toward you, already knowing what he wanted to say before he found the words.
He wanted to stay.
Not in some sweeping, dramatic sense. Not to pressure you. Just… stay. Sit in the apartment with you. Make sure you ate again later. Be there when the first stretch of waiting started gnawing at you. Be close if the silence turned ugly.
The offer was already half-formed in him when you spoke first.
“Can you give me a few hours?”
He stopped.
You were standing with one hand still on the back of a chair, the other loosely at your side. Your expression was careful. Not shut down. Not rejecting him. Just serious.
“Three or four,” you said. “I need to think a little.”
The words landed with a small, clean ache.
Not because he took them badly. He didn’t.
Because he understood them at once.
Of course you did.
The last day and a half had been too much by any standard. Bucky’s betrayal. Leaving the Tower. Sam and Natasha and Tony orbiting the fallout. Steve showing up. Crying in his arms. Kissing him. The forest. The motel. Panic. The clinic. Breakfast. The road. None of it had happened with enough distance between one event and the next for reflection to catch up. You had mostly been surviving in motion.
Now, for the first time, you were asking for stillness on purpose.
Thinking time.
Not to escape him. To find yourself inside all of it.
Steve nodded immediately.
“Yeah,” he said. “Of course.”
Relief moved through your face – small, but unmistakable. Maybe because you had expected him to be disappointed. Maybe because asking for space always carried the risk of being heard as withdrawal. He hoped his answer spared you that.
“I’m not asking you to disappear,” you said after a second, as if you wanted to be sure he understood.
“I know.”
“I just…”
You looked away then, toward the window, toward the room, toward anything but him for a second.
“I need to hear my own head without…” You trailed off, then gave a tired little shrug. “Without everything else.”
Steve knew exactly what you meant.
Without the constant pressure of his presence.
Without the comfort that made not-thinking easier.
Without kisses clouding pain, or pain clouding want, or want clouding judgment.
Without him becoming the answer too quickly to a question you had not yet had time to ask properly.
“I know,” he repeated.
The silence that followed was gentle.
Not the sort that begged to be filled. Just an ending approaching.
Steve stepped closer then, slow enough that you could have stopped him if you wanted. You didn’t. You stayed where you were, watching him now with that same exhausted attentiveness you had worn all morning and half the night before. There were shadows under your eyes. Your mouth still looked slightly pink from syrup and coffee and all the things neither of you had named since the motel. You looked like someone who had survived something intimate and frightening and unfinished.
He had no idea what the right goodbye for that looked like.
So he chose honesty in the only form he trusted fully right then.
He kissed you.
Softly.
Not with the heat from the motel room. Not with the hunger from the forest. Just a gentle, quiet kiss meant to say the things words would only tangle: I understand. I’m not offended. I’m still here. Take the time.
Your lips softened under his immediately.
For one brief second, your hand came up to rest at his wrist. Not to hold him there. Just to touch.
Then he drew back.
Your eyes stayed closed a moment longer before opening.
“I’ll give you the hours,” he said.
You nodded.
“And then?”
He let out the smallest breath, almost a smile but not quite. “And then if you want me back here, I come back.”
You looked at him for a long second. Then you nodded again, slower this time.
“Okay.”
Steve picked up his helmet.
The walk back out of the apartment felt longer than it should have. At the door he looked back once and saw you standing exactly where he had left you, arms folded loosely now, thoughtful already, the room gathering around you in quiet layers.
He wanted to say one more thing.
Something wiser than call me if you need anything. Something less clumsy than don’t sit here alone with the worst version of your thoughts. Something that would keep the next four hours from swallowing you whole.
In the end, he only said, “Eat again later.”
That won him the faintest shadow of a smile.
“Bossy.”
“Yeah.”
The door closed behind him.
On the ride back to the Tower, Steve felt every mile.
Not because he feared what waited there. Though he did not exactly look forward to it either. The building still held Bucky, still held all the sharp edges of the last two days, still held the fallout Tony was no doubt digging through frame by frame. But that was not what sat heaviest in him.
What sat heaviest was absence.
The abrupt loss of your hands, your voice, the weight of you on the back of the bike, the small domestic rhythm that had started to form between the two of you in crisis and on the road and over pancakes and motel coffee. He had gotten used to your presence faster than was probably wise. Not in some naive way. Simply in the bodily sense. His day had started arranging itself around the fact of you being there.
Now, with the city moving around him and the Tower rising in the distance again, he felt the empty space of that arrangement.
By the time he reached the building, the sun had shifted westward enough to throw long reflections over the glass.
He parked.
Took off his helmet.
Stood for one second longer than necessary with one hand on the handlebar and the engine ticking softly under him as it cooled.
Then Steve headed back inside to the Tower, carrying clean fatigue, unresolved hope, and the quiet knowledge that somewhere in Brooklyn you were finally sitting alone with your own thoughts – and that when those thoughts reached their conclusion, for good or bad, they were going to lead back to him.
By the time the elevator started its smooth climb toward the common floor, Steve had gone over the next few hours in his head more times than he cared to admit.
The mirrored walls threw back a version of him he did not especially want to examine too closely – tired, still road-worn despite the shower and fresh clothes, mouth set harder than usual, thoughts clearly somewhere else. The Tower hummed around him in its usual sterile, expensive calm, and for one absurd second he wanted nothing more than to turn around, get back on the Harley, and go sit outside your safehouse door until your three or four hours were up.
He did not.
You had asked for space.
He would give it.
That did not mean he had to sit idle while the rest of the Tower remained full of people who could still hurt you by proximity alone.
The elevator chimed for the common floor.
Steve did not get out.
Instead, after one beat of stillness, he reached past the panel and pressed another button.
Down.
To the lab.
If anyone in this building had already thought three steps ahead on security, access, damage control, and whatever digital mess still remained attached to your name, it was Tony. Steve would have bet money on finding him exactly where Tony always went when anger got productive.
He was right.
The lab doors slid open to the familiar wash of blue light, music, mechanical noise, and organized chaos. Tony stood at the main console with two holographic screens split open in front of him, one full of security timelines and the other what looked like a systems access panel. Bruce was there too, perched on a stool near one of the side benches with a tablet in his hands and a look on his face so sober it seemed to have drained all color from the room.
Tony looked up first.
Steve did not waste time.
“Tony, you need to change her access. Make sure Bucky can’t get into her room.”
Tony stared at him for half a second, then rolled his eyes with all the energy of a man personally offended by being underestimated.
“Good morning to you too,” he said. “And I already did.”
Of course he had.
Steve almost would have been annoyed if the relief had not arrived first.
Bruce glanced up from the tablet and gave a single dark nod. “As of twenty minutes ago. Door code, biometric access, the whole thing. FRIDAY’ll flag it if he even tries.”
Steve let out a breath he had not noticed himself holding.
Bruce’s expression did not soften, exactly, but there was something quietly fierce in it that Steve recognized. Bruce liked you. Most people in the Tower did, but Bruce liked you in that more specific way reserved for the few who gave him patience without patronizing him. You listened when he talked. Really listened. Even when he disappeared into scientific jargon thick enough to drown half the room, you never interrupted just to hear yourself speak. You might not have understood every word, but you respected that the words mattered to him.
Bruce remembered things like that.
It showed now in the way he looked at Steve – not questioning why he had come straight here, not needing the explanation laid out.
Tony, meanwhile, had already gone back to stabbing at a screen with more force than the interface required.
“Also,” he said, “while you were out not sleeping at home – and no, I don’t want details, spare me the sepia romance – I found the name.”
Steve stopped.
Bruce looked up again too, though judging by his lack of surprise he had already heard.
For one second Steve simply stared at Tony.
“That was fast,” he said.
He sounded almost surprised. Almost. Mostly he sounded tired.
Tony gave him a flat look. “You continue to underestimate how efficient I become when I’m pissed off.”
Steve’s jaw tightened.
He had known Tony would find out. Had known it the second Tony started talking about footage and timestamps and refusing to do what Natasha had done. Still, knowing a thing in abstract and hearing that the answer now existed in the room were two very different experiences.
He took one step closer to the main console.
“Who?”
Tony turned one screen with a vicious flick of his fingers.
A still image came up – grainy security footage from a hallway Steve recognized only after a second. Side corridor off one of the lower residential levels. Not heavily trafficked. A woman, in profile, turning half toward Bucky in a way that left far too little room for innocence.
Tony did not dramatize it.
He did not need to.
“Denise.”
Steve felt the shock hit clean and hard.
He had expected many names before that one.
Not Denise.
“Jesus,” he said before he could stop himself.
Because Denise was not some random woman from another department. Not a stranger from a bar. Not a disposable piece of collateral drifting around the edges of Tower life.
She was someone you knew.
Someone you worked with.
Not one of your closest friends, maybe – not the way Natasha or Sam stood in your orbit – but close enough. Present enough. Trusted enough that her face belonged naturally in the same rooms as yours. Steve had seen the two of you together more than once over post-mission coffee, over tactical review, over those easy in-between conversations that happened when people spent enough time alongside one another to become part of each other’s everyday landscape.
He stared at the screen harder.
“She’s married.”
Tony’s mouth flattened. “Wasn’t aware adultery needed a second application form.”
Steve passed a hand over his mouth.
Not because Tony was wrong. Because the extra layer of it made the whole thing uglier in a fresh direction. This was not one betrayal. It was a network of them. Denise betraying her spouse. Bucky betraying you. Both of them doing it inside the same building, inside the same ecosystem of trust and routine and shared work.
And Denise knew you.
That fact lodged like a splinter under Steve’s ribs.
Bruce set the tablet down on the bench beside him. “How much contact do they still have professionally?”
Tony answered before Steve could. “Too much. Which is why I’ve already started mapping overlap in their schedules.”
Steve looked from the screen to Tony. “You can do that?”
Tony gave him another look.
“Rogers, I can disable a nation-state before lunch. Yes, I can compare two agents’ calendars.”
Bruce rose from the stool then, coming to stand nearer the console. “We should assume proximity alone is a problem now,” he said quietly. “Even if she doesn’t know yet. And when she does know…” He did not finish.
He did not have to.
Steve knew exactly how that sentence ended.
When she does know, she should not have to keep turning corners and finding either of them there.
Tony minimized the footage with a hard jab of two fingers. “I already sent myself a copy. Not because I intend to show it to her unless she asks. But because if anyone suddenly develops the urge to revise history, I’d like to remain difficult to gaslight.”
Steve almost said Denise did not seem the type.
Then he stopped himself.
What did that even mean anymore?
Who exactly seemed the type?
Bucky had not seemed the type either, if the last few days had proved anything. Or rather, Steve had built a version of Bucky in his head where certain kinds of ordinary cruelty simply did not fit, and life had taken visible pleasure in dismantling that assumption piece by piece.
He looked at the panel again, though the image was gone now.
“Does she know that we know?”
Tony snorted. “No. And I haven’t decided whether that’s mercy or tactical advantage.”
Bruce folded his arms. “Don’t turn this into a game.”
It came out offended, which meant he probably was at least a little, but the anger underneath it was real enough that Steve did not bother calling it out.
Steve straightened. “I’m going to Fury.”
That drew Tony’s eyes back to him.
“Yeah,” Tony said after a beat. “That’d be the grown-up move.”
Steve ignored the wording.
“We need the assignments changed,” he said. “Anything coming up where she’d be working with Denise or Bucky.”
Bruce nodded once at that, immediate agreement.
Tony’s mouth tightened again, but this time in approval. “I’ll send over the overlap I found.”
“Thanks.”
Tony waved a hand as if the word only irritated him. “Go. Before I decide to solve this in a way with more lasers.”
Steve turned and headed for the doors.
Behind him, Tony called, “And Rogers?”
He looked back.
Tony had already pulled another set of screens open, but his gaze when it lifted held a rare and ugly sincerity.
“She’s going to ask eventually.”
Steve knew who he meant.
Denise.
Not just who was it in the abstract, but specifically whether the answer had been kept from her too long by people trying to protect her from one more blow.
Steve nodded once. “I know.”
Then he left.
Fury’s office suite felt, as ever, like walking into the center of an oncoming storm that had chosen paperwork as its aesthetic.
Minimal. Controlled. Dark wood, glass, steel, the whole place set up to remind people that sentiment did not belong there unless it arrived disguised as operational necessity. Steve had always respected that about Fury right up until the moments he hated it.
Today, operational necessity happened to be on his side.
Natasha was already there when he entered.
Of course she was.
She stood off to one side of Fury’s desk with a tablet in one hand and one ankle crossed loosely over the other, but there was nothing loose in her expression. She glanced at Steve once as the door shut behind him, read his face in a second, and seemed unsurprised by whatever she found.
Fury did not bother with preamble.
“I heard.”
Steve believed that.
News of the break had clearly moved fast enough through whatever channels it needed to move through. Fury knowing about Bucky was no surprise. Fury knowing about your departure was no surprise either. A top-level Avenger-adjacent operative walking out of the Tower after a private implosion was exactly the kind of thing nobody in charge liked learning about late.
What surprised Steve slightly was that Fury did not ask for explanation.
Maybe Natasha had already provided enough.
Maybe Fury had taken one look at the relevant names on the schedule and jumped straight to logistics. That was more his style anyway.
Steve stepped up to the desk. “I need future missions reorganized.”
Fury lifted one brow. “You and everyone else.”
Natasha held up the tablet. “I already started.”
That got Steve’s attention.
She moved to the desk, swiped once, and turned the screen so he and Fury could both see. Several operations over the next three weeks had been marked up in red and yellow – team pairings, deployment windows, contingency notes.
“Anything involving her and Barnes is gone,” Natasha said. “Obviously. Anything involving her and Denise needs to go too.”
The name landed in the room without commentary.
Steve glanced at her.
Natasha met his eyes for one second and that was enough. She knew, because that what who she had seen with Bucky, that one time. There was no visible surprise in her now, only the colder, more refined fury of someone whose suspicions had hardened into fact.
Fury’s expression changed not at all. “Denise.”
Not a question.
Natasha nodded once.
For a brief moment, no one spoke.
Steve felt again the ugly shock of it. Denise. Married Denise. Friendly Denise. Familiar Denise. Someone who had stood in briefing rooms and debriefing rooms and near your shoulder often enough that the betrayal now seemed to spread backwards through memory, poisoning scenes that had once looked ordinary.
He forced himself back to the practical.
“Sam can cover some of the Barnes replacements,” he said. “I can cover the others.”
Natasha shook her head slightly. “Not all of them. Some of the European surveillance runs need a woman in place without changing the cover structure.”
Steve looked at the screen again.
She was right.
Fury leaned back in his chair, hands folded loosely over the desk in that way of his that meant he was already three decisions ahead and only letting the rest of them catch up out of courtesy. “Can you take any of hers?”
Natasha nodded. “Some. Not all, but enough.”
Steve looked at her. “You sure?”
One corner of her mouth moved in a humorless almost-smile. “Steve, if it keeps her from being stuck in a van with the woman who helped Barnes blow up her life, yes. I’m sure.”
That answered that.
Bruce would have volunteered too, Steve suspected, if the work had fit. Sam definitely would when told. Tony would probably have tried if anyone let him near field scheduling. The whole Tower had turned quietly, almost instinctively, toward shielding you from impact where it could.
Steve found that both comforting and infuriating.
Comforting because you had people.
Infuriating because you needed shielding at all.
Fury took the tablet from Natasha and scanned the marked assignments.
“This one,” he said, tapping a line item. “Barnes gets dropped entirely. Rogers, you take point.”
Steve nodded.
“This one– Wilson.”
Another nod.
Natasha pointed at a third. “I can take her slot there without compromising the cover. Denise keeps the original deployment.”
Fury considered for one second, then inclined his head.
So it went.
Not dramatic. Not emotional. Just the cold work of rearranging a future before it had the chance to do more damage. Steve respected that. There was relief in it, in a way. A problem he could help solve with concrete action, not just patience and comfort and promises in motel rooms.
Still, every new line they struck or reassigned carried its own reminder. This was how far Bucky’s choices had reached. Into schedules. Into op structures. Into who could stand beside whom in briefing rooms without the oxygen changing.
By the end, half a dozen missions had been altered.
Natasha volunteered wherever she could without overloading herself. Sam’s name went onto two substitutions. Steve took the rest of Barnes’s slots that he physically could. Denise’s pairings with you were erased. Future contact minimized. Containment, as much as such things could be contained.
When Fury finally set the tablet down, the plan was ugly but workable.
“Done,” he said.
Natasha exhaled once through her nose. “For now.”
Fury looked at Steve. “Where is she?”
Steve held his gaze.
He did not answer directly.
Fury’s eye narrowed slightly, then he gave the barest dismissive wave, as if to say fine, don’t tell me, I already expected that. “Keep it that way until she decides otherwise.”
Steve nodded.
That, more than anything, made it clear Fury understood the shape of this better than his manner suggested. Operational security was one thing. Respecting the fact that you had left to get out from under the weight of the Tower was another. He was doing both.
Natasha shifted beside the desk and asked, “How is she?”
Steve could have given the easy answer.
Tired. Shaken. Hanging on.
All true. None enough.
He thought of the forest. The motel. The clinic. The pancakes. The way you had asked for a few hours alone not because you wanted him gone, but because you needed to hear your own thoughts without his presence muddying them.
“She’s thinking,” he said at last.
Something flickered in Natasha’s face then. Understanding, maybe. Approval. Maybe both.
Fury only grunted.
The meeting ended with no ceremony. Natasha gathered the revised assignments. Fury began issuing follow-up instructions into his tablet before Steve had even fully stepped back from the desk. The machine moved on because that was what institutions did.
As Steve turned for the door, Natasha fell into step beside him.
They walked in silence until the office door shut behind them and the corridor muffled Fury’s world again.
Then Natasha said, very quietly, “Tony told you.”
Steve nodded.
“Denise.”
Again, not a question.
“Yeah.”
Natasha’s expression hardened by imperceptible degrees. “I should’ve said something when I saw them.”
Steve glanced at her.
There was no self-pity in the statement. Only clean anger turned briefly inward.
“You didn’t know enough then,” he said.
“I knew enough to dislike what I was looking at.”
“That’s not the same as knowing what to do with it.”
She did not answer right away.
Then she said, “She’s going to hate that it was Denise.”
Steve looked down the corridor toward the elevators.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I know.”
Because betrayal by a partner was one thing.
Betrayal by someone adjacent, someone familiar, someone near enough to your life that you could not dismiss her as anonymous – someone who had looked you in the face and carried on anyway – that was another wound entirely.
And sooner or later, that wound was coming too.
Steve only hoped that by the time it arrived, you would not be facing it alone.
When Steve finally made it back to his room, the silence inside it felt wrong.
Not empty. Wrong.
He closed the door behind him and did not move again for several seconds. He just stood there in the middle of the room with his hands hanging uselessly at his sides, his mind still full of too many overlapping things – the clinic, Natasha’s tablet, Fury’s cold practicality, Tony’s anger, Denise’s name, your face in the doorway of the safehouse when you asked him for three or four hours to think.
The room had all the usual pieces of itself. Bed made. Desk orderly in the way his spaces always tended to be. Duffle from the mission shoved half out of sight. Lamp off. Curtains open just enough to let in the late afternoon light. Nothing had changed in here.
And yet he could not shake the sense that he was standing in a place he had already, somehow, outgrown.
He dragged a hand down over his mouth and exhaled.
He should have used the time sensibly. Written the report. Checked in on the field summaries from the mission. Read the follow-up brief Tony had probably already sent to Fury. Done any one of the hundred practical things still waiting for him.
Instead he turned and went straight for the bathroom.
The second shower of the day was less about cleanliness this time and more about something closer to reset. The water ran hot. Steam gathered. He stood under it longer than he needed to, letting it beat against the back of his neck while the muscle there finally started to give.
His thoughts did not.
They kept circling back to you.
Not the dramatic moments first, though those were there too – the way panic had ripped through you in the motel room, the way you had shaken in his arms afterward, the softness of that last kiss before he left you at the safehouse. What stayed with him most in the shower were the smaller things. You eating the banana slices because he remembered they were your favorite. Your hand finding his in the clinic waiting room. The way your voice sounded when you asked for time, careful and serious and trying not to hurt him even then.
He tipped his head back under the water and shut his eyes.
Four hours, you had said.
Not forever. Not distance. Just time.
Enough to think.
Enough to sort through what the last day and a half meant when laid side by side instead of survived one blow at a time.
Steve respected that.
He also hated every second of not knowing what conclusion you might reach inside that time.
He shut the water off before the thought could go any farther.
Afterward, he dressed simply – clean shirt, jeans, something comfortable enough to sit in a safehouse for hours if that was what the evening became. Then, instead of returning to the bathroom mirror or the desk or the report waiting untouched, he went to the closet and pulled out a small overnight bag.
That decision came so naturally he barely registered making it.
He packed without overthinking.
A change of clothes.
A clean T-shirt.
A sweater in case the safehouse turned cold after dark.
Toothbrush, toothpaste, razor.
Phone charger.
A spare pair of socks because some habits from war never really left him, and being caught without clean socks still struck him as one of civilization’s more preventable failures.
He paused once with the bag open on the bed, looking down into it.
The sight might have embarrassed him under other circumstances. The quiet assumption built into it. That you would ask him to stay. That he wanted to be ready if you did. That he was planning around your possible need without waiting to be told the need existed.
It should have felt presumptuous.
Instead it felt practical.
And maybe that told him more than he wanted to know.
He zipped the bag shut and set it near the door.
Then, because four hours was still four hours and the mission week and the sleepless motel night were sitting heavily in his bones whether he acknowledged them or not, he crossed to the bed, lay down on top of the blanket, and set an alarm on his phone.
Two hours.
Enough to take the edge off.
Enough to keep him from showing up at your door looking like death and pretending he felt fine.
He closed his eyes.
Sleep took him faster than he expected.
Not gently. Not restfully. More like a switch thrown in a body that had reached the limit of pretending it was running on discipline alone. He dropped into it hard and came back out of it the same way when the alarm cut through the room two hours later, sharp and mechanical and immediately infuriating.
For one second he did not know where he was.
Then the room came back. The Tower. His bed. The bag by the door. The fact that he had promised to give you time and that enough of it had now passed to make his chest tighten all over again.
He sat up, scrubbed a hand over his face, and reached automatically for the phone to kill the alarm before it could sound a second time.
Two hours had not made him well rested.
But they had made him functional.
That would do.
He stood, stretched the worst of the stiffness out of his back and shoulders, grabbed the bag, and headed for the door.
The Tower had shifted into evening by then. Lights lower in the corridors. More doors shut. Fewer voices. The sort of lull between the end of official work and the beginning of whatever passed for private life in a building full of damaged overachievers.
Steve took the stairs partway down before cutting across toward the garage access where Stark kept the less theatrical cars.
The bag strap sat heavy over one shoulder.
He had almost reached the turnoff by the secondary elevator bank when Bucky stepped out from the corridor ahead.
Steve stopped.
So did Bucky.
For one ugly, stretched second, the whole hallway seemed to lock around them.
Bucky looked worse than he had upstairs in the wrecked bedroom, though in a different way now. Cleaned up, technically. Fresh shirt. Face washed. No blood on his hands anymore. But the damage had only gone inward. He looked hollowed out. Eyes shadowed. Mouth gone tight in that specific way that meant he had either not slept at all or slept badly enough it did not count.
Then Bucky’s gaze dropped to the bag.
Steve watched him see it.
Watched the understanding hit.
Not the full understanding, maybe. Not where Steve was going exactly. But enough. Enough to know Steve was leaving with more than keys in hand and no intention of being gone for only an hour.
Something changed in Bucky’s face.
Hope, maybe, for one stupid instant – hope that Steve had come to him, that this was movement toward some conversation he wanted, some mercy, some route back into the center of things.
Then that hope died almost immediately when Steve gave him nothing.
No greeting.
No explanation.
No acknowledgment at all.
He simply walked.
He went past Bucky as if Bucky were another piece of hallway architecture. Present, unavoidable, and entirely undeserving of special notice.
Bucky half turned as Steve drew even with him. Steve felt the movement more than saw it.
He did not slow down.
Not when Bucky’s breath caught as though he meant to speak.
Not when silence stretched long enough that one word from either of them might have changed the shape of the corridor.
Steve kept going.
He had no useful sentence for Bucky right now that would not either turn into violence or spend itself uselessly against a man already drowning in what he had done. And more than that, Steve refused to carry your hours of thinking back through Bucky’s orbit like some reportable event. Those hours belonged to you. Not to him. Not to Barnes.
So he said nothing.
The garage level felt colder than the floors above.
Rows of cars sat under clean white lighting, every one of them more expensive than Steve would ever have chosen for himself. Stark’s collection ran from absurd to ostentatious to almost reassuringly plain when one looked hard enough.
Steve chose one of the plain ones.
No roaring engine.
No aggressive lines.
No machine designed to announce itself three streets before arrival.
Just a dark sedan with decent suspension, good brakes, and the sort of presence that vanished easily into Brooklyn traffic.
He tossed the bag into the passenger seat, got behind the wheel, and drove out into the city.
Evening traffic had started building by then, but not badly enough to trap him. The streets moved in fits and starts under a sky already beginning to lose color at the edges. He drove with both hands steady on the wheel and the windows up against the cooling air, the city blurring by in storefronts, taillights, pedestrians, scaffolding, glass reflections, street vendors closing for the day.
Every few minutes, his mind flicked back to the safehouse.
To you alone in there.
Thinking.
Maybe pacing.
Maybe sitting on the couch with the new phone in your hand and Tony’s ridiculous credit card on the table beside you.
Maybe crying again.
Maybe not crying at all, which in some ways worried him more.
He did not rehearse what he would say when you opened the door.
There was no point.
If the last two days had taught him anything, it was that trying to script tenderness in advance usually ruined it. Better to show up honestly and meet what was there.
By the time he parked outside the building again, four hours had passed since he left you.
Precisely enough.
Steve cut the engine and sat for one second in the sudden quiet.
Then he got out, took the bag, and went upstairs to the safehouse, hoping – more than he cared to admit – that when you opened the door this time, you would let him in again.
When you opened the door this time, Steve knew before he even crossed the threshold that something had shifted.
Not vanished. Not healed. The safehouse still carried the quiet weight of everything that had happened there – the bottle rinsed and left upside down by the sink, the broken remains of your old phone bagged near the trash, the couch that had held your grief the night before. But the air felt different now. Less like a place where someone had been trying not to drown, more like a place where someone had started, however shakily, to reassemble herself out of the wreckage.
And underneath that, unmistakable, floated the smell of food.
Warm oil. Chili. Basil. Coconut milk. Something sweet and sharp and savory all at once.
Steve stepped inside and closed the door behind him. The overnight bag hung from one hand. You stood a few feet away in clean clothes again, hair half dry at the ends as though you had splashed water on your face and pushed it back while thinking, and there was more color in you now than there had been when he left. Not much. But enough that he noticed at once.
He glanced toward the kitchen counter.
“You cooked?”
You looked at him with such immediate offense that, under any other circumstances, he might actually have laughed.
“Are you out of your mind?” you asked. “You know I could probably set even water on fire.”
Something warm and almost disbelieving moved through him at the sound of that tone. Dry. Familiar. More you than some of the last day had allowed.
He set the bag down by the chair and lifted one brow. “That bad?”
“That bad,” you said gravely. “I went out and bought a few things and then passed a Thai place. I got… kind of everything.”
Steve let his gaze flick once toward the bag by the counter where takeout containers had been unpacked in varying degrees of order. Rice. Noodles. Little plastic tubs of sauce. A paper bag folded down at the top. Two sets of disposable chopsticks. You had arranged it all with the careful practicality of someone who did not want to stare directly at what she had been doing with her hands for the last few hours.
Then your eyes dropped to his overnight bag.
Steve felt that glance land.
You said nothing.
No question. No visible hesitation. No arch remark about optimism or presumption. You only looked at the bag for one brief second and then looked back up at him as if its presence made enough sense that it did not require discussion.
Relief moved through him so quietly he might have missed it if he had not been watching for every reaction you gave him now.
He took that silence for what it was.
Permission.
Or at least, not refusal.
So he crossed the room and joined you at the counter while you started opening containers with the kind of absent concentration people used when their hands needed occupation more than the task itself mattered.
There was a lot.
Pad thai. Red curry. Green curry. Basil chicken. Spring rolls. Fried rice. Some kind of noodle dish Steve did not recognize but that smelled aggressively good. A small clear tub of sliced chilies floating in vinegar. Another of crushed peanuts. A cardboard box with what looked like mango sticky rice.
He looked at the spread, then at you.
“You really did get everything.”
You gave one shoulder a small shrug. “I couldn’t decide.”
That was true in more ways than one, he suspected.
Still, the fact that your indecision had turned toward food and not inward destruction seemed like a win he was not going to argue with.
You both settled at the little table by the window. Steve took the chair opposite yours, the overnight bag still near enough that he could see it in the corner of his vision. The room had the look of evening about it now. The city outside was dimming by degrees, the window reflecting more of the apartment back inward with each passing minute. Lamps on. Takeout boxes open. The two of you facing each other in a safehouse that had stopped feeling entirely temporary.
He wanted to ask immediately.
What had you thought about.
Where had your mind gone in those four hours.
What did his returning mean to you now that you had asked for time and gotten it.
What, exactly, were the terms of whatever was unfolding between you besides hurt and comfort and too many kisses to still call accidental.
He wanted to ask all of it.
He did not.
He could feel how much care the moment still required. The wrong question too fast could turn the whole evening brittle again.
So instead he reached for the nearest container and said, “What did you go buy?”
You were in the middle of spooning rice onto your plate. You did not look up right away.
“Toothpaste,” you said. “And condoms.”
Steve choked.
Not dramatically enough to spill anything, but enough that a piece of rice and a startled breath went down wrong all at once. He coughed, reached blindly for his water, and heard – actually heard – the tiniest betrayed laugh escape you before you covered it by taking an entirely innocent-looking bite of noodles.
He stared at you over the rim of the glass while he swallowed and recovered what remained of his dignity.
You met that stare with an expression so deliberately mild it was practically criminal.
Then, because you were not remotely finished, you pushed the water bottle a little farther toward him with two fingers and said, “You should drink.”
Steve set the glass down slowly.
“Are you doing this on purpose?”
Your eyes widened just a fraction in a performance so unconvincing it would have offended him if it were not also fascinating.
“What, telling you what I bought?”
“Yes.”
You leaned back in your chair and crossed one ankle loosely over the other. There was a softness around your mouth now that had not been there when he arrived. Not quite a smile. Something more dangerous because it was trying not to be one.
“I thought honesty was important.”
Steve let out a breath that might have become a laugh if it were not tangled too tightly with the image your words had put in his head.
Condoms.
Bought by you.
Deliberately.
Not in panic. Not by accident. Not supplied by some clinic pamphlet or shoved across a counter in the abstract.
You had gone out, on purpose, and bought them.
The knowledge landed in him with a heat so immediate he had to look down at his plate for one second just to keep his face under control.
You saw enough anyway.
Of course you did.
When he looked back up, your expression had changed. Still edged with mischief, yes, but something more careful underneath it now. Watching him. Measuring what the reaction meant. Maybe how far it went.
Then you said, quieter this time, “Just in case you wanted to… try the beginning of last night again.”
The words entered the room and changed its temperature.
Steve went still.
He had spent the drive over here trying not to decide too much in advance about what your thinking time meant. He had told himself to meet whatever he found honestly. That was one thing in theory. It was another to sit across from you with curry steaming between you and hear you say that in a voice balanced on the edge between composure and invitation.
He set his chopsticks down.
Not because he was rejecting the food. Because suddenly his hands seemed too aware of themselves to do two things at once.
Your own composure wavered first, just a little. You looked down at your plate, then back up at him, and for the first time since he arrived he saw the vulnerability underneath the teasing. The possibility that this mattered enough to hurt if mishandled.
Steve spoke carefully.
“That what you spent four hours thinking about?”
Your mouth tightened at one corner. “Not only that.”
No, he thought. Of course not.
He believed that too.
Those four hours had not been some long lead-up to a joke and a box of condoms. He could see that plainly in the way you sat now – more grounded than before, more yourself, but also more deliberate. As if you had taken the last two days apart piece by piece and put some of them back down in a different order.
He waited.
When you went on, your voice had lost almost all of the humor.
“I thought about whether I was just grabbing onto the first good thing because I felt horrible.” You glanced at the takeout container in front of you as though the noodles might offer witness. “I thought about whether I was about to make a huge mess of you because I’m angry and sad and lonely and I don’t know how to be any of those things quietly.” A beat. “I thought about whether I’d hate myself tomorrow if I kissed you and tried to sleep with you again.”
Steve did not interrupt.
He barely breathed.
You looked up then, and the directness in your face nearly undid him.
“I don’t think I would.”
The silence that followed was not empty.
It thrummed.
Outside, a siren moved somewhere far off through Brooklyn. Inside, the refrigerator hummed. One of the takeout lids settled with a tiny plastic pop as it cooled. Small sounds. Meaningless sounds. And still Steve heard each one because of how sharply the rest of him had tuned to you.
He leaned back slightly in the chair, one hand coming up to rub once at the back of his neck.
“You make it really hard to stay calm when you say things like that.”
Some of the tension left your shoulders then. Not all. Enough.
“That’s not a no.”
Steve almost smiled.
“No,” he said. “It isn’t.”
You looked at him over the table with that same expression you had worn in the forest when you were not sure whether the question itself was too much to ask and decided to ask anyway.
“It’s not a yes either.”
“No,” he said again, more softly this time. “Because I need to know one more thing first.”
You waited.
Steve held your eyes.
“If we do this,” he said, “is it because you want me? Or because you want to stop thinking for a while?”
The question cost him something to ask.
Not because he feared the answer. Because he knew it might be both, and he did not know yet whether he could live with being used as relief if he already wanted so much more than that.
You were silent for a long moment.
Then you put your fork down too.
“It started as the second one,” you admitted. “Or maybe that’s all it was at first. Yesterday morning. In the forest.” You took a breath. “But that’s not all it is now.”
Steve’s pulse climbed.
You looked almost irritated by the honesty of your own next sentence. “I wanted you to come back.” A pause. “I wanted you specifically. Not just company. Not just someone kind. You.”
That landed somewhere deep and dangerous.
Steve felt his whole body register it.
You must have seen some part of that on his face, because your own expression changed in response – softening, but not into pity. More like relief at no longer being the only person in the room saying something difficult.
Then, perhaps because you had already crossed the hard part, you added with the driest ghost of a smile, “Also, I did in fact buy condoms.”
That made him laugh despite himself.
Not loudly. But helplessly enough that some of the tension broke.
You smiled properly then, small and quick and real.
The sight of it hit harder than the joke.
Steve exhaled once and reached for his water again, not because he needed it this time but because it bought him a second to get his thoughts into a line that would not do damage.
When he spoke, his voice had gone low.
“If we try anything again tonight, and you panic again, we stop.” His fingers tightened lightly around the bottle. “No apology. No shame. No making it about me.”
You nodded immediately. “Okay.”
“And if you change your mind in the middle, we stop.”
“Okay.”
“And if all you actually want is to eat Thai food, make me choke on my water, and sleep next to somebody who doesn’t make you feel unsafe–”
That got a tiny snort out of you.
“–then that’s enough too.”
You looked at him for a long second after that.
Then, very quietly, “You always leave me room to back out.”
Steve’s chest pulled tight.
“I’m trying to leave you room to choose.”
The words seemed to settle over both of you.
You looked down first this time, but not out of discomfort. More like you were letting the sentence live in you for a minute.
Then you reached for a spring roll and took a bite.
It was such an ordinary motion after everything that it nearly made him laugh again.
“Eat,” you said around it.
He blinked. “What?”
“You heard me.” A little more color had come into your face now, enough to support a proper look. “If we’re going to have emotionally loaded conversations about sex and choice and whatever else, you’re still going to eat your curry before it gets cold.”
Steve stared at you, then at the food, then back at you.
Something warm unfurled in his chest.
Not desire this time.
Something quieter. More dangerous, maybe, because of how deeply it reached.
Companionship. Ease. The beginning of a rhythm.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said.
You rolled your eyes. “Don’t call me that.”
He picked up his chopsticks again and obeyed.
Dinner resumed, though not quite as if the conversation had never happened. More as if it now sat there with you openly, another presence at the table, no longer needing to hide inside jokes or unfinished gestures. The tension remained, but it had changed flavor. Less brittle. More aware.
You both ate properly this time.
Steve let himself enjoy the food because it was genuinely excellent and because he knew you had bought far too much with the specific hope, perhaps unconscious at the time, that the evening might last. He watched you steal some of his basil chicken after pretending you did not want any. You watched him lose patience with the tiny plastic forks and switch to the chopsticks with quiet superiority. At one point he slid the container of mango sticky rice toward you without a word and you gave him a suspicious look before taking some anyway.
The safehouse windows gradually darkened into mirrors.
At some point your foot brushed his under the table and stayed there.
Neither of you mentioned it.
And through it all, he did not yet ask what your conclusion was in any grander sense.
He suspected he already knew enough for tonight.
You had let him back in.
You had not questioned the overnight bag.
You had bought condoms and admitted why.
You had told him you wanted him specifically.
Whatever else remained unresolved – and there was plenty – it was not a question for the dinner table anymore.
By the time the food had been reduced to scattered leftovers and half-folded cartons, the room felt warmer, softer, more lived in. The edge that had lived in Steve since the motel bathroom had not disappeared entirely, but it had loosened. You looked tired again, though not in the brittle way from before. More in the way people did after finally speaking the thing they had been turning over in private for hours.
Steve pushed his plate away and looked at you.
“So,” he said.
Your eyes lifted.
“So,” you echoed.
He did not smile this time, though the softness in his face might have counted as one from anyone else.
“Do you want me to stay?”
You held his gaze.
“Yes,” you said.
No teasing. No hedge. No irony.
Just yes.
And Steve, who had packed the overnight bag before sleeping because some part of him already knew, felt the answer settle through him like certainty finding its place.
Man who is so so heavy handed and rough during sex but it's just because he's pussy whipped and love drunk that he doesn't even realise how much of his weight he's using.
Series Summary: After Bucky cheats on you, you leave the Tower shattered, humiliated, and convinced that love has only ever made you smaller. Steve comes back from a mission to find you gone - and when he learns the truth, his loyalty is tested in ways he never expected.
Wordcount: 9.9k
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader (no use of y/n)
Warnings: tower fic, alternative mcu, slow burn, healing arc, hurt comfort, emotional hurt comfort, angst with comfort, infidelity angst, second chance at love, cheating / infidelity, emotional betrayal, toxic ex relationship, Bucky Barnes is OOC, forced kiss, non con elements (very light), boundary violation, sexual assault implications, emotional manipulation, jealousy and possessiveness, panic attacks / panic response, vomiting due to distress, STI scare / medical testing mention, violence / physical fight, blood mention, breakup grief, trauma recovery, found family, protective steve rogers, soft steve rogers, toxic bucky barnes, self-worth issues, mentions of emotionally abusive family dynamics, reader has a difficult childhood, happy ending, MDNI, some chapters will have smut or explicit intimacy
A/N: Beta read as always by Cassie. Also, again, some talks happen here, because communication is the key kids.
Important note about Bucky: Bucky is very OOC in this fic. I want to be very clear about that from the start: I know he is OOC, I know canon Bucky would not act like this, and I am not presenting this as my interpretation of canon Bucky Barnes.
This story uses him in a deliberately darker, more toxic role for the sake of the angst, conflict, and Reader’s healing arc. So please, before sending me an ask or leaving a comment to tell me that Bucky would never behave this way: I know. That is what this warning is for.
I will not be replying to complaints about Bucky being written OOC. You have been warned, and if this version of him is not something you want to read, please feel free to skip this fic.
Masterlist - Series Masterlist - Prev - Next
You found the pancake place almost by accident.
It sat on a corner just off a broader avenue, all bright windows and painted lettering and the kind of cheerful, aggressively comforting interior that seemed designed specifically for people who had made it through something unpleasant and now needed syrup about it. The sign outside promised all-day pancakes and custom toppings in a font too enthusiastic to be entirely trusted.
Steve parked anyway.
When he held the door open for you, the smell hit at once – butter, coffee, sugar, vanilla, bacon, warm batter on a grill. The place was busy without being crowded. Families with children. Two students sharing a tower of something pink and impractical. An older couple reading the paper over bottomless coffee. Music played low from ceiling speakers, something soft and harmless that asked nothing of anyone.
It was ridiculous.
It was exactly right.
A hostess led you both to a booth by the window. Sunlight fell in pale strips across the table, catching in the syrup bottles and the steel coffee pots. The menu was absurd. Page after page of pancake combinations with fruit, whipped cream, nuts, sauces, chocolate, caramel, powdered sugar, peanut butter, cream cheese drizzle, ice cream if one had fully abandoned restraint.
Steve looked at it for a moment, then at you.
You looked like someone trying very hard to behave like a person having breakfast after a clinic appointment, and not like someone whose mind was still stuck several hours behind the rest of the day.
Your eyes moved over the menu. Stopped. Moved again. Stopped for longer on nothing at all.
Steve knew that look.
You were not deciding what you wanted.
You were enduring the act of deciding.
When the waitress came by – kind eyes, tired smile, the sort of woman who called everyone honey without making it feel performative – Steve ordered first to spare you from having to think too long. Chocolate chips and banana slices. Coffee. Water.
Then she looked at you.
You glanced once more at the menu and said, “Just the plain stack. Maple syrup.”
No toppings. No whipped cream. No fruit. No indulgence. No decision beyond the most basic version available.
The waitress nodded as if there was nothing sad about that at all and left.
Steve poured you water from the sweating pitcher without asking. You took it, drank a little, and set the glass back down with too much care.
Outside the window, the city continued in its usual indifferent way. People crossed at the light. A car honked. A cyclist nearly got flattened by impatience and lived to complain about it. Cities never paused for private catastrophe. Steve had known that for a very long time, but today it seemed especially offensive.
He looked back at you.
You had gone quieter again since the clinic. Not shattered. Not actively panicking. Something else. Held. Folded inward. As if your mind had taken all the forms, the information, the blood draw, the doctor’s calm voice, the instructions about timelines and follow-up testing and notifications, and set them somewhere just behind your eyes where they could keep vibrating without yet becoming words.
Steve did not ask what you were thinking.
If you wanted to tell him, you would.
So when the pancakes came, he focused instead on practical things.
The plates were ridiculous.
His stack looked like a child’s fantasy breakfast – thick pancakes with melting chocolate chips between the layers and banana coins arranged over the top, butter sliding slowly into the heat of them. Yours were exactly what you ordered: plain, golden, a neat square of butter softening in the center, a small pitcher of maple syrup on the side.
For a second, Steve thought maybe the simple comfort of the smell alone would help.
It didn’t.
You cut into the top pancake and then… did nothing with it. You pushed the piece through syrup with the side of your fork. Then nudged it back. Then divided it into two smaller pieces as though the right geometry might make eating happen.
Steve watched for thirty quiet seconds.
Then another fifteen.
Then he said, “If you don’t start eating, I’m making you take half of mine.”
Your head came up.
There was nothing sharp in your expression. Only tired surprise, as if the threat itself required more energy to process than you had available.
“What?”
He cut into his pancakes as though discussing the weather. “Half. Minimum. And you’ll hate them because I got chocolate chips.”
You stared at him for another second. “That’s coercion.”
“That’s care.”
“You’re very bossy for someone who once wore a star on his chest and tap-danced for war bonds.”
Steve’s mouth twitched. “That feels like a cheap shot.”
“Accurate shot.”
“Eat.”
You made a face at him that lacked any real heat. Then you looked down at your plate again and still did not move.
So Steve did.
He reached across with his fork, stole two banana slices from his own stack, and dropped them onto the edge of your plate.
You looked up at him with an expression halfway between suspicion and confusion.
He shrugged one shoulder, the motion deliberately casual.
“It’s your favorite fruit.”
That stopped you.
Not dramatically. You did not tear up, did not smile, did not say anything immediate. But he saw the hit land. A small thing. Tiny, really. Two slices of banana on a breakfast plate. The kind of detail anyone might have forgotten. The kind of detail Steve remembered because he remembered things about you, because he had been paying attention long before anyone named what that attention was.
You looked back down at the plate.
Then, finally, you took a bite.
Just one at first.
Steve said nothing.
He only cut into his own pancakes and gave you the dignity of not watching too openly while relief moved quietly through him. A few seconds later, you took another bite. Then one with a piece of banana. Then another.
Little by little, the plate began to look touched by intention instead of avoidance.
Not much conversation passed between you after that, but it did not feel strained. You let him pour you more coffee even though you only drank half. He pushed the syrup nearer without comment when you ran low. Once, when your fork slowed and your gaze drifted out the window again, he tapped the edge of your plate lightly with his own and you rolled your eyes and took another bite just to prove you still could.
By the end, you had eaten more than half.
Not enough, in Steve’s private opinion, but enough to stop the hollow look from worsening. Enough that he did not actually have to force half his own breakfast onto your plate.
He considered that a victory.
The waitress brought the check and called you both sweetheart as if the word belonged to everyone. You reached for Tony’s card again before Steve could stop you.
“This is still self-care?” he asked.
Your mouth twitched faintly. “Recovery is expensive.”
He let it go.
Outside, the day had sharpened toward afternoon. The earlier softness was gone. The light had grown cleaner, less forgiving. Steve helped you onto the Harley and, once the helmets were on and the engine rumbled back to life beneath you, turned the bike toward the city.
There was no reason to stay.
The clinic would send the results by email when they came in. The doctors had made that clear. Some of them might take a day or two. Others longer. Follow-up might be needed depending on timing. There was nothing to do nearby except wait in the orbit of a medical building and let dread stretch itself thinner and meaner with every hour.
So you went back.
The ride into New York felt different than any of the others.
Not lighter. Not healed. But steadier.
You did not cry this time.
Steve noticed that almost immediately because he had become absurdly tuned to the language of your grip around his waist. Yesterday, and even earlier today, sorrow had announced itself in sudden tightening hands, in the trembling of your body against his back, in the quiet convulsions he felt more than heard.
Now your arms held him firmly and consistently. Your cheek rested once against his back, then your forehead. No tremors. No silent collapse. Only tiredness. Thought. Maybe even resolve, though he did not dare name it too soon.
The city rose gradually around you again – bridges, traffic, glass, brick, noise. The closer you got to Brooklyn, the more Steve felt something in himself resist the return. Not because he wanted to keep you on the road forever, though some part of him probably would have liked that. Because road delayed endings. Cities insisted on them.
When they reached the safehouse building, he killed the engine and helped you off the bike. You took off your helmet and shook out your hair, looking more awake than the day before, more composed than the morning, and also strangely farther away.
Steve knew that look too.
Thinking.
Deeply. Seriously. In the way people did when the adrenaline had burned off and the emotional facts of the last twenty-four hours had to be laid side by side to see what they amounted to.
He carried your bag upstairs without comment and stood just inside the apartment while you set the helmet down and closed the door behind you.
The place felt familiar now in a way it had not the first time. The couch. The table. The shattered old phone still bagged by the trash because Tony would probably want its remains later. Your water glass from before. The temporary shape of refuge.
Steve turned toward you, already knowing what he wanted to say before he found the words.
He wanted to stay.
Not in some sweeping, dramatic sense. Not to pressure you. Just… stay. Sit in the apartment with you. Make sure you ate again later. Be there when the first stretch of waiting started gnawing at you. Be close if the silence turned ugly.
The offer was already half-formed in him when you spoke first.
“Can you give me a few hours?”
He stopped.
You were standing with one hand still on the back of a chair, the other loosely at your side. Your expression was careful. Not shut down. Not rejecting him. Just serious.
“Three or four,” you said. “I need to think a little.”
The words landed with a small, clean ache.
Not because he took them badly. He didn’t.
Because he understood them at once.
Of course you did.
The last day and a half had been too much by any standard. Bucky’s betrayal. Leaving the Tower. Sam and Natasha and Tony orbiting the fallout. Steve showing up. Crying in his arms. Kissing him. The forest. The motel. Panic. The clinic. Breakfast. The road. None of it had happened with enough distance between one event and the next for reflection to catch up. You had mostly been surviving in motion.
Now, for the first time, you were asking for stillness on purpose.
Thinking time.
Not to escape him. To find yourself inside all of it.
Steve nodded immediately.
“Yeah,” he said. “Of course.”
Relief moved through your face – small, but unmistakable. Maybe because you had expected him to be disappointed. Maybe because asking for space always carried the risk of being heard as withdrawal. He hoped his answer spared you that.
“I’m not asking you to disappear,” you said after a second, as if you wanted to be sure he understood.
“I know.”
“I just…”
You looked away then, toward the window, toward the room, toward anything but him for a second.
“I need to hear my own head without…” You trailed off, then gave a tired little shrug. “Without everything else.”
Steve knew exactly what you meant.
Without the constant pressure of his presence.
Without the comfort that made not-thinking easier.
Without kisses clouding pain, or pain clouding want, or want clouding judgment.
Without him becoming the answer too quickly to a question you had not yet had time to ask properly.
“I know,” he repeated.
The silence that followed was gentle.
Not the sort that begged to be filled. Just an ending approaching.
Steve stepped closer then, slow enough that you could have stopped him if you wanted. You didn’t. You stayed where you were, watching him now with that same exhausted attentiveness you had worn all morning and half the night before. There were shadows under your eyes. Your mouth still looked slightly pink from syrup and coffee and all the things neither of you had named since the motel. You looked like someone who had survived something intimate and frightening and unfinished.
He had no idea what the right goodbye for that looked like.
So he chose honesty in the only form he trusted fully right then.
He kissed you.
Softly.
Not with the heat from the motel room. Not with the hunger from the forest. Just a gentle, quiet kiss meant to say the things words would only tangle: I understand. I’m not offended. I’m still here. Take the time.
Your lips softened under his immediately.
For one brief second, your hand came up to rest at his wrist. Not to hold him there. Just to touch.
Then he drew back.
Your eyes stayed closed a moment longer before opening.
“I’ll give you the hours,” he said.
You nodded.
“And then?”
He let out the smallest breath, almost a smile but not quite. “And then if you want me back here, I come back.”
You looked at him for a long second. Then you nodded again, slower this time.
“Okay.”
Steve picked up his helmet.
The walk back out of the apartment felt longer than it should have. At the door he looked back once and saw you standing exactly where he had left you, arms folded loosely now, thoughtful already, the room gathering around you in quiet layers.
He wanted to say one more thing.
Something wiser than call me if you need anything. Something less clumsy than don’t sit here alone with the worst version of your thoughts. Something that would keep the next four hours from swallowing you whole.
In the end, he only said, “Eat again later.”
That won him the faintest shadow of a smile.
“Bossy.”
“Yeah.”
The door closed behind him.
On the ride back to the Tower, Steve felt every mile.
Not because he feared what waited there. Though he did not exactly look forward to it either. The building still held Bucky, still held all the sharp edges of the last two days, still held the fallout Tony was no doubt digging through frame by frame. But that was not what sat heaviest in him.
What sat heaviest was absence.
The abrupt loss of your hands, your voice, the weight of you on the back of the bike, the small domestic rhythm that had started to form between the two of you in crisis and on the road and over pancakes and motel coffee. He had gotten used to your presence faster than was probably wise. Not in some naive way. Simply in the bodily sense. His day had started arranging itself around the fact of you being there.
Now, with the city moving around him and the Tower rising in the distance again, he felt the empty space of that arrangement.
By the time he reached the building, the sun had shifted westward enough to throw long reflections over the glass.
He parked.
Took off his helmet.
Stood for one second longer than necessary with one hand on the handlebar and the engine ticking softly under him as it cooled.
Then Steve headed back inside to the Tower, carrying clean fatigue, unresolved hope, and the quiet knowledge that somewhere in Brooklyn you were finally sitting alone with your own thoughts – and that when those thoughts reached their conclusion, for good or bad, they were going to lead back to him.
By the time the elevator started its smooth climb toward the common floor, Steve had gone over the next few hours in his head more times than he cared to admit.
The mirrored walls threw back a version of him he did not especially want to examine too closely – tired, still road-worn despite the shower and fresh clothes, mouth set harder than usual, thoughts clearly somewhere else. The Tower hummed around him in its usual sterile, expensive calm, and for one absurd second he wanted nothing more than to turn around, get back on the Harley, and go sit outside your safehouse door until your three or four hours were up.
He did not.
You had asked for space.
He would give it.
That did not mean he had to sit idle while the rest of the Tower remained full of people who could still hurt you by proximity alone.
The elevator chimed for the common floor.
Steve did not get out.
Instead, after one beat of stillness, he reached past the panel and pressed another button.
Down.
To the lab.
If anyone in this building had already thought three steps ahead on security, access, damage control, and whatever digital mess still remained attached to your name, it was Tony. Steve would have bet money on finding him exactly where Tony always went when anger got productive.
He was right.
The lab doors slid open to the familiar wash of blue light, music, mechanical noise, and organized chaos. Tony stood at the main console with two holographic screens split open in front of him, one full of security timelines and the other what looked like a systems access panel. Bruce was there too, perched on a stool near one of the side benches with a tablet in his hands and a look on his face so sober it seemed to have drained all color from the room.
Tony looked up first.
Steve did not waste time.
“Tony, you need to change her access. Make sure Bucky can’t get into her room.”
Tony stared at him for half a second, then rolled his eyes with all the energy of a man personally offended by being underestimated.
“Good morning to you too,” he said. “And I already did.”
Of course he had.
Steve almost would have been annoyed if the relief had not arrived first.
Bruce glanced up from the tablet and gave a single dark nod. “As of twenty minutes ago. Door code, biometric access, the whole thing. FRIDAY’ll flag it if he even tries.”
Steve let out a breath he had not noticed himself holding.
Bruce’s expression did not soften, exactly, but there was something quietly fierce in it that Steve recognized. Bruce liked you. Most people in the Tower did, but Bruce liked you in that more specific way reserved for the few who gave him patience without patronizing him. You listened when he talked. Really listened. Even when he disappeared into scientific jargon thick enough to drown half the room, you never interrupted just to hear yourself speak. You might not have understood every word, but you respected that the words mattered to him.
Bruce remembered things like that.
It showed now in the way he looked at Steve – not questioning why he had come straight here, not needing the explanation laid out.
Tony, meanwhile, had already gone back to stabbing at a screen with more force than the interface required.
“Also,” he said, “while you were out not sleeping at home – and no, I don’t want details, spare me the sepia romance – I found the name.”
Steve stopped.
Bruce looked up again too, though judging by his lack of surprise he had already heard.
For one second Steve simply stared at Tony.
“That was fast,” he said.
He sounded almost surprised. Almost. Mostly he sounded tired.
Tony gave him a flat look. “You continue to underestimate how efficient I become when I’m pissed off.”
Steve’s jaw tightened.
He had known Tony would find out. Had known it the second Tony started talking about footage and timestamps and refusing to do what Natasha had done. Still, knowing a thing in abstract and hearing that the answer now existed in the room were two very different experiences.
He took one step closer to the main console.
“Who?”
Tony turned one screen with a vicious flick of his fingers.
A still image came up – grainy security footage from a hallway Steve recognized only after a second. Side corridor off one of the lower residential levels. Not heavily trafficked. A woman, in profile, turning half toward Bucky in a way that left far too little room for innocence.
Tony did not dramatize it.
He did not need to.
“Denise.”
Steve felt the shock hit clean and hard.
He had expected many names before that one.
Not Denise.
“Jesus,” he said before he could stop himself.
Because Denise was not some random woman from another department. Not a stranger from a bar. Not a disposable piece of collateral drifting around the edges of Tower life.
She was someone you knew.
Someone you worked with.
Not one of your closest friends, maybe – not the way Natasha or Sam stood in your orbit – but close enough. Present enough. Trusted enough that her face belonged naturally in the same rooms as yours. Steve had seen the two of you together more than once over post-mission coffee, over tactical review, over those easy in-between conversations that happened when people spent enough time alongside one another to become part of each other’s everyday landscape.
He stared at the screen harder.
“She’s married.”
Tony’s mouth flattened. “Wasn’t aware adultery needed a second application form.”
Steve passed a hand over his mouth.
Not because Tony was wrong. Because the extra layer of it made the whole thing uglier in a fresh direction. This was not one betrayal. It was a network of them. Denise betraying her spouse. Bucky betraying you. Both of them doing it inside the same building, inside the same ecosystem of trust and routine and shared work.
And Denise knew you.
That fact lodged like a splinter under Steve’s ribs.
Bruce set the tablet down on the bench beside him. “How much contact do they still have professionally?”
Tony answered before Steve could. “Too much. Which is why I’ve already started mapping overlap in their schedules.”
Steve looked from the screen to Tony. “You can do that?”
Tony gave him another look.
“Rogers, I can disable a nation-state before lunch. Yes, I can compare two agents’ calendars.”
Bruce rose from the stool then, coming to stand nearer the console. “We should assume proximity alone is a problem now,” he said quietly. “Even if she doesn’t know yet. And when she does know…” He did not finish.
He did not have to.
Steve knew exactly how that sentence ended.
When she does know, she should not have to keep turning corners and finding either of them there.
Tony minimized the footage with a hard jab of two fingers. “I already sent myself a copy. Not because I intend to show it to her unless she asks. But because if anyone suddenly develops the urge to revise history, I’d like to remain difficult to gaslight.”
Steve almost said Denise did not seem the type.
Then he stopped himself.
What did that even mean anymore?
Who exactly seemed the type?
Bucky had not seemed the type either, if the last few days had proved anything. Or rather, Steve had built a version of Bucky in his head where certain kinds of ordinary cruelty simply did not fit, and life had taken visible pleasure in dismantling that assumption piece by piece.
He looked at the panel again, though the image was gone now.
“Does she know that we know?”
Tony snorted. “No. And I haven’t decided whether that’s mercy or tactical advantage.”
Bruce folded his arms. “Don’t turn this into a game.”
It came out offended, which meant he probably was at least a little, but the anger underneath it was real enough that Steve did not bother calling it out.
Steve straightened. “I’m going to Fury.”
That drew Tony’s eyes back to him.
“Yeah,” Tony said after a beat. “That’d be the grown-up move.”
Steve ignored the wording.
“We need the assignments changed,” he said. “Anything coming up where she’d be working with Denise or Bucky.”
Bruce nodded once at that, immediate agreement.
Tony’s mouth tightened again, but this time in approval. “I’ll send over the overlap I found.”
“Thanks.”
Tony waved a hand as if the word only irritated him. “Go. Before I decide to solve this in a way with more lasers.”
Steve turned and headed for the doors.
Behind him, Tony called, “And Rogers?”
He looked back.
Tony had already pulled another set of screens open, but his gaze when it lifted held a rare and ugly sincerity.
“She’s going to ask eventually.”
Steve knew who he meant.
Denise.
Not just who was it in the abstract, but specifically whether the answer had been kept from her too long by people trying to protect her from one more blow.
Steve nodded once. “I know.”
Then he left.
Fury’s office suite felt, as ever, like walking into the center of an oncoming storm that had chosen paperwork as its aesthetic.
Minimal. Controlled. Dark wood, glass, steel, the whole place set up to remind people that sentiment did not belong there unless it arrived disguised as operational necessity. Steve had always respected that about Fury right up until the moments he hated it.
Today, operational necessity happened to be on his side.
Natasha was already there when he entered.
Of course she was.
She stood off to one side of Fury’s desk with a tablet in one hand and one ankle crossed loosely over the other, but there was nothing loose in her expression. She glanced at Steve once as the door shut behind him, read his face in a second, and seemed unsurprised by whatever she found.
Fury did not bother with preamble.
“I heard.”
Steve believed that.
News of the break had clearly moved fast enough through whatever channels it needed to move through. Fury knowing about Bucky was no surprise. Fury knowing about your departure was no surprise either. A top-level Avenger-adjacent operative walking out of the Tower after a private implosion was exactly the kind of thing nobody in charge liked learning about late.
What surprised Steve slightly was that Fury did not ask for explanation.
Maybe Natasha had already provided enough.
Maybe Fury had taken one look at the relevant names on the schedule and jumped straight to logistics. That was more his style anyway.
Steve stepped up to the desk. “I need future missions reorganized.”
Fury lifted one brow. “You and everyone else.”
Natasha held up the tablet. “I already started.”
That got Steve’s attention.
She moved to the desk, swiped once, and turned the screen so he and Fury could both see. Several operations over the next three weeks had been marked up in red and yellow – team pairings, deployment windows, contingency notes.
“Anything involving her and Barnes is gone,” Natasha said. “Obviously. Anything involving her and Denise needs to go too.”
The name landed in the room without commentary.
Steve glanced at her.
Natasha met his eyes for one second and that was enough. She knew, because that what who she had seen with Bucky, that one time. There was no visible surprise in her now, only the colder, more refined fury of someone whose suspicions had hardened into fact.
Fury’s expression changed not at all. “Denise.”
Not a question.
Natasha nodded once.
For a brief moment, no one spoke.
Steve felt again the ugly shock of it. Denise. Married Denise. Friendly Denise. Familiar Denise. Someone who had stood in briefing rooms and debriefing rooms and near your shoulder often enough that the betrayal now seemed to spread backwards through memory, poisoning scenes that had once looked ordinary.
He forced himself back to the practical.
“Sam can cover some of the Barnes replacements,” he said. “I can cover the others.”
Natasha shook her head slightly. “Not all of them. Some of the European surveillance runs need a woman in place without changing the cover structure.”
Steve looked at the screen again.
She was right.
Fury leaned back in his chair, hands folded loosely over the desk in that way of his that meant he was already three decisions ahead and only letting the rest of them catch up out of courtesy. “Can you take any of hers?”
Natasha nodded. “Some. Not all, but enough.”
Steve looked at her. “You sure?”
One corner of her mouth moved in a humorless almost-smile. “Steve, if it keeps her from being stuck in a van with the woman who helped Barnes blow up her life, yes. I’m sure.”
That answered that.
Bruce would have volunteered too, Steve suspected, if the work had fit. Sam definitely would when told. Tony would probably have tried if anyone let him near field scheduling. The whole Tower had turned quietly, almost instinctively, toward shielding you from impact where it could.
Steve found that both comforting and infuriating.
Comforting because you had people.
Infuriating because you needed shielding at all.
Fury took the tablet from Natasha and scanned the marked assignments.
“This one,” he said, tapping a line item. “Barnes gets dropped entirely. Rogers, you take point.”
Steve nodded.
“This one– Wilson.”
Another nod.
Natasha pointed at a third. “I can take her slot there without compromising the cover. Denise keeps the original deployment.”
Fury considered for one second, then inclined his head.
So it went.
Not dramatic. Not emotional. Just the cold work of rearranging a future before it had the chance to do more damage. Steve respected that. There was relief in it, in a way. A problem he could help solve with concrete action, not just patience and comfort and promises in motel rooms.
Still, every new line they struck or reassigned carried its own reminder. This was how far Bucky’s choices had reached. Into schedules. Into op structures. Into who could stand beside whom in briefing rooms without the oxygen changing.
By the end, half a dozen missions had been altered.
Natasha volunteered wherever she could without overloading herself. Sam’s name went onto two substitutions. Steve took the rest of Barnes’s slots that he physically could. Denise’s pairings with you were erased. Future contact minimized. Containment, as much as such things could be contained.
When Fury finally set the tablet down, the plan was ugly but workable.
“Done,” he said.
Natasha exhaled once through her nose. “For now.”
Fury looked at Steve. “Where is she?”
Steve held his gaze.
He did not answer directly.
Fury’s eye narrowed slightly, then he gave the barest dismissive wave, as if to say fine, don’t tell me, I already expected that. “Keep it that way until she decides otherwise.”
Steve nodded.
That, more than anything, made it clear Fury understood the shape of this better than his manner suggested. Operational security was one thing. Respecting the fact that you had left to get out from under the weight of the Tower was another. He was doing both.
Natasha shifted beside the desk and asked, “How is she?”
Steve could have given the easy answer.
Tired. Shaken. Hanging on.
All true. None enough.
He thought of the forest. The motel. The clinic. The pancakes. The way you had asked for a few hours alone not because you wanted him gone, but because you needed to hear your own thoughts without his presence muddying them.
“She’s thinking,” he said at last.
Something flickered in Natasha’s face then. Understanding, maybe. Approval. Maybe both.
Fury only grunted.
The meeting ended with no ceremony. Natasha gathered the revised assignments. Fury began issuing follow-up instructions into his tablet before Steve had even fully stepped back from the desk. The machine moved on because that was what institutions did.
As Steve turned for the door, Natasha fell into step beside him.
They walked in silence until the office door shut behind them and the corridor muffled Fury’s world again.
Then Natasha said, very quietly, “Tony told you.”
Steve nodded.
“Denise.”
Again, not a question.
“Yeah.”
Natasha’s expression hardened by imperceptible degrees. “I should’ve said something when I saw them.”
Steve glanced at her.
There was no self-pity in the statement. Only clean anger turned briefly inward.
“You didn’t know enough then,” he said.
“I knew enough to dislike what I was looking at.”
“That’s not the same as knowing what to do with it.”
She did not answer right away.
Then she said, “She’s going to hate that it was Denise.”
Steve looked down the corridor toward the elevators.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I know.”
Because betrayal by a partner was one thing.
Betrayal by someone adjacent, someone familiar, someone near enough to your life that you could not dismiss her as anonymous – someone who had looked you in the face and carried on anyway – that was another wound entirely.
And sooner or later, that wound was coming too.
Steve only hoped that by the time it arrived, you would not be facing it alone.
When Steve finally made it back to his room, the silence inside it felt wrong.
Not empty. Wrong.
He closed the door behind him and did not move again for several seconds. He just stood there in the middle of the room with his hands hanging uselessly at his sides, his mind still full of too many overlapping things – the clinic, Natasha’s tablet, Fury’s cold practicality, Tony’s anger, Denise’s name, your face in the doorway of the safehouse when you asked him for three or four hours to think.
The room had all the usual pieces of itself. Bed made. Desk orderly in the way his spaces always tended to be. Duffle from the mission shoved half out of sight. Lamp off. Curtains open just enough to let in the late afternoon light. Nothing had changed in here.
And yet he could not shake the sense that he was standing in a place he had already, somehow, outgrown.
He dragged a hand down over his mouth and exhaled.
He should have used the time sensibly. Written the report. Checked in on the field summaries from the mission. Read the follow-up brief Tony had probably already sent to Fury. Done any one of the hundred practical things still waiting for him.
Instead he turned and went straight for the bathroom.
The second shower of the day was less about cleanliness this time and more about something closer to reset. The water ran hot. Steam gathered. He stood under it longer than he needed to, letting it beat against the back of his neck while the muscle there finally started to give.
His thoughts did not.
They kept circling back to you.
Not the dramatic moments first, though those were there too – the way panic had ripped through you in the motel room, the way you had shaken in his arms afterward, the softness of that last kiss before he left you at the safehouse. What stayed with him most in the shower were the smaller things. You eating the banana slices because he remembered they were your favorite. Your hand finding his in the clinic waiting room. The way your voice sounded when you asked for time, careful and serious and trying not to hurt him even then.
He tipped his head back under the water and shut his eyes.
Four hours, you had said.
Not forever. Not distance. Just time.
Enough to think.
Enough to sort through what the last day and a half meant when laid side by side instead of survived one blow at a time.
Steve respected that.
He also hated every second of not knowing what conclusion you might reach inside that time.
He shut the water off before the thought could go any farther.
Afterward, he dressed simply – clean shirt, jeans, something comfortable enough to sit in a safehouse for hours if that was what the evening became. Then, instead of returning to the bathroom mirror or the desk or the report waiting untouched, he went to the closet and pulled out a small overnight bag.
That decision came so naturally he barely registered making it.
He packed without overthinking.
A change of clothes.
A clean T-shirt.
A sweater in case the safehouse turned cold after dark.
Toothbrush, toothpaste, razor.
Phone charger.
A spare pair of socks because some habits from war never really left him, and being caught without clean socks still struck him as one of civilization’s more preventable failures.
He paused once with the bag open on the bed, looking down into it.
The sight might have embarrassed him under other circumstances. The quiet assumption built into it. That you would ask him to stay. That he wanted to be ready if you did. That he was planning around your possible need without waiting to be told the need existed.
It should have felt presumptuous.
Instead it felt practical.
And maybe that told him more than he wanted to know.
He zipped the bag shut and set it near the door.
Then, because four hours was still four hours and the mission week and the sleepless motel night were sitting heavily in his bones whether he acknowledged them or not, he crossed to the bed, lay down on top of the blanket, and set an alarm on his phone.
Two hours.
Enough to take the edge off.
Enough to keep him from showing up at your door looking like death and pretending he felt fine.
He closed his eyes.
Sleep took him faster than he expected.
Not gently. Not restfully. More like a switch thrown in a body that had reached the limit of pretending it was running on discipline alone. He dropped into it hard and came back out of it the same way when the alarm cut through the room two hours later, sharp and mechanical and immediately infuriating.
For one second he did not know where he was.
Then the room came back. The Tower. His bed. The bag by the door. The fact that he had promised to give you time and that enough of it had now passed to make his chest tighten all over again.
He sat up, scrubbed a hand over his face, and reached automatically for the phone to kill the alarm before it could sound a second time.
Two hours had not made him well rested.
But they had made him functional.
That would do.
He stood, stretched the worst of the stiffness out of his back and shoulders, grabbed the bag, and headed for the door.
The Tower had shifted into evening by then. Lights lower in the corridors. More doors shut. Fewer voices. The sort of lull between the end of official work and the beginning of whatever passed for private life in a building full of damaged overachievers.
Steve took the stairs partway down before cutting across toward the garage access where Stark kept the less theatrical cars.
The bag strap sat heavy over one shoulder.
He had almost reached the turnoff by the secondary elevator bank when Bucky stepped out from the corridor ahead.
Steve stopped.
So did Bucky.
For one ugly, stretched second, the whole hallway seemed to lock around them.
Bucky looked worse than he had upstairs in the wrecked bedroom, though in a different way now. Cleaned up, technically. Fresh shirt. Face washed. No blood on his hands anymore. But the damage had only gone inward. He looked hollowed out. Eyes shadowed. Mouth gone tight in that specific way that meant he had either not slept at all or slept badly enough it did not count.
Then Bucky’s gaze dropped to the bag.
Steve watched him see it.
Watched the understanding hit.
Not the full understanding, maybe. Not where Steve was going exactly. But enough. Enough to know Steve was leaving with more than keys in hand and no intention of being gone for only an hour.
Something changed in Bucky’s face.
Hope, maybe, for one stupid instant – hope that Steve had come to him, that this was movement toward some conversation he wanted, some mercy, some route back into the center of things.
Then that hope died almost immediately when Steve gave him nothing.
No greeting.
No explanation.
No acknowledgment at all.
He simply walked.
He went past Bucky as if Bucky were another piece of hallway architecture. Present, unavoidable, and entirely undeserving of special notice.
Bucky half turned as Steve drew even with him. Steve felt the movement more than saw it.
He did not slow down.
Not when Bucky’s breath caught as though he meant to speak.
Not when silence stretched long enough that one word from either of them might have changed the shape of the corridor.
Steve kept going.
He had no useful sentence for Bucky right now that would not either turn into violence or spend itself uselessly against a man already drowning in what he had done. And more than that, Steve refused to carry your hours of thinking back through Bucky’s orbit like some reportable event. Those hours belonged to you. Not to him. Not to Barnes.
So he said nothing.
The garage level felt colder than the floors above.
Rows of cars sat under clean white lighting, every one of them more expensive than Steve would ever have chosen for himself. Stark’s collection ran from absurd to ostentatious to almost reassuringly plain when one looked hard enough.
Steve chose one of the plain ones.
No roaring engine.
No aggressive lines.
No machine designed to announce itself three streets before arrival.
Just a dark sedan with decent suspension, good brakes, and the sort of presence that vanished easily into Brooklyn traffic.
He tossed the bag into the passenger seat, got behind the wheel, and drove out into the city.
Evening traffic had started building by then, but not badly enough to trap him. The streets moved in fits and starts under a sky already beginning to lose color at the edges. He drove with both hands steady on the wheel and the windows up against the cooling air, the city blurring by in storefronts, taillights, pedestrians, scaffolding, glass reflections, street vendors closing for the day.
Every few minutes, his mind flicked back to the safehouse.
To you alone in there.
Thinking.
Maybe pacing.
Maybe sitting on the couch with the new phone in your hand and Tony’s ridiculous credit card on the table beside you.
Maybe crying again.
Maybe not crying at all, which in some ways worried him more.
He did not rehearse what he would say when you opened the door.
There was no point.
If the last two days had taught him anything, it was that trying to script tenderness in advance usually ruined it. Better to show up honestly and meet what was there.
By the time he parked outside the building again, four hours had passed since he left you.
Precisely enough.
Steve cut the engine and sat for one second in the sudden quiet.
Then he got out, took the bag, and went upstairs to the safehouse, hoping – more than he cared to admit – that when you opened the door this time, you would let him in again.
When you opened the door this time, Steve knew before he even crossed the threshold that something had shifted.
Not vanished. Not healed. The safehouse still carried the quiet weight of everything that had happened there – the bottle rinsed and left upside down by the sink, the broken remains of your old phone bagged near the trash, the couch that had held your grief the night before. But the air felt different now. Less like a place where someone had been trying not to drown, more like a place where someone had started, however shakily, to reassemble herself out of the wreckage.
And underneath that, unmistakable, floated the smell of food.
Warm oil. Chili. Basil. Coconut milk. Something sweet and sharp and savory all at once.
Steve stepped inside and closed the door behind him. The overnight bag hung from one hand. You stood a few feet away in clean clothes again, hair half dry at the ends as though you had splashed water on your face and pushed it back while thinking, and there was more color in you now than there had been when he left. Not much. But enough that he noticed at once.
He glanced toward the kitchen counter.
“You cooked?”
You looked at him with such immediate offense that, under any other circumstances, he might actually have laughed.
“Are you out of your mind?” you asked. “You know I could probably set even water on fire.”
Something warm and almost disbelieving moved through him at the sound of that tone. Dry. Familiar. More you than some of the last day had allowed.
He set the bag down by the chair and lifted one brow. “That bad?”
“That bad,” you said gravely. “I went out and bought a few things and then passed a Thai place. I got… kind of everything.”
Steve let his gaze flick once toward the bag by the counter where takeout containers had been unpacked in varying degrees of order. Rice. Noodles. Little plastic tubs of sauce. A paper bag folded down at the top. Two sets of disposable chopsticks. You had arranged it all with the careful practicality of someone who did not want to stare directly at what she had been doing with her hands for the last few hours.
Then your eyes dropped to his overnight bag.
Steve felt that glance land.
You said nothing.
No question. No visible hesitation. No arch remark about optimism or presumption. You only looked at the bag for one brief second and then looked back up at him as if its presence made enough sense that it did not require discussion.
Relief moved through him so quietly he might have missed it if he had not been watching for every reaction you gave him now.
He took that silence for what it was.
Permission.
Or at least, not refusal.
So he crossed the room and joined you at the counter while you started opening containers with the kind of absent concentration people used when their hands needed occupation more than the task itself mattered.
There was a lot.
Pad thai. Red curry. Green curry. Basil chicken. Spring rolls. Fried rice. Some kind of noodle dish Steve did not recognize but that smelled aggressively good. A small clear tub of sliced chilies floating in vinegar. Another of crushed peanuts. A cardboard box with what looked like mango sticky rice.
He looked at the spread, then at you.
“You really did get everything.”
You gave one shoulder a small shrug. “I couldn’t decide.”
That was true in more ways than one, he suspected.
Still, the fact that your indecision had turned toward food and not inward destruction seemed like a win he was not going to argue with.
You both settled at the little table by the window. Steve took the chair opposite yours, the overnight bag still near enough that he could see it in the corner of his vision. The room had the look of evening about it now. The city outside was dimming by degrees, the window reflecting more of the apartment back inward with each passing minute. Lamps on. Takeout boxes open. The two of you facing each other in a safehouse that had stopped feeling entirely temporary.
He wanted to ask immediately.
What had you thought about.
Where had your mind gone in those four hours.
What did his returning mean to you now that you had asked for time and gotten it.
What, exactly, were the terms of whatever was unfolding between you besides hurt and comfort and too many kisses to still call accidental.
He wanted to ask all of it.
He did not.
He could feel how much care the moment still required. The wrong question too fast could turn the whole evening brittle again.
So instead he reached for the nearest container and said, “What did you go buy?”
You were in the middle of spooning rice onto your plate. You did not look up right away.
“Toothpaste,” you said. “And condoms.”
Steve choked.
Not dramatically enough to spill anything, but enough that a piece of rice and a startled breath went down wrong all at once. He coughed, reached blindly for his water, and heard – actually heard – the tiniest betrayed laugh escape you before you covered it by taking an entirely innocent-looking bite of noodles.
He stared at you over the rim of the glass while he swallowed and recovered what remained of his dignity.
You met that stare with an expression so deliberately mild it was practically criminal.
Then, because you were not remotely finished, you pushed the water bottle a little farther toward him with two fingers and said, “You should drink.”
Steve set the glass down slowly.
“Are you doing this on purpose?”
Your eyes widened just a fraction in a performance so unconvincing it would have offended him if it were not also fascinating.
“What, telling you what I bought?”
“Yes.”
You leaned back in your chair and crossed one ankle loosely over the other. There was a softness around your mouth now that had not been there when he arrived. Not quite a smile. Something more dangerous because it was trying not to be one.
“I thought honesty was important.”
Steve let out a breath that might have become a laugh if it were not tangled too tightly with the image your words had put in his head.
Condoms.
Bought by you.
Deliberately.
Not in panic. Not by accident. Not supplied by some clinic pamphlet or shoved across a counter in the abstract.
You had gone out, on purpose, and bought them.
The knowledge landed in him with a heat so immediate he had to look down at his plate for one second just to keep his face under control.
You saw enough anyway.
Of course you did.
When he looked back up, your expression had changed. Still edged with mischief, yes, but something more careful underneath it now. Watching him. Measuring what the reaction meant. Maybe how far it went.
Then you said, quieter this time, “Just in case you wanted to… try the beginning of last night again.”
The words entered the room and changed its temperature.
Steve went still.
He had spent the drive over here trying not to decide too much in advance about what your thinking time meant. He had told himself to meet whatever he found honestly. That was one thing in theory. It was another to sit across from you with curry steaming between you and hear you say that in a voice balanced on the edge between composure and invitation.
He set his chopsticks down.
Not because he was rejecting the food. Because suddenly his hands seemed too aware of themselves to do two things at once.
Your own composure wavered first, just a little. You looked down at your plate, then back up at him, and for the first time since he arrived he saw the vulnerability underneath the teasing. The possibility that this mattered enough to hurt if mishandled.
Steve spoke carefully.
“That what you spent four hours thinking about?”
Your mouth tightened at one corner. “Not only that.”
No, he thought. Of course not.
He believed that too.
Those four hours had not been some long lead-up to a joke and a box of condoms. He could see that plainly in the way you sat now – more grounded than before, more yourself, but also more deliberate. As if you had taken the last two days apart piece by piece and put some of them back down in a different order.
He waited.
When you went on, your voice had lost almost all of the humor.
“I thought about whether I was just grabbing onto the first good thing because I felt horrible.” You glanced at the takeout container in front of you as though the noodles might offer witness. “I thought about whether I was about to make a huge mess of you because I’m angry and sad and lonely and I don’t know how to be any of those things quietly.” A beat. “I thought about whether I’d hate myself tomorrow if I kissed you and tried to sleep with you again.”
Steve did not interrupt.
He barely breathed.
You looked up then, and the directness in your face nearly undid him.
“I don’t think I would.”
The silence that followed was not empty.
It thrummed.
Outside, a siren moved somewhere far off through Brooklyn. Inside, the refrigerator hummed. One of the takeout lids settled with a tiny plastic pop as it cooled. Small sounds. Meaningless sounds. And still Steve heard each one because of how sharply the rest of him had tuned to you.
He leaned back slightly in the chair, one hand coming up to rub once at the back of his neck.
“You make it really hard to stay calm when you say things like that.”
Some of the tension left your shoulders then. Not all. Enough.
“That’s not a no.”
Steve almost smiled.
“No,” he said. “It isn’t.”
You looked at him over the table with that same expression you had worn in the forest when you were not sure whether the question itself was too much to ask and decided to ask anyway.
“It’s not a yes either.”
“No,” he said again, more softly this time. “Because I need to know one more thing first.”
You waited.
Steve held your eyes.
“If we do this,” he said, “is it because you want me? Or because you want to stop thinking for a while?”
The question cost him something to ask.
Not because he feared the answer. Because he knew it might be both, and he did not know yet whether he could live with being used as relief if he already wanted so much more than that.
You were silent for a long moment.
Then you put your fork down too.
“It started as the second one,” you admitted. “Or maybe that’s all it was at first. Yesterday morning. In the forest.” You took a breath. “But that’s not all it is now.”
Steve’s pulse climbed.
You looked almost irritated by the honesty of your own next sentence. “I wanted you to come back.” A pause. “I wanted you specifically. Not just company. Not just someone kind. You.”
That landed somewhere deep and dangerous.
Steve felt his whole body register it.
You must have seen some part of that on his face, because your own expression changed in response – softening, but not into pity. More like relief at no longer being the only person in the room saying something difficult.
Then, perhaps because you had already crossed the hard part, you added with the driest ghost of a smile, “Also, I did in fact buy condoms.”
That made him laugh despite himself.
Not loudly. But helplessly enough that some of the tension broke.
You smiled properly then, small and quick and real.
The sight of it hit harder than the joke.
Steve exhaled once and reached for his water again, not because he needed it this time but because it bought him a second to get his thoughts into a line that would not do damage.
When he spoke, his voice had gone low.
“If we try anything again tonight, and you panic again, we stop.” His fingers tightened lightly around the bottle. “No apology. No shame. No making it about me.”
You nodded immediately. “Okay.”
“And if you change your mind in the middle, we stop.”
“Okay.”
“And if all you actually want is to eat Thai food, make me choke on my water, and sleep next to somebody who doesn’t make you feel unsafe–”
That got a tiny snort out of you.
“–then that’s enough too.”
You looked at him for a long second after that.
Then, very quietly, “You always leave me room to back out.”
Steve’s chest pulled tight.
“I’m trying to leave you room to choose.”
The words seemed to settle over both of you.
You looked down first this time, but not out of discomfort. More like you were letting the sentence live in you for a minute.
Then you reached for a spring roll and took a bite.
It was such an ordinary motion after everything that it nearly made him laugh again.
“Eat,” you said around it.
He blinked. “What?”
“You heard me.” A little more color had come into your face now, enough to support a proper look. “If we’re going to have emotionally loaded conversations about sex and choice and whatever else, you’re still going to eat your curry before it gets cold.”
Steve stared at you, then at the food, then back at you.
Something warm unfurled in his chest.
Not desire this time.
Something quieter. More dangerous, maybe, because of how deeply it reached.
Companionship. Ease. The beginning of a rhythm.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said.
You rolled your eyes. “Don’t call me that.”
He picked up his chopsticks again and obeyed.
Dinner resumed, though not quite as if the conversation had never happened. More as if it now sat there with you openly, another presence at the table, no longer needing to hide inside jokes or unfinished gestures. The tension remained, but it had changed flavor. Less brittle. More aware.
You both ate properly this time.
Steve let himself enjoy the food because it was genuinely excellent and because he knew you had bought far too much with the specific hope, perhaps unconscious at the time, that the evening might last. He watched you steal some of his basil chicken after pretending you did not want any. You watched him lose patience with the tiny plastic forks and switch to the chopsticks with quiet superiority. At one point he slid the container of mango sticky rice toward you without a word and you gave him a suspicious look before taking some anyway.
The safehouse windows gradually darkened into mirrors.
At some point your foot brushed his under the table and stayed there.
Neither of you mentioned it.
And through it all, he did not yet ask what your conclusion was in any grander sense.
He suspected he already knew enough for tonight.
You had let him back in.
You had not questioned the overnight bag.
You had bought condoms and admitted why.
You had told him you wanted him specifically.
Whatever else remained unresolved – and there was plenty – it was not a question for the dinner table anymore.
By the time the food had been reduced to scattered leftovers and half-folded cartons, the room felt warmer, softer, more lived in. The edge that had lived in Steve since the motel bathroom had not disappeared entirely, but it had loosened. You looked tired again, though not in the brittle way from before. More in the way people did after finally speaking the thing they had been turning over in private for hours.
Steve pushed his plate away and looked at you.
“So,” he said.
Your eyes lifted.
“So,” you echoed.
He did not smile this time, though the softness in his face might have counted as one from anyone else.
“Do you want me to stay?”
You held his gaze.
“Yes,” you said.
No teasing. No hedge. No irony.
Just yes.
And Steve, who had packed the overnight bag before sleeping because some part of him already knew, felt the answer settle through him like certainty finding its place.
gummygunk
titsay
areudirty
discoholicmusic
pixelskylines
